I
n our lives, we often meet people that influence us in some way or another.
Although not everybody will have the same impact upon us, those who do the
strongest will be remembered forever.
I used to think that there was no purpose for me to be here; for me to exist. I ceased to believe in God when my life proved to be worthless. An unfixable sphere that just kept turning in circles without ever stopping. Nothing ever went out of the ordinary in thus cycle and therefore I barely noticed anything at all. The world around me kept on turning yet it felt as though I had stopped in time. I saw no purpose to my life, yet I also saw no point in ending it.
Thankfully though, my continuing winter soon melted into spring when he came into my life. Suddenly, as though someone new had just awoken inside of me, I felt as if every detail about my life had a purpose... had a meaning. Faith; a belief not based on logical proof or material evidence, but in the desires of an enamoured heart took a hold of my being.
Those grey afternoons turned clear and bright, and my entire life suddenly had a meaning. I had been destined to meet him, to be part of his life, and thus theory would later prove to be true. I continued my new life unaware of the dangers and evils that lurked around me, and ignorant to everything except him.
I knew that we were not meant to be... that my love for him could never be professed nor acted upon, but yet still I loved him... I loved him more than life itself. Once again destiny played an ironic and cynical move upon me. She came into our lives, gliding in like a royal courtesan and gently stealing his heart. I knew not what to do, so I silently looked at them from afar... the love obvious in both their eyes and slowly killing me inside. Yet still I carried on the charade... pretending to be brave; teasing him whenever I could and finally, that dreaded day arrived. He asked me to do a favour for him... using his loving nickname towards me and begging me with his eyes to obtain for him the girl's address. He did not know it then, but I was incapable of refusing any request, however cruel, if it came from his lips.
Not only did I get the address, but I also offered to guard the doors while him and his belle amour met and professed their love for each other. It hurt more than anything I had ever done, but simply seeing the glow of happiness shining in his eyes when he returned made all my sufferings worth while.
As time passed on, the revolution day grew closer. On that one final night he asked me to take a letter to her. I was reluctant at first, but resigned myself to the task. However, I questioned whether or not I should deliver the letter to her.
My thoughts went back to the past... the incessant teases from him, the way his entire face lit up whenever her name was mentioned, and the warmth that his voice brought to my entire being. He had saved me in so many ways, and by doing this not only was I paying off my debt, but I was also fulfilling the purpose of my life... to make him happy.
I returned to the barricades with a response, and from the shadows I saw the very face of death staring down upon him. A man... a soldier hidden away was aiming his rifle at him. Without second thoughts I grabbed a hold of the rifle's end and pushed it away, while in the process the seed of evil tore away the palm of my hand and planted itself on my chest. Without regret, I saw the blood pouring out like a deadly flower spreading open its petals.
Smiling to myself and for the first time in my life actually genuinely proud of something I had done, I dragged myself back to the barricades leaving behind me a trail of blood. I frantically searched for his face, and finally... there he was; standing still, tall and proud, as valiant as I had ever seen him, ready to fight.
Slowly, I made my way to his feet and pulled at the bottom of his pants, all the while trying to keep my breathing even. He looked down and his face fell instantly when he recognized me. He murmured my name softly while he bent down and scooped up my petite frame on his strong arms. The blood soaked through my chemise and now adorned his impeccable white shirt, but he did not seem to mind. A lone tear fell from his eye and with a shaky hand I wiped it away. I didn't want to see him cry... I didn't want to see him sad, so I reached inside my coat and pulled out the letter. At first, he looked at it, but did not make a move to retrieve it from my hand. However, after a little while he took it and put it aside.
He started talking incoherently words that I could barely understand. I think that the reassurance of my well-being was more to him than to me. He kept repeating the words over and over while they mixed with sobs and tears. I was numb from the pain, and could not feel my body at all. Yet, to my surprise I was happy. I was dying, true, but in the arms of the man I loved. I knew I did not have much time left, so with my last breath I murmured the words that had been kept silent for so long,
And by the way, Monsieur Marius, I believe that I was a little bit in love with you...
And I died. I saw him stay there... sobbing and clinging on to my body for dear life as he repeated "I'm sorry" over and over. I bent down and kissed him.
Don't be sorry, M'sieur... you saved my life.
I used to think that there was no purpose for me to be here; for me to exist. I ceased to believe in God when my life proved to be worthless. An unfixable sphere that just kept turning in circles without ever stopping. Nothing ever went out of the ordinary in thus cycle and therefore I barely noticed anything at all. The world around me kept on turning yet it felt as though I had stopped in time. I saw no purpose to my life, yet I also saw no point in ending it.
Thankfully though, my continuing winter soon melted into spring when he came into my life. Suddenly, as though someone new had just awoken inside of me, I felt as if every detail about my life had a purpose... had a meaning. Faith; a belief not based on logical proof or material evidence, but in the desires of an enamoured heart took a hold of my being.
Those grey afternoons turned clear and bright, and my entire life suddenly had a meaning. I had been destined to meet him, to be part of his life, and thus theory would later prove to be true. I continued my new life unaware of the dangers and evils that lurked around me, and ignorant to everything except him.
I knew that we were not meant to be... that my love for him could never be professed nor acted upon, but yet still I loved him... I loved him more than life itself. Once again destiny played an ironic and cynical move upon me. She came into our lives, gliding in like a royal courtesan and gently stealing his heart. I knew not what to do, so I silently looked at them from afar... the love obvious in both their eyes and slowly killing me inside. Yet still I carried on the charade... pretending to be brave; teasing him whenever I could and finally, that dreaded day arrived. He asked me to do a favour for him... using his loving nickname towards me and begging me with his eyes to obtain for him the girl's address. He did not know it then, but I was incapable of refusing any request, however cruel, if it came from his lips.
Not only did I get the address, but I also offered to guard the doors while him and his belle amour met and professed their love for each other. It hurt more than anything I had ever done, but simply seeing the glow of happiness shining in his eyes when he returned made all my sufferings worth while.
As time passed on, the revolution day grew closer. On that one final night he asked me to take a letter to her. I was reluctant at first, but resigned myself to the task. However, I questioned whether or not I should deliver the letter to her.
My thoughts went back to the past... the incessant teases from him, the way his entire face lit up whenever her name was mentioned, and the warmth that his voice brought to my entire being. He had saved me in so many ways, and by doing this not only was I paying off my debt, but I was also fulfilling the purpose of my life... to make him happy.
I returned to the barricades with a response, and from the shadows I saw the very face of death staring down upon him. A man... a soldier hidden away was aiming his rifle at him. Without second thoughts I grabbed a hold of the rifle's end and pushed it away, while in the process the seed of evil tore away the palm of my hand and planted itself on my chest. Without regret, I saw the blood pouring out like a deadly flower spreading open its petals.
Smiling to myself and for the first time in my life actually genuinely proud of something I had done, I dragged myself back to the barricades leaving behind me a trail of blood. I frantically searched for his face, and finally... there he was; standing still, tall and proud, as valiant as I had ever seen him, ready to fight.
Slowly, I made my way to his feet and pulled at the bottom of his pants, all the while trying to keep my breathing even. He looked down and his face fell instantly when he recognized me. He murmured my name softly while he bent down and scooped up my petite frame on his strong arms. The blood soaked through my chemise and now adorned his impeccable white shirt, but he did not seem to mind. A lone tear fell from his eye and with a shaky hand I wiped it away. I didn't want to see him cry... I didn't want to see him sad, so I reached inside my coat and pulled out the letter. At first, he looked at it, but did not make a move to retrieve it from my hand. However, after a little while he took it and put it aside.
He started talking incoherently words that I could barely understand. I think that the reassurance of my well-being was more to him than to me. He kept repeating the words over and over while they mixed with sobs and tears. I was numb from the pain, and could not feel my body at all. Yet, to my surprise I was happy. I was dying, true, but in the arms of the man I loved. I knew I did not have much time left, so with my last breath I murmured the words that had been kept silent for so long,
And by the way, Monsieur Marius, I believe that I was a little bit in love with you...
And I died. I saw him stay there... sobbing and clinging on to my body for dear life as he repeated "I'm sorry" over and over. I bent down and kissed him.
Don't be sorry, M'sieur... you saved my life.