A Moment's Thought

Threads in the Dark #9

Hotch sat uncomfortably at his desk. He was still on half days and no fieldwork for another two weeks. This was his third day back and he felt utterly useless and exhausted. The team was in the field in North Carolina. He and JJ were in Quantico to field questions and do telephone consults.

His arm still ached and his eye was still patched from where the last case had left him. The concussion had finally eased up a week ago and he'd begun to feel better. He should've taken this week off as well, but he'd fought the doctor to get half days.

It was almost 11 AM, so within the hour Jack and Jess would show up to take him home. He felt like a schoolboy barely able to wait.

His desk phone rang, he sighed. "Hotchner."

"Agent Hotchner."

"Director?"

"Do you think you can manage a helicopter journey? We have a hostage situation."

His heart started to beat hard in his chest.

"I'm not cleared, but I can try earplugs…"

"I could try to do it Aaron, but you're the expert."

"Yes ma'am, what do we know?"

"We'll brief you in the air."

"I'll take Agent Jareau."

"Be on the roof in 5."

Hotch hung up, rushed to his door and looked down into the bullpen.

JJ looked up.

"'Copter in 5."

"Let's go."

CM

As they rushed through the halls and stood in the elevator JJ asked, "Any idea?"

Hotch shook his head. "She said they'd brief us in the air. It's a hostage situation."

JJ nodded, "Which is why it has to be you. Hotch can you do this?"

"I have to try."

The helicopter pilot helped get his passengers ready for the flight. He looked Hotch over with doubt. He handed him earplugs and earphones. He looked at Hotch's arm in a sling the half shaved head and the patch over one eye. "You're the best they have to offer, huh?"

Hotch shrugged. "You should see the other guy."

The pilot looked at JJ who said coolly, "The other guy's dead."

He turned to his passengers, "It's a short flight- if the pain becomes unbearable you tell me." He looked at Hotch long enough until the man finally nodded.

The flight was fairly quick, the hostage situation was in Virginia near Roanoke. They landed on a hospital parking area. Hotch was shaking with cold and pain, but managed to get into the provided SUV.

JJ drove them into the city and to a small house in a suburban neighborhood. It was an unlikely looking place surrounded by police tape, cruisers and police officers everywhere. She'd blasted the heat in the car and Hotch finally looked like he'd regained some color. "No matter what, we're driving home," she commented with feeling.

"You've got that right." Hotch went for a smile that didn't quite survive the journey from mind to lips.

As they walked, they discussed the case.

"So this is James Harold Jones, 9 years old. Two weeks ago his father was murdered. The police took his mother into custody. Sometime last night James stabbed his roommate here at the foster care facility. The boy is in surgery now. This morning he held up in his room with two other boys, when one of the girls went in to get them for breakfast he slashed her across the face. He's holding his roommates hostage."

"His childhood has been pretty rough, he's been to various emergency rooms almost a dozen times. Social Services have investigated three times. All three times he's assured them that he was clumsy and fell a lot. They had doubts but no proof."

"Two weeks ago his little brother Sam was taken into emergency for a twisted ankle and then later for a broken wrist."

"And that night his father was stabbed and killed."

"So we're thinking…"

"That was the stressor, he took it while his father beat him and his mom, but once he went after the little one, it was more than he could bear."

"Why hurt the kids here though?"

JJ shrugged. "Still angry?"

"Misplaced anger."

CM

They were greeted at the door by the detective in charge. "Agent Hotchner?" He offered his hand to shake and Hotch stopped before he offered his left hand. "I'm Detective Sergeant Ware, I worked the case with the kid's mother. I didn't want to just overpower the kid. I'm afraid what he'd do before we got to him. He's got two kids hostage in there."

Hotch nodded, "Thanks Detective, you did right. I'd like to try to talk him down, maybe no one else has to be hurt today."

Ware looked at the FBI agent, shook his head. "The foster mother is in the parlor, she's really upset, so we had an officer fix her some coffee and try to get her to relax."

The two agents nodded and walked into the living room.

"Mrs. Welton? I'm Agent Hotchner, I'm with the FBI and this is Agent Jareau. What can you tell us about James?"

"When he came to us he barely spoke, he did everything we've asked him to. For some reason he doesn't get along with the boys here." Tears began to stream down her face. "We've never had trouble."

"Has he seen his mother? Is his brother here with him?"

"Well no, his brother is with an aunt."

"Don't they try to keep siblings together?" JJ asked.

"His aunt couldn't take them both. It's not what we'd have liked to have happen. But it is easier to manage a 5 year old."

"He's got two boys in there his age?"

"Yes, Tim is nine and David is ten."

CM

Hotch stood outside the door to the room where the boy held two other boys hostage. He tried to even his breathing. He wanted to be prepared for whatever was there. In a flash he remembered his own childhood anger, he quelled it.

"James," he said at the door. "I'm Agent Hotchner, James, I've come to talk with you about what's happening."

"Don't come in. I swear I'll kill him."

"Take it easy James, I just want to talk. Just talk, okay?" Hotch stood outside the door. He strained to hear the young boy inside the room. The young boy with the knife, he amended.

"No one cares. I'm invisible. We're all invisible."

"No James, you aren't. I'm here for you. I'll listen. Please let's end this."

"You can stand by the door Agent Hotchner. But don't try anything. I'm not stupid. I don't trust you." James opened the door. He held one of the boys in front of him, he pointed with the knife to a spot. "Just stay there."

"That's fine, I'm just going to stand here until you say it's okay."

James stared at him. "You can come in. Just move slowly, and I only want to see one face. No guns or anything."

Hotch moved slowly. He removed his gun and holster and handed them to JJ. "Stay back."

JJ nodded. "Keep your mike on, I'm coming in if I hear anything."

Hotch grinned at her. "See if the rest of team is on their way yet." He tapped the earbud in his ear. "Let me know. Get Dave on the line if you can."

"James, I'm coming in now. No guns or anything." He slipped out of his Kevlar, he left off his FBI jacket, "Too official looking."

He moved through the doorway. "Just me." He said. He lifted his empty hand. The one in the sling he just opened.

James looked at him, "You some kind of pirate?"

"I was in a fight."

"Did you lose?"

"A friend helped me."

James sat on the bunk bed. "Are you an expert or something?"

"Yeah, part of my job is to talk to people with hostages."

With a nod, James squeezed the shoulder of the boy in front of him. "This is Timmy, don't do anything or I'll cut him for sure."

The boy, Timmy gasped and looked at Hotch.

Hotch moved slowly into the room. He nodded to Timmy, trying to make him realize he was here for him too.

The room had two sets of bunk beds. On one lay a boy who seemed asleep. Hotch walked slowly over to him. "James you have to let me get David out, he needs medical care."

"I coulda killed him! He's mean."

"Did he hurt you James?"

"No, he just thinks mean stuff."

Hotch looked up, "But you stabbed him for thinking stuff?"

"Don't say anything about that. I did it, and that's all." James sat and watched Hotch for several minutes.

"Are you angry?" Hotch tilted his head questioning.

"I'm invisible!"

Hotch sat next to the small boy on the bed, he quickly tore a sheet and made a pressure bandage. "David needs a doctor, James."

"My name isn't James."

Hotch's brows went up. "It isn't?"

"You aren't listening."

Hotch put his head down. "I'm trying, David is distracting me."

Tim in front of him, James moved over to look at David. "He's okay, he'll be okay."

Hotch put his hand out to fix David's bandage and James slashed against his arm, he ripped through the shirt and into the skin of his forearm. Hotch pulled his arm close.

"Leave him alone, or I'll stab you too! Or I'll stab Timmy here." He brandished a deadly-looking hunting knife.

Timmy started to cry soundlessly.

Hotch put his bleeding left arm into the sling his right arm was immobilized in. He applied pressure with his other hand. The slash was deep. He knew he needed to finish this soon. He considered asking JJ to take over. He felt he understood this boy, but could he put off the weakness the blood loss from his arm was already causing? He slipped off the sling and wrapped his arm in it.

"James, you don't want to do this." He inspected his bandage job. "Take it slow, just relax."

The earbud carried the sound of JJ's voice. "The team is on their way, won't take more than an hour, they have a copter. Rossi is on the line, he knows what's going on."

Rossi's voice chimed in, Hotch strained to hear. "Aaron, you okay in there?"

"James I need to stop this bleeding okay."

Rossi's voice rose, "Aaron, he's slashed you, you need to get out of there. We're 20 minutes out."

James sat on the other bed, Tim sat quietly in front of him. The other child was terrified into silence. The boy toyed with the knife. He watched only the end of the knife, fascinated by the blood on it.

"It doesn't matter. No matter what happens I'm invisible. No one will even know I was here. In a few weeks it'll all be gone," he said out of the blue.

"What's happened to you James?"

"He just didn't like me, you know?"

"Your dad?"

"Yeah, from when I was little. He'd just tell me to be quiet. To go to the corner. He wanted me to be dead."

"He hurt you?"

"Not all the time, sometimes he loved me. Mostly not. Yeah, but I couldn't tell when he hurt me. He hurt mommy if I said anything. There was nothing I could do right. But not all the time. Sometimes he was nice, bought me toys. But I never knew when he'd change."

"I understand."

"No you don't! No one can. I was alone. I was so scared. Mommy couldn't do anything. I don't know if she even wanted to. Sometimes…"

"You didn't know if she cared?"

James nodded. "She didn't help me. She said I wasn't right. I could never be like my dad. My dad worked for the mayor, you know."

"What changed James, in my work we try to figure out why someone does something so different?"

"Like kill their own dad?"

Hotch thinned his lips. "Yes, like that."

"Sam's learning to play baseball, tee ball. He hurt his foot. When we looked dad had left us at the field. So between my mom and I, we carried Sammy to the hospital. He cried a lot. When we got home mom yelled at daddy and he hit her and then he grabbed Sam by the wrist… I heard it crack, bad."

"I might be invisible, but Sammy, Sam's a really good kid and he's smart. Daddy hadn't hurt him before."

"I understand James. Look James, David needs help, like Sam did."

"Okay, but Tim stays!"

Hotch lifted David from the bed and took two steps out the door and handed the unconscious child to the paramedic who was waiting. The medic looked quickly at his arm and wrapped it in gauze. "You need to get that looked at really soon," the medic said.

Hotch sat outside the room for a moment. JJ stood next to him. "Can you continue Hotch?"

He looked up at her. "I have to try, I know what he went through, he's not a killer deep down."

"Hotch he slashed your arm open, look at your shirt."

And for the first time Hotch realized that he'd bled through his makeshift bandage and the entire lower arm area of his sleeve was solidly bloody. "Shit," he whispered.

JJ smiled and adjusted the new gauze that was already showing a patch of red. "You're right Reid will kill you, if Rossi doesn't."

With a nod, almost visibly he gathered his strength and headed back into the room.

"I know you could overpower me," James said quietly.

"I could. But you need to tell me what happened, I need to hear it."

"That night, I found the hunting knife. My dad had taken me hunting, he taught me how to skin a deer. It made me sick. But I learned to use a knife."

"Why?"

"He hurt Sammy. And it was supposed to be me."

"You killed your father?"

"Yes, mommy told me not to tell, but it's okay now."

Hotch brought his head up. "You have to end this. Let Tim go. Let me get you some help."

"Agent, I don't think I can be helped. I'm just so angry inside."

"Why have you hurt these kids? These kids are like you."

"I know they know I'm broken."

"No James, you aren't broken. You're hurt."

"He hurt me every day! Every day he told me I was no son of his. You know what Agent Hotchner, I'm glad I'm no son of his!"

"I understand."

"You really do, don't you Agent? You know people like my dad. Agent Hotchner when this is over, will you come see me?"

"Yes, I promise."

"I can't live like this, you know."

"Let me help you James, let me have Tim. He's just a scared little boy."

James looked down at the boy at his feet, he seemed surprised to see him there. "Go on Timmy. Get out of here."

Tim ran to Hotch, who held him to his chest with his aching arm. "You're okay Timmy, right outside the door is JJ. Tell her that she can come in in a minute."

Tim nodded and hugged Hotch before he ran out. "Thank you."

Hotch's eyes filled with tears.

"Okay James."

"What now? What's going to happen to me?"

"I don't know for sure James, your mom will be released from prison. But something will have to be done about your dad's murder and this is kidnapping."

James moved to sit next to Hotch. He leaned against the agent.

"I'm not sorry, you know. I'm sorry about David and that girl. Oh and I'm sorry about your arm."

"It'll be fine. And David is at the hospital already. He should be okay."

"Agent Hotchner, other people who've done stuff like this, do they ever get better? Am I going to be this scary person I am now?"

"James I really think your dad was the only one who was in danger from you. I don't think you're a killer inside."

"But my whole life I won't know, until it's over."

"Listen James, you were in a position that there was no fixing. There was nothing you could do to make it better."

James leaned against Hotch and put his arm around him. "But you didn't kill your dad."

"No. I just knew that if I could put up with it a little longer it'd get better."

James agreed with a nod. "It just seemed like I couldn't wait, and I was really afraid when he hurt Sammy."

"Yeah. Sammy started getting the attention."

James sat up straighter. "I don't know what's wrong with me." The child started to cry and Hotch put a hand on his shoulder. The child threw himself onto Hotch. Hotch's eyes sparkled with a nostalgic sadness.

JJ appeared at the doorway. "We've got Mrs. Jones here Hotch."

"Your mom's here James, you want to see her?" Hotch inquired.

The boy nodded eagerly, again he looked his age and non-threatening. The police lead the boy and his mother away.

Hotch sat on the bunk. JJ sat near him her hand on his shoulder. "I'll keep track of him."

Hotch just nodded.

As JJ guided Hotch out of the house to an ambulance, the team arrived. Reid rode to the hospital with the ambulance. Hotch was strangely distant.

The attendant told Reid that Hotch would need stitches to fix his arm, but would be fine in no time. Hotch sat next to Reid on the gurney and leaned into him.

Reid sat with him in the silence.

Cecilia Ahern said: "That's the thing about lessons, you always learn them when you don't expect them or want them."