Flashlight

He'd say son hold it still; Keep that beam shinning straight. He'd have a nine sixteenth in one hand working on that Chevrolet. It seemed like every Saturday as soon as the sun went down we'd be huddled underneath that hood tinkering around. Of all the great memories I have the best one's are those nights just me and my dad.

Three year old Dean and his dad were working on the impala. His mom was putting Sam down for the night and Dean was doing his favorite thing helping his dad do some routine work on the car. John smiled at Dean, "Hey Ace hand me the nine sixteenth please."

Dean reached into his father's tool box and picked up the wrench, "Is this the one dad?"

John looked over at the wrench and shook his head, "Pretty close buddy. Get me the one slightly smaller than this."

Dean handed his father the correct tool. John then turned to Dean and said, "Now I have a very important job for you."

Dean nodded eagerly, "Do I get to change the oil this time dad?"

John shook his head, "Not tonight Ace. I need you to hold the flashlight for me. Just keep the beam nice and straight. There just like that son."

The flashlight was heavy in Dean's small hands but he held it still and kept the beam straight for his dad. When John finished changing the oil he came out from underneath the hood and hugged his son, "Great job Ace I'm proud of you. Now it's time for you to get ready for bed. You need to take a bath tonight and then I'll read you a bedtime story. How does that sound?"

Dean protested, "Dad I want to learn how to do more with the impala. Can't I stay up a little longer? Please Dad. Please."

John smiled at his son and playful tapped his nose trying not laugh at the grease smudge it left on his oldest son's cheek, "Dean you've got preschool in the morning. It's already two hours past your bedtime. How about this tomorrow is Friday right? If you go and take a bath right now I'll show you how to show you what a carburetor is for."

The three year old nodded excitedly and ran in the house to go take a bath. John just laughed and put away the tools and the flashlight. Of all the things he'd done in his life his favorite moments were when he and Dean were working on the impala.

He'll never know how much he taught me out in that garage. I guess the stuff that stuck was more about life than fixing cars. To this day I still can't make them run right. Deep inside I know that it's all right. I sure did learn a lot holding the flashlight. He told me a lot of stories about Grandpa and the war while he was trying to show me what a carburetor is for. I learned a couple of cuss words when he skinned his knuckles up. I found out momma was the only girl he ever really loved. When I asked him about women he just laughed. He said if we stayed out here all year we wouldn't have time enough for that.

Six years later Dean was outside Bobby's salvage yard with his dad helping him fix a flat tire. Dean handed his dad the wrench and asked, "Dad can you tell me about some of the hunts you've been on before?"

John nodded and told Dean about some of his older hunts. He was talking about a witch hunt when he cut his hand on the sharp metal. He swore under his breath, "Fuck!"

Dean went to hand his dad the cleaning rag when he tripped and scraped his knee he yelled out, "Dam"

John's eyes went wide as he stared at Dean seriously, "Where did you learn language like that boy?"

Dean was suddenly afraid and mumbled, "Sorry sir."

That's when it hit John square in the face. He bent down and pulled his son into a hug, "I'm sorry Ace. I shouldn't use words like that in front of you. Now do me a favor and hold the flashlight for me right dead center. I need to check the Carburetor. The check engine light came on last night."

Dean smiled at his dad and asked, "Dad can you tell me about mom?"

The question caught John off guard he answered, "Well Ace you mom was angel. She was kind, understanding, and faithful, brave, there's nobody like your mother in the whole wide world. Now it's late so say goodnight to Bobby and get your butt up those stairs pronto."

Dean nodded and went inside the house but not before giving his dad a hug, "Love you dad."

John smiled at his oldest son, "I love you to Ace. I have to go on a hunt tomorrow. I'll be leaving early. What are the most important things?"

Dean yawned sleepily but rattled off the list of things his dad told him before every hunt, "Listen to Bobby, don't answer the phone until after two rings, don't go out after dark alone or otherwise, and most important take care of Sammy."

John nodded and ruffled his son's blonde hair, "Get some sleep Ace. I'll see you in a few days."

Several years later Dean was sitting on the front porch at Bobby's with his head buried in his hands. He couldn't believe his dad made a deal with a demon to save his life. Bobby came out of the house and set his hand on the older Winchester's shoulder, "You ok?"

Dean frowned, "Bobby I was going to die. I was ready to die. I had accepted that. Why would dad… I just don't understand. He's dead because of me… he's in hell because of me. Bobby how do you think I feel?"

Bobby tightened the grip on Dean's shoulder, "I know boy but your dad must have had a reason for doing what he did. Now why don't I grab you a beer and then we can set about fixing the impala. Sam said you did quite a bit of damage to it last night with a crowbar."

Dean sadly shook his head, "I tried fixing it shortly before we came here. I got it barely running. After all the things dad showed me I can't even fix a simple engine problem. If he were here he'd rip me a new one for damaging his car."

Bobby let out a breath of air and then said, "Would you stop it you idiot. It's ok that you don't know how to fix everything that's wrong with the car. You know that's not why your dad taught you those things boy. Your dad taught you those things because he wanted to spend time with you. Your dad wasn't the most tactful person in the world. He wasn't good at showing affection or anything but he loved you and Sam both Dean. He showed you how to fix the impala so just once he could feel like a normal dad."

Dean smiled sadly, "Bobby can you help me fix the car in the morning?"

Bobby nodded, "Course Dean. Now why don't you head inside and get some sleep ok you idiot. You look like you haven't slept in days."

Dean nodded to the older man, "Thanks Bobby. What you said you know actually helped a lot."

Bobby smiled as he watched Dean go into the house. He then looked up at the sky, "John so help me part of me wants to throttle you for what you did to the boy and the other part knows why you did it. You weren't perfect but as God as my witness you were a better father than most. I promised a long time ago to take care of these boys of yours and I mean to keep it. I might not agree with how you taught those boys to be hunters but the best thing you ever did was have Dean hold that flashlight. He might not remember what you taught him about cars but he remembers what you taught him about patience and forgiveness. You taught him about trust. He remembers his mother because you talked about her one night while working on the car. Granted he doesn't have the skills with women like he could but he tries and that's what counts. You should be proud of your boys and of yourself John because God knows I am; rest in peace old friend."