I don't do girly. I don't do sweet. I don't do caring, sentimental, goody-goody friendship. I don't do 'it's the thought that counts!' or 'friendship is the most important thing in the world!'. On that thought, I don't do 'love is true!' either.

No ninja should, anyway. No emotions, no feelings, kill without a care to the world, blah blah blah.

I'm a fifteen year old adolescent who's seen the ups and downs of the shinobi world. On the plus side, you get great exercise, a pretty good body, learn how to handle weapons, and get to teach idiots who think you're no more than a pretty face otherwise.

On the cons side, you get stuck with a bunch of homicidal freaks. Like my little brother. The one who looks like a raccoon and always carries around his own personal sand box. Or my other baby brother, who plays with dolls and wears what I term "manly makeup".

But you learn to live. You really live.

Unfortunately, really living involves traveling to a village that's the exact opposite of what a strong ninja village should be. It's full to the brim with a bunch of squealing fangirls and constipated looking prodigies. Granted, the Uchiha was hot, but he really needed to get that frown off his face.

So, of course, when I look at these utterly soft, emotional shinobi, I just have the urge to whip out Kamatiri and level the place to the ground. Before they do something completely unexpected, that is. These aren't shinobi, are they? Or at least not normal ones. And when they are not normal, they do weird things. Really weird things.

Weird things are usually bad things.

Take that orange ramen junkie for example. One second he's farting in some guy's face and the next he's popping out of the ground like daisies after delivering a huge, heart-filled speech of whupping that Hyuuga's butt. Not normal, no. Definitely unorthodox. Oh, let's not forget his boasting, shall we? (Hokage-Ramen-Dattebayo!) Then he fights Gaara and somehow nearly knocks him out. Then Gaara apologizes to us. I'm starting to wonder whether that Uzumaki's really a cult leader, with all his "that's my nindo way!" and "it's for my friends!" and "I will never give up! Believe it!" and defeated warriors trotting after him like besotted puppies. I won't be surprised.

And that Uchiha. One second he's kicking ass (and glaring at people), the next second he can't use any moves (still glaring), and the next we see him—Bang! He punches a hand through Gaara's shield (and of course he's glaring). Then he runs away (I'm betting he was glaring then too). I'm kind of happy to see that consistency, but honestly? It's freaking me out.

And of course there's that sweet, innocent little pink-haired brat who squeals "Sasuke-kun!" like a regular, annoying alarm clock. She's smart, but average. She gets caught in Blondie's jutsu. Big whoop. Then apparently she's got an 'Inner Self'. What I do not understand is how a talking voice in your head equals you being strong enough to defeat a jutsu that's already got you caught. Talking voices in your head usually equals a nice big check to a psychologist.

Of course, there's the bane of my existence. That lazy, good for nothing asshole otherwise known as—

"You're glaring at me. Why are you glaring at me?"

I scowl at him. "Shut up, Nara."

"Ugh, troublesome. It was just a question."

And said bane of my existence rolls over and presents his back to me, yawning all the while.

Nara Shikamaru. "The number one guy at running away." "The number one coward."

…Jerk.

He's so lazy I'm surprised he makes any effort to save his own ass. Once he gets off it, though, he shows his genius and soundly defeats that brat with super long hair. Then goes back to being lazy.

Fast forward to next battle. Out of lazy mode, back to genius. Another win for number one chauvinist Nara. And a loss for Temari. Dammit.

And back to lazy.

Fast forward again.

He's apparently in genius mode, and he's caught that flute chick. She's just stronger. I guess I can't really blame him. I blow her away and crush her along with half of the forest.

Goes to normal guy mode. Looks afraid for a moment, before giving me a dorky, rueful smile. I'm kind of happy. Don't tell anyone.

We go to find his friends/fellow ninjas. We learn that Hyuuga's almost dead. And the chubby teddy-bear like guy is also on the brink of death.

He sits there in the hospital waiting room and glares at the floor. I'm with him, and we sit there alone. I chastise him. He doesn't care. We learn his friends are safe. They'll live.

Nara cries in relief, and I can't help but feel really sorry for him. Afterward, I hate myself for feeling sorry for him, but I feel bad for him anyway. He's told off by his dad, and I see a defeated teenage boy, not just the genius who smirked at me and called me troublesome. Later Gaara and Kankuro return. Kankuro gives me a weird look and tells me I look almost sentimental. I punch him. Hard.

Fast forward to the present.

Nara's been the only guy to ever defeat me. I got beaten by a lazy, misogynistic crybaby. The thought stings.

So of course I should hate him. But here we are, before the next Chunin exams, cloud watching.

Maybe that didn't come out right.

We're cloud watching.

Without killing each other.

…

Konoha ninjas are bizarre.

"You know, Nara," I say. "You're weird."

He snorts. "You're troublesome. "

I roll my eyes at him.

I really just want to get rid of them all right now. Sigh. But if I do, that just ruins all the work we've been doing to repair relations with the Number-One-Village of surprises.

This sucks.

O0O

A/N: Number-One-Village-of-Surprises, yeah. What? Can you blame me?

This was not meant to bash Naruto or Sasuke or Sakura or Shikamaru. It wasn't meant to bash anyone, okay? That's just what I was thinking. Well, the crazy unsentimental, sarcastic part of me who was just being nasty.

…

Hey, don't give me that look.

Happy Valentine's day, everyone!