Thank you, everyone for all your encouragement about my writing! :) I hope you like this story. It is rated M very very good reasons! Some language, violence, and lemons, so fair warning.
*Plot notes: Jake is Oloeyktan, Neytiri was Tsu'tey's mate before he was killed in the battle, she has relocated to another clan, Mo'at has remained with the Omaticaya. A sister ship of scientists arrived about six months after Jake's ship arrived on Pandora, much smaller crew. Story begins about two years after the battle with the RDA. Formatting has been fighting me...hopefully it looks alright!
Chapter 1
It was late. I walked down the dark street, heading back to my tiny apartment. For what reason, I barely knew anymore. It all seemed pointless. No one was waiting for me there. No one was waiting for me anywhere. No family, no friends that would miss me, no lovers to long for me. I shook the hair from my face, gazing up at the sky. Ah, the sky. Supposedly up there somewhere was the moon. I had liked the moon, before I moved to the city because it was what I could afford and lost any regular sight of the sky overhead. The cloud cover was less cloud these days, more pollution. It seemed it had always been that way, ever since I was young. But still, these days it seemed worse. The RDA assured us they were working on solutions. None ever seemed to come down to us mindless drones, though. No one heard us screaming our silent pleas into the night sky. Not a single voice escaped the thick cloud of smog over our heads, hemming in our hearts and killing us slowly, poisoning our lungs and our souls.
That's what I was doing, I decided. I was dying slowly. I had grown up hearing about Pandora, we all had; our salvation, the RDA called it. A wonderful new world that they would tear and slice and brings little bits of back home for the rich people to gobble up, letting the waste trickle down onto the rest of us. Of course, they didn't spin it that way. And I hadn't always thought of it that way, either. My cynicism was a new development, fed by unfortunate circumstances that left me here…walking home alone on a dark night from a seedy bar after doing seedy things to make a buck, so I could pay for my small apartment. So I had somewhere to sleep. So I could wake up and do it all again.
Years ago, I had had hopes and dreams. Now, I couldn't even remember what they had been. I only remembered that my life had not always been like this. I thought I had been happy, at some point. Maybe it was back in school, when all of us young kids had dreams of Pandora and the strange natives who thrived there without a single building in sight, it was said. The Na'vi, they were called…and with the name came the memory. I had looked into the Avatar Program, long ago. It had captivated me. I learned as much as I could about the program, about the aliens…the RDA never released much info, though, of course. There hadn't been much to discover. But I didn't have the schooling for the program, anyway…no way would I be going. Back in school, though, it didn't stop us from dreaming, from imagining the clear skies and the vast expanses of nothing but wilderness and danger, wondering if those mysterious aliens actually existed. But now…yes, Pandora was out there. I supposed those native aliens existed, but not for me. Not anymore.
I hung my head and continued my slow drudge home. It had been a rough night. I was tired and a little angry; the adrenaline tapping process was always pretty degrading, but it paid decent money. I heard the running footsteps coming up behind me but paid them no mind. Everyone was always running somewhere in this city…always running, but going nowhere. I kept walking and was taken completely off guard when the runner shoved me hard into the adjacent alley. I fell down and the guy, for it was a guy, just stood at the mouth of the alley, looking at me. I was more angry than scared at that point. The adrenaline tap had done me in. My mind was angry but my body had no fight in it. I scrambled back up to my feet, wearily shouting at the guy, too tired to do much else. He shoved me down again, further into the alley. He was high, or desperate to be. He demanded any money I had on me, but I carried nothing. It was stupid to carry any money that late at night. I had deposited it before even leaving the building. I told him. I showed him. Then I saw the knife. It glinted like an evil portent in the streetlight, and he advanced on me, stabbing into my stomach before I could even register the idea that I ought to respond somehow instead of just lie there on my back and get stabbed.
The guy ran. He just ran, throwing the knife against the alley wall where it clattered into the shadows. I stayed on my back, bleeding. Just bleeding. I felt a horrendous pain in my abdomen that I couldn't move away from. I would have screamed if I'd been able. I felt my body growing cold but also felt a curious warmth flowing around outside of me. It was wet. The realization came to me slowly…it was my own warm blood.
I fell asleep in a haze, in the alley, with no one to notice me gone. No one to miss me. No one would even know. My mind grew dark, my ears ceased hearing the world around me as my body shut down, the blood pooling around me in a final embrace. I dreamed of Pandora…I prayed for the pain to go away. Whatever would take my soul, I prayed for them to take me home.
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I did not expect to open my eyes ever again. And yet…my eyelids flickered, and I saw light beyond them, a hazy, blurry vision of light and shapes. I blinked a few more times and recognized that I was breathing. Surely I shouldn't need to breathe anymore? And surely…surely there shouldn't be people around me in masks…? I tried to open my eyes a little wider, and tried to clear my throat. Such simple tasks were almost unbearably difficult as I lay there, wherever, in my haze. The people, for they were indeed people, I could see that much now, were gently patting my cheeks and shoulders. I started being able to discern a room around me, very clean and clinical…oh no, I was in the hospital, wasn't I? When I came out of this haze, I was going to be in pain, wasn't I? Or maybe they already had me drugged up, accounting for the haze. Still…they shouldn't be wearing masks, should they? I tried to move, and failed miserably. I couldn't quite hear what they were saying. Still, I didn't start to panic until their faces started looking worried. With the injuries I had sustained, it shouldn't be surprising that I was having difficulty moving, and yet…those faces looked surprised that I was still lying inert on my back. Something was severely amiss here. I closed my eyes to steel myself for another attempt. That's when I heard their voices clearly, still fuzzy, but I understood them at least.
"Anne? Annie?" Wait a minute…that wasn't my name. I opened my eyes again and tried to speak, but my voice still wasn't working. I saw them turn their heads toward another voice…too far away for me to hear. Someone talking to them. I could vaguely understand the two…well I thought they were doctors but I was seriously doubting that now…so the two people, anyway, standing over me at such close range, but the other sounds around me were just noise.
Suddenly, they glanced back down at me and looked a little stunned…a little scared. They knew I wasn't Annie. They backed away a little and started scaring me, too. I felt a rush of adrenaline through my body and twitched a little. Had I been out that long that my adrenals were working again? Slowly, I was coming to. The haze was lifting. Slowly. The two people glanced over their shoulder at someone else approaching…
Holy macaroni! There was a creature standing behind them, at least four or five feet taller than they were…and blue. With ears. Giant golden green eyes. Stripes. No. No way. The creature was Na'vi…I recognized it from the RDA reports. But…that was impossible. I just stared in complete and utter shock. Was I dreaming? Was this some sort of pre-death experience or something? Post-death experience?
The creature…no, the man…said something to the people, the humans in masks. It sounded like he said, something…something…where's Annie…something. Then he came over to me and held my hand in his while the two…technicians, I guess…went to find Annie, I assumed. Why they couldn't tell that I wasn't her before I opened my eyes was a mystery to me…until I managed to shift my eyes down to the giant blue hand holding my own…my own giant blue striped hand.
If the adrenaline hadn't been flowing before, it was practically seeping out my pores now. I jerked my arm against the man's strong grip, my head flopping around feebly as I tried to control whatever kind of body I had at the moment. I could move, at last, but I had no control whatsoever.
"Whoa, whoa, okay there! Just take it easy, we're trying to figure out what happened, just easy, there you go…". The man put a hand on my forehead, and despite my mystifying condition, it did calm me. A little. I marshaled my strength, feeling my head spinning, feeling like I was ready to fall down despite being laid out flat on my back. I finally managed a hoarse whisper.
"Jenna…I'm Jenna…" I croaked in a panic as consciousness fled from me again. The Na'vi man looked a little stunned before replying to me.
"Okay Jenna. Just rest now. We've got you." And then all was dark. Again.
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"What the hell was that?"
"I don't know…"
"What do you mean, 'you don't know'? That…is Anne's avatar. And over there…is Anne! She's not even anywhere near the link, or anything that could possibly be construed as a link! Hell, she's walking around fully conscious for heaven's sake!"
"I know, I know!"
"Alright, alright…so, what now? Has an avatar ever woken up without the mind link before?"
"She said her name's Jenna."
"…what…? What the…who the hell… Jenna? Who the hell is Jenna and what is she doing in Anne's avatar! How is that even possible?"
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I started coming to again. My eyes opened again to the hazy light, the same almost familiar, clinical room again. I hadn't thought they would ever open again, and here I was opening them for a second time to the same insane nightmare…if nightmare was the right word. I had been greeted by a Na'vi…impossible. I must have been hallucinating. I hesitated before looking around any more. My hand had looked suspiciously like…
I saw movement. People were coming toward me. The same two non-doctors. Technicians, I had decided. Okay, here we go. I tried a weak smile. Apparently it worked well enough. The two technicians looked at each other and smiled, and smiled back down at me. It calmed me a little more. I had some allies here, maybe. Just maybe they understood how strange this was for me, too.
"Jenna?" The woman inquired gently. Oh thank goodness, the Na'vi man had understood me. Maybe they knew what was going on by now. I nodded, trying to clear my throat again. "Jenna, we're not sure how you ended up here, but we're working on finding out what happened. I'm Lena and this is Hal…". She indicated her technician cohort. "We're going to try and get you up and make sure you're alright, okay?" Her voice was calm and encouraging. I nodded again and closed my eyes, gathering my strength again.
Well, now or never, I decided. I opened my eyes and looked down my body. I could move my head now, which I took as a good sign. And I saw…oh my lord. I saw a ten-foot tall body with blue striped legs and arms sticking out of the white garment draped over me. I moved an arm…yup, it was mine, alright. I laid my head back again, letting it all just wash over me for a moment. They were working on it. They'd figure out what the heck was going on here. Right now, Lena was trying to take care of me and I was happy to go along with that. I took a deep breath and tried sitting up. If my head was spinning before, well, now it was dancing the conga and trying to take the rest of me with it.
"Whoa, alright there, we've got you!" Hal supported my back and steadied my middle while Lena held my arms to keep them from flailing and causing me to pitch myself off the gurney. Now that I was upright, I saw the room around me…it wobbled back and forth alarmingly, but I saw the clinical type setting and a viewing window…with a bunch of people, all humans, behind it. And I saw the Na'vi man, watching us. I think it was the same man…it was hard to tell with the room spinning like it was. It was hard to tell which way was up…
"Ooph, Jenna…! Lena, help…!" I was vaguely aware of slowly leaning into Hal, pushing him over, but I couldn't stop…I couldn't orient myself at all. I saw a streak of blue dash across to room to help Hal hold me on the gurney as I scrambled to grab onto something, anything, to keep me from falling.
"Okay Jenna, just take it easy. Breathe. Slowly, now. Just take a few breaths." It was indeed the same Na'vi man I had spoken to earlier, and hearing his calm voice again helped me obey without questioning…I breathed slowly, deeply, trying to steady myself. After a few moments, it started working. With gravity on my side, I tried clearing my throat again, this time with much more success.
"Hmm, mm! Thank you." I rasped. I took a few more breaths, feeling the dizziness starting to pass. "Sorry," I said to Hal, but he brushed it off, looking relieved to have the help of someone equal to the task of managing me in my newfound body.
"What…what hap-" I started to ask, but Lena cut me off.
"Let's get you oriented and make sure you're fully conscious before asking the tough questions," she said kindly. I understood the sense in that. The shock alone was threatening to knock me out again as it was.
"Alright, Jenna, can you hold out your arms? Hold out your hands?"
I gave it my best, and although my limbs were a little shaky and weak, I lifted my hands out in front of me. I stared at the color, the shape, the stripes…they looked like my hands. They had the right shape. But not the right anything else…how could this body have my shape? No Jenna, not yet…too much, too soon. Relax.
"Okay, good! Now, can you sit up a little straighter? Can you sit up on your own?"
I felt the Na'vi's arm ease up a little behind my back and I swayed dangerously for a moment before discovering my balance. I braced against the gurney with my hands, but managed to sit up on my own. Everyone smiled and I smiled too. I didn't know what was going on, but I had some friends here, it seemed, who cared how I was doing. That counted for something. It was more than I had back home.
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"So Max, who is that in there? I mean, is she a real person?" Anne asked.
"It looks like it. She's talking, responding…granted it's a little shaky, but the link is always a kind of tricky thing even when you guys are actually, you know…linked. This…" Max shrugged, completely at a loss for words.
Anne looked a little uncomfortable as she shifted in her chair, gazing through the glass window at her avatar moving and talking on its own…no, not on its own, but controlled by someone not her. "It's just…weird…"
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry Anne." Max reached out a comforting hand to her shoulder.
"Hey Max…?"
"Yeah?"
"…is it bad that I didn't really want to have an avatar, anyway?" Anne looked down at her feet. Now that she had come this far, she was ashamed at feeling hesitant to be an avatar driver at all…and even more shamed that she was a little glad that her avatar seemed to be no longer hers.
"…!" Max was stunned to hear her say it, but not terribly surprised now that it came down to it. Still, he didn't know what to say, so moved a little closer and gave her a one-armed hug and shook his head, chuckling a little at her until Anne joined in. Then they chuckled a little more freely, together.
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Okay. So I was in an avatar body. On Pandora. It was supposed to be a woman named Anne's, but she hadn't linked to it yet, and somehow I managed to end up inside it…
Yeeaahh. Okay, whatever. Facts were facts. We'd iron out the details later. I could move. I could speak. Things seemed to be working pretty well, once I had finally gotten a little more control over myself. The Na'vi guy was Luke and he had an avatar as well. Kind of. He was permanently stuck in his avatar, like some guy named Jake Sully…I don't know, it was hard to comprehend at the moment. Details…later.
Anne had apparently been about to link to her avatar for the first time, which was why Lena and Hal were expecting her, but it seems that she had made a few last minute adjustments and checks and before she actually even got into the link chamber and …voila, there I was. I felt bad. I didn't mean to cause so much trouble. I mean, I just meant to be bleeding to death in a dark alley, quietly exiting the human existence. Apparently, someone had other plans.
The big question now, aside from how I got to be there in the first place, was what was going to happen to me as the hours passed. If I fell asleep, would my consciousness flee? Even though I had already drifted out and back in once before, a true sleep cycle would typically break the link connection completely, unless the person had gone through the process of transferring their consciousness to their avatar body permanently through the ways of the Na'vi, as Jake Sully had done, and Luke. I was fuzzy on how it all worked, but I could comprehend the basics well enough as they explained it to me.
I didn't know who Jake Sully was, but he was someone important around here, it looked like, even though he wasn't around. I gathered that he didn't come around here much at all. I also picked up on the fact that Luke didn't seem to be stationed here, either, but these were just a few more details among the many that I didn't know.
After a couple hours of motory tests, basic function questions, and plenty of rests in between where I felt I was about to faint again, I felt much more myself, if bigger…and bluer…and I was feeling a little silly to be so elated to find myself as an unwitting avatar. I had dreamed of this program back on Earth. I was never even close to being qualified for it, but oh I had dreamed.
Finally, it had come down to it.
"Jenna, do you feel ready to tackle the big questions? We'll be monitoring you, and if you feel dizzy or faint at any point, you can stop and take a break. What do you think?" The way Lena spoke to me, it was hard to say no to her. She was so reasonable. And it was time. I wanted to know what had happened to me, too, even if I wasn't sure I'd like the answers. Even if it meant it was time to wake up back on Earth, cold and dying in a dark alley.
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"I remember the knife cutting me…" My head swam again at the memory, the feeling of being stabbed. I put my hand to my stomach where the knife had punctured my vital organs…nothing there now. Not even a twinge.
"…I started to feel faint. I must have been on the ground because I remember looking up into the sky…it was dark, and cloudy of course. But just for a second, there was a clear patch of sky, between clouds…I could see stars. I remember that very clearly because…" I looked down, a little ashamed and embarrassed at this part, what I thought was going to be my final thought. "…well, because I prayed. To the sky. To whatever. I…I wanted to be…anywhere else, not on Earth." As I retold my tale, something else glimmered in my mind, on the edge of memory…there had been something else as my blood gushed from my body. Something…no, it was gone. And I didn't feel the need to mention it to these people. It couldn't be that important. And besides, although Luke, Hal, and Lena were nothing but sympathetic and helpful, there were a few others lingering around the edges of the lab, listening closely, and they did not look as friendly or sympathetic as the two people and the Na'vi tending to me. I didn't want to give them any ammo for building some crazy case where I transported myself into this avatar body five light years away to escape dying. Jenna, that even sounds paranoid in your own head…but still. I kept it to myself. I couldn't even remember it properly anyway.
"I felt blood all around me and then it all just went dark. And then I started coming to. And…that's the first I remember of this place." I indicated the people listening to my insane tale and the lab around us.
We talked for a while more while they recorded all my answers, all my questions, anything I said. At one point, the stuffier-looking people in lab coats had come in and had a huffy conversation with Lena, Hal, and Luke, the latter being rather persuasive in getting them to leave, looking rather unsatisfied. As a human, Luke had probably been quite persuasive, his voice and manner of speaking coming across very firm. As a Na'vi, he did not look like someone to cross, despite his kind manner, and he had been talking very pointedly to those little humans.
Eventually, things began to wind down and the light outside started fading fast. The end of this insane day. I was fed and left to my own devices while arrangements were made for my unexpected and possibly long-term stay on the planet. Or moon, anyway, as Pandora was actually a moon. I glanced out the window and saw the gas giant we were actually orbiting dominating the sky. There was another moon casting a sharp shadow onto it's hazy surface…and I could see stars. All of them. It was beautiful and I smiled…a real, genuine smile to be here, on this beautiful planet in this impossible situation. I was alive. And this world was beautiful.
I heard some hushed voices in the hall. I padded across the room to listen more closely. I was getting tired of being kept out of the loop, like an experimental subject. I'm sure they wanted to study why I was there at all, but I was a person. I remembered everything from back on Earth, my old life. I hadn't volunteered to be a test subject, regardless of what body I wore. I pressed an ear to the doorjamb just as the voices were fading down the hall. I only caught a few words clearly.
"…gonna have to knock her out. No one volunteers for that…"
"…she even a real person in there…?"
I shivered. I remembered the rather heated discussion from earlier. Luke had stepped in and pretty much shut them down, but he wasn't here all the time. Those people had looked cowed by Luke, but unconvinced. I could easily see them following their own agenda once Luke was out of the building, despite whatever else the others in the lab felt was right. I didn't know what they were planning, but I didn't intend to stick around to find out. If they meant to knock me out, nothing good could come from it. I quietly jogged on my bare feet to the back of the lab again. I could see the dark night outside the window…Pandora. My mind was racing, but I was determined. I shoved the door open and stepped out into the night, the sounds and smells of Pandora filtering through my senses. I was scared, but more scared to turn back and find out what they needed to take from me so badly that I needed to be out for it…so I ran. Right into the forest and didn't look back.