Not strong enough
A/N: I liked the idea I had for this. But I think I kinda screwed it up… :s Or maybe that's just me. What do you think?
Winry didn't touch Ed. She couldn't and sometimes she just hated herself for that. But she wasn't the only one. Winry didn't know anyone who could touch Ed. Winry was sure that everyone's reason was the same as hers. She didn't dare to touch him. Because Winry had no idea how Ed would react. Because Winry was sure that Ed would just push her away. Winry was afraid of Ed's reaction. She was afraid that Ed would push her away. So she didn't touch him.
"Al, wake up! WAKE UP, you fucking jerk! Don't do this to me…" "Ed…" Hawkeye was about to put her hand on Ed's shoulder but he turned his head and cried: "Don't touch me! Get away from me, all of you!" Winry saw tears glittering in Ed's eyes and she didn't even stop herself when tears started to fall across her own face. She was afraid. She had never seen Ed like that, falling apart like that. She hated herself for turning to look away.
"Don't do this to me", Ed whispered with his voice full of desperation before he got up and rushed out of the door. The first one to rush after him was Roy Mustang. Winry followed them, slowly, her legs feeling as heavy as lead. Her heart feeling as heavy as lead, heavier. Winry stopped at the corner and watched Ed who hit the wall with his real arm. Winry gasped quietly as Ed's knuckles started to bleed. "Ed, stop it." Ed laughed too loudly. "Stop what, Mustang?" Mustang sighed. "Stop torturing yourself. I hate seeing you like that, everyone does." "Then why don't you just stop looking at me, if it's so damn awful?"
Winry just stood there, with her lead legs, with her lead heart and watched them, she couldn't move, she couldn't do anything at all. Roy didn't answer and Ed let out hysterical-sounding sobs. "It's my fault… It's all my fault. Everyone will die in my hands, everyone… It's me who should die, not Al!" "Don't say that! It is not your fault. Stop saying shit like you should die! That's not true! Everyone in that room cares about you… I care about you." "Yea, right… For you I'm just Fullmetal, the one who gives you credits, so that you can be a Fuhrer one day…" Roy shook his head. "It's not like that, Ed." "Stop lying to me, damn it! No need for you to feel sorry for me, I don't need you or your fucking pity!" "I'm NOT lying, I don't pity you! I CARE about you, I'm worried about you! When will you start realizing that?"
The thing Winry realized was that she had held her breath for a while and breathed, knowing that she should just go away since it didn't belong to her. She wasn't part of what Ed and Roy were fighting about. "Sure… Why would you care anyways?" Roy sighed. "I'm your friend." He wrapped his arms around Ed and pulled him in for a hug. "Let go of me, don't touch me!" Winry's heart was beating heavily against her chest and suddenly it was hard to breathe. She was afraid of Ed. Afraid of that reaction. Ed hit Roy and was trying to struggle away from his arms but Roy grabbed Ed's wrists. "Ed. Don't do this." Roy held Ed still for a while and all that rage and anger seemed to wash away from Ed and suddenly he just looked tired.
Winry watched as Roy let Ed's wrists go and Ed started to sob quietly and put his arms around Roy pulling him closer, holding on tight. "Don't go… please." Roy smiled softly. "I won't, I promise." Roy gently pushed Ed's hair away from his face and wiped the tears away with his thumb. And then Roy leaned in even closer and kissed Ed. And Winry's heart stopped beating. It was only a few seconds and Roy pulled away, looking shocked. "I… I'm –"He never finished his sentence when Ed pressed his lips against Roy's own. "Don't go", he whispered in Roy's mouth and they drowned in another kiss, drowned in each other.
It was then when Winry finally turned around and walked away with dried tears in her cheeks, with her lead legs, with her lead heart. She hated herself for being so weak. She envied Roy for being so strong, for daring to touch Ed, for taking his hits. For making Ed calm down. For making Ed need him. Winry wondered if she could be stronger, could she be the one in Roy's place right now? Oh, how she wanted to… but maybe that just wasn't meant to be. And Winry wasn't strong, she was weak. She was afraid of that desperate burning in Ed's eyes, she was afraid of his rage and anger. But more than anything she was afraid of his words. And Winry knew that even though she was supposed to care only about Ed and the fact that he was falling apart, she knew that she couldn't take his words. That soon she would be falling apart too. And then she would be completely needless for Ed.
But was she already needled for Ed? She was falling apart just by watching him falling apart; she couldn't do anything to make him feel better. She had no idea how to. But Roy did, clearly. He was probably the only one who dared to touch Ed, who wasn't afraid of him. Who saw past all that anger to see that Ed was just miserable and needed someone, anyone. Winry knew that it was past there. But she couldn't see it, every time when the fear took the power in her. Maybe the best thing Winry could do for Ed was just to care about him and stand by him. Maybe someday she wouldn't be afraid. Maybe someday she would dare to touch Ed, without fearing his reaction. And maybe that day Ed wouldn't push her away.