Blind

As always I chose to be blind to reality. I knew it was inevitable, it always is. Death follows me wherever I go, it is that simple. I yank open the car door and pick her up as gently as I can in my haste. Her shorts is now also bloodstained, I tried to stop the bleeding but couldn't.

'Stay with me.' I plead and start running towards the doors of the ER.

Her answer is a bloody gurgle in the back of her throat, her heart echoes the response with a tired stutter. I know that shudder all too well. Death has a hollow sound.

'Help! Somebody help me!' I scream as I run into the ER. A troop of medical personal rush to our aid. Lucy is laid on a gurney. She looks so frail. Someone is telling me to stay calm and asking me what happened.

'I don't know.' I have my suspicions but cannot voice them, more deaths will follow if I do. 'I found her like this in the kitchen.'

'Did you notify the police?' someone asks. Lucy's heart shudder again.

'Please help her!'

'We are. Did you notify the police? Miss?'

'No.' I don't see the use, they won't be able to help, not with this.

At first I did not register his presence being far too worried about Lucy. But there is no mistaking the stone white parlor of their skin, the way it reflects the light. I also know the coldness of their touch. I never had the strength nor the speed to stop them but I try and always will. I didn't have the time to wonder why he would risk exposure like this. All I know is that I want to stop him from touching her. Don't you dare hurt her. I notice his golden hair and how hard his wrist feels as I grab it to stay his hand. The beauty of his handsome features masking the monster I know him to be doesn't startle me, they are all beautiful. It is his eyes that makes me pause. It cannot be. They are supposed to be a myth, just a fanciful rumor. His golden eyes is gentle and understanding, this throws me somewhat, they very rarely show these emotions towards me. He speaks fast and low that only my ears can catch it.

'I mean her no harm, I want to help her.' His eyes is so ... human. I let go of his wrist while I start to search his soul, the fragments these bloodsuckers stubbornly tend cling to. There is no lie. He will try to help Lucy, save her if he is able. I am upset when he reminds me of someone I choose to think of as little as possible.

Then they are wheeling the gurney down a corridor, Lucy pale and barely breathing. They tell me that I need to wait outside as they push her thru double doors. Once again someone I love is being dragged away from me. I never get to say goodbye. The old familiar guilt wash over me, I don't deserve a goodbye.

'I will do all I can.' The doctor promises me before following the gurney.

I stay behind wishing I could see some hope, but I have always been blind to it. I gasp surprised when I realize that the vampire did not treat me as they usually do. With all the commotion and few minutes it took them to help Lucy I did not think of it. He has to know someone like me. He did not show the usual curiosity and disbelief. He seemed surprised, truly surprised, but that was all. He knows another hybrid? I have heard rumors of other like me, is it possible? In truth I don't want to know the answer. I chose to be alone.

Mom was never good at waiting, she would walk up and down while talking too fast for even me to hear. Strangely her frantic behavior would make me sit perfectly still and be blind. Foolish and far too trusting of me, but I learned my lesson and chose to no longer be blind. And now for the first time in many years I sought the calm of ignorance. I am trying but all the deaths I have caused flash without end thru my mind, the guilt a bad taste on my tongue; blood. The blood is always there, polluting the air or...I swallow convulsively. Guilt taste like blood. Mom always says that guilt is a waste for people like us, we are what we are. But I am only half vampire and the human part in me feels guilt very intensely. Mom cannot understand this, how could she? My human part does not come from her. The memory of my true mother stabs my heart. This is the one image I wish to always be blind to but can never be. She so small and frail, my father so frantic and angry. I shut my eyes. His anger was directed at me and rightly so. Not only did I rip my way out of her womb I had bitten her in the desire to sate my thirst. I can still remember the taste of her blood. Yes, guilt tastes like blood.

Time seemed to drag but all too sudden the wait is over. Cold hands gently take hold of my hand where it is clinging to the armrest, I yank away fearing any kind of intimacy. He immediately raise his hands in a subtle sign of peace. Only I understand this – super slow for a vampire – gesture, for a human passing by it would seem normal. This strange golden eye vampire knows how to blend in and how to behave exactly like a human. I have never – the one exception being me – seen a vampire try to behave human, it unsettles me.

'Is she alive?' is the only thought I can articulate.

His golden eyes tell me the truth before he utters a word. His soul – so vibrant and alive for his kind – show me the painful memory of Lucy's end. I hardly have the time to process the fact that he is truly sorry for my loss, that he feels it keenly. All I can do is jump up and run for the door, all the way having to remind myself to at least try and act human. But all the months of acting so for Lucy suddenly seem incapable of slowing me down.

I am kneeling on a beach or rather that is what I assume from the taste and smell of salt in the air. I have knelt here when my legs finally gave in from the running. I do not know how much time have passed. I have drawn the hood of my hoodie up at one point but the rain have washed thru the fabric erasing the tears from my cheeks. I gone back on my choice from so many years ago. I once again want to be blind. Blind to live, blind to death and all the memories that it leaves.

'Alice what are you doing here?' a male voice speak next to me.

I jump up surprised. I have never seen him yet he looks at me with recognition. He is rather tall for his youth, with rusty skin and friendly eyes. 'You're not Alice.' He says truly surprised. 'You look a lot like her you know.' His eyes widen even further. 'You're a hybrid!'

It takes the refreshing cool ocean air to make me aware of his musky non-human scent. Instinctively I immediately search his soul.

'You're a werewolf!' my voice is high and terrified. I frantically start searching for a route of escape. This small town is an accumulation spot for things I always deemed myths. How blind I have been.

'No, I'm a shape...' He pauses. 'You can't be here.' He whispers stepping closer. I immediately back away. He raises his hands in surrender reminding me of the yellow eyed doctor.

'Listen you need to go.' He says again urgently. 'You can't be on these lands. Are you with the Cullen's?'

'No.' Perhaps I should have avoided honesty in the give situation, it would've been better to make him believe I am not alone. 'You know the Cullen's?' I ask with disbelief. If I keep him talking I might get an easy way out, it usually works with curious vampires. Will it work on werewolves? Besides shouldn't there be war between the Cullen's and them, they are natural enemies, right?

'Yes, we're friends.' he blinks mirroring the emotion I experienced moments ago. His not sure if he should have divulged the information. I simply stare at him, how do you proses friendship between vampires and werewolves anyway?

'Seth?' someone calls and both our heads whip in the direction the voice carried from. I see another very tall person approaching us, he is looking at me with a deep frown. My face is partially concealed by my hoodie and the wind is in my favor, he can't be able to tell what I am. I need to leave. 'Alice?' he seems panicked all of a sudden. 'Is something wrong with Ne...' he stops and calms down. He approaches very quietly and I understand how the one called Seth snuck up on me. I start backing away terrified now that there is two of them.

'We won't hurt you.' He says quickly. 'Carlisle told me there is another hybrid in town.'

'He told you?!' I all but scream. So the legends about stregoni benefici is true. He means to fight all bad vampires, obviously even half vampires.

He seems surprised by my reaction and frowns slightly. 'Yes, he was concerned about you, he suspected that you might cross our lands.'

'Concerned!' I hiss, doubting that to be his reason for setting werewolves on my trail.

'Yes, he asked me to look out for you, he was really worried about you.' The tall one respond towering over me. I read his soul and see that he has a very powerful bond with one like me. What? 'I will escort you to the border between us and the Cullen's. Carlisle will help you.' He reaches for my arm.

'No!' I step away from him, confusion turning to anger, a stupid thing if all I heard about werewolves is true. 'As a werewolf you should know to never trust a vampire; they are all liars.' I want to add that they are also notorious killers, but so am I. 'Please just let me leave.'

The two werewolves look at each other with confusion before the taller one concedes with a nod.

'Which way to avoid Cullen borders?' I ask not sure if werewolves can be trusted.

He points the direction and I take off without a backward glance.

'They aren't all bad, you know.' The young one called Seth calls after me as I run.

I know when am out of werewolf land. They do border patrol, their scent a strong musky presence. The minute after I ran thru the invisible line I feel like I can breathe again. Ever since my decision to not be blind I have had to handle being alone in a world full of curious monsters. I wonder how much longer my luck will hold. The one stalking me will eventually catch up.

I chose this and then in truth it was forced upon me. The memory of the optimistic girl I once was seems a mirage out of a dream. Lucy is dead and the old me, the one straddling two worlds, belonging to neither, longing for either is back. The girl with far too much memories clouding her mind.

Stregoni benefici = beneficent wizard (Good vampires who fought against bad vampires)