Love
February 14th, 1948
Sage, Wyoming
Five year old Ennis was eating in the kitchen with his brother and sister. It was a Saturday and they were all planning to play outside all day. It was still cold but they had promised their mama that they would bundle up. She was making breakfast for herself and their father. Ennis wasn't aware of what day it was today, but he noticed that his mama seemed to be humming a lot today.
Their father came in and kissed their mama on the cheek, making her smile widely at him. K.E. snickered.
"Daddy kissed mama!" Cecilia hit him over the head.
"Daddy always kisses mama. Grow up, K.E." Ennis watched them, silent but wanting to be part of the conversation.
"Why though? An' why today?"
Their mother heard them and came over to them. "Well, today is a very special today for yer daddy an' me. It's what we call Valentine's Day." She looked around at them all. "Remember how I told you about love? That when a man an' a woman like each other a lot, they fall in love?" They all nodded. "Well, today's the day when we celebrate bein' in love. Yer daddy does special things, like bringin' me flowers an' kissin' me. Just a way of showin' me that he loves me. You understand?"
"Yeah, mama," said Cecilia. "Dunno about K.E., though. He needs to grow up."
Their mama laughed, ruffling K.E.'s hair. "It's alright. He'll grow up eventually. You've got your whole lives ahead of you, an' one day you'll all find someone special. You'll find a nice young man, an' these two will find nice young ladies. An' when yer older, you'll all celebrate this day too. You'll do special things an' show each other how much you love each other. That's what this day is about."
They all looked up at her, taking in every word she said. They thought of her as very wise and loving, able to explain anything to them in a way that they could understand.
"That sounds real nice, mama," Cecilia said, looking up at her in awe. "Will we really do all that?"
"Sure, honey. Anybody can have that."
"Mama?" asked Ennis, looking up at her shyly.
"Yeah, sweetie?"
"Um...is it always girls an' boys? Can boys love boys?"
Before she could answer, his father slammed his coffee cup down and glared at him. "Ennis, don't be ridiculous. Boys can't love boys, it don't work like that. You hafta love a girl so you can get married an' have babies, like me. You can't do that with a boy, an' it ain't right. You hear me? That goes for you too, K.E. An' Cecilia, you're the one who's gotta find yerself a boy. Got it, you three?"
They all nodded, now silent. "Yes, daddy." They all returned to their breakfast, struck by fear of their father, as if the loving atmosphere had been drained out by his harsh statement. Ennis had plenty of reason to fear his father.
February 14th, 1948
Lightning Flat, Wyoming
Five year old Jack was running across the field after Becky as fast as he could. It was freezing cold out here but he'd bundled up, as his mama had asked. He didn't want to be around his father anyway, so he was glad to get away for a few hours.
They eventually stopped, needing a break. They sat down in the field near the barn, and Becky pulled off a piece of wheat.
"Know what, Jack?"
"What?"
"My mama says it's Valentine's Day today."
"What's that?" he asked, looking at her.
"My mama says that when a man an' a woman love each other a lot an' get married an' all, they celebrate this day. They do special things for each other, show each other how much they love each other. Ain't that real nice?"
"Sure is," he agreed. "Yer mama an' daddy doin' that?"
"Uh-huh. He's bein' real nice, brought her some flowers this mornin'. She's real happy. What about yours?"
Jack lowered his head. "No. My daddy ain't never nice to my mama. Not even today. I sure wish he could be, I don't like seein' him shoutin' at her all the time."
"I know, Jack. I don't like it when I walk in an' see 'em fightin'. My mama an' daddy don't fight all that often, but...I know how it upsets you when yours do. You wanna come over to my house more often, I think they'll let ya."
Jack smiled at her. "I'd like that. We gonna go now?" Becky nodded and they stood up, once more running across the fields to her house. They went inside to find Becky's parents kissing in the kitchen, which made Jack wish that his own parents could be like that. It would be a lot better than how they were now, with his father always shouting at his mother or beating her.
Becky giggled when she saw them, and this drew their attention. "Hey, kids. Come on in, Jack," said her mother, his aunt Maria. She'd made them some cookies while Becky had been running across the fields to retrieve Jack. They sat down with her parents, and Jack was still a little wary of her father, despite the fact that he was nothing like his father. Jack just figured that he'd come to expect it from the last few years with his own father.
"So how are yer parents, Jack?" asked Maria. "You know what day it is today?"
"Yeah. Becky told me it's Valentine's today. She told me what it means. My mama an' daddy don't seem to know, though."
Becky's parents looked at each other. "Well, I'm sure they do. They just don't wanna show it in front of you 'cos yer so young. I'm sure yer daddy is real nice to yer mama."
Jack focused on his cookie, hoping that they were right. He hoped that his daddy was nice to his mama, and that he could see it for himself. He didn't like it when his daddy beat them.
February 14th, 1953
Sage, Wyoming
Ten year old Ennis was sat in the living room, reading a comic and swinging his legs over the edge of the sofa. He tried not to think about what was going on right now. It was Valentine's Day again, that day of love, but it didn't feel like it. His parents had been fighting again and he hated it. Every day, his mother was telling off his father for taking him and K.E. to see that horrible vision in the ditch. Even now, he could hear her yelling at him. What had happened to his loving parents that had kissed in the kitchen just five years earlier? There was no love in this house anymore.
Cecilia came in, looking worried. She paused when she caught sight of him and he looked up at her.
"Bet you can hear them, huh?" she asked quietly, shifting her feet.
Ennis nodded. "They're fightin' again, ain't they?"
"Yeah. You know what they're fightin' about?"
He didn't want to talk about it. He'd closed up ever since the horrible event, and even though he loved his sister, he couldn't find the words to tell her what was going on. He knew that they were all under enough strain as it was.
Cecilia sat down next to him. "Are you okay, Ennis?"
He paused a moment, and then shuffled up next to her. "No."
"You wanna talk about it?"
He shook his head. "No."
She sighed. "Alright. Just stay here." She put an arm around him and they tried not to listen to the angry voices in the kitchen. They winced in unison as they heard their father hit their mother, and Ennis burrowed into Cecilia's arms.
"I thought they was supposed to love each other," Ennis said quietly, full of confusion. "It's that day again today, right?"
"I know, sweetie. They're supposed to, but...I dunno what's goin' on. But we'll be okay. We got each other, right?" She felt Ennis nod against her and she held him tighter.
They heard their father stomp outside and the door slammed. They looked at each other and went to the kitchen. Their mother had her back to them but they could hear her sniffing.
"Mama?" Cecilia asked warily, still with her arm around Ennis. She turned and they could see the red welt on her cheek and the tear tracks. She tried to smile but they could see that she was hiding her pain.
"Hey, you two. You want somethin' to eat? Sit down." They did so and she started heating up some soup.
"Mama, are you okay?" Cecilia asked. She brought the soup over and handed it to them.
"I'm fine, honey. Everythin's okay."
"Ain't it Valentine's Day today? You an' daddy doin' anythin' special?" she ventured bravely.
A flicker of pain spread across their mother's face, but there was no other reaction. "Maybe not, honey. He's real busy." She got up and went to answer the ringing phone, leaving two of her children to eat in confused silence.
February 14th, 1953
Lightning Flat, Wyoming
Ten year old Jack sat on his bed with Becky, sniffing and trying not to let her know how upset he was. She was leaving in less than a month, it was Valentine's and his parents were arguing, and he was feeling sick. Even from here, he could hear his father yelling at his mother. He could tell that Becky was trying to ignore it too.
She looked at him. "You okay, Jack?" she asked, ducking her head to get him to meet her eyes.
He wiped his nose with his sleeve, and tried to smile despite his misery. "I guess. I'm just real sad about ya leavin'." He was trying to put on a brave face, but he had a feeling that she wouldn't fall for it.
Becky nodded. "Me too. Less than a month to go. I tried to talk 'em out of it but they won't listen. I guess it's too late now, huh?" she asked with a small smile.
"Yeah. They celebratin' Valentine's today?" Jack asked. His parents had never celebrated it as far as he could remember, and even if they had when they were younger, why not now? Did they simply not love each other anymore?
"Yeah. My daddy's takin' my mama out tonight, so I'm stayin' at Uncle Harold's, remember?"
"Right. Sure wish you could stay here," Jack said quietly. Becky looked at him; his eyes were looking down and off to the side, as they usually did when he was sad. He looked like that a lot lately.
"Yer daddy still beatin' on you an' yer mama?" she asked, looking sympathetically at him. That was always the story these days and she felt very sorry for him. His father had been beating him for years, and Jack was terrified of him.
He sighed. "Yeah. I dunno why. He's supposed to love us, ain't he? Why is he always like this?"
Becky scooted closer and put an arm around him. "I dunno, Jack. Mamas an' daddies are supposed to love each other, especially today. An' they're always supposed to love you. Yer mama loves ya, right?"
Jack nodded. "Yeah, she does. But...I wish my daddy could love us too," he whispered, feeling tears in his eyes again. He didn't want to cry in front of her, but he was unable to keep it back. "I wish they could love each other."
Becky held him closer and let him hold onto her. She shushed him and patted his back, like a sister would. Neither of them had any siblings, as far as they knew, so they had taken it upon themselves to look after each other.
"It's okay, Jack. It's okay." She let him cry himself out until he was just sniffing into her shoulder. Neither of them noticed Rose peeking in on them and smiling slightly to herself. Her husband may have changed beyond recognition, but she still had her children. She would always have them. That was a cause for celebration any day.
February 14th, 1958
Worland, Wyoming
Fifteen year old Ennis adjusted his tie and shifted uncomfortably. K.E. had been asked to a Valentine's ball at a local dance hall by a girl he'd met in town and he had been dragged along. Their bosses at the ranch had even encouraged him to go, saying that he might meet a nice young girl himself if he went. That had been a bad idea; he had no idea how to approach women and he was feeling very nervous.
K.E. was dancing with the girl he'd met, a young brunette named Sarah. She was quite nice and he knew that K.E. liked her a lot. Ennis knew that if their parents were still alive, they'd be putting the pressure on K.E. already to propose to her. It made Ennis sort of glad that they weren't; he didn't want that kind of pressure.
He was offered a beer and took it gratefully; another thing his parents would have something to say about. He sat in his chair, drinking and hoping that a girl wasn't about to pounce on him and make him dance with her. He really didn't need that.
Thankfully, K.E. and Sarah finished their dance and came over to him, hand in hand. Sarah was practically glowing with happiness.
"Hey, Ennis," said K.E., sitting down and grabbing a beer. Ennis nodded back at him.
"Hey, K.E, Sarah," he said quietly.
Sarah smiled in a friendly way and sat with them. "Hey, Ennis. Ain't you gonna dance?"
He shook his head and picked at his bottle label. "No. Ain't much one fer dancin'." He tried to smile at them but he knew it didn't quite meet his eyes.
"Ennis ain't very social," K.E. said to Sarah, smirking at him. "I was thinkin' he might find himself a nice girl here, but...guess not. Look around, little brother. See anybody ya like?"
Ennis looked around in spite of himself. There were plenty of pretty girls here, he had to admit, but there was nothing that sparked his interest. For a while he'd wondered why he wasn't attracted to girls, but he just figured he hadn't met the right one yet. He certainly couldn't allow the alternative. That wouldn't bear thinking about. He knew what would happen to him if he allowed himself to go down that road.
He shook his head. "Guess not. They're all good-lookin' an' all, but...I dunno." He shifted uncomfortably again. He was absolutely no good with girls and he had a feeling that he never would be. Maybe there were some things that weren't meant to change.
K.E. and Sarah looked at each other. "You sure? I got a few friends here, Ennis. Want me to introduce ya?" Sarah offered, gesturing around with a hand.
"No, that's okay, Sarah. Thanks anyway. But...think I'm gonna head home. Gettin' a headache."
He stood up and made his way out of the hall, leaving his brother and his girlfriend to stare after him uncertainly. He wanted to be in bed and forget about this day.
February 14th, 1958
Lightning Flat, Wyoming
Fifteen year old Jack finished the letter from Becky and folded it up, thinking. She was training with her father's horse in preparation for her barrel racing. She wasn't allowed to actually barrel race yet, not until she turned eighteen, but she was having a good time in training and by all accounts she was doing well. He was proud of her for living her dream and he sure wished that he could do the same one day. He still wanted to learn how to ride the bulls, even though he had nobody to teach him, and as soon as he could leave home he would do that; maybe go to a local rodeo or get out of the state entirely. Maybe he could go down to Texas and spend some time with Becky. If they waited another year until Becky turned eighteen, they could enter a rodeo together.
He thought about what day it was today. It was Valentine's Day again, but he wasn't in the mood for celebrating. He didn't even have a girlfriend. He had thought for a while that he wasn't attracted to girls, and for a while he'd just figured that he hadn't met the right one. But after his ill-fated crush on his classmate that had resulted in a hospital trip, he'd started to wonder if there was more to it. He had heard the term "queer" before, but he hadn't known what it meant. Apparently it was a term for men who loved other men, and he'd asked himself many times if it could possibly apply to him. He wasn't sure about that.
He heard a knock on his bedroom door. "Jack? You in there?"
"Yeah, mama. Come on in." She came into the room and smiled.
"How's Becky, then?" she asked, gesturing to the letter.
"She's doin' some ridin' so she can start trainin' fer barrel racin' in a couple years, she's enjoyin' herself."
"That's good. I know you miss her, sweetie."
He nodded. "Yeah, I do. I was thinkin' that when I turn eighteen I could go down there, you know? Do some bull-ridin', catch up with her. If I waited another year we could enter a rodeo together. Me an' her rodeoin' on the circuit, poolin' our money an' do somethin' with it." He smiled to himself. He'd always been a dreamer and this seemed like a good prospect.
Rose smiled at him. "That sounds wonderful, honey. I'm sure you two would do great an' break a lot of hearts. You could so somethin' good with the money, maybe even go into business or somethin', ya know?"
Jack smiled back at her. "Maybe, mama."
She sighed. "I guess you ain't got a date or nothin' tonight, huh?"
He shook his head. "No. Ain't really my thing, you know that."
Rose looked down at her son, remembering the horrible incident. "I know. Don't worry, honey. I'm sure that one day...you'll find someone special."
Jack fiddled with his jeans. "I hope so, mama."
February 14th, 1964
Sandersville, Georgia
Ennis was standing at the sink, brushing his teeth after his morning shower. He knew what day it was today but he wasn't sure about what to do. All he could think about was his growing up years when he'd wondered about love and had been so lonely. He loved Jack and wanted to celebrate this day with him but he wasn't sure how. He figured that Jack might know.
He heard Jack stop the shower and step out, and caught sight of him in the mirror. He couldn't help but grin at the sight as Jack towelled himself off. Jack came up to him from behind and wrapped his arms around him.
"Mmm...you smell good," he purred, nuzzling into Ennis's damp neck. "Good mornin'."
Ennis put his toothbrush back and spat into the sink. He smiled at Jack and placed his arms over his. "Mornin' to you too, darlin'."
Jack rubbed his stomach. "You know what day it is today, right?" he asked softly.
Ennis took a breath. "Yeah. Valentine's. Special day, huh?"
"Uh-huh. You wanna do anythin' special today?"
"Uh, we gotta work, Jack. It's a Friday," Ennis reminded him, smiling at him.
Jack kissed his neck. "I know, but...not all day. We gave the hands the day off, remember? We don't gotta work all day, right?"
Ennis was about to argue, but he swallowed it down. They hadn't had any fights since moving in together and today was not the ideal time to start. He sighed instead. "I guess, rodeo. You sure we can miss a day?"
Jack turned him around and made him meet his eyes. "Ennis, we've been workin' real hard since October, buildin' up this place, gettin' stock in an' everythin'. We've taken all the other holidays off, an' today's a real romantic day, or it's supposed to be." He noticed Ennis lowering his head. "C'mon, what's wrong?"
Ennis didn't answer at first, but after some rubbing of his shoulders by Jack, he gave in. "It's just...I ain't got no real good memories of this day. My mama explained it to us when we was younger, about love an' everythin', but...after the Earl thing...she an' my dad drifted apart. Wasn't no love between 'em after that. I guess you could say I ain't really got much experience."
"Oh, Ennis..." Jack sighed, wrapping his arms around his neck. "I know what you mean. There was never no love with my folks, not since I can remember. Maybe when they met, but...I got no memories of him lovin' us. You met him, you know what he's like. But...it don't matter. Whatever happened when we was growin' up...we just gotta move on. We're together, we love each other...that's all that matters, right?"
He brought their foreheads together, and he heard Ennis sigh. "Yeah. Yer right, Jack. We can't...let things from back then affect us now."
"That's right. So I say we get dressed, go out there an' do whatever work we gotta do today. Then you know what we're gonna do?"
"What?" Ennis asked, glad that Jack was taking charge of the situation. He sure didn't know what to do.
"We're gonna pack us some lunch, go for a ride an' spend all day on our hill. I'm gonna cook you a real romantic meal, an' then we're gonna go upstairs an' go at it all night long. How's that sound?"
Ennis couldn't help but grin at this last statement. "That sounds real good, darlin'. Let's get goin'." Jack smiled at him and they got dressed, goosing Ennis before he got his jeans on.
They did as Jack planned, tending to the stock after breakfast and then going for a ride up to their hill. Jack held the paper bag of food in one hand and held hands with Ennis as they walked up the hill to their spot. Ennis spread out the blanket and they sat down, sharing the food between them and sitting facing each other, with their legs on either side of each other.
Jack smiled at his lover. "Ain't this better than workin'?" he asked, running a hand up Ennis's leg.
Ennis smiled back. "Sure is, bud." He paused. "Sorry 'bout this mornin'."
Jack shook his head. "It's alright, cowboy."
"It's just...I ain't never had no reason to celebrate this day. Never had nobody. I gave Alma some flowers last year but that was it. I couldn't think what to get you."
"It's okay, cowboy," Jack said softly, cupping his cheek. "I had a feelin' that might be the case, so I didn't wanna make a big deal out of it. I didn't wanna put no pressure on ya. I know how you can be with this kind of thing an' that's okay."
Ennis shook his head. "It ain't okay, Jack. I know you like things like that. Bein'...romantic an' all. I wanted to, but..."
Jack put a hand over his mouth. "Shh. Don't worry. I know how you feel, an' it's okay. You said yerself you ain't got no experience of this kind of thing, an' that's fine. As we live together longer an' you get more used to it, you'll do fine. You'll get used to bein' romantic with me," he said, grinning at the fledgling smile on Ennis's lips. "Alright?"
His lover nodded, smiling widely now. "Alright, darlin'. Thanks."
Jack shuffled closer to him. "No problem, cowboy." Their lips met in sweet, slow kisses that made them forget about the food and only focus on each other. Ennis lay back and pulled Jack on top of him, where he settled between Ennis's legs as they kissed.
"Mmm, Jack," Ennis moaned softly, hands tangling in Jack's dark hair.
"Whaddaya wanna do tonight, cowboy?" Jack murmured, kissing his face.
Ennis thought for a moment. "Uh, well...there was somethin' I been thinkin' about."
Jack moved his mouth down to Ennis's neck. "Yeah?"
"You know on my birthday, when, uh...you..."
Jack looked into his eyes. "I tied you up?" Ennis nodded. "Sure. What about it?"
"I, uh...I was thinkin'...maybe I could...do that."
"To me?" Jack asked, a glint coming into his eyes.
"Uh-huh. That okay?" he asked, looking up at Jack hopefully. Jack nuzzled their noses together.
"Sure is, cowboy. Good idea. We got that rope; I'll let ya know how to do it."
Ennis nodded and sighed in relief. "Okay."
That evening, Jack cooked him a meal as promised, a steak with all the trimmings and all the things he loved. The kitchen was filled with candles and wine, and Ennis was blown away by the romance of it all. Maybe Jack had had a point when he'd said that as their time together grew, so would his aptitude with romance. He sure hoped that was the case; he wanted to show Jack all of those things, all of the feelings he had inside him.
That night, after making out on the sofa for a while, they went upstairs, hand in hand. Jack had retrieved a length of rope from the barn and put it on his nightstand earlier while dinner was cooking. They went into their room and Jack shut the door behind them.
"Now listen," he said to Ennis, putting his hands on his shoulders. "If it's too weird for ya, just say so an' we can stop. No harm done an' I won't hold it against ya, okay? I bet that not everybody's cut out fer this. It's alright."
Ennis nodded. "Thanks, darlin', but...I think I'll be okay. C'mon, let's get on the bed."
Jack kissed him and they climbed onto the bed, shuffling up into position. They kissed again and removed their clothes, throwing them to the floor and letting their limbs tangle together.
Eventually, they broke away. "Where's the rope?" Ennis whispered. Jack stretched an arm to his nightstand and handed it over to him. Their eyes met in the semi-darkness.
Jack shifted himself up a little and put his hands together, nodding at Ennis. "Go on, it's okay." Ennis swallowed and tied his hands together, mindful not to tie the knot too tight so he wouldn't hurt him.
"Okay, tie the other end to the bars," Jack instructed, nodding up at the bars above his head. Ennis did so and Jack was soon unable to escape, a thought that excited him.
Ennis straddled Jack and prepared himself with the lube, his eyes never leaving Jack's. "You ready, darlin'?"
Jack's blue eyes were dark with desire. "You bet I am. C'mon, cowboy." He spread his legs as much as he could and he watched Ennis's face take on a look of pure lust. He kissed Jack deeply and spread his legs a little wider. He lay down over Jack and slid himself into him, watching his eyes close with pleasure.
"Oh God...Ennis..."
Ennis kissed at his face and held him in his arms as he began to thrust into him slowly, braced on his knees and holding Jack's body close to his. Jack moaned into his mouth and let Ennis's tongue penetrate his mouth, saliva mixing together. Ennis's hands wandered up Jack's arms to cover his hands, fingers lacing a little as they moved together, making the bed squeak and groan underneath them.
"Fuck, Jack...I love you..." He started to bite softly at Jack's neck, making him moan again. Jack trembled underneath him and bucked on the bed.
"Ennis...give me a hickey...let 'em all know I'm yours..." he groaned, making Ennis grin into his neck.
"I love you, Jack...don't wanna brand ya..." That was a main concern of his; that Jack thought of him as the possessive type who would brand him as his, but he didn't know that Jack didn't think that of him at all.
"It's okay, Ennis. I'm yours an' that's okay. All I need is you," he whispered, kissing at Ennis's face. Ennis buried his face in Jack's neck and sped up, thrusting quicker and quicker until he eventually reached the edge, slipping over it and spilling into Jack, shaking and trembling on top of him as he rode it out. Jack wasn't far behind, letting loose between their bodies and gasping out for breath, staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes as he tried to clear his vision.
"Damn, Ennis. That was..."
Ennis rose up and looked down at him. "Was real good," he finished for him, nuzzling their noses together in the way that Jack did sometimes.
Jack strained against the rope. "Could ya untie me? My arms are achin'."
"Sure..." Ennis undid the rope from the bars and then undid Jack's hands, throwing the rope aside. Jack wrapped his arms around Ennis's back and kissed him enthusiastically, pushing his tongue into his mouth and encouraging him closer.
"Mmm...Ennis..." They held each other close again and relished the feeling of being here with each other, where they belonged. Both of them had grown up feeling that they didn't belong anywhere, but that was over now. They had found a home and they knew that their relationship would go from strength to strength. This was just the first of many Valentine's Days that they would be spending together.
After a while, Jack started stroking Ennis's damp curls. "You have a good day, Ennis?"
Ennis rubbed his arm. "Yeah, bud. Best I've ever had. You were right; we shouldn't have been workin' today. We should celebrate, like we did. I really enjoyed today, darlin'."
"I know ya did. Could see it in yer eyes. Trust me, Ennis, yer gonna enjoy this day from now on. We both are. All that stuff from before is in the past now. Our fathers can't hurt us no more, not now we're together. Alright?"
Ennis nodded, moving closer to Jack. "Alright, Jack." He then sighed. "Thanks, bud."
Jack kissed his hair and ran his hand through the curls again. "Yer welcome. Happy Valentine's, Ennis."
"You too, Jack." They shuffled down the bed and settled down together, holding each other and losing themselves to the arms of sleep, safe with each other.