*Edited on 1/27/14*
The mind-numbing chatter of hundreds of teens fills my ears as I swirl my straw around my drink. I swing my legs looking out over the crowd in search of an ebony haired boy. Lunch, the only time I ever got to see him anymore, was almost over and he still hadn't shown up. I sigh, giving up my search, and lay back on the top of the table. I look up at the unusually bright Gotham sky and close my eyes, the bright rays of the afternoon sun bleeding through my lids.
"These tables are filthy." I feel his breath against my ear before my mind even processes the words. I snap my eyes open to see Dick, clean-cut as always, standing before me with an impish smirk. "Just letting you know. For safety reasons," he continues, hopping up onto the table. I sit up completely as he pulls a pear from the depths of his black leather bag. He takes a large bite from the green fruit then reaches over for my cup, completely ignoring the straw, and drinking from the side. He hands me the cup and continues eating his fruit. I look down at the Styrofoam in my hands, grimacing at the teeth marks embedded in the side, before setting it beside me on the table.
"So…" I begin, noticing his eyes slide over to me, "why are you so late?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" He gives me a toothless smirk, and I respond with an icy glare.
"You are such an a-"before I can finish, his hand is over my mouth, and his face is huddled next to mine.
"Now, Arty, that is not proper language for," and his eyes dance around the courtyard,"…such an environment." He pops the 't' at the end of the word. Staring daggers at him, I pull his hand away from my mouth.
"Seriously. I finished my entire lunch." He just looks at me blankly, turning the pear and biting into the opposite side from where he started. "Alone." I emphasize, trying to get some kind of point across. He chews slowly, eyebrows furrowing together. I turn my head forward and look back out at the crowd all crammed into the courtyard. I see Dick reach out for the cup beside me. When I glace back at him, his head is tilted back, long neck exposed, as he downs the rest of the cups contents. He sets the empty Styrofoam onto the bench of the table, beside my leg, and then throws the core of the pear into it.
He finally turns his attention back to me, cobalt eyes staring intently down at me. "So, there is this guy, who may or may not be subbing for a certain Calc teacher, and I may or may not have insulted his authority." His face is serious until a grin slowly cracks across it, inevitably causing me to laugh, a wide smile spreading across my face as well.
"You didn't!" I huff out between laughs. He shakes his head, laughing himself.
"Cross my heart. He chewed me out for over half an hour after class." He runs a hand over his gelled hair, a habit he has had for as long as I've known him. Once our laughter dies out, a somewhat uncomfortable silence falls over us. Dick starts kicking at the cup by our feet, watching the remains of his pear roll around inside as he swivels the cup on its round bottom.
I had met Dick on my first day at Gotham Academy over two years ago. He was a bubbly freshman, who had not only skipped an entire grade of school, but was placed in an advanced math two years ahead of the rest of his age group. I couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for him, having to be a thirteen-year-old boy surrounded by a mass of people all looking down at him. Probably as hard as it was to be the new girl halfway through the school year, clad in a used uniform, one size two big. The two of us could relate with each other from the start.
After our strange first meeting, in which he appeared out of nowhere and captured a picture of us, his arm thrown around my shoulder as though we were long time pals, I found that Dick Grayson, ward of the Bruce Wayne, had actually taken a liking to me. He had begged me to sit by him during every period we shared, and had even taken a hold of my phone, sending himself a message with it so he could have my number and I would, in turn, have his.
He told me, sometime after we had inevitably befriended each other, why he had taken a picture with me that day. When I asked him before, he had never given a better explanation than that I seemed like an interesting person. But as he finally explained it, telling me that I had looked so lost, I couldn't believe how much he could see from just one look at complete stranger. That was quite the turning point for me.
After that, I began to notice everything that was Dick Grayson. He wasn't just this insanely smart kid with a killer sense of humor. He was so much more. He was insightful, deep and caring, not to mention, very easy on the eyes. What had started out as one of the best friendships I had ever had, turned into a mess of feelings I hardly understood. And he wasn't helping any.
Dick is one of those people who have no boundaries. He is a constant flirt who has zero problems with sharing food, drinks, or personal space. When we take long walks around the city, he isn't afraid to grab my hand and tug me along excitedly. And when we watch movies at my house, late at night, he sees no reason to get another blanket, and so we cuddle up beneath a twin sized comforter.
It took a while for me to admit to myself that I had feelings for him, and once I did, it was the only thing ever on my mind. I began to act completely out of character around him, which he noticed almost immediately, asking me what was wrong. I wrote it off as nothing, blushing furiously, and he just nodded, going along with it. I have never been the type of person to keep my thoughts to myself, least of all with Dick. And I certainly wasn't the kind of person who missed a huge opportunity because they were too scared to do anything about it. So I pulled him aside one day and told him how I felt, not caring that my rash decision could ruin our friendship.
I will never forget the look in his eyes. Dick was not an open book. If he didn't want you to know something, you would never know it. But when he looked down into my eyes, for the first time he didn't have a wall up. It was raw emotion, boiling beneath the surface of his icy-blue eyes, and it had caused my already rapidly beating heart to thunder out in my chest. He looked down, fiddling with his bag, and mumbled something before tumbling off down the hall.
He waited until the end of the day to tell me. We sat in the courtyard, textbooks open on the table in front of us. We had made some sort of unspoken agreement to not bring the incident up throughout the day, but sitting at the table, with students wandering all around us, he turned to me and whispered sorry. I gave him an empty smile, and he explained why we wouldn't work. I nodded along, as if I understood, and we managed to sort everything out, agreeing to pretend that it never happened.
Now, sitting in awkward silence, it is all too obvious that were are not as comfortable in each other's presence. Not like we used to be. I feel a pinch on my arm and look over to see Dick hopping off the table. I glance around the courtyard, noticing everyone shuffle away to class.
"Where'd you go?" He asks me with a smirk, tapping his finger against my temple.
"To Wonderland," I mumble out, sliding off the table and pulling my bag on. He snickers, and starts heading out of the courtyard. I follow on his heels, and we head down the hall to my next class.
"Have fun." He gives me a toothy grin, before walking down the hall to his own class. I watch his retreating form, before pulling open the door and ducking into the room.
I have never gotten over the rush of Zeta Tube travel. To have my molecules bend and warp into a blur of light, my surroundings changing shape as I am shot across the country in a matter of seconds, all thanks to the magic that is science. It's wild, and somewhat invigorating. I make a mental note to ask Wally to explain the mechanics, again.
I wander into the mountains kitchen, noticing that the oven is off. M'gann must be busy. I open the fridge and pull out a bottle of water. The cave is unnaturally quiet. I uncap the bottle and take a small sip as I look over the island at the deserted living room. I twist the cap back on and grab an orange from the bowl on the counter. I walk slowly down the hall towards the media room, bottle tucked beneath my arm as I rip at the rind of the orange. Up ahead, light streams out of the room, and a sudden yell of excitement belts out, echoing down the empty hall. When I get to the doorway I glance in the room, shaking my head at the sight.
Wally sits only feet from the large screen in one of the many beanbag chairs scattered around the room. His tongue is poking out from the corner of his mouth, and his thumbs are a blur against the controller he has clutched in his hands. Robin is perched on the couch, staring intently at the screen, thumbs also moving rapidly against his own controller. Aqualad sits on the other end of the couch, legs crossed, paging through a tablet, seemingly unaware of the battle going on around him.
I continue to peel my orange, leaning against the doorway, staring blankly at the screen, a ghost of a smile spread across my lips at the familiarity felt from this. Suddenly, Wally's' obnoxious laughter is filling the room, and I snap my gaze down to see him throwing his arms up into the air.
"Ha, I bopped your block off!"
My eyes trail over to Robin, who is setting the remote down on the couch, a solemn expression set on his face. "It was a lucky shot. I'll give you that." He says calmly, giving Wally a cheeky smirk as he stretches his arms out behind his back. Wally starts shouting back in protest, turning around on the beanbag to face the couch.
"Artemis." Hearing my name snaps me out of my daze, and my eyes zip to Aqualad. He is looking up from his tablet at me with a soft smile. I return it, before looking back at Robin, now facing my direction with a blank face.
"Art! When'd you get here?" Wally shouts from his position on the floor as I walk into the room.
"Couple minutes ago." I reply as I walk over to the trash bin and discard the peel from the orange. I rip the juicy fruit in half, before bringing it to my mouth and ripping off a section. The bittersweet fluid coats my mouth as I bite into the slice.
"Just in time for round two," Robin says with a smirk, holding up the controller. I roll my eyes and walk over to the couch plopping down between him and Aqualad. The two start up another match, focus returned to the game, as Aqualad puts down his tablet and looks over to me.
"How are you doing?"
"Fine." I cringe when I hear how hollow it sounds. "Just you know, fine" I say softer, looking up into his eyes, smiling slightly. He nods his head, giving me a look of understanding, before he pulls up his tablet again and continues reading. I bite off another section of the orange and chew slowly. Wally and Robin's antics start up again, but it falls into muted background noise.
"Where's everyone else?" I ask Kaldur, breaking the calm silence that had settled between us.
"Mmm," he swipes at the pad in his hands, "Conner is out with people from school. I have not heard from M'gann today."
"She hasn't been in at all?" It was strange for the Martian to not check in at the Mountain. Aqualad shakes his head, looking up at me.
"I do not believe so." I only nod, taking a bite from the orange in my hand.
We continue to exchange idle conversation, nothing very deep – or very important, for that matter – but it's pleasant. Its times like this, relaxing with the team, where I actually manage to feel something other than hopeless. I'm in no way okay, not like I used to be, but I'm content. And it's better than feeling empty. There were times where, even being surrounded by everyone, I still felt utterly alone. I haven't felt that lost for some time now, which I'm so grateful for. I know I could never come out of such a dark place without this team.
After an hour – a very long hour – the two call a truce, and the video game is shut off. We all shuffle out of the room and head for the kitchen. Wally complains about the lack of food, asking where M'gann is. Aqualad replies, before pulling a frozen pizza out from the freezer and telling Wally to cook for himself. Robin, who had immediately made a beeline for the refrigerator, grabs a pudding cup and wanders to the living room, sitting on the couch. After deciding to not have any food, I follow him and sit down. I glance over to see him lick out a large glob of the chocolate pudding. I snicker at him, shaking my head. He looks over at me, pulling the cup away from his face.
"What?" he asks. His tongue darts out and licks at the corner of his mouth.
"It's just funny that a kid with a utility belt never uses utensils." He ponders this for a moment, twirling the cup around in his hands, and then shrugs.
"They'd just get in the way." He brings the cup back up to his lips and licks out another glob. I roll my eyes at him. He just smiles and glances around the room before locating the remote, which he reaches over and grabs from its place on the chair. He silently holds it out for me, his eyebrow arching out from his sunglasses. I slowly reach out to take the remote from him and our fingers brush as I pull it from his palm.
I turn the TV on and flip through the channels until I find the local news. A weather man stands in front of a group of temperatures, remarking that the sky is clear and that it is a perfect night for the beach. I quietly snort at how the night anchors converse with each other unprofessionally while on camera. Robin, who had been eerily silent for way too long, chuckles, causing me to look over at him. He is turned toward me, his empty pudding cup sitting on the arm of the sofa, forgotten. I quickly glance back to the TV, suddenly feeling nervous being alone around him.
I feel the couch shift, and know without looking that he has slid over, invading my space. I clench my jaw and tense my shoulders, but this reaction to his proximity doesn't seem to faze him and he slowly reaches his hand out to my leg. He trails his finger around my knee, making lazy circles up my thigh. My breath shudders from my slightly parted lips.
"R-Ro-" his name fumbles around in my mouth, but refuses to come out coherently. I feel the heat from his leg as it presses firmly against mine. His finger continues tracing patterns across my thigh.
This thing he does – and I'm really not sure what to call it – never fails to turn me into a bumbling idiot. It has become something of a routine with him, one that sprang up from nowhere. And it isn't flirting, not really. I know flirting, having been on the receiving end of it many times, namely Wally. When he does it, touches me, he is always serious. And he will never do it in front of others, only when we have a rare private moment. I glance over to the two guys in the kitchen, only feet away from us. I guess private enough is okay for him.
And of course I can never tell him to stop. I had tried once, but the words died in my throat. Some part of me must like this, this thing that only I am privileged to. Robin never does this to M'gann, and he certainly never did it to Zatanna.
My face lights on fire when his other hands starts stroking my back, my shirt rumpling up and down with his hand. The reporter on the TV laughs about something, her sugary-sweet voice the only sound filling the silence between us. I blink rapidly, my eyes looking up at his face, mere inches from mine. His hand has stilled on my thigh, his palm pressed flat above my knee. I clench and unclench my fingers before reaching for his hand, wrapping my fingers firmly around it.
"Pizza's done!" Wally shouts out from the kitchen, breaking the moment between us. Robin pulls his hands away and stands up. I turn my head to the kitchen and catch Aqualad's silver gaze, a strange glint in his eyes. Robin wanders from the living room over to Wally, taking the pizza cutter from his hands. Aquald's eyes don't leave me as I slowly stand and announce that I'm heading to bed.
"You don't want any?" Robin asks, holding a fresh slice up, the cheese hanging in stringy tendrils. Next to him, Wally finishes his first slice and begins pulling a second from the pizza.
"Nah. Not hungry." I mumble, turning my head away from them as I feel my cheeks redden. I am hungry, but I don't think any food would stay down in my turning stomach. I wander down the hall leading to our rooms as the guys all say goodnight, Aqualad's look burned into my mind. What exactly had he seen happen?
I never saw this thing between me and Robin as anything more than innocent touching, but after receiving a look like that from an outside witness, maybe I had a clouded judgment on the whole interaction. It would explain why I've never told him to stop. Why I sometimes unconsciously crave a moment alone with Robin, in hopes that he may do it again. Because it's nice, having someone care for you. And I don't know if Robin cares about me in any special way – my feelings for him are as platonic as always – but maybe that's what this is all about. That he cares about me. And I kind of like it, because it's not often that I feel cared for. I just can't stop wishing that it was someone else.
Okay so I know I haven't done anything with this story for a long time, but every time I tried to write a new chapter, I couldn't get over at how poorly written the first ones are. So I've been working on them and I am much happier with them. So hopefully I can start writing more for this story soon, once I update the rest of the chapters. Sorry about the wait, I hope I can make it up to you amazing readers!
~Just Look Up