Lily quickly turned her back to hide the pale blush creeping up her cheeks. "Go away, Potter. I don't have the patience to talk to you right now," she shot, thankful her confident voice showed nothing was of she was really feeling inside.
James ruffled his hair, a boyish grin spread across his face. "Actually, Evans, I just wanted to ask you a question."
Lily was silent, but her head was pounding. A question? What kind of question? Oh, Merlin, no... it had better not be...
"How would you fancy going to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"
...that.
Lily felt her flush deepen considerably. She opened her mouth, then clamped it shut. She couldn't say yes; it would ruin everything she had worked so hard to maintain...
But oh, how she wanted to. There was probably nothing she wanted more than to let the word sitting on the tip of her tongue escape past her lips. She wanted to hear to ring through the air, and she wanted to feel what it was like to be held in his muscular embrace...
All she had to do was say 'Yes'. A simple, three-letter word that could change her whole life for the better.
But Lily always refused. She would force a cold smirk and reply with a witty remark, saying she could hate nobody more than James Potter.
Those cold, empty words that were Lily's biggest lie...
She'd always been good at make believing as a child, and she was even better as a teen. She hid behind her pretend realities; they were her Phantom's mask, her Faerie glamour, her Invisibility Cloak.
The truth was that James had total command of her feelings and heart; and it terrified Lily.
She was always--always--the one in control. Period.
But one look at James made her melt. He made her feel defenseless and weak, like a child all over again.
He had an incredible effect on her: the way he could make her heart rate increase and her legs turn to jelly... the way she had dreams about him at night... it scared her senseless.
That was why she pretended she hated James Potter.
And that was why she never let herself say yes.
Lily blinked and cleared her throat, trying to hide the tears from her voice. "Of course not, James. How many times must I tell you that?"
She didn't have to turn around to see James' crushed expression, and then his heavy-hearted walk as he turned away; it was vivid enough in her minds eye. She'd seen it too many times to ever be able to forget it.
A tear made it's way to the bridge of her nose unbidden. She shook her head and wiped the backside of her hand across her cheek, a wry smile flitting across her lips.
Don't give up on me, James Potter. One day I may have to say yes.