To the end

They'll be leaving soon. They will ride through the prairies to Gondor, to battle.

And I, should I stay here waiting for they return, crying my eyes out like any other woman?

I shake my head, I clench my fist. No. No, I can't allow it.

I haven't forgotten the anguish I felt into the Glittering Caves, nor the impotent rage…the humiliation.

I'm a soldier too, but I had to hide.

I'm a soldier, but they won't let me fight.

I see my face mirrored in a helmet. I had been told I'm beautiful…And yet sometimes I hate my face. Because it's the face of a woman.

Sometimes I wish I was born male: things would have been so much easier.

I close my eyes.

I remember the whispers of the women who took care of me when I was a child, after my mother's death…I remember their words, theirs and my brother, my cousin, my uncle, everyone else's words. Wrong, the one I heard more often.

"There's something wrong in this girl, who prefers rough games to dolls."

Yes, dolls…I have seen many dolls in my life, but not made of rags or carved out of wood: they were dolls made of flesh, wives of nobles and warriors. Pale, fragile…Real ladies. What I should be. But I'm not.

I am wrong. I have always been wrong.

And yet they tried to change me, oh how much they tried…But it didn't work.

I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do. Maybe they're right, maybe there's really something wrong with me.

But then why should I try to be what I am not and I'll never be?

I tried to be a lady and failed. I can't change what I am, I can't put out the fire that burns inside of me.

When that fire burns out, I will be dead.

Oh, sure, my heart will keep on beating and I'll keep on breathing…But my soul will be dead and I will be nothing but an empty shell, a rag-doll.

Maybe my soul is really wrong…But it's the only one I have.

I know, I know…I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even think of disguising myself and going with them secretly.

I'm a woman. And another duty has been entrusted to me.

But it's a duty I can't fulfill. I hear the call of the battle and my blood boils into my veins: I can't ignore it.

I look out the window: the flag of Rohan, my flag, waves in the wind and into the morning light. I've made up my mind.

Uncle Thèoden, Èomer, forgive me…but if there's really something wrong with me like you always said, then I want to live my way to the end.

I dress quickly, I gather up my long hair. I am the Shield Maiden of Rohan. It's my duty protect my Country.

That's why today I will ride into battle next to my Lords, following my flag to the end.

Here I am, on the walls of Minas Tirith.

The sun caresses my face, the sweet breeze lightly touches my hair….I am here. I did it.

I fought in the war.

I protected my Lord.

I defeated the enemy.

I won my personal battle.

I look down into the courtyard below: Faramir, my beloved Faramir, is talking with some men, giving orders.

He raises his gaze and our eyes meet: he smiles and nods to me. I nod back and keep on watching him as he talks with the soldiers.

He's so different from the other men I know: uncle Thèoden, my brother Èomer, Aragorn…He's a special man, I have known it for some time.

He made me understand many things, he brought spring back into my heart.

Valar, I love him so. I've never felt like this before, not even when I had a crush on Aragorn.

I can hear footsteps approaching: I turn round and he's here, by my side. He smiles and I smile too. He sits down next to me, on these walls, and wraps an arm around my waist. I draw close to him and lay my head on his shoulder.

Yes, Faramir made me understand many things…First of all there's nothing wrong with me. The others were wrong, because they wanted to change me.

But he likes me as I am. And for the first time in my life I can be myself to the end.