(Edit: Okay, some of the readers are getting fucked up about how my story plot is the same as Fallacy's story, 'Take it or Leave it'. First of all, when I created this story, I had not read Fallacy's story, but I got this idea from a friend of mine at school. And when my first complaint came, I realize what had happened and quickly sent Fallacy a message saying that this was a problem. She agreed for me to do this story as long as I don't copy her, which I didn't. The only similar thing about this story and her's is that the Akatsuki transform into cats. That's the only similarity. Besides, there are many stories like this in Fanfiction, so why flame mine?)
Minna-san! Welcome to me SECOND story on Fanfiction! This story will be a humor/romance/general fic about the Akatuski (lol, Acatsuki) moving into Sakura's home as the lovable kitties and have to try to stay in kitty form. However, Sakura later finds out that they're erm...killer Akatsuki so what will happen? Can Sakura keep quiet about this? Will the Akatsuki try to pull something? READ TO FIND OUT!
Sakura: Just get on with it you stupid, lazy author!
Me: Oh ya? Just for that, I'm going to make you have sex with Kisame!
Sakura: Stutters. You wouldn't!
Me: Oh, I will...(Laughs Maniacally)
Kisame: I'm fine with that. (Smirks)
Sakura: Damn you fish breath! (Punches stomach)
(Kisame crashes through five house and dropped down with a thud)
Diedara: I give that a 10, yeah! It was beautiful art because art is a BANG, un.
Sasori: I give that a 1.5...art lasts forever. Kisame is lifeless therefore he is not art.
Diedara: Art is a BANG! (Throws a chunk of clay at Sasori) Katsu! (BOOM!)
(Sasori stumbles to his feet and gives Diedara the most evil glare you can possibly imagine.)
Diedara:...(SHRIEK!) DANNA!!!!! (Sasori chases after his idiot partner with his puppet.)
Me: Erm...(Turns to face audience.) Well, on with the story!
(In background, Sasori stomps on Deidara's girly head and is cheered on by his fellow Akatsuki-mates beside the unconscious Kisame)
Diedara: You're so MEAN Danna, yeah!
In the Akatsuki Headquarters
Rain splattered on the stony roof top of the Akatsuki Headquarters. Below, you could just make out the ten rainbow like shadows standing perfectly on ten jagged, long rocks. A figure with eyes the color of steel rings stood beside a blue-haired woman who started to speak.
"Akatsuki. We will begin… Now" Piercing Rinnegan eyed the ten shadowy members fiercely. Said shadowy members stopped mumbling amongst themselves. Deidara was stabbed with a kunai to shut him up though a muttered ouch was heard and a muffled threat.
"You might be wondering why we are meeting. During and after your missions, I have noticed that our group is having some…shall we say "issues" playing nice with others, as well as amongst ourselves."
The Leader turned towards the different shadows, from left to right. "This is completely unacceptable and will be attended to immediatly." He rebuked.
The shadowy figures trembled, Leader sama's anger was a fierce thing to be reckoned with. He was apparently in one of his 'fixing' moods again. Every now and then, Pein decided to take a particular interest in helping them all improve themselves within Akatsuki. He liked to call them growing points to expand their world domination organization. There was no living with him when he got into such moods. They all shared a collectively thought groan, for to do so aloud would be tantamount to death.
"Itachi. You thought you could hide it from me but I am well aware of your deteriorating eyesight. You will correct this problem immediately by finding yourself an experienced medical ninja, or you might find your usefulness to Akatsuki start to fade." In reply, Itachi, the long-haired shadow 'hned' irritated.
"Kisame. You will learn to control your temper. Prospective buyers of our services look for excellence and I will demand nothing less but complete professionalism. Particularly towards your team-mate, Tobi-san. Beating him and leaving him in a trash bag is simply and completely unacceptable! If this situation is not rectified immediatly, well, let's just say it won't end in your favour." Kisame, the shark-looking shadow with hair that resembled an Icha Icha lover, grunted and looked at the small boy with a swirl of a mask with glaring eyes. "Tattle tale" He snarled. Tobi meeped sheepishly.
"Deidara." He turned to face the blonde-haired clay master. Deidara gulped. It was rare that Leader-sama focused so much on one person. Shit.
"When exactly was the last time you had a mental examination?" Pein's voice grew colder, harsher as he fixed his direct stare onto the art freak.
Kisame snickered and Deidara trembled. "Er, ah-"
"That was a rhetorical question!" Pein snapped, silencing the stuttering blonde who meeped.
"Get over your stupidity and initiate some sort of common sense or I will initiate mine and remove you permanently from Akatsuki! And you will stop using your clay bombs whilst in Akatsuki headquarters, particularly when I'm in the bathroom!" Pein said fiercely.
Deidara couldn't help but snicker. That incident was completely and entirely worth it. This however earned him a smack in the head by his oh-so-lovable and caring Master and partner, Sasori.
"Idiot." Sasori muttered, eying Leader-sama and glaring at his partner.
"Ouch! Danna, un!" His eyes filled with tears and he fought back a sniffle "I-I thought you cared about me, yeah...Maybe even lov—OUCH, un!" Deidara got another smack in the head.
"Wouldn't that be like…pedophilia?" Kisame muttered.
"Kisame, do not pretend that you know the meaning of such large vocabularly words." Itachi said icily, silencing the shark man.
A silver haired man whispered to the person on his right, "I agree. That guy is fucking gay." The man that received the message chuckled darkly.
Sasori didn't miss that and with a flick of his fingers and some ninja wire he launched one of his creepy puppets flying towards the silver-haired man with the colorful vocabulary.
"You will desist in making such homosexual accusations or I will remove the rest of your appendages for you, and even Kakuzu won't be able to sew them back once I'm done!" Sasori snarled.
"I'm not gay!" Deidara whinned though no one particularly cared.
"Shit." Hidan said, lashing his scythe out to try and cut the wire. He missed and just as the puppet landed a hit towards the slow reacting member, Leader sama interrupted.
"QUIET!" Leader-sama's voice resounded off the rocks, echoing inside of their souls, quaking, as well as their ears.
Sasori released the wires, his puppet going limp, and he pulled the puppet back towards him with a single burst of chakra. Hidan flipped him off, pulling the skin off his eye as he did so. Meanwhile Kakuzu was placing bets with Tobi and Kisame on who would win the fight.
"Damn." Kakuzu breathed as he saw his frugal money-making schemes fail with Leader-sama's interference.
Taking a deep breath, Pein reminded himself that he had started this elite classed organization of S-class criminals and that killing them would defeat the purpose of having such an organization, even if they were all idiots, he continued with their previous talk. "Sasori. This brings me to a very valid point. The way you treat others in this organization doesn't merely reflect on you but it reflects on me. I will not tolerate failure on your part or my own. Therefore you will work on your attitude or I will interfere."
Sasori flinched. "Deidara is your partner. He is an equal- Er- Actually, scratch that. He's an idiot." Diedara hmped. "But try to erm...appreciate his stupidity."
All the Akatsuki members smirked at the insult but Deidara obviously didn't get it. He assumed that Leader was praising him and defending him from his Danna.
"Pein-sama, yeah! I love you! Now and forever, yeah! Thank you for taking my side, un!" The laughter in the room got louder. What Deidara failed to notice however were how many blood vessels were blaring on Pein's forehead. Konan growled.
"Deidara..." Pein's side of the room filled with dark, deathly aura. "OUT!" With that, Deidara promptly flew out of the room through the window no less. If it had simply been the window he might have laughed it off but when he fell plummeting onto the sharp rocks beneath the window of their tower and onto the protruding glass that had followed him on his way down, Deidara was somewhat less than amused and laughing as he would be if he had only been thrown violently out the window.
The shadowy Akatsuki members 'ooed' at the scene. They heard a scream, then followed by 'yeah'. Then another scream. Well that was that. They turned back to Leader sama like nothing important had happened, because in all honesty it hadn't. Deidara being an idiot was a completely normal occurance.
"So you were saying Pein-sama?" Itachi questioned.
"Ah yes. Zetsu. I heard a lot of complaints from Deidara that you tried to...eat him...when he was sleeping. Is this true?"
The black and white figure with the large venus fly-trap thing smirked then said, "Yes." Then added, by his darker side, "Women taste better than men."
"I heard that, yeah!" Deidara shrieked from outside.
"So he's not dead yet? Damn! Ugh, and I was planning on taking his piggy bank and selling his clothes!" The stitched figure groaned.
"I heard that too, yeah!" Again the idiot shrieked.
Kakuzu snickered and yelled, "You were suppose to, woman!" Deidara's anime-tears could be heard. "You're just too cruel, yeah!"
"ENOUGH! If this keeps up, I'll never get to the point of this useless meeting!" Pein snapped. There were murmurs of un-satisfaction.
"And we all will be late for our 7:00 manicures!" Pein added in a slightly mollified undertone. Oddly it worked.
Gasps could be heard through the headquarters. Tragedy would strike should they miss their fated weekly appointment. Evil S-class organizations hell bent on world domination always had some idiosyncracies after all. And really with all of the evil work they did, the long hours of destruction, assassination and general malevolence they put in, they deserved their weekly manicures. Nice nails were simply too important to cut from the budget. A poor fool had tried to comment on the nature of their finely manicured fingernail polish. By the time Akatsuki was through, the man and his entire family had simply vanished. And not just physically. There was simply no trace left of them ever having existed. His body was too mangled and burned to really distinguish all that well and he lacked bones, teeth and identifying features for the medics to identify.
The figures looked at their own nails and saw that they really needed a manicure. A good manicure. The last manicurist was simply so terrified of all of them (it must have been the cloaks, people were always scared of criminal organizations in uniform) that she missed the nail almost completely and had painted on their skin. She was shaking so much that when she tried to trim their nails, she accidently cut off some of their skin. As a result, Pein ordered Zetsu to eat her. But Zetsu ate her with the nail polish bottle open. Though Zetsu had eaten stranger things by far, nail polish just didn't set with him right, and so 5 hours later he got them back. But it wasn't a very good way to get somthing back. And it was painful to look at. But Zetsu learned a very powerful and important lesson that day. Let's just say Zetsu will always examine his food before he eats.
"Anyways, returning to the subject at hand." Pein turned towards the boy that was wearing the mask. "Tobi-san. We all know that you want to be part of the Akatsuki and we really do feel loved. Especially Deidara, he really needs to be loved."
"I thought you loved me Pein-kun, yea—!" A shadow clone that resembles Leader kicked Deidara in the...place.
Pein went on. "So we all know that you want to try to impress us Tobi-san, but you can do it without speaking in third person and say 'Tobi is a good boy' in almost every sentence. It drives me—err—us, nuts."
Tobi thought about this for a second. For a second. Then he replied, "But Tobi is a GOOD boy!"
...
.......
............
.................
Silence.
...
.....
.........
............
More silence.
...
.......
............
.................
Pein clutched his face and opened his mouth…and shrieked.
"Hey! That's my screech, yeah!" Shouted Miss Idiotic.
Tobi stared at his traumatized Leader confused. What did he say? He was a good boy. Good boys don't cause their Leaders to go into a coma.
Kisame punched Tobi in the back of the head. "Now you've done it you little idiot! We were in the middle of a meeting, what should we do now?" Kisame paused, then his face brightened up ten-fold.
"Yes! That's it! Since Pein obviously no longer has the mental capacity to lead, we can start anew!" Kisame jumped to the Leader's rock. "I declare myself to be the new Akatsuki Leader!"
Shouts of disagreement and anger and stupidity (Tobi) started to happen. Everyone started to complain, (besides Itachi, Sasori and Konan, they were muttering something about 'idiot', 'fish-breath', and 'hn'.)
Stuff started to fly at the large blue targeted 'fish-breath'. Kisame tried his best to stay on the rock, acting 'Leader-ish' as it appeared they played a more violent version of king of the hill. Hidan threw the holy Jashin bible at him, hoping it might burn the heathen, or at least explode on him or something equally fucking awesome, but it only succeded in earning a large bruise and a yelp of pain. Cursing, he stabbed himself on the blunt end of his scythe inflicting himself for his stupidity. He had forgotten to offer his prayers to Jashin this morning and obviously needed more time in worship.
Zetsu threw his left over nail polish he still kept on him from the rather embarrassing eating fiasco with the manicurist. Kisame ducked, mortified that Zetsu would treat any sort of nail polish; even one as mortifyingly unusable as the current state of the bottle, on him in such a manner.
Kakuzu feeling left out, was about to throw the only worthwhile thing he had on him, which was his wallet but then he remembered he was a prudent penny pinching tightwad. He only had exactly 24 dollars and 32 cents on him. The change which would be justifiably sacrifice-able as Kakuzu had a strange dislike for dimes, but it would do minimal damage to the shark faced idiot. So he was content to recount his savings while muttering of his future glory, which was to but himself that pretty-ful dress he always wanted.. Sasori just sat there. Itachi did the same. Konan sighed. Tobi on the other hand was cheering like mad for the people who were throwing stuff at Kisame.
This continued on for quite a while whilst Pein was still in his coma-like trance. After 2 hours, the fighting got intense. Sasori, Itachi and Konan joined in. Everybody was fighting over the spot of Leader of Akatsuki. Kunai and random miscellaneous teddy bears were flying everywhere and it was clear that they were probably going to miss their manicure, leaving everyone tense and 'Mr. Grumpy Pants'.
Deidara had finally managed to limp himself back into the Headquarters only to find his favorite bunny boxers thrown in his face. He scowled angrily and decided to place a bomb on the underwear, launching them forward. Unfortunately, (as fortune usually never favored the blonde haired artist) the underwear did not fly far enough from his feminine face.
"KATSU! Yeah."
To make a short story even shorter, Deidara was lying lifeless on the ground, but it was no matter because his corpse was soon picked up and was used as ammo to be thrown at the other Akatsuki.
Tobi, however, was in a corner watching the scene. He would 'ooh' and 'aah' whenever someone blew up or got a hit in the 'specified area'. Not the good area. And when a candle got thrown at someone, he would clap and cheer, "Pretty colors..."
Realizing that the Leader-sama shadow they all thought was Leader-sama was simply a clone, Tobi started to get bored with their fighting. Tobi was a good boy, so he would go look for Leader-sama so they could finish their impromptu meeting. It was little wonder why the Akatsuki didn't meet very often. Not only were their meetings completely ineffective but they always ended in random amounts of violence and some rather mean name calling. He pounced up on his two left feet and started to prance around the lair in search for something pretty to throw. He stopped prancing in front of Leader-sama's door. On the door, it had a note:
Off-limits to anyone other than me, Leader-sama and Konan-san.
Do not enter.
Explosives and harmful equipment inside.
Again, do NOT enter.
That means you Tobi-san.
-Leader-sama
Unfortunately for Leader-sama ,Tobi didn't exactly know how to read properly so he read this:
Off-limits to only me, Leader-sama.
Please enter.
Chocolate cake and icecream inside.
Again, please enter.
That means you Tobi-san.
-Leader-sama
Tobi brightened up at how inviting his Leader was so he swung open the door and skipped in.
Inside the room, it was very dark. There was only one candle lighting up the dull room beside a work desk. Considering that Tobi was a curious nutshell, he hopped over to the desk and examined the things on it.
There was a few potion bottles, a basket of herbs, a few writing utensils, and a note with another potion bottle tied together. And this note read:
Plan B: Funding Operations Emergency: Akatsuki procedures on conflict management
Project Kittens
In case of financial problems, pour elixer on Akatsuki.
Sell them to someone.
Earn money from their cuteness.
Spend money on origami paper for Konan.
Start another Akatsuki.
Repeat cycle until completed. (See also: Laundry instructions)
Again, Tobi had a tendency to "interpret" things that weren't precisely there. He thought it read:
Plan B: FundingOperations Emergency: Akatsuki Procedures on conflict management:
In case of traumatizing fighting problems, pour said kitten liquid on Akatsuki.
Give them to someone.
Earn good boyness points
Get a spot on Akatsuki permanently.
Pour on other people.
Repeat cycle until completed (This is good for laundry. Tobi is good at laundry)
Tobi gleamed at the thought of earning more good boyness points. He without a second thought, snatched the bottle and ran back to the fighting Akatsuki.
When he got back, he ran towards them and shouted, "You guys! Tobi found a potion that will stop your fighting and get Tobi some more good boyness points!" The fighting paused, they stared at the lunatic, blinking every few seconds or so.
Kisame had the nerve and the stupidity to ask, "What will that do?"
Tobi brightened up and gave a big grin. "Tobi doesn't know, but Tobi found it in Leader-sama's room! It was—" Tobi tripped. He immediatly bounced back up. "—a potion and it said to bring good boyness to us all!" With that, he resumed his running towards them and prepared to dump the whole thing on the Akatsuki.
The Akatsuki was still clueless but a second later, it hit them. Hidan shouted in warning, "Tobi you fucking crazy swirly faced fucktard! Stop! In the fucking name of Jashin-sama, STOP!"
But the curse of the mighty Jashin sama was not enough, It was too late. Alas, Tobi had tripped on his on feet again, the bottles flying out of his hands with ninja like skill. In an odd stroke of luck, perhaps fate or an authors cleverly inserted plot line to turn the Akatsuki into adorable kittens and save leader sama some money, every bit of the potion went flying, droplets landing on them including Leader, who apparently wasn't a shadow clone as Tobi had originally thought, Deidara and himself. With a poof, 10 different kittens appeared. Haha...
Yay! And it is complete! Thanks for the votes! I'm sorry that this chapter didn't have any SakuxAka but this is just the beginning! Next chapter will be about it. What will happen when Sakura realise that they were Akatsuki? Tune in to find out!
P.S. What are the main pairings you would like?
Ja ne!