You can call it mob mentality...
Or you can call it falling under pressure...
But when people put you up to do things...
You'll do and say things you don't mean
...
"I said sorry, didn't I?" She looked at him with earnest, and swallowed hard, and then she turned her attention back to the tile she was staring at before. "Look at me" she looked back up at him, surprised at the tone he used with her. He then proceeded to repeat his reprimanding question from before. "I said sorry, didn't I?" She throat ran dry, unsure of what to say. She just stared. "I said sorry, for something I didn't do, what else do you want me to say? Tell me..." She turned her body slightly, preparing for an escape, "Look. This thing, that's going on between us, it just... It just isn't working, okay? I only said that so I could end this...Whatever you call this thing between us is. I just can't" He looked at her, eyes boring into her skull, as if he was trying to read her mind. "And why isn't this working?" She looked at him, trying hard to think of something to say.
And she turned around, and boldly said "Because...because I don't need this. I... I don't need you."
...
It was meant to be a joke
You never meant to fall
But you did...
And now, you've fallen way too deep
...
They were seated in a circle, gathered around the table, playing an innocent game of truth or dare. A couple of insults were dished out, here and there. It was all fun and games, until they laid it all out on the table. They called it mission impossible, and this mission, was for her to seduce him.
She laughed it off, saying that she could if she wanted to. And for that, they made her pay for her self-love. The game had begun, and the innocent game of truth or dare, turned around, became not so innocent after-all.
It began with a simple touch, just a graze of the hand, and then proceeded to touches, that lasted longer than they needed to. It then turned to innocent glances, and went to just a longing stare. From there it moved on to hugs, and then hugs that lasted much longer than they were supposed to be.
And at that moment, when their lips connected, she realized it was too late. She had fallen much too deep with the game. And now, she was no longer playing the game. The game was playing her.
...
All logical sense disappears after the words escape your mouth
It seemed so right at that moment
But you never had the right...
You'll never have the right...
It's much too late to take those words back...
And now, there's no turning back
...
If her throat would shrivel up and fall over, it would. Her throat got even dryer, her eyes began to sting. Her ears were in disbelief of what she just said, but she couldn't turn back. He was forbidden, and forbidden he shall remain. She took 3 steps forward, and slowed down to take a deep breath. She would be strong, and her confidence would not falter.
His voice rang like a bell as he voice broke out in barely a whisper. "Are you sure?" She had to sound strong, she had to be strong. This game would not play her, she was playing this game. She nodded, trying to convince herself, and she took another breath. Her voice came out in barely a whisper, "Yes, I'm sure..."
He was shaking his head behind her, not that she would see. But he was willing himself to not cry as well. He's never cried, and he hopes to keep it that way. "Please...just leave then, it'd be better for both of us." He should've seen it coming, it was too good to be true.
He saw her take a deep breath, as if she was trying hard not to stay. He should've seen it coming. She was just going to leave, and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. And now, he was on a mission, a mission to win her back.
...
Another game has begun,
And this one is tearing you apart.
You can't resist his eyes,
But you can't stand the pain...
You smile and pretend as if it was never there
...
It started in the classroom. He would just stare at the back of her head, and when she turned around, he would smile at her. She immediately caught on to the game. But no matter how hard she tried to resist, no matter how badly she willed herself to not fall into his gaze, she would lose.
And then, it started in the lunchroom. While taking a drink, or eating her sandwich, he'd be sitting at his table, with his friends, smirking at her.
Her friends were beginning to notice. She was beginning to act weird. Feeling fidgety everywhere she went. She knew he was watching, and she realized, that in this game, it takes two to tango, and she was not about to dance with him. She wouldn't lose to him again.
Because she would not let the game play her, for she was playing the game.
Wasn't she?
...
You wished you could keep pretending
You prayed it wouldn't still be there
There'll always be a painful reminder that it is
Whether it's a simple gaze
Or that awkward silence
It's there, and it won't go away
...
Weeks, and months went on, and that thing, slowly faded into nothing. But she knew it was there. She was surrounded with memories that reminded her of him. Whether it was spots in the school, or just things people said. She had to resist the urge to say "you know, he said that to me before, and I thought it was so romantic"
It was then that it hit her, that that thing, would never be "nothing". Because it was still there, whether it was in the back of her mind, buried in her mind, or always on her mind. He was her first "thing", and though they weren't exclusive, she'd never forget that he treated her like a princess, like a queen ...like the only girl in the world that mattered.
She tries to forget and continues to pay attention in class. Realizing she's fallen behind on the class notes, she quickly races to catch back up.
Moments passed, and she could feel his gaze on the back of her head again, burning into her skull. She would not lose. No, not this time.
And then...she turned around.
She had lost this round, and the game, was still playing her, like it always had been.
...
You wake up and stare at the mirror...
And you realize you're not happy
You were never happy until you were with him
And you haven't been since you walked out that door
You've lost at your own game
...
She was on a mission, to seek and destroy. She was dissatisfied with herself, reprimanding herself for being able to do that to him... to herself. And she was dissatisfied with herself for not realizing this earlier. Her friends hadn't realize, that this was no longer a game to her, it was becoming her life. And he...he was invading her life.
She approached him, almost as if she were a predator ready to kill its' prey, and then grabbed him by the collar, and proceeded to drag him away from his so called friends. She stopped abruptly and turned to him. Her hands were now so tightly balled up, her knuckles were turning while, and her palm was sweating excessively. Her throat ran dry once again, and she couldn't think of the words that she had formulated earlier, as she was approaching the very person before her.
She wanted to hit herself, hit herself for letting the words just fly out the window. But she then thought of a brilliant idea. No words needed to be said, just actions to be done.
She grabbed him by the collar again, this time, smashing her lips onto his.
...
You can call it mob mentality...
Or you can call it falling under pressure...
But when people put you up to do things...
You'll do and say things you don't mean
But when you find the back door out...
You'll find yourself with a second chance
...