Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. This story is just for fun, not profit.
Warning: Contains some coarse language, plus, you know, girls kissing, if you hadn't figured that out from the title. Not porn-ish at all though.
You never would have believed it had happened if you hadn't been there. Well, of course you were there; you had to be; it happened to you. But the fact that it happened to you makes it seem even less real, like maybe it was a dream. You've had dreams like that before, you think, but you can't remember. But no, it did happen.
You kissed a girl. Well, she kissed you (maybe there was a little kissing back, but you're probably just remembering wrong).
And not just any girl. A slayer. And not just any slayer. Faith. Not that Buffy would have been any less weird. Now you're thinking about kissing Buffy, how it would compare. You laugh at your audacity, even if they're just thoughts. You don't think you had thoughts like this before. Before you kissed Faith.
You've kissed a few girls before. Quite a few, actually. Usually when there were guys around. Liked to give them a show. Sometimes you'd kiss a girl who wasn't expecting it, even when there were no guys around. Liked to keep them off balance. The best were the girls who never in a million years thought they'd kiss another girl. One day, once B's gotten real comfortable around you, you plan to lay one on her. You'd love to see the look on her face. She'd probably do that disapproving pursed lips thing she does.
You never planned on kissing Willow. You didn't really think about Willow that much. Not like you think about B. Seems like all you've thought about since coming to Sunnydale has been B.
You never would have kissed Willow if B hadn't left the two of you alone. In the cemetery no less. You never know how you're going to act in the cemetery. Makes you want to separate yourself from all those corpses. Prove to them you're not like them.
You don't really like cemeteries. You never have, not even before you knew the real reason to fear them. Something about the bodies, warning you about all the ways you could end up like them.
But you had spent a lot of time in cemeteries in the past few years. They weren't so bad when Buffy was around. Not just because she could protect you, but because she made all the dangers seem more real, more mundane. If Giles could look them up and name them and send Buffy out to kill them, how scary could they be? You've always found things to be a lot less scary once you know exactly what they are.
You don't know exactly what Faith is. Sometimes you get a flash of something, and you think you have her figured out, but then it passes and she's just as indiscernible as before. It seems like there's nothing in her that's in you too. When you get those flashes, though, you think maybe there is, and somehow that's even scarier than not knowing.
You hadn't even known Willow was going to be there that night. It kind of pissed you off. She got in the way. It was impossible to really enjoy the hunt when there was this girl standing next to you, trying not to get killed. You didn't really know why B brought her, but there she was.
You think maybe B is scared to be alone with you since that whole fake watcher incident. You tell yourself it's because you kicked her ass, but you know it's because she feels sorry for you and that's a hundred times worse.
Or maybe Willow just wanted to come along because she's got nothing better to do since that whole incident with Xander, and Oz walking in and everything. You laughed when B told you and she gave you the pursed lips look. You hate that look. It seems like she only gives it to you. Or sometimes Xander. Ugh. You'd rather it was just you. You wonder if she gave the last slayer that look. You've been thinking about the last slayer a lot. You think you might have dreamed about her. You want to ask B if she had a Jamaican-type accent, but it's not like you really care. You're not big on destiny.
It never would have happened if Buffy hadn't left. But it's not like she had a choice. Dawn had followed the three of you out to the cemetery, and despite the fact that you were with two slayers, you were the first one to notice her. Buffy threw a hissy fit, her usual reaction to Dawn misbehaving, and then she said she'd better take Dawn home. Since it was late anyway, she'd just stay there, and Faith could walk you home.
You wanted to protest, but anything you'd say would sound stupid, and there was no one you wanted to look stupid in front of less than Faith. So you acquiesced, like you always did.
You and Faith walked in silence for a little while. When she was looking away you would sneak sideways glances at her. She had a different cemetery walk than Buffy. With Buffy, even when she was laughing or immersed in a story, she always had this tense look. She was prepared. Faith seemed completely and totally relaxed. She always did. Except when she was fighting of course.
After B left, you didn't say anything for a while. At first you thought Willow was ignoring you (stuck-up little bitch), but then you realized that she was staring at you. Well, not exactly staring. She would look away when she saw you looking.
You were about to say something about it; you wanted to see her blush. And maybe even stammer. You loved it when she stammered. But before you could say anything, she started babbling about the moon or the wind or something. It started out about how beautiful things were, and all of a sudden she was talking about science or some shit.
You figured you had better interrupt her before things got even duller, so you decided to tell her you knew all about her screwing around on Oz. You were right. That shut her up.
You didn't know what to say when she mentioned Oz. You'd sort of been trying to pretend the whole ordeal hadn't happened. It hadn't been that hard up to that point since Oz hadn't been at school, Cordelia was in the hospital, and Xander wanted to forget the whole thing just as much as you had. The funny thing was, now that it didn't matter anymore, you weren't even that attracted to him. Your whole life the one constant was that desire for Xander, and then you got him. And you realized that it wasn't what you wanted at all. Maybe all you wanted was to be miserable. And for everyone else to be miserable too.
And now Faith had brought it up. Of course. Faith loved to bring up the one thing you didn't want to talk about.
Suddenly you had one of the flashes. You saw her. Really saw her. And you saw that maybe she just wanted other people to be miserable too. The whole confident sex bomb thing was a mask. Didn't mean it wasn't her, just the outer layer. You know about that too. And you see that maybe you and Faith aren't all that different.
You were about to start talking again, about to congratulate her on finally realizing that all men are scum so you may as well screw them over before they can screw you, when you realized she'd stopped looking away. She was looking right at you, with this look. Like she'd just figured out the answer to some physics problem or something. Except different.
You looked away and right away you chided yourself. You didn't usually let people get to you like that, especially people like her. When you looked back, she was smiling. It pissed you off but sort of didn't.
Suddenly you realized she was talking. Looking at you, though. And not using that stammery little girl voice. Who knew she even had a grown-up voice? You weren't exactly listening to what she was saying, but you were a little. Something about how you could drop the act and how she knew what you were about. You felt like it should piss you off but it didn't really. She was trying to fit you into her limited small town view of the world and God help you, you liked it. You felt like kissing her. So you did.
You were on a roll. Really talking to Faith for the first time. And then—you weren't. Because her lips were on yours. Immediately your brain went into overdrive. You thought about why she did it, for one thing. Your first guess is that it was like that episode of 'The Simpsons' where Nelson kissed Lisa to shut her up. But then you thought that maybe she was actually into you. You dismissed that though, because Faith wasn't into anyone, especially not girls, and especially not you. Then you started wondering if you were into her. You hadn't even really decided if you liked the kiss.
Just when you were thinking that maybe you did, the moment that you had somehow crammed all those thoughts into had passed and she was moving closer. And her lips, her big, soft, girly, stubble-free lips were sort of shifting position, and her tongue was starting to brush against…and you freaked out. Because the thought had finally hit you of what exactly was happening. You were kissing someone, a female someone, in the cemetery while claiming that you wanted Oz back.
Just as things were starting to get fun, she pulled back. You knew she would eventually, you just weren't sure if you thought it'd be earlier or later. You knew she was scared and you wanted to look her in the eye to scare her even more, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it, so you sort of looked at her forehead instead.
She had moved even further away and she had started babbling again. "So, you…and I…that was.."
"Hot?" you supplied helpfully.
"…Interesting."
"But you were into it. And don't lie to me. I can tell when someone's into it. Not that anyone's ever not been," you smiled.
She was trying to get you to incriminate yourself. Not that kissing a girl was a crime. But she wanted it to be your choice and you weren't completely sure that it had been. But you'd have been lying if you claimed it didn't feel…nice. "Nice" was the nice word for it. So instead you just said "Faith, we can't."
"And why not?"
"Oz." Just the one word and you knew. You knew that you loved him and that even if deep down you just wanted everyone to be miserable, you would fight that. For him. Because it was right.
Oz. Right. The guy was a werewolf. You were willing to bet a month's rent that he had screwed around plenty of times.
"What's that little shit ever done for you? You must've fucked around on him for a reason."
"Faith, the only reason I…you know, cheated with Xander, is because of me. Because I'm weak and because I can't let go of the past, and because I was scared about Oz and me. But it's not Oz's fault. All he's ever done is love me and be good to me."
She was crying by now and you hated her for it. You could feel the hate bubbling up and spilling over and you hated everything about her. You hated that she was trying to lord her perfect boyfriend over you and you hated her pigtails (who the fuck wears pigtails at age 17?) and you hated that she couldn't say "fuck" and you hated that Buffy loved her and you hated that she made you seem like some desperate dyke whore who couldn't wait to get it on with the first chick she saw. Most of all you hated that she thought she knew you. She couldn't even begin to comprehend you.
You saw the change come over her. One second she was fun, flirty Faith, the next she looked pissed off as hell. You even took a tentative step backwards and then felt really stupid. Even if she was pissed off she'd never hurt you…right?
At that moment a vampire ran up and tackled her from behind and you're ashamed to say you were relieved. She really whaled on the vamp and by the time she was done, she looked a little mellower. After that, she walked you home in silence. You started to say something a couple of times, but thought better of it.
And now you lay here in bed. And you think about Faith. You feel sorry for her and you feel more than a little scared of her. But there's something else. And it suddenly hits you, as your brain catches up to your lips and your skin and your nervous system.
You kissed a girl.
You roll over and giggle into your pillow. You suddenly feel strangely confident that you can get Oz back. You're smart and you're strong and you're sexy.
And you kissed a girl.