Tag to 10.15, The Things They Carried

So don't give up

I'll fight for you

No, don't give up

I'll fight for you

I will save you…

A couple of hours outside of Fayetteville, Dean pulled into a motel parking lot and shut off the Impala's engine. "It's been a long ass day, Sammy. Let's get some shut eye and head home in the morning."

"Yeah, sure." Sam exited the car and retrieved their bags from the trunk. Tucked inside his own bag were two books he'd picked up at the local university's library before making his way back to the cabin where Dean and Cole had been waiting for him. Sam wasn't going to waste any opportunity. Dean may have dragged him away from the research he was doing back at the bunker but those weren't the only books in the world. Dean had resigned himself to his fate but Sam wasn't going to sit idly by and lose his brother again. If there was anything he'd learned from Dean, it was the fact that destiny can be changed. Succumbing to the Mark was not Dean's destiny and Sam was going to make sure of it.

Once inside the motel, Dean collapsed face down on the nearest bed and groaned. "God, I miss my bed." He rolled over and kicked off his boots. "Funny how we never knew what we were missing…..all those years, sleeping on crappy motel beds or the floor of abandoned buildings."

"Fun times," said Sam absently as he rummaged through his bag, pulling out his laptop, leaving the "borrowed" books where they were for the moment. He'd wait until Dean was asleep to pull those out. Dean wouldn't approve of his extracurricular studies.

"What are you doing?" asked Dean as he stifled a yawn.

"I'm too wired to sleep. I thought maybe I'd look for a new job or something."

"Or something?" Dean propped up on his elbow, giving him a suspicious glance. "As in Mark of Cain something?"

"Dean….."

"How many times do we have to go over this, Sammy? We've done the research. There's nothing." Dean sighed. "I'm going to fight it, as long as I can. Isn't that enough?"

Sam blinked back the tears in his eyes. "No, Dean, it's not enough."

Dean's eyes were full of regret. "Sammy, I'm sorry."

Sam cleared his throat and made a big production out of setting up his laptop on the room's rickety table so he could avoid his brother's gaze. "You should get some sleep."

"So should you," said Dean softly. "Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"I'm fine." Sam's jaw clenched as he lied to his brother. He'd barely been sleeping and he knew exactly how exhausted he looked because he felt it in every inch of his body.

Dean stared at him for a few seconds before falling back against the meager pillow and closing his eyes. As usual, he was asleep in minutes. Sam smiled sadly. Dean had fallen asleep, fully clothed, on top of the covers, ready to wake at a moment's notice and rush off to save the world. It's what he did and it's what Sam admired about him. He never gave his own life a second thought…..never worried if he'd die in the process. Dean had spent a lifetime saving others and more often than not, it was without any thanks, without any thought as to what it would do to him. What kind of cruel world did they live in when a man like Dean Winchester couldn't be saved? Sam snagged a blanket from his unused bed and covered his sleeping brother.

"I'm going to save you, Dean," he whispered. "If it's the last thing I do."

Dean woke in the early hours of the morning to find Sam asleep at the table, his face resting against a book he'd obviously hidden from Dean the night before. There was enough content of the book visible around Sam's face for Dean to see what his brother had been doing last night. "Oh, Sammy." Dean rested his hand on Sam's head for a moment, wishing with all his heart that he wasn't putting his brother through this again. It reminded him too much of the time he went to Hell and he knew what that had done to Sam. He was worried about what would happen this time. He just wanted Sam to be okay. In the end, that's all that mattered.

When he'd sold his soul, Sam had worked so hard to save him and Dean had held out hope, even in the last hours, thinking Sam would come up with something…..anything that would keep him out of the fiery pit but there'd been nothing and he'd been ripped to shreds in front of Sam's eyes. Going to Hell had terrified him but knowing what he put his brother through haunted him worse than anything that had happened to him in Hell. And now he was doing it again…putting his brother through his own personal hell, just because he'd made a rash decision without thinking of the consequences. At least the last time had been to save Sam. He could justify that, whether Sam accepted it or not, but this time, he had taken on the Mark of Cain without taking time to consider what it would do to his brother.

He'd been hurt by Sam's indifference toward him when he'd taken on the Mark but that was no excuse. Sam was his brother. He should've known this wouldn't end well for either of them. He had accepted his fate. He was going to die, probably sooner than later, and if he became a demon, he knew he could depend on Cas to take him out but what was that going to do to Sam? Dean wasn't the only one who had darkness abiding deep within. Sam knew darkness and had traveled that path to try and save Dean before. There was no saving him this time. He knew that. But who was going to save Sam? If Dean wasn't here, who was going to save his brother? That was his job…..the only job that had ever really mattered…..the one that gave him purpose. It wasn't too late. He just had to make Sam see it. Sam had to let him go. Sam was strong and could make it on his own, whereas Dean knew he never could. He needed his brother but more than that, he needed his brother to be okay….to be alive…..to carry on when he was gone.

Dean sighed and retrieved the discarded blanket from the bed, covering his sleeping brother.

"I'm going to save you, Sammy," he whispered. "If it's the last thing I do."

This little tag popped into my head yesterday morning on the way to work. I was beginning to think I'd never be able to concentrate enough to write again after talking to Jared on the phone Wednesday night. I'm still over the moon about that and I imagine I will be for a very long time. :)

Thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome.

Lyrics are Save You by Jeremy Greene.