Ok couples notes. Don't own characters except for a few that I've created they belong to SM but Embrey will someday belong to me. Please Review. This is for practice so let me know what you think. Love it hate it whatever. Constructive criticism welcome. Go to my page there's some pics of Jared's car, what Kim looks like (think of her more nerdy hair pulled back with glasses, she will come out as the story progresses) I will try and put a picture of what kims house looks like and Jared's later
Eros – Pronounced (Air-ros)
Brummett – (Brew-met)
Chapter 1.
It was one of those days. Those days when all you want to do is turn up the heat, snuggle under the covers and doze all day long, occasionally coming out of hibernation for sustenance. Of course no such luck for me. My mom lived by the book and she never bought the whole sick routine, or even my whole "mental health day" bit.
So now I was stuck. Sitting on the bus next to Eros, and no that's not a metaphor that's really her name. Her mother was really into Greek mythology when she had her, and although I'm sure she would disagree, unfortunately for her she's lived up to her name. She's a total romantic. I like her name it's interesting and unique, unlike KIM. Can we say boring?
Today Eros is in a mood asking me if I think Jared with be back today, I decide to humor her with a slightly less than enthusiastic, "Maybe"
"I hope he's alright and not near death or something. He's been gone so long."
I roll my eyes she honestly sounds worried. "I'm sure he's fine, he's probably not even that sick. Just milking it ya know for more free time." that definitely sounds like him
"Ya think?" she ask sounding hopeful
I force a smile "Definitely." She sighs and relaxes back in her seat as I turn to look out the window lost in my thoughts.
Jared…….Jared……Jared. His name repeats in my head like stupid mantra that just won't quit!
There's one very important thing I should mention about myself besides the fact that I'm slender, five feet eight inches tall, wear glasses for reading, a Gemini, and get good grades, I'm extremely shy and quiet unless I know you then as Eros puts it I'm a bit crazy.
All that aside the main thing you should know is that I'm an excellent actress, I'm never fake with people, and I often hide what I'm really thinking or feeling. Keeping it to myself and Jared is definitely one thing I keep to myself.
I know what you're probably thinking crushing on my best friends crush but it's not like that. I liked him first I know lame excuse but it's not as if it matters, I will never get him, I will never even try. So what's the harm in letting Eros drool over him while pretending to care less, and being the supportive though sometime slightly annoyed at her obsessive behavior over him, which we both know will lead nowhere friend.
Jared Brummett
Let me tell you about Jared. I first noticed him in eighth grade a long time to like somebody since I'm now in the eleventh grade. My crush was basically mild until tenth grade when it went into hyper drive.
Everyone, including myself found out about the incident nearly a month after it had happened. Ryan Follins was accused by one of Jared's friends of stealing Jared's new iPod that he had received for Christmas which was black and silver design on the back along with his initials in the lower left hand corner, and it was common knowledge that Ryan Follins didn't have a lot of money but he loved music and his parents had saved to get him an iPod, which was his only Christmas gift that year. Which was now broken thanks to some jerks shoving him into the concrete on our first week back from Christmas break. He'd been so upset and I'd felt really bad for him. One of Jared's friends had seen his new IPod in Ryan's bag and had reported him to the principle and proceeded to go tell Jared about it.
I'd been standing by my locker with Eros, just a few feet down from where Jared stood with some of his friend's and Kelley Chaplin a gorgeous girl who he just happened to be dating at the time. We already knew about the whole incident of course since Erin had taken the liberty of spreading it around.
Erin had come running up to Jared spilling the whole story with indignation. Jared had listened to the story becoming more upset as Erin had continued. What happened next surprised everyone.
Jared had taken a deep breath then turned on Erin. "Please tell me you didn't?"
"What?" Erin had asked clearly bewildered
Jared took another breath. "How long ago did you tell Principle Mueiller?"
Erin didn't get to answer the question however because at that moment the school secretary Mrs. Clerment came walking around the corner and informed Jared that he was needed in the principal's office. Jared had taken one last hard look at Erin and then followed Mrs. Clerment to the office.
The whole story came out later that day. Jared had given Ryan the IPod. Apparently he'd heard what had happened and given it to Ryan. Of course the Principle had a hard time believing that until he called Jared's parents who confirmed that Jared had asked their permission and that a new one was on the way for him.
That was the day I fell in love with Jared Brummett, unfortunately it was also the day that Eros fell in love with him to. Which made me extremely relieved that I'd never confided in her
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe he'd do something like that, I'd been enjoying the pretty face just like everyone else but apparently I'd been missing the rest of the picture. Yes he was getting another IPod, but how many people would even think to do something like that.
Over the next year I'd tried to drop my "crush" on Jared, if that's what you wanted to call it, but I just couldn't. In the end I decided it didn't matter. Why should it matter if I liked the same person as Eros? I would never have the chance to betray her; I would never have to make that choice. So why not fantasize about him, admire him from afar?
Jared and I moved in completely different orbits.
I had a few friends, but only one close friend. The rest where more fillers, friends to hand out with but never really confide in. One of my friend's, Benjamin who we all called Ben had once said to me, "It's like you live in a bubble your impossible to really get to, just when you think you're getting there you realize how far away you really are." He was perceptive like that. I had just smiled and shrugged my shoulders. I knew he was right but I didn't know why.
I had always been like that and although I never admitted it not even to Eros. I always feared that I would always be like that. How would I ever fall in love if I never let anyone get too close, truly know me. I tended to let people know me to a certain point, but I could never ever get comfortable enough to let them all the way in and it bothered me because it wasn't something I did on purpose. It was more like instinct
The bus came to a halt pulling me out of my thoughts. I turned to see Eros looking at me.
She smirked at me. 'What are you thinking so hard about?"
I shrugged my shoulder and gave her a slight smile. "Nothing terribly important." I said letting out a small laugh.
She looked at me a moment longer before standing up and moving into the aisle to exit the bus. "Ok." She said rolling her eyes.
Ir seemed like she knew me far too well at times. I was always far away, always in my head and I rarely would say where it was I had went to no matter how important it was. She had learned not to pry, if I wanted, or need to tell her I would.
She changed the subject as we walked to our lockers, not prying. "What do you have today?"
"Hmmmm." I said pulling out my sheet from my folder. I bit my bottom lip squinting at my paper. A twitch my mother called it that always gave me away when I was stressed or nervous.
"Here," Eros said pulling my glasses from the side pocket of my backpack.
"Thanks." I said smiling up at her. The smile felt harder than it should have been for some reason I felt off and a bit down today. Who was I kidding I knew the reason why but I pushed it back for later. I was practiced in controlling my emotions, but lately this emotion was becoming harder to control.
"What's wrong? You seem a bit….. Distracted and…..down today." Eros said taking a closer look at me
I cringed inwardly away from her gaze. I hated it when people took an interest like that, I always felt like my eyes were in open book and they would see everything I was trying to hide.
"Nothing," I said monitoring the tone of my voice. "I just have a lot on my mind. Let's see I have History, Ancient Lit, and English eww (I hated English) then lunch of course."
Her face lit up. "Sweet let me know If Jared is in your Lit!" I rolled my eyes for her benefit
"Right, sure." I said smirking at her. She shoved me playfully.
"Well I have English to so I'll see yea then. What do you have after lunch?
I looked back down at my schedule. "Biology followed by Art."
"Wow three classed together today."
I smiled up at her. This brightened up my day considerably. I usually didn't talk to anyone in class unless it was Eros. The bell rang.
"See ya later then." I said
"Yea, I'll be waiting for my update. If he's here I'm going to be jealous of you in Bio."
My stomach twitched nervously. I sat next to Jared in biology. Which was hard because Eros sat right behind us so I had to keep my eyes front and center.
I rolled my eyes at her and turned heading to my first class.
I sat in History. Thinking about the past three weeks that had been relaxing and yet torturous. Relaxing because Jared wasn't there so I hadn't had to guard my eyes, my blush, my smile that popped up uncontrollably whenever I saw him.
It had also been torturous and if I might add a bit disturbing because Jared wasn't here. I missed him so much I ached. This worried me I wasn't an emotional person. I was worried about him and I missed him. I was frustrated because why the hell should I miss him, our lives had nothing to do with each other, there literally wasn't a chance in hell that they ever would. I thought I had been getting better at this. Damn it! I really couldn't lie to myself I obsessed over him more than Eros it seemed like. I honestly think I'm in love with him. No! I shouted in my head you'll get over this, you will it just a crush. A crush, a crush you have for going on four years! I blocked out that thought I was not going there. Some things are better left unanalyzed. I was nothing if not logical.
Instead my mind wondered to the incident of four weeks ago. The incident I'd yet to tell Eros about and most likely never would. The one person I would tell if things were different.
Don't get me wrong I love Lapush, but it is a bit segregated
To the east you have the smallest houses and though no one will say it where the poorest of Lapush reside. To the south you have the middle class houses ranging from okay to nice and comfy. That's where I live two streets over from Eros. The people who live in this area don't struggle but they don't relax either. To the East the Ocean of course, First Beach as it's known, and finally to the North where the wealthiest of Lapush live. Their houses aren't exactly mansions, more like mini mansions I'd say. Ranging from anywhere to large five to ten bedroom houses some even have pools. There not snobby but they don't exactly mix, most of them are quiet nice actually and employ quit a few of the middle class of LaPush.
This is where Jared lives. This is the site of the incident.
My mother had picked me up from school that day because of a late art class. I'd gotten in the car and we'd pulled onto the main road, however when we'd gotten to the cross road she'd made a right instead of a left, the direction of our home and my sanctuary.
I'd looked over at her. "I thought we were going home? I have a ton of homework."
"Don't worry I won't be long I just have to drop of a last minute delivery." My mom was what you would call cute. With her short hair and glasses and thin physique. I only hoped I looked that good when I hit my forties.
"Mmm," I'd said turning back to my book oblivious to what was about to befall me
My mom worked in Port Angeles at Metasou'r. A high end bakery that also catered for parties and such. They had their main store in Seattle but ran a small one for tourist and brought stuff in from Seattle for larger parties. My mother was an awesome cook. It was a wonder I was thin.
The car had stopped but I'd been engrossed in "White Oleander," I new book my dad had bought me. We shared a love of reading so he was always grabbing something he'd heard about or read to share with me.
"Ok," my mom had said, turning off the car. "Let me just run these in to Mrs. Brummett and we can go." She said reaching into the backseat grabbing her folders and bag.
At the sound of that name my head had snapped up, book falling to the floor completely forgotten. She definitely had my full and undivided attention now.
I had never been to Jared's house before. It was nice. With huge dark tan brick with large windows surrounded by huge trees, giving you the feeling that you were in the middle the forest instead of just a few feet from the road.
I'd turned to her eyes wide, heart in a panic. I know it might sound stupid but in all my daydreaming and yearning I'd never really even considered speaking to Jared face to face. It was so far out of the realm of possibility that I'd never even considered saying hi to him. My daydreams where always abstract, fuzzy, and disconnected. How the hell would I act around him? Oh wait I know like the complete utter incompetent fool that I AM! Don't misunderstand I'm not completely inept when it comes to the world of males. I've kissed and flirted quit well I'm told. The problem comes in the degree of my liking. If I'm not head over heels for a guy they tend to like me because I'm not intimidated and therefore can be myself. When I do really like a guy……..forget it they don't notice me because I don't say ANYTHING!!! I seem quit and aloof or like a complete idiot. I'd liked a guy before Jared and even one during my Jared phase, but Jared was….different, worse, stronger. I didn't just feel nervous around him I felt truly scared and intimidated he was nice and friendly. At least he seemed to be open and friendly. I wasn't afraid that he'd punch me in the face or something…it was…I can't explain it right.
"What are we doing here?" I'd practically yelled my voice squeaking slightly.
My mom had turned to me giving me the look that is universally acknowledged as the "Are you crazy?" look.
She'd leaned back against the door a bit, her bag in her hand as if afraid I would attack. "I told you I had to make a delivery."
I relaxed my face and made a show of relaxing in my seat, or at least trying to. "Oh," I'd said nice recovery. Right!
My mom had looked at me a moment longer her eyes narrowing slightly. She wasn't use to me getting excited over anything little, that she didn't understand when I showed excitement or anger it was usually something big.
She smirked slightly then turned opening the car door. "I'll be right back." She said closing the car door behind her.
I watched her disappear around some shrubs heading for what I assumed was the front door. Then turned looking around frantically I didn't see his car and they only had a two car garage.
If there is a God up in heaven please oh please don't let him pull up while I'm sitting here, either that or let me be a natural contortionist so that I may fold myself up under the seat !
After what seemed like an eternity my mom appeared walking around the corner towards the car. I breathed a sigh of relief. There is a God!
She opened the door, but instead of getting in she stuck her head inside looking at me. "Come inside Mrs. Brummett has some last minute changes to go over and she didn't want you waiting out here in the cold. She said you could bring your homework inside." She said
There is a God and he hates me, absolutely hates me.
I grabbed my bag from the floor and got out following my mom to the house. What other choice did I have? Make a mad dash for the road?
My heart was hammering as I walked to the door, but I knew my face revealed nothing but a small polite smile and maybe an ounce of boredom, I had practice. Mrs. Brummett was standing at the entrance she smiled at me ushering us inside. She was beautiful I could see where Jared' got his looks from at least his beautiful side. He had perfectly balanced features, all straight and perfect angles. A beautiful face that might have slipped over into pretty if it wasn't for his strong jaw and cheek bones which made him more handsome than pretty.
She was dressed sharply yet casually clothes that whispered expensive. She looked like she belonged, with her perfectly coiffed shoulder length hair and small silver studs.
She smiled over at me as she led us to the kitchen. I tried not to let my mouth drop her kitchen was beautiful with dark wood and sliver and deep blues, elegant yet homey and warm.
"Have a seat." She said pointing to island with the high backed chairs lined up on one side.
"Kim would you like anything?" she asked
"No thanks." I said giving her a small smile as I took a seat at the Island. I wonder if this is the seat Jared uses. My heart gave its own little squeeze at the thought. Focus Kim, focus.
"Your mom told me you were in the car; I didn't want you to freeze." She said with a light laugh
I could only muster a small smile. I was completely socially inept, I sucked at small talk
She didn't seem to notice, 'You can go ahead and do your homework here, or in the study its right down the hallway."
"Here's fine." I said pulling my trig book from my bag
She gave me one last smile as she turned to my mom going over the dishes she wanted for the party and how she wanted them done. T knew about their parties they had several every year and some of the kids from school's parents were invited which meant they were invited. They threw awesome parties, or so I'd heard.
I'd only been doing my homework for maybe ten minutes when I heard a door open somewhere and loud laughter coming toward us.
Mrs. Brummett looked up then turned to my mom, "That'll be my son and his friends. Right on schedule." She said with a laugh. She laughed a lot but it didn't sound forced. Jared had her smile.
Jared had a perfect smile.
Jared rounded the corner as I heard what sounded that a stamped going up some stairs located in another part of the house, just how big was this place?
He looked better than anyone, especially with that stupid face, had a right to. Seriously is it not enough to dress nice and have a great personality! Must he look good too! He was put on this earth to torment me I just know it. He wore light fitted jeans with a white long sleeved T-shirt and a black and white hoodie that had an orange hood, contrasting nicely with his skin I might add. He had great skin, darker than mine Carmel colored with deep red tint to it. The hood was pulled up with that slightly messy hair that he cultivated sticking out of the sides. His hair had a slight wave to it, not curly but not straight. Perfect.
I realized I was staring and quickly looked away. Why didn't I take the stupid study when it was offered!
He paused slightly when he saw us then nodded with a simple, "Hey," pulling off his hood as he headed for the fridge.
"Jared. This is Mrs. Alsup, and you go to school with her daughter," she opened her mouth to say my name but he spoke before she could
"Hey Kim." He said in his deep voice nodding in my direction. He had a nice voice soothing and yet almost intimidating at the same time.
I was looking at him, admiring slightly to be honest. My mouth dropped open, only slightly thankfully and I managed a meager, "Hey." Before quickly returning to my school work and pretending to read. My body was so rigid and tense I honestly thought my spine might snap.
I didn't look to see if he noticed my awkwardness, I didn't want to.
"Is that for the party?" He asked pulling a coke from the fridge and sauntering closer to the island where we sat. My heart rate sped up. This is freakin ridiculous, I thought bitterly.
"Yea some last minute changes. Who's over?"
"Luke n Torren, their not staying over long they have things to do, but Mallory's coming over later."
My head almost came up but I caught it in time,
"Mallory?" she said. I looked up in time to see her raise an eyebrow. I found myself liking her; she was so much like Jared.
He smirked at her then grabbed his coke from the counter, 'Yes mom Mallory, try and be nice this time." He said disappearing around the corner.
"I'm always polite!" she said hollering after him. He didn't reply
Throughout the rest of the visit, the entire car ride home, and throughout the night. One thought kept reverberating through my head.
He knew my name! He Knew MY NAME!!
The bell rang, snapping me out of my thoughts. I gathered my stuff and headed for my locker to exchange my books for my next class.
As I headed for my Ancient Lit class. I was unsure of my feelings. I told myself I wasn't sure if wanted Jared to be there or not, but deep down I knew the answer. I just didn't want to let it into my conscience because it labeled me pathetic in my opinion at least, but I'd decided to be more honest with myself when it came to my feelings about Jared. I mean I was pretty honest in everything else when it came to myself so why not this. Besides, I reasoned it was the only way I was going to get over this. By admitting just how obsessed and infatuated I was with him. How much I had a missed him.
I walked into my class and scanned the room. He wasn't there. My heart squeezed oddly in my chest. I bit back a frustrated growl. I was frustrated by myself. When it came to everything else I could control my emotions, my feelings, but not when it came to Jared. No. when it came to him it was free for all, unbridled, unstoppable. It made me nervous and I DID NOT LIKE IT!
I took my seat glancing at his desk, one row up to my left near the back of the class. Katy Pierce sat directly in front of me. She was pretty I couldn't deny it. With dark brown hair that looked light brown in the sun, slightly wavy, strong features that still managed to be beautiful unlike my small ones. Eros told me I was pretty, some guys seemed to find me attractive, but I didn't see it. I don't think I'm ugly but I don't think I'm a beauty either. I was curvy but to small in my opinion and I found my eyes to squinty.
Katy pierce.
The girl Jared lost his virginity to in tenth grade. I only know because he skipped out on fourth period to do it and one of his friends Nathan had sat in front of me at the time and apparently it had been common knowledge within their inner circle that Katy was going to lay Jared that afternoon at her house while her parents were out. After that day they'd been together for about five months and then parted as friends but it was common knowledge that whenever Jared and her were unattached they occasionally hooked up.
It didn't bother me that he slept with girls the way it seemed to Eros. I mean why should it? We weren't together; I had no rights to him.
Katy wasn't so bad her friend Samantha was a bit of a Bitch though. She'd caught Eros checking Jared out in the hallway a couple months ago and had sneered at her, "Dream on, He'd never look twice at a loser like you." She'd said it in a simpering sweet voice checking Eros as she'd walked by. Mallory, Kaitlyn and Katy had been walking with her. Mallory and Kaitlyn had laughed while Katy had just given us a blank look the turned and continued walking down the hallway grabbing Lana's arm as she walked by her, I remember wondering what she was thinking at that moment. I'd opened my mouth to give a smart ass reply but Eros had nudged me giving me a look, so I'd shut my mouth. Guys might intimidate me sometimes but girls most assuredly did not.
I'd been doodling on my note pad waiting for class to start when I'd heard the name that always managed to make my heart squeeze, a bit painfully truth be told
"Jared!" Katy said
I looked up in time to see her slide off her desk where she'd been sitting talking to kaitlyn.
THAT WAS NOT JARED! Was it?
My jaw hung open and for once I wasn't the only one other than Eros, starring at Jared with my mouth open. He was so different, it was eerie,
If Jared had made my heart stutter before, he just about stopped it dead. My stomach clenched almost painfully making me wince.
He was so tall. Charlie Tosen was standing near his seat at the front, and at 6'2 Jared was a good head above him making Jared about 6'7 I guessed.
It wasn't just his height it was everything. His body had changed. He'd been slightly built when he'd left but now he was more built yet thinner, leaner yet muscular. It seemed almost unnatural to me.
He gave Katy a slight smile that didn't quite meet his eyes then side stepped her and headed for his seat. Mr. Gellner entered the room then bringing order to the classroom, but throughout the class those who could do so snuck glances at Jared. It may have seemed rude but who could blame them.
This was not Jared. It was like something had taken over his body and stretched and changed him.
The longer I watched him the more changes I noticed. His hair was cut a lot shorter for one thing, but it still looked good messy and all over his head barley touching is neck. Even his mannerisms had changed from the way he sat to the way he walked, especially the way he walked. I'd noticed when he'd walked to his seat. Gone was the casual stroll, it was more like a graceful lope, he moved so smoothly if seemed abnormal. His face was different; it was not the soft face of my Jared. MY JARED!! Whoa easy girl, that's taking it too far.
His face was so different harder, yet calm. The face of a man instead of a boy, he sat straighter he no longer slouched, and his eyes were so guarded yet calm they no longer held the laughter or warmth that I'd seen. His relaxed air seemed gone; He seemed tense and distant like he had a wall around him from the rest of the world. Yet somehow with all these differences I found myself, if it were possible even more drawn to him, attracted to him, less nervous. I starred at my desk puzzled that I didn't feel quite so tense and nervous around him as usual, even though I seemed more aware of him. I only felt anticipation the need to be closer, to touch him.
I put my head in my hand and sighed. I was really starting to lose it. This infatuation or whatever it was was getting out of hand.
Mr. Gellner walked down the aisle towards Jared's desk with a folder under his arm. He turned whispering to him laying the folder on his desk.
Jared listened patiently then looked up at him, "Yea, that's fine." He said
My heart jumped then, racing at the sound of his voice, I clutched at my chest, seriously fearing for my life. I took a few deep breaths and my heart seemed to calm a bit. This was really getting out of hand.
When the bell rang Jared grabbed his bag while collecting his folder, trying to keep the contents from spilling out. I was sitting at my desk slowly collecting my stuff so I could watch him out of the corner of my eye.
All of a sudden his head snapped up looking toward the door. I looked over at him then followed his gaze to the door where the last few students were leaving. A second later a man rounded the corner, no not a man a student. Paul Herrera
Paul nodded at Jared then jerked his head as if telling Jared to follow him. Jared quickly followed Paul out. My mouth once again fell open. It seemed like I had been doing that a lot lately.
I looked over at Katy she had the exact same expression on her face. Confusion. She looked over at Kaitlyn and they both turned to look at Charles.
"Since when is Jared friend's with Paul!?" Charles asked
I walked out past them into the hallway heading for English I looked around quickly looking for Jared but he had already disappeared.
They had made a good point since when does Jared even talk to Paul or when for that matter had Paul even acknowledged Jared. I'd probably talked to Paul more being that we'd had Algebra together last year. It was odd they hung out with two completely different sets of people. They dressed different acted different it made absolutely no sense.
I was just outside my English class when a thought hit me. I turned quickly and walked back to the girl's bathroom. I quickly looked at my cell phone I had three minutes I could make it. I went straight to the sink and took a look in the mirror. I quickly pulled my hair out of its usual messy twist and put on my glasses. I looked…..odd. Well for me anyways my lighter skin was flushed, color high and my eyes looked a bit to keyed up liked I was drugged I finished fixing my appearance and quickly headed to class praying that Eros wouldn't have time to question me to much I wasn't sure how well I could keep this new found fascination for Jared out of my voice.
I made it into the classroom just as the bell rung, but I was shit out of luck Mrs. Capeshu was late. Of course she was. One look at Eros and I knew she'd already heard the rumors about Jared that were probably flying around the school at light speed. Unfortunately I sit right behind her.
I noticed as I walked into the classroom that she wasn't the only one buzzing everyone else was whispering in tight groups and I heard a couple Jared's and Paul's being thrown out as I walked past heading to my seat. I felt a slight flicker of anger that they couldn't mind their own business. I wondered at it but didn't have much time for contemplation as Eros was practically bouncing out of her seat.
"O my God!" she said as I approached
I shook my head giving her an exasperated smile as I slid into my seat. I hoped it was convincing.
"So tell is what they say true or are they exaggerating!" She sat in her seat turning to face me
"What do they say?" I said leaning forward placing my hand under my chin raising an eyebrow. This was so much harder then it usually was. I felt odd unglued and worse yet even as I talked to her my mind was on Jared, more importantly worrying about Jared.
She rolled her eyes at me. 'O come on this is not the time to toy with me! This is far too important!" she practically squealed.
I cringed back slightly from her excitement. "Well," I said "He's very different taller, he acts a bit different." I said trying to keep my voice level but it trembled slightly I hoped fervently that she wouldn't notice.
"What else? What else?" she said bringing her hand toward herself as if trying to pull the information from me. I opened my mouth trying to think fast of what other details I could provide without giving myself away when she interrupted me.
"Is it true that he's hanging out with Paul now, and like none of his old friends?"
"It seems that way." I said with a shrug
She opened her mouth to ask me more but I was thankfully spared by Mrs. Capeshu rushing in and bringing the class to order
After the class I followed Eros out heading for the lunchroom.
"What's the rush?" I asked in a teasing tone.
She was slightly ahead of me and turned back to give me a look that said "As if you don't know."
She fell back slightly beside me and lowered her voice. "So I was thinking, Paul is definitely down the social rung so to speak compared to Jared, so…If Jared's hanging out with the Paul's now maybe he'll date in that range to?" she said arching her eyebrows and giving me a hopeful look.
Panic gripped my chest in a way it never had before when she'd talked like this before, because I realized she might have point. I shoved a hand in my pocket and lifted my head slightly as if in contemplation then turned to look at her slightly. "That's definitely a possibility." I said with a smile
She smiled at me as we hurried to the lunchroom.
I would not be that girl. If by some miracle she ended up with Jared I would not sabotage. I would not pout. I might slowly die inside but I would keep my mouth shut. You couldn't make someone love you and if Jared where to like her instead of me….so be it.
I was extremely nervous as walked into the lunchroom that I felt slightly nauseous and wondered if I'd be able to eat. I glanced over at Eros who was swiftly searching the cafeteria with her eyes. She leaned over to me, "I don't see him. Do you?" I did a quick sweep with my eyes and knew he wasn't there almost instinctively I didn't sense him.
That stopped me almost dead in my tracks and Eros had to nudge me to get me moving along into the line. Sense him? I thought, SENSE HIM!!! Maybe I really am going crazy. I shook the thought from my head and tried to focus on what I wanted to eat.
"He's not here." Eros said leaning forward to whisper in my ear. "You don't think he went home do you? I really wanted to see what he looked like."
"I doubt it. He probably just went out for lunch."
My nerves calmed exponentially during lunch. With no Jared there I was able to relax and not have worry about controlling my expressions or my voice, but by the time the bell had rang and I was walking down the hall with Eros my nerves, stomach, and heart were all jumbled and doing their own thing. It felt like a thousand different thoughts were coursing through my brain.
What if Jared's there? What if he's not there? If he is there what if I can't control my expressions? I have to sit next to him! Oh my God!
Eros was prattling on about something, to which I we paying very little, if any attention to when she stopped talking in the middle of her sentence. Her sudden silence caught my attention. I looked over to find her staring at me with a worried and confused expression on her face.
"Are you all right?" she asked reaching out to feel my forehead. "You look a little….ill. Flushed actually."
"I'm fine. I just feel slightly queasy. I hope I'm not coming down with something."
She looked at me a concerned expression on her face. Then her face lit up slightly as she realized we had reached our class room. She grabbed the handle and rushed inside I was right behind her I headed to my seat no Jared. Paul was there though one row behind and to the left of the table Jared and I sat at. Eros took her usual seat behind me.
I pulled out my notebook and book to keep myself preoccupied. Just in case Jared showed up I could stop myself from staring as he walked to the table. Every time the door opened it took all my will power not to look up to see if it was him.
Mr. Lucwen was already there setting up today we got to dissect a frog and yes I was excited I loved science. I only hoped that if Jared showed up I loved science enough for it to still hold my attention, but I sincerely doubted it. I realized I had my eyes toward to front, not a wise idea. I quickly lowered them back to my book reviewing my notes from the last class.
The door opened and I felt my entire body tense and my heart squeeze in my chest, it was almost becoming familiar. Definitely not a good thing.
I knew it was him, especially when the whispers started. I heard him pull out his stool and sigh laying his bag on the table but I kept my eyes firmly on my book. Gripping the edge of it to reinforce my will.
I felt heat on my face but it didn't feel like a blush, it felt odd like someone was putting it there.
I reached in my bag for my glasses until realizing that I'd left them in my locker. Perfect. I felt the burn again and let my gaze drift to the side in Jared's direction. I quickly snapped my stupid, uncontrollable orbs back front and center, but not before seeing that Jared was looking at me as if trying to figure something out.
Mr. Lucwen began his lesson telling us how we'd be skipping the dissection today instead watching a video because we were going to have to pick some creature from our text and do a joint paper on it. The whole class groaned there was nothing worse than a joint project. There was however a silver lining although I wasn't so sure it was silver for me. We got to pick our own partners. The whole class breathed an audible sigh of relief.
I wasn't sure if I was relieved. Before today I definitely would have been relieved, but now I didn't feel sick with nerves around Jared. I felt more of a nervous excitement, and adrenaline rush. The queasy anxious feeling had left as soon as he got near me. In its place was only excitement and at the same time calm and feeling of completeness. Not good. Not good.
I'd made a fatal mistake. I'd let me mind wander and with it my eyes. I felt a jolt of heat and electricity my heart started racing just like when I heard his new voice this morning. That's when I realized I was staring at him and even worse he was staring at me. I didn't take time to study the expression on his face I quickly moved my head back to the front. Only two thoughts moving coherently through my frantic brain.
Eros saw that I know it! Jared thinks I'm a freak, a weirdo. And possibly a stalker.
"So," Mr. Lucwen was saying. "Pick a partner and then one of you come up here and grab a packet fill out the form inside and then you can begin working and deciding who will do what. Don't forget this is a big part of your grade."
My heart was racing and I felt really confused by my emotions and my instincts. I was pretty sure that I'd passed the crush point and was full on in love with Jared. I kept finding myself leaning toward him wanting so badly, not necessarily to touch him, although that would be nice, but just to be close to him it felt almost like need. Like needing to breath or eat.
I took a deep breath and got ready to turn and face Eros praying that she hadn't seen me staring at Jared even though I was pretty sure she couldn't have missed that. It didn't really matter I already had an excuse prepared. I would simply tell her that I hadn't seen him up that close and was simply shocked by the change in his entire appearance. "Didn't you notice it?" I would say
I was halfway turned around when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and looked up. Way up to see Jared with an odd smile on his face like he's just found his long lost puppy or the crown jewels or something . He seemed to know something I didn't yea you idiot like how you were staring at him!
"Hey,' he said his voice was soft yet somehow deep and strong. It had a familiar ring to it same as the old, yet deeper and more mature.
"Hey," I said Brilliant Kim! I tried to say it normally even though I felt out of breath and slightly lightheaded
He gave me my favorite smile it met his guarded eyes and warmed them removing the guard completely. He stared back at me, looking at me, seeming to almost study me. His gaze felt like fire to much heat. I looked back at him trying to read his face. Trying to decipher just how much of a freak he might think I was.
Understanding was easy, oddly so. He was admiring me, studying me, memorizing me with his eyes. Which didn't make any kind of sense, my instinct told me I was dead on while my brain screamed at me that I was crazy and should seek psychiatric help immediately, because I just might be losing my grip on reality. I wondered at it because I didn't feel nervous or self conscious like I thought I should. I felt all my nerves melt away. I felt safe, relaxed, loved, and content. It was over whelming.
I felt myself relax in my seat, even though my heart rate still seemed a bit abnormal.
I tilted my head to the side studying him some more then smiled. "Was there something you wanted?" I said letting out a short laugh.
His smiled even bigger then and shifted his body moving slightly toward me. I gasped slightly taking in extra air as my heart rate sped up again. I picked the wrong moment to take a deep breath his scent hit me full force. I couldn't describe it even if I tried it was like it was made just for me all warmth, not quite sweet more fresh, it made me think of green things and cool ocean water on a hot day with the sun beating down, and fresh clean sheets along with a million other things. I leaned forward slightly without thinking. I quickly straitened up confused. He smiled and took another step toward my chair closing the gap between us. Along with his scent I could now feel his body heat, it was overwhelming.
I was seriously about two seconds from standing up and just hugging him, anything to get closer to him. At that thought my head cleared a bit I gripped my chair and leaned back from him trying to clear my head while preventing myself from making a fool out of myself. I looked back at Jared but he wasn't looking at me. I followed his gaze he was looking at Paul.
Paul's lips moved slightly, but no sound came out. Jared glanced back at me his eyes narrowed slightly and then he smiled taking a step back from me. My head cleared a little and I looked up at him.
"What?" I asked stupidly
He smiled effectively melting my insides. "I was going to ask you if you wanted to be my partner for the project since were already lab partners?"
"Sure," I said, God his voice was so…so… sensual was the only word I could think of.
He smiled again and it literally took my breath away.
It was an odd smile, beautiful yet odd because it seemed to say so much, be filled with so much emotion that seemed to seep right into me.
He gave me one last smile before turning to go up and retrieve our packet. As my head cleared one thought occurred to me. Jared was the one. Not The one although he was definitely in the running, but the one I would let break me, break my heart. He was already through my wall, had torn down all my defenses and somehow……I couldn't bring myself to care.