Behind The Game: Metal Gear Solid 2- SOns Of Liberty
Part One
Narrator: Welcome to the first part of a behind-the-scenes look at MGS2. In this first edition, we look at how most of the characters got their jobs, and what they even did at their auditions.
(cut to a picture of Raiden)
Narrator: Enter Raiden. After going through many years of acting school, he finally got his big break with this game. Here's his side of the story.
(cut to Raiden and Snake sitting down in chairs)
Raiden: Well, my boyfriend was reading the newspaper, when he slapped my ass and said, "Hey you! Here's a great job for you!" And then I went to the auditions, and to my surprise, Solid Snake himself was the interviewer. As soon as I walked in, he said, "Oh jesus, I can't believe Hal sent me one of those male stri-" and I quickly interuppted. After looking me over a couple of times, he said I got the job!
Solid Snake: I only chose him because he looked so gay. I just thought all the ladies would go to me if the other main character was homosexual!
Raiden: You're kidding me.
Solid: Nope. Even Mario would have been a better action hero then you.
(cut to a security camera view of the auditions lobby. Seen are Mario, Kirby, Jean Luc Cougar, Amanda Bynes and Ronin Syaoran)
Mario: He shoulda choosea me!
Kirby: And why the hell is that?
Mario: 'Cause itsa me, Mario!
(Snake pops his head out the door)
Snake: Amanda please! (looks around) Wait a minute! You there!
Ronin Syaoran: Me?!
Snake: (cracks up laughing) Like ANYONE will hire you after Darkness Before The Fall! No, I want that gay looking albino!
Raiden: (pops out from behind Jean) Me?!
Snake: Yes you! Come in here right now! The rest of you can leave!
(everyone starts to shuffle out)
Mario: Aww...
Kirby: Crap...
Jean Luc Cougar: Grr...
Amanda: Mah ha!
Ronin Syaoran: God damn Darkness Before The Fall, ruined my career...
(cut back to Snake and Raiden)
Snake: Heh heh heh... stupid Syaoran.
Raiden: So, if I hadn't come, who would you have chosen?
Snake: Probably Jean Luc. He deserves redemption for Operation Winback.
Narrator: But not everything was fun and games. Take the interview for Vamp as an example...
(cut back to the auditions lobby. Snake pops his head out of door)
Snake: Next plea... (notices corpses with slit throats all over the room. Blood is everywhere, and Vamp is standing in the middle of the room, cutting marks into his chest.) Umm, what happened here?
Vamp: I need this job.
Snake: You're hired!
(cut back to Snake and Raiden)
Snake: That was scary.
Raiden: Wait a minute, show me those dead bodies again!
(a close up of all the bodies is shown)
Raiden: T.... Tony? TONY!!! (breaks down in tears)
Snake: (to camera) Tony was his boyfriend.
Narrator: But not everything was blood filled and blatently homosexual. Other things were simply idiotic.
(cut to Ocelot auditions)
Snake: Alright, whos next?
(Lara Croft stands up)
Lara: I am!
Snake: Sorry, your breasts are to big. Stay for the Fortune and Olga auditions though. Next!
(Revolver Ocelot stands up)
Ocelot: Me!
Snake: (yawns) Say the line!
Ocelot: I am Shalashaska, also called Revolver Ocelot!
Snake: Hmm... ok.
Ocelot: Yuss! Suck on that, Tomb Raider!
Lara: At least my breasts are supposed to be large, old man!
Ocelot: Why you... (pulls out revolver and aims at Laras head)
Lara: (aims her pistols at Ocelot) Try it and die!
Ocelot: Wanna go out this Friday?
Lara: Sure thing.
(cut to Snake and Raiden)
Raiden: I wish I was there to see her big guns! Ba boom ching! (falls on floor laughing) Hoo-boy... that was funny, huh Snake? Snake?
(Snake is sitting next to a computer)
Snake: (reading off screen) 'Arwens bedroom, XXX Hot elf action, see her Evenstar'... Booyah!
Raiden: This is no time for elvish pornography, Snake! Unless there's some of Legolas...
Snake: (looks at Raiden) Can you say 'Elvish 3-Way'? Arwen, Legolas and Elrond!
Raiden: Oh yeah! (runs over)
Narrator: Mmm... Evenstar... shit, am I on?! Ok... (rustles through script) Oh yes! Now then... (coughs) But not everything was about Lara Crofts big guns. Some was about fat people.
(cut to Fatman auditions. Seen sitting are Fatman, Pavarotti, a sumo wrestler and Ronin Syaoran)
Snake: Ok... (notices Ronin)
Ronin: Hi. (grins)
Snake: GET OUT OF HERE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! (throws a grenade at Ronin)
Ronin: (running out of area) You'll pay for this Darkness Before The Fall!
Snake: Now then... (looks at Fatman) Say the line.
Fatman: Laugh and grow fat!
Snake: Don't call us, we'll call you. Pavarotti!
Pavarotti: Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh aaaaaaaaaaaaand groooooooooooooooooooow.... faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!
Snake: I like your style! Next! Mr.Ogishoni!
Sumo Wrestler: (says some Japenese)
Snake: Hmm... no. Pavarotti! Want the job?
(Pavarotti explodes)
Fatman: (throws detonater away) Uh, oops? Heh...
Snake: I like your ruthlessness! You're hired!
Fatman: Yay! (eats some cake)
(cut to Snake and Raiden)
Snake: Now THAT was some hardcore stuff.
Raiden: I never knew that Legolas could bend like that.
Snake: I was talking about the auditions.
Raiden: So was I...
Narrator: Genetic experiments! Wait a minute, wrong script. Ok, (coughs) But not everything was about fat people blowing up and blowing each other up. Some was about hot chicks in tight leather.
(flash to Fortune auditions. Lara Croft, Fortune, Pamela Anderson, Leonard Nimoy and Ronin Syaoran are all standing around in that tight leather uniform Fortune wears in the game)
Snake: (looks at Ronin)
Ronin: (grins)
Snake: Get out.
Ronin: Fine! But I'm keeping the costume! (walks out) Goddamn Darkness Before The Fall...
Snake: Alright... (sees Leonard Nimoy) What the?
Leonard: Can I do my song?
Snake: Fine...
Leonard: Well he fought with the goblins!
He battled a troll!!
He riddled with Gollum!!!
A magic ring he stole!!!!
He was chased by wolves!!!!!
Lost in the forest!!!!!!
Escaped in a barrel from the elf-king's halls!!!!!!!
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little hobbit of them all
Snake: Would you please leave without a fuss?
Leonard: Ok. (exits)
Lara: Can we get the auditions over now, so I can get out of this tight leather and expose my warm, succulent breasts to the cool air they deserve.
Snake: (look of ecstasy over his face) Oooooooooh...
Fortune: Lets just get out of them here. (proceeds, along with the others, to take off their costumes, exposing their bare naked bodies to the world)
Snake: Uuuuuh... (wet patch appears in pants)
(cuts to Raiden and Snake)
Raiden: That was arousing.
Snake: I creamed my pants 10 times in 5 minutes.
Raiden: Why did you choose Fortune again?
Snake: Because the licked it all up.
Raiden: Eww...
Narrator: Can I get a copy of that tape? Thanks. Alright... But not everything was about sweet, juicy breasts... some was about wet shirts with no bra underneath, creating an outline of ripe, supple...
(cut to Olga auditions. Seen are Olga, Lara Croft and Gollum)
Snake: Now then, the wet t-shirt contest is over and Lara won. Time for the dialogue part of the audition. Gollum, you go first.
Gollum: Hello Snake! I've comes to help you- kill the Snake- no, Snake is good to us, he likes us- nobody likes you!- I'm not listening to you- kill the Snake!- No- kill the Snake- Yeah okay- Kill the Snake!
Snake: Isn't he adorable? Let's buy him a present!
Lara Croft: Shouldn't I win the part?
Snake: Not now! Look how happy Gollum is!
Gollum: Mwhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!- Kill the Snake!- Mwhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
Olga: Do you not love my Russian accent?
Snake: Fine, you win.
Gollum: Yargh! (implodes)
Lara Croft: That was unexpected.
(cut to Raiden and Snake)
Raiden: Hold on, hold on. So the cops KNEW the FBI was screwing them the entire time?!
Snake: What the hell? There was nothing like that in the clip.
Raiden: Well, when I am deprived of Legolas I make up my own reality.
Snake: Here. (passes Raiden a scrapbook with 'Legolas Pics!' written on the front)
Raiden: Yay!
Narrator: But not everything was about wierd fantasy characters imploding. Some was about wierd guys who like having more then five limbs! Hee hee... I just made a penis joke! Hee hee hee hee, oh, roll the clip already!
(cut to Solidus auditions. Seen are Solidus, Ronin Syaoran, Legolas and Lara Croft)
Snake: Now then, it's time for the- (sees Ronin)
Ronin: I get it. Bye! (turns and walks out) Screw you Darkness Before The Fall...
Snake: Now then, we have to choose a good person to act out a conspiracy-believing freak of science! Any questions?!
Legolas: Do Ents get morning wood?
Ronin: Ba boom ching!
Snake: Any other questions?!
Solidus: (holds up a can of Dr.Pepper) Is Dr.Pepper a real doctor? Because I'm getting suspicious... I don't think he's qualified to be a soft drink.
Snake: I need a drink...
Legolas: Why is Lara here?
Snake: Because her tits are huge, thats why! Now then... Octopus boy!
Solidus: Mmmmyes?
Snake: Do you want the part?
Solidus: Allright.
Lara: Noooooooooo!!! I missed my chance of aspiring to something more then being that big breasted chick young boys masturbate to while I crawl through vents so they can see my exposed cleavage and tight ass! Dammit! Oh well. I've always got Legolas.
Legolas: Woot! (runs off with Lara)
(cut to Snake and Raiden)
Snake: (to Raiden) And thats why your mother and father did- Oops, we're back on.
Raiden: My Legolas ran off with that slut Lara Croft! Waaah! Oh well, I've always got you... (Snake smiles) Legolas porn!
Snake: Grr... is that it? Hold on, who else did we cast apart from Raiden, Fatman, Vamp-
Narrator: We didn't do Emma's audition, you stupid fuck!
Snake: Oh, yeah. (mumbles under breath)
Narrator: But not all of it was about morning wood and Dr.Pepper. Some was about finding the perfect cute chick to kill.
(cut to Emma auditions. Seen are Lara Croft, Emma, Amanda Bynes and The Dark Lord Sauron)
Snake: Now then, ladies and Maia, what are your qualifications?
Lara Croft: Well, I've got huge jugs...
Snake: Hold it right there! You're going to the top of my list!
Emma: My turn?
Snake: Knock yourself out, cutey.
Emma: ^_^ Thanks! Now then, I'm especially cute, and have lacuquered chopsticks in my hair-
Snake: Great! You're going to the top! Your turn Amanda.
Amanda: Well, I've been on TV for many years and had my own television show-
Snake: Thats great for you, sweetie! You're going straight to the bottom!
Sauron: I will go next.
Snake: Yeah, whatever floats your prophetical boat.
Sauron: Your insolence has been noted! Now then, as my credentials I have forged the one ring... the one ring... TO RULE THEM ALL!!!
Snake: Alright. After much thinking, I have decided that Emma gets the job!
Lara: No!
Sauron: No!
Amanda: Ma ha!
Emma: Yes! Now, pleasure me, Snake!
Snake: Sorry, only Raiden can do that.
Emma: He's gay, right?
Snake: Yep.
(cut back to Snake and Raiden)
Snake: Thats it. YES!!! THANK GOD!!!
Raiden: It's over?! Yay!
Narrator: Yes... THIS episode is over! Next time on Behind The Game, we bring you the casts secret thoughts about each other.
(cut to clip of next show)
Raiden: Just between you and me, I think Solidus and Emma are, you know, intimate.
Narrator: Thats next time on Behind The Game: Metal Gear Solid 2- Sons Of Liberty.
Part One
Narrator: Welcome to the first part of a behind-the-scenes look at MGS2. In this first edition, we look at how most of the characters got their jobs, and what they even did at their auditions.
(cut to a picture of Raiden)
Narrator: Enter Raiden. After going through many years of acting school, he finally got his big break with this game. Here's his side of the story.
(cut to Raiden and Snake sitting down in chairs)
Raiden: Well, my boyfriend was reading the newspaper, when he slapped my ass and said, "Hey you! Here's a great job for you!" And then I went to the auditions, and to my surprise, Solid Snake himself was the interviewer. As soon as I walked in, he said, "Oh jesus, I can't believe Hal sent me one of those male stri-" and I quickly interuppted. After looking me over a couple of times, he said I got the job!
Solid Snake: I only chose him because he looked so gay. I just thought all the ladies would go to me if the other main character was homosexual!
Raiden: You're kidding me.
Solid: Nope. Even Mario would have been a better action hero then you.
(cut to a security camera view of the auditions lobby. Seen are Mario, Kirby, Jean Luc Cougar, Amanda Bynes and Ronin Syaoran)
Mario: He shoulda choosea me!
Kirby: And why the hell is that?
Mario: 'Cause itsa me, Mario!
(Snake pops his head out the door)
Snake: Amanda please! (looks around) Wait a minute! You there!
Ronin Syaoran: Me?!
Snake: (cracks up laughing) Like ANYONE will hire you after Darkness Before The Fall! No, I want that gay looking albino!
Raiden: (pops out from behind Jean) Me?!
Snake: Yes you! Come in here right now! The rest of you can leave!
(everyone starts to shuffle out)
Mario: Aww...
Kirby: Crap...
Jean Luc Cougar: Grr...
Amanda: Mah ha!
Ronin Syaoran: God damn Darkness Before The Fall, ruined my career...
(cut back to Snake and Raiden)
Snake: Heh heh heh... stupid Syaoran.
Raiden: So, if I hadn't come, who would you have chosen?
Snake: Probably Jean Luc. He deserves redemption for Operation Winback.
Narrator: But not everything was fun and games. Take the interview for Vamp as an example...
(cut back to the auditions lobby. Snake pops his head out of door)
Snake: Next plea... (notices corpses with slit throats all over the room. Blood is everywhere, and Vamp is standing in the middle of the room, cutting marks into his chest.) Umm, what happened here?
Vamp: I need this job.
Snake: You're hired!
(cut back to Snake and Raiden)
Snake: That was scary.
Raiden: Wait a minute, show me those dead bodies again!
(a close up of all the bodies is shown)
Raiden: T.... Tony? TONY!!! (breaks down in tears)
Snake: (to camera) Tony was his boyfriend.
Narrator: But not everything was blood filled and blatently homosexual. Other things were simply idiotic.
(cut to Ocelot auditions)
Snake: Alright, whos next?
(Lara Croft stands up)
Lara: I am!
Snake: Sorry, your breasts are to big. Stay for the Fortune and Olga auditions though. Next!
(Revolver Ocelot stands up)
Ocelot: Me!
Snake: (yawns) Say the line!
Ocelot: I am Shalashaska, also called Revolver Ocelot!
Snake: Hmm... ok.
Ocelot: Yuss! Suck on that, Tomb Raider!
Lara: At least my breasts are supposed to be large, old man!
Ocelot: Why you... (pulls out revolver and aims at Laras head)
Lara: (aims her pistols at Ocelot) Try it and die!
Ocelot: Wanna go out this Friday?
Lara: Sure thing.
(cut to Snake and Raiden)
Raiden: I wish I was there to see her big guns! Ba boom ching! (falls on floor laughing) Hoo-boy... that was funny, huh Snake? Snake?
(Snake is sitting next to a computer)
Snake: (reading off screen) 'Arwens bedroom, XXX Hot elf action, see her Evenstar'... Booyah!
Raiden: This is no time for elvish pornography, Snake! Unless there's some of Legolas...
Snake: (looks at Raiden) Can you say 'Elvish 3-Way'? Arwen, Legolas and Elrond!
Raiden: Oh yeah! (runs over)
Narrator: Mmm... Evenstar... shit, am I on?! Ok... (rustles through script) Oh yes! Now then... (coughs) But not everything was about Lara Crofts big guns. Some was about fat people.
(cut to Fatman auditions. Seen sitting are Fatman, Pavarotti, a sumo wrestler and Ronin Syaoran)
Snake: Ok... (notices Ronin)
Ronin: Hi. (grins)
Snake: GET OUT OF HERE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! (throws a grenade at Ronin)
Ronin: (running out of area) You'll pay for this Darkness Before The Fall!
Snake: Now then... (looks at Fatman) Say the line.
Fatman: Laugh and grow fat!
Snake: Don't call us, we'll call you. Pavarotti!
Pavarotti: Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh aaaaaaaaaaaaand groooooooooooooooooooow.... faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!
Snake: I like your style! Next! Mr.Ogishoni!
Sumo Wrestler: (says some Japenese)
Snake: Hmm... no. Pavarotti! Want the job?
(Pavarotti explodes)
Fatman: (throws detonater away) Uh, oops? Heh...
Snake: I like your ruthlessness! You're hired!
Fatman: Yay! (eats some cake)
(cut to Snake and Raiden)
Snake: Now THAT was some hardcore stuff.
Raiden: I never knew that Legolas could bend like that.
Snake: I was talking about the auditions.
Raiden: So was I...
Narrator: Genetic experiments! Wait a minute, wrong script. Ok, (coughs) But not everything was about fat people blowing up and blowing each other up. Some was about hot chicks in tight leather.
(flash to Fortune auditions. Lara Croft, Fortune, Pamela Anderson, Leonard Nimoy and Ronin Syaoran are all standing around in that tight leather uniform Fortune wears in the game)
Snake: (looks at Ronin)
Ronin: (grins)
Snake: Get out.
Ronin: Fine! But I'm keeping the costume! (walks out) Goddamn Darkness Before The Fall...
Snake: Alright... (sees Leonard Nimoy) What the?
Leonard: Can I do my song?
Snake: Fine...
Leonard: Well he fought with the goblins!
He battled a troll!!
He riddled with Gollum!!!
A magic ring he stole!!!!
He was chased by wolves!!!!!
Lost in the forest!!!!!!
Escaped in a barrel from the elf-king's halls!!!!!!!
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little hobbit of them all
Snake: Would you please leave without a fuss?
Leonard: Ok. (exits)
Lara: Can we get the auditions over now, so I can get out of this tight leather and expose my warm, succulent breasts to the cool air they deserve.
Snake: (look of ecstasy over his face) Oooooooooh...
Fortune: Lets just get out of them here. (proceeds, along with the others, to take off their costumes, exposing their bare naked bodies to the world)
Snake: Uuuuuh... (wet patch appears in pants)
(cuts to Raiden and Snake)
Raiden: That was arousing.
Snake: I creamed my pants 10 times in 5 minutes.
Raiden: Why did you choose Fortune again?
Snake: Because the licked it all up.
Raiden: Eww...
Narrator: Can I get a copy of that tape? Thanks. Alright... But not everything was about sweet, juicy breasts... some was about wet shirts with no bra underneath, creating an outline of ripe, supple...
(cut to Olga auditions. Seen are Olga, Lara Croft and Gollum)
Snake: Now then, the wet t-shirt contest is over and Lara won. Time for the dialogue part of the audition. Gollum, you go first.
Gollum: Hello Snake! I've comes to help you- kill the Snake- no, Snake is good to us, he likes us- nobody likes you!- I'm not listening to you- kill the Snake!- No- kill the Snake- Yeah okay- Kill the Snake!
Snake: Isn't he adorable? Let's buy him a present!
Lara Croft: Shouldn't I win the part?
Snake: Not now! Look how happy Gollum is!
Gollum: Mwhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!- Kill the Snake!- Mwhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
Olga: Do you not love my Russian accent?
Snake: Fine, you win.
Gollum: Yargh! (implodes)
Lara Croft: That was unexpected.
(cut to Raiden and Snake)
Raiden: Hold on, hold on. So the cops KNEW the FBI was screwing them the entire time?!
Snake: What the hell? There was nothing like that in the clip.
Raiden: Well, when I am deprived of Legolas I make up my own reality.
Snake: Here. (passes Raiden a scrapbook with 'Legolas Pics!' written on the front)
Raiden: Yay!
Narrator: But not everything was about wierd fantasy characters imploding. Some was about wierd guys who like having more then five limbs! Hee hee... I just made a penis joke! Hee hee hee hee, oh, roll the clip already!
(cut to Solidus auditions. Seen are Solidus, Ronin Syaoran, Legolas and Lara Croft)
Snake: Now then, it's time for the- (sees Ronin)
Ronin: I get it. Bye! (turns and walks out) Screw you Darkness Before The Fall...
Snake: Now then, we have to choose a good person to act out a conspiracy-believing freak of science! Any questions?!
Legolas: Do Ents get morning wood?
Ronin: Ba boom ching!
Snake: Any other questions?!
Solidus: (holds up a can of Dr.Pepper) Is Dr.Pepper a real doctor? Because I'm getting suspicious... I don't think he's qualified to be a soft drink.
Snake: I need a drink...
Legolas: Why is Lara here?
Snake: Because her tits are huge, thats why! Now then... Octopus boy!
Solidus: Mmmmyes?
Snake: Do you want the part?
Solidus: Allright.
Lara: Noooooooooo!!! I missed my chance of aspiring to something more then being that big breasted chick young boys masturbate to while I crawl through vents so they can see my exposed cleavage and tight ass! Dammit! Oh well. I've always got Legolas.
Legolas: Woot! (runs off with Lara)
(cut to Snake and Raiden)
Snake: (to Raiden) And thats why your mother and father did- Oops, we're back on.
Raiden: My Legolas ran off with that slut Lara Croft! Waaah! Oh well, I've always got you... (Snake smiles) Legolas porn!
Snake: Grr... is that it? Hold on, who else did we cast apart from Raiden, Fatman, Vamp-
Narrator: We didn't do Emma's audition, you stupid fuck!
Snake: Oh, yeah. (mumbles under breath)
Narrator: But not all of it was about morning wood and Dr.Pepper. Some was about finding the perfect cute chick to kill.
(cut to Emma auditions. Seen are Lara Croft, Emma, Amanda Bynes and The Dark Lord Sauron)
Snake: Now then, ladies and Maia, what are your qualifications?
Lara Croft: Well, I've got huge jugs...
Snake: Hold it right there! You're going to the top of my list!
Emma: My turn?
Snake: Knock yourself out, cutey.
Emma: ^_^ Thanks! Now then, I'm especially cute, and have lacuquered chopsticks in my hair-
Snake: Great! You're going to the top! Your turn Amanda.
Amanda: Well, I've been on TV for many years and had my own television show-
Snake: Thats great for you, sweetie! You're going straight to the bottom!
Sauron: I will go next.
Snake: Yeah, whatever floats your prophetical boat.
Sauron: Your insolence has been noted! Now then, as my credentials I have forged the one ring... the one ring... TO RULE THEM ALL!!!
Snake: Alright. After much thinking, I have decided that Emma gets the job!
Lara: No!
Sauron: No!
Amanda: Ma ha!
Emma: Yes! Now, pleasure me, Snake!
Snake: Sorry, only Raiden can do that.
Emma: He's gay, right?
Snake: Yep.
(cut back to Snake and Raiden)
Snake: Thats it. YES!!! THANK GOD!!!
Raiden: It's over?! Yay!
Narrator: Yes... THIS episode is over! Next time on Behind The Game, we bring you the casts secret thoughts about each other.
(cut to clip of next show)
Raiden: Just between you and me, I think Solidus and Emma are, you know, intimate.
Narrator: Thats next time on Behind The Game: Metal Gear Solid 2- Sons Of Liberty.