I really don't own anything except of course Little C. But you knew that most of the X-Men characters belonged to someone else right? Well I just had this cute little idea of a one shot fic where Baby Beak and Little C needed some attention and guess who's there to give them some? The Misfit Boys (AKA the former Brotherhood Boys)! This could take place at any time so don't worry too much about continuity. I don't.
It's the Mr. Squinky Show!
"Avast ye me harties!" Shipwreck said. "This be a fine mess! Whooo!" He waved his hand in front of his nose to try and get rid of the smell. He looked at Barney giggling on the changing table. "And I thought your brother was bad!"
"Stinky!" Claudius giggled from his pen.
"Inky!" Barney chirped.
"Yeah you're stinky all right," Shipwreck sighed as he cleaned him. "You're a stinky little guy ain't cha?"
"Are you calling me?" Todd poked his head in.
"Who else would he…?" Pietro stuck his head in the room as well. Then winced when he realized that was not such a good idea. "Yeeeesh! What a smell! That stinks!"
"Oh man," Todd held his nose. "I never smelled that bad!"
"No but you came to a pretty close second that time you didn't take a shower for three months!" Pietro winced.
"Hey we didn't have running water that whole time back at the Brotherhood House, remember?" Todd said. "I was doing my part conserving our resources!"
"We cared a lot more about conserving our health," Pietro remarked. "The stench alone could have killed us all. It killed off any rat that came into the house."
"That was never proved," Todd said icily. "I tell you that rat we found in the bathroom drowned in the toilet."
"It was committing suicide!" Pietro remarked. "You were the last one in there before we found it!"
"Before we found what?" Lance walked in. He was bare chested and was wearing jeans and a towel around his shoulders.
"We're talking about how Toad killed the rat in the bathroom with his smell when we were living in the Brotherhood house," Pietro told him.
"I did not kill it!" Todd snapped. "I killed a lot of bugs but never a rat! Freddy's the one who killed that mouse and put it in your…Never mind…"
"What?" Pietro asked.
"It's not important," Lance told him. He winced. "What's that smell? Even Toad doesn't smell that bad!"
"See?" Todd pointed out. "Hey! I have a gland problem! Deal with it!"
"That's not nice to say about Toad," Fred came in. "Now that he's washing himself with that special soap he don't smell bad no more."
"Uh as fascinating as this conversation is," Shipwreck said. "Could one of you give me a hand here? I need a spare diaper right about now."
"Oh sure, I got it," Todd handed him a fresh diaper. "Hi Baby Barney!"
Barney giggled happily. "Now here we go," Shipwreck put on the diaper and started to dress Barney again. "Who's a good widdle bay-bee? Who? Whichy whichy woo woo?" He continued to make nonsensical baby talk.
"Shipwreck do us all a favor and don't do that any more!" Pietro winced. "It just doesn't sound… Natural."
"Sorry," Shipwreck said as he picked up Barney. "Get Little C too will ya?"
"I got him," Todd picked up Claudius. "Here we go little buddy!"
"So how'd you guys do in training today?" Shipwreck asked.
"Not bad," Lance said as he went into his room and grabbed a shirt. "I can't believe they made us train in the rain though!"
"I couldn't believe how drenched I was," Pietro grumbled.
"Ah a little water is good for ya," Shipwreck waved. "So where are all the others?"
"Xi's doing some training with Stormshadow," Fred told him. "And the girls are doing something with Cover Girl."
"Okay," Shipwreck nodded as he put Barney down in the downstairs playpen. "You guys know the drill. You gotta do the dusting and the vacuuming today. And don't give me no lip about it!"
"We'll do it," Lance sighed as he came downstairs wearing a black T-shirt.
"And ya gotta look after the little ones here," Shipwreck said as he watched Todd put Claudius in the playpen.
"Aw man," Lance groaned. "Rug rat duty again?"
"It's good for you boys to do this. It will teach you patience," Shipwreck told them. Just then a soft squeaky toy hit his head. "A lot of patience."
"No problem," Todd waved. "We can handle 'em."
"And don't just let them veg out watching the TV again," Shipwreck instructed as he headed out the door. "Babies need interaction. I don't want to find them covered in drool again."
"I couldn't help it!" Fred said. "Those Teletubby things are hypnotic. They make me go to sleep."
"Just play with them will ya?" Shipwreck groaned as he went out the door.
"Wonderful," Lance groaned. "Another wonderful day with the diaper brigade! Are we training to be soldiers or babysitters?"
"Aw come on Lance they ain't so bad," Todd said. He looked in the playpen. "Where'd they go?"
"They got out again?" Lance rolled his eyes.
"Tricky little devils aren't they?" Pietro snickered. "There they are!" They were both playing tug of war with the remote control. "Uh, uh, uh! Don't play with that!" He zipped over and grabbed it.
Barney and Claudius looked at Pietro. Then they both started to bawl. They wanted to play with the shiny thing! "Way to go Speedy," Todd grumbled. "They'll be like that for hours now!"
"Oh great!" Lance groaned. "Now what do we do?"
"I have an idea," Todd said. "We could entertain 'em or something!"
"For once Froggy you have the right idea!" Pietro grinned. "Hold on! I'll be right back!" He zipped to his room and returned with several recognizable objects. "Ta Dah!"
"Oh god no," Lance moaned. "Not the sock puppets! Anything but the sock puppets!"
"Hey Shipwreck said we had to play with them," Pietro said.
"Yeah but he didn't say to warp their minds while we were doing it!" Lance told him.
"Come on this will be fun," Pietro set up a small puppet theater.
"For who?" Lance groaned.
"Do you want them to cry all day?" Todd asked.
"You have a point," Lance sighed. "Of course I'll probably be the one who ends up crying all day!"
"Come on you two," Fred picked up the crying babies. "It's time for a puppet show!"
"Pup-pet?" Claudius stopped crying and blinked.
"Pup-pa?" Barney stopped as well.
"Yeah puppet show," Fred sat them down in front of the small theater. "That's a really cool theater you made, Pietro."
"Yeah it only took me a minute," Pietro smiled as he squatted behind the theater. He then put on a sock puppet with huge ears and buckteeth.
"What is that supposed to be?" Lance asked.
"It's a mouse," Pietro told him.
"Looks more like a rat to me," Lance scoffed.
"Shut up and let me work my magic," Pietro waved him off. He popped the puppet up onto the stage. "Hey kids!" Pietro spoke in a funny voice. "It's time for the Mr. Squinky Show!"
"Mr. Squinky?" Lance asked. "Man how hokey can you get?"
"Squinky!" Claudius and Barney cried out gleefully. "Squinky! Squinky!"
"See I know my audience," Pietro told him. He then went back to the funny voice. "Hey kids! Who wants to sing the Happy Song?"
"Happy!" Both babies chirped.
"Happy song!" Fred and Todd called out joyfully. "We want to sing the Happy Song!"
"Oh no," Lance groaned. "All of the sudden doing some cleaning around the house is becoming a very good idea!" He went into the next room.
"Hey let me get the video camera!" Todd shouted. He quickly went to the cabinet and took it out. He made sure there was a blank tape inside and started it. "Okay, let's go! Mr. Squinky Show, take one!"
"Who made you the director?" Pietro asked.
"Hey I got the camera here," Todd said. "Just sing."
"Okay," Pietro said. He then reverted to his funny voice. "Sing a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy song! Sing a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy song!" He made the puppet dance around and the babies started to squeal with delight. Todd and Fred joined in loudly.
"Where the heck is that nice loud vacuum cleaner when you need it?" Lance groaned from the other room.
"That was fun kids!" Pietro said in his puppet voice when he finished. "Do you want to sing some more?"
"Yah!" The babies squealed.
"Yeah!" Todd and Fred shouted happily.
"No…" Lance groaned.
"Any requests?" Mr. Squinky asked.
"Yeah how about 'Far, Far Away'?" Lance called out.
"Matin Hop!" Claudius called out.
"Mamin hop!" Barney echoed.
"No!" Lance came into the room. "Not the 'Martian Hop'! Anything but that!"
"Aw come on Lance they love that song!" Fred pleaded.
"NO!" Lance said emphatically.
"It's a great song!" Todd said.
"No it is not!" Lance said. "Don't sing it!"
"We have just discovered an important note from space. The Martians plan to throw a dance for the human race!" Pietro sang in the puppet voice. Then he started making the weird sounds associated with the song.
"He sings it anyway," Lance groaned. "I hope those Ran-Dells…the maniacs who came up with this song in the first place died a slow and agonizing death! Or if they didn't maybe I can arrange it."
But no one was paying attention to him. The babies were happily squealing and laughing as they bopped in time to the music. Fred and Todd had joined in the singing as well. "I got into the Martian ship to see the Martian Hop! I saw the place was shiny so there I made my stop. But as I opened up the door and climbed the ladder down, I saw the Martians on the floor dancing to this sound. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeee-eee The Martian Hop! Eeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeee The Martian Hop!"
"I'm gonna have that stupid song in my head all day!" Lance groaned. "It was bad enough when that stupid coyote started singing it in my dreams the other night but this…"
"You what?" Todd asked him.
"Don't ask," Lance moaned. "Please just don't ask."
"Eeeeeee-eeeeee-eeeee!" The babies sang loudly.
"Thanks a lot Pietro! They're gonna be screaming that all night!" Lance shouted. "KNOCK IT OFF!" Immediately everyone fell silent.
"No Mawin hop?" Claudius sniffled.
"No, no Martian Hop! It's evil!" Lance said.
"Don't pay any attention to Lance kids," Mr. Squinky spoke up. "What does he know about taste?"
"Taste? This coming from a sock?" Lance snapped.
"You see kids, when you get as lonely and pathetic as Lance does, you're bound to get a little cranky," Mr. Squinky said. "How about we sing him a little song to cheer him up?"
"How would you like me to feed you to some rabid moths?" Lance growled.
"Lance loves Kitty! Lance loves Kitty!" Mr. Squinky sang. "Lance loves Kitty because he's dumb! Cause she strings him along and…"
"DIE MR. SQUINKY!" Lance screamed as he attacked the puppet.
"HELP!" Pietro yelled as he did the puppet voice. "HELP ME!"
"Oh I'm glad I'm videotaping this!" Todd laughed.
"I love educational television," Fred snickered.
"Help kids!" Pietro gasped. "Save Mr. Squinky!"
"Yeah like they're gonna…" Lance increased the pressure on Pietro's arm. "OWWW! BARNEY!" He whirled around and saw Barney holding his little whiffle bat.
"No!" Barney banged Lance's leg with the bat again. "NO! NO! NO!"
"NO!" Claudius whapped Lance's other leg with his flipper.
"YEOW!" Lance let go of Pietro and backed away from the babies. "Cut it out you little maniacs!"
"Serves you right for trying to hurt Mr. Squinky," Pietro stuck his tongue out.
"Do you always have to be so annoying?" Lance snapped.
"Yes," Pietro smirked.
"Oh just ignore him Lance," Todd said. "He's always been like that. Remember when Magneto put him in charge of us for a while?"
"How could I forget? Him acting like lord of the manor," Lance rubbed his legs.
"You just gotta know how to deal with him," Todd said. "Like when Freddy served him a mouse in his stew once…"
"YOU DID WHAT?" Pietro gagged.
"Well you were acting like a jerk and everything," Fred told him. "And you never complemented on my cooking so I found this mouse in a mousetrap, skinned it and…"
"YOU SICK FREAK!" Pietro jumped on Fred. "DIE!" He tried to beat him up but then realized that it might not have been the smartest thing to do.
"You were saying?" Fred picked him up by the sweater.
"No Fred!" Lance said. "Let me help you!" Soon all three of them were fighting.
"Okay kids this is what's called a brawl," Todd commented as things were flying around the room. "Can you say that?"
"Bawwlll," Claudius said matter of factly.
"WHAT IN THE SAM HILL ARE YOU DOING?" Shipwreck shouted as he walked into the room. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CLEANING THE PLACE! NOT TEARING IT UP!"
The boys stopped fighting. "Shipwreck? What are you doing here?" Pietro gulped.
"I forgot something," Shipwreck said. "Oh yes I remember now. It's never to leave you four alone in the house! What kind of example are you setting for the babies here!"
"No fight," Claudius said to the boys.
"Be good," Barney chirped.
"I was good," Todd said proudly.
"You little liar!" Pietro pounced on him. Soon they were all fighting again.
"Bad boys," Claudius said as Shipwreck picked the babies up.
"Notty, notty," Barney nodded.
"Okay," Shipwreck sighed as he watched the insanity. "Barney, Claudius…next time I'm leaving you two in charge! Seeing as the two of you are the most mature pair in the house!"