I am not normal. I've never been normal, and I never will be.

I hate my magic. Everyone talks about how they love theirs, how amazing it is, how creative or destructive, useful or useless. Not mine.

My magic is powerful, too powerful for my body. My Mom had enough after the second explosion of raw energy and sent me to a group of scientists who could control it, and they did. I had just turned three, according to my file, and the people who were supposed to have an easy time controlling it could barely do that. They finally got me sedated and poured all of the magic they could without killing me into a lacrima that rests behind my left eye.

My family life was.. iffy to say the least. When the scientists called my mother to come take me back, the man who answered said that she skipped town with my big brother and hasn't been seen in the 2 years I'd been here.

My sperm donor was a scientist too, from Pergrande. We don't know if he knew he screwed up and wanted to kill her or if he wanted to mess my magic up so much I died, but whatever he did, he changed my genetic makeup and made me the monster I am. I was the product of a violent rape, my mother didn't want to remember, I wouldn't want me either.

So, since my mother was gone, they put me up for adoption, it took a few months but a young couple that couldn't have children adopted me. They lived in Minstrel, so I grew up in a beautiful country with a loving family, everything I could have wanted.

I was in my last year at the local university, I had a Major in Nursing and a minor in chemistry, I was very proud of myself, and so was Dad, he told me on a daily basis. We lost mom about a year ago and we were finally getting back to living. Dad was taking it harder then he thought, so he was going to be moving to Fiore once I graduate, I was doing something similar, but to Bosco, then maybe Joya. I wasn't sure, I had plans though. The house in Capresa was going to be under my name so I could always come back if things got too rough.

I had just gotten through classes for the week and was heading home. I was looking forward to getting to relax for the weekend and maybe get some studying in before packing. I was two streets away from home, when I felt a hand wrap around my throat and a jolt of magic seep into the skin that it was touching.

"Don't struggle little girl, come quietly and it'll be over soon" a masculine voice rasped next to my ear. I tried to scream out but no noise would come out, I clawed at the hand around my throat desperately, but even when I sunk my nails into his wrist he didn't let up. I was roughly guided backwards to a close by ally and was shoved face first against the rough sandstone wall.

I don't know how long it was, I lost track of everything around me, all I could feel were his hands on my hips and thighs, his tongue on my neck. He left me slumped against the wall, dress pooled on the ground nearby and ripped underwear around my ankle.

I could still feel his hands, his tongue, his – I gagged and threw my lunch up on the smooth stone ground. I needed to move, I needed to get home and find something to clean between my legs and burn this layer of skin off.

I never ended up telling anyone about what happened, not that I could have. When he used his magic on my throat something happened to my vocal cords and I haven't been able to speak since. It's been 4 years since he attacked me and I've not been able to say a word.

I was in Pelerno now, I gave up nursing after what had happened, how could I help someone if I couldn't help myself, or even talk to them. You can't comfort people well with no words. The doctors and healers I've seen said they didn't know what kind of magic he used, or how to reverse it, so I was mute. My sign was sketchy at best, I could never focus long enough to fully learn how to speak with my hands, so I stuck with my notepad and pen. It was slow, but I could express myself well enough.

I generally stay away from magic, well, avoid it as much as possible. The lacrima behind my eye will act up every once in a while and I have to travel to Fiore to visit a crotchety old healer in a forest outside of Magnolia to have it taken care of. I think she liked me because I couldn't talk and annoy her like 'other humans'. So here I was, 25 years old, living a decent life as a chemist in an apothecary, staying away from any and all forms of magic that I could and still researching a way to get my voice back.

I smiled brightly at the customer that came through the door, his maroon hair was spiky, I wonder if that was natural, I can't say much about odd hair colour, mine was red, but his was more purple then red. It was thick and looked soft for hair that was stuck up all over the place.

I shook my head and went back to packaging the powdered meadowsweet for the sweet old lady that had a horrible fever.

"Do you sell poisons?" I looked up at the man and cocked my head to the side. I reached for my notepad;

What were you looking for?

"Pretty much anything you have, I'm not picky."

I narrowed my eyes slightly.. was he planning a murder or something... oh my god was he going to kill himself!?

Why do you want poison, are you going to hurt yourself or someone else? I normally need a doctors note for diluted poisons.

I wrote quickly and slid the book to him

"Nah, I'm a poison dragon slayer, I eat it"

I blinked rapidly and took a step back, I could feel my heart speed up and my palms were getting sweaty. 'You're okay, he's keeping his magic to himself. You're okay, your magic is stored safely. It won't come out just by being near one mage for a few minutes.'

I have Ricin, Cyanide, Amatoxin, Crab's eye, aconite, thimbleweed, nightshade and several frog and snake venoms. I'm sure we have more just on the shelves that are deadly in large quantities if you want to look

He was looking at me funny, like I was crazy or something, I am not crazy. I set my face into a small pout and slid the book to him.

"great, I'll take a small bag of the Ricin, some aconite, crab's eye and what kind of snake venom do you have?"

I reached under the desk and grabbed the small binder that held the list of animal and reptile poisons we had, I showed him the snake venoms and I could see his eyes get a almost happy glint in them.

"I'll take the Mamba and Krait venom for today" I nodded and put the binder back under the desk. I turned to unlock the safe that held the venoms and more toxic plants. I slid gloves onto my hands before filling three bags with the dry ingredients, and grabbing a vial of both of the venoms, I grabbed a third vial and thought I'd try and sell that one too.

Do you want the plants whole or crushed? And did you want to try some of my homemade poison, it's acidic but it's mostly just a mix of Mandrake, Ricin and some cherry pits. It's not a liquid, but more like a paste, if you add a little water you could drink it, or add it to your drink.

I slid the book back to the man, who I only now just realized has one eye, wonder how that happened, is his depth perception off? I wonder if his eye is still in there or if it was taken out when it was cut.

" I'll take everything whole and I'll take the homemade stuff too, if it's good I may come back and make you my snack food store" he chuckled deeply and I shivered. He had a great voice.

I smiled again and placed the vials into tissue and slid everything into a paper bag

It's going to be 11,500 Jewels please

I slid the book over to him and he handed me enough plus a tip, which he told me I could keep. I smiled brightly and waved as he left. He was nice enough, not as rude as the man the other day that yelled at me for not being able to talk. It was close to 7 so I figured I could close my shop. I flipped the sign that said I would be back at 10 am and slid the bolt home. Maybe something Minstrellian for dinner... I'm missing home a bit.

It had been two weeks since tall maroon and handsome came into the store and I had definitely not been waiting for him to come back. I also did not make him toasted apple seeds with cinnamon and nutmeg and sugar. That would be crazy, and I am not crazy.

I had finally finished the huge order that White sea had made and put it into the sixth box in the pile when the bell on the door rang. I smiled brightly as I watched a man with wild black hair, the maroon haired man and a tall man that had silky black hair with slight red streaks in it. I assumed these were the men for the White Sea order and so I smiled and gestured them over to the counter.

Welcome to Mortar and Pestle, how can I help you gentlemen today

I slid the book over and slid my hand over the tape on the final box. Dusting my hands off and pulling my hair up in a bun.

"Hey again, we're here for a few reasons. One, I want more snacks, we need the White Sea order and something that can wait until the end." I jumped on the balls of my feet and sped around the half wall to get the apple seeds. I brought back the small mason jar and held it out to the maroon haired man

"You, Red are an absolute angel" He actually smiled at me, I'm so happy I made someone smile. I looked at the silky haired man

I need some Guild ID if I'm going to give you the order, so if you please

He handed me his lacrima and I scanned it before handing it back. Tall dark and handsome was Vander Pradesh, the Vander Pradesh, I'd heard he could sing like an angel! Oh thats so cool.

Same order as last time? I never caught your name.. I can have it ready bi weekly if you want, so you don't have to wait for me to get it ready?

"Name's Cobra, Red." I puffed my cheeks up " and if you pre make my snacks I don't get to spend time with you" he winked and I felt my face heat up. I turned and made my way to the poison safe to gather his 'snacks' again, trying to hide the bright red splotching my cheeks.

I brought the bags and 3 vials back and wrapped them up and slid them into a paper bag

did you need the Guild order delivered? I can do it tomorrow afternoon, Thursdays are always quiet.

Cobra, it's the same as last time, 11,500 for the 'snacks'

I slid the paper to the men and stood straight.

"No Red, we can take the order, and I uh, well, I have listening magic, and I couldn't help but hear you last time I was in" I tensed and my hands tightened on the counter

"I know your brother, and I know you were looking for him, I know most of what went on in Minstrel and Fiore when you were young and I know you've been looking for him for a few years now."

I shook my head and grabbed my pad again

I need you to leave please, thank you for your purchase, I'll deliver the order tomorrow afternoon

I walked swiftly to the door and held it open for the three gaping men. I was not dealing with this today, I could barely stand making orders for wizards as it is, I couldn't deal with one invading the privacy of my head. He knew. He fucking knew what happened. I stomped my foot and opened the door a little more. He tried to say something to me once he was outside but I closed the door and dead bolted it. I walked around to the far side of the counter and curled into a ball.