She's Got Moxie
Prologue: The Great Ice Heist
It was a fairly normal day at the Antarctic research station. Men with frozen beards and moustaches hurried around like fat penguins, recording the weather conditions and measuring the depth of the snow. Women with thick scarves that covered their faces and frosted eyelashes scribbled on notepads and hypothesized with their fellow researchers. The only thing that could have possibly signaled the insanity that was about to follow was the fact that there was an unusually strong wind that day.
Throughout the day, the researchers found themselves frequently clinging to their hats to keep them from flying off. It wasn't uncommon for a researcher to suddenly tear off across the ice, flailing as they struggled in vain to retrieve their big wooly scarf. Even the most stoic of the scientists began to feel anxiety about the strange goings-on.
Eventually the wind turned into a vortex of air that ripped apart tarps and knocked over vials of dangerous compounds, causing no end of panic and clouds that stank of bizarre chemicals. The vortex soon began to lift equipment off the ground, only to drop it and smash it into a million pieces. It wasn't long before the scientists were subjected to the same fate, resulting in sore bottoms and bruised noses.
All of a sudden, the vicious gale died down. The researchers continued to crouch on the ground for several moments, fearing that this was merely the eye of the storm. After a half hour had passed, it was evident that the wind was gone for good. The scientists scrambled to their feet, flashing smiles of relief at one another.
Just as they had recovered from the unsettling experience, the very ground started to tremble violently. Buildings, equipment, and researchers were savagely hurled to the earth, as though the land was expressing its fury against them. The foundations of Antarctica cracked and shook as though a hand were squeezing it to its core. Snowballs formed and threw themselves at anything they could. More than one researcher was turned into a human snowman by the raging snow.
Out of the blue, Antarctica was sucked up into the sky. Everything that had formerly been situated on its surface was tossed into the water like useless garbage. The icy continent shrank to the size of a dinner plate before disappearing into the belly of a dark green helicopter painted with pink flower and green, curling vine designs.
An auburn-haired woman wearing a green headband popped her head out of the vehicle and stuck out her tongue at the researchers floundering in the water below. "Take that, ya tree-chopping ninnies!" she shrieked before turning around and flying away into the clear blue skies.
All the scientists stared blankly after the helicopter as it gradually shrank to a miniscule dot in the sky. Once the aircraft had disappeared from their sight, they looked at one another, hoping that one of them would have an idea as to how they could find a rescuer. When nobody spoke, they all groaned in dismay and slapped their foreheads. Their prospects of rescue were looking very dim at the moment. It appeared as though the only solution was to swim to a nearby piece of land until they could find a boat willing to let them board.
A scientist with a huge frozen mustache looked at his blue-lipped friend and shrugged. "Looks like it's going to be a long swim home, Bob."