Author's Note: Wow, Hakkai angst gets a lot easier to write when listening to "Hakkai's Theme" over and over! I'm experimenting with a new style here. And I tried really hard, so if you review and tell me it sucks, then I won't get offended. Good deal, huh? Enjoy!
-
The morning sunlight dazzled through the bare glass of the bedroom window, giving everything a faint glow. Gonou leaned back with his palms pressed into the mattress behind him. It was Saturday, so they could savor a leisurely morning together.
He had a bit of heartache, but wasn't sure why. Kanan, his precious other half, was there in front of him, brushing her feather-soft hair in front of the mirror. They caught each other's eyes in the reflection, and smiled contentedly. Last night, as usual, had been divine. Letting his mind wander back to the feel of her delicate fingers travelling down his chest, he had to wonder—What could that ache possibly mean when everything he wanted was there in the room with him?
-
The dark rain beat against the glass of the window, staining the wooden floor with its constantly moving silhouette. Hakkai leaned forward to rest his chin on the heel of his palm, his elbow on the windowsill. It had been one week since the start of their journey.
The old ache was back. He was back in the hole he had dug for himself. But when had he ever left? His eyes gradually forgot the winding trails of water on the other side of the glass as his hands remembered a dark, brittle coating. His breath quickening, he lifted his chin off his palm and rubbed his hands together, trying to get the blood to chip and fall off as a dust. When the feeling stayed the same, he looked down at his hands. Pale. Clean. The feeling disappeared, but for a moment he wondered if he had gotten any on his chin. But that was ridiculous. He rested his elbows on the windowsill and buried his face in his hands, the urgent drumming of rain only an inch away. "I promise I'll protect you."
Honestly, what had he been trying to protect? Her, yes, but there had to have been something else. So many of them… His cheek twitched, and he could've sworn he felt a dry film scrunch together with his skin. He fought the urge to rub it away. What would make him tear through them all, discarding their lives, believing that a hope for a life together with Kanan was more important? Suddenly the air became cold as it entered his lungs. Cold and heavy.
Letting the uneasy sensation spread through his body, he wondered, when did he start digging this hole—or more importantly, when did he fall in?
"—don't have parents—you wouldn't understand!"
No… It had to be before that.
"I love you."
Maybe.
Through the sounds of rain, flashes of memory appeared, almost like lightning in their contrast. Kanan's hands were so small, so endearingly delicate. The perfect size to fit within his own. Sometimes they made dinner together after work in their tiny kitchen. "Love you too."
Thunder sounded, and the room darkened. Yes, he was still trapped. His hands still itched to run themselves through her hair. And the smell of her flowery shampoo. The comfort of staring into eyes exactly like his own. Something in his chest twisted. Kanan…
He didn't want out. No escape. Never. He reached out and lightly traced his finger down a serpentine trail on the cold glass, pretending the rain wasn't red.
-
Author's Note: Wouldn't you love to review? Delicious Japanese candy to whomever actually analyzes the theme(s)! Everyone else gets American candy. But hey, it's still candy.