Title: Sakura's Talk Show

Chapter: 1

Sub-Title: Opening Credits

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

"Welcome to 'Good Morning Konoha!' For all of you who haven't heard, today we are having a talk with two of Konoha's ambiguous friends: Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto." The host, Sakura sang out all-too-happily.

Naruto came out on stage waving and kissing to the screen. "That's right folks, starring me; future Hokage: Uzumaki Naruto!"

The pink-haired kunoichi hit the blonde on the crown of his head and shouted about how he wasn't the star of the show and that Sasuke would be co-starring with him. Naruto responded by rubbing his head soothingly and cooing out her name in both partial fear and pain.

"Now, while I beat some sense into Naruto, a word from our sponsors!" Sakura smiled sweetly at the camera until it cut to commercial.

Commercial

Temari was pushed onto the set by Kakashi who had tied her up for convenience. "I never agreed to this! I'll get my agen-"

Kakashi rudely shoved his hand over the feisty blonde's mouth. The copy-nin whispered something in the Sand-Siblings ear that made her eyes widen with excitement. She nodded her head in agreement before the Jounin released her.

"Spoons, spoons, they'll never rust, so use your spoons before they bust!" She sang before whipping around to face Kakashi. "Now where's my pie?"

Show

"Welcome back! Now you see we have all the members of our cast with us now." Sakura stated in her sweet voice while motioning to a tied up Sasuke sitting in a chair on the left, parallel to Naruto. "So let us start with what exactly you two think of each other."

After Sasuke's gag was untied he uncharacteristically yelled at any and all who would listen, "I never agreed to this! Get me away from that stupid dobe; I swear if you don't let me out of here I'll Katon this building to the ground!"

"The official opening statement from Sasuke has been made!" Sakura commented all too enthusiastically. "Leaving this show is now no longer an option. Naruto, what will you counter with now?"

"I object!" The Kyuubi-vessel called out, trying to beat Sasuke in yet another useless 'challenge'. "Sasuke is the dobe, not I and he's so emo on top of not being able to make up his mind on whether he's good or evil. Also, he never says more then five words at a time which means…you're not Sasuke!" It is here that Naruto decides to flail his arms and fall out of his seat, successfully recreating a visual of a seizure on camera.

Noticing that the audience has taken to staring gaumlessly at genin on the floor, the hostess tried to make a dive and save her ratings from plummeting further. "Naruto, not only can you see that it's Sasuke but that brings us to the end of our show."

"It's a clone, Sasuke's been replaced…" The blonde rambled on the floor, holding the stares of all the audience members in the studio.

"This is exactly the reason why I don't speak." The youngest Uchiha commented, scoffing and turning his head as much as he could away from the humiliating sight.

The kunoichi strode up towards the camera, stepping in between her two guests and her live audience, "This marks the end of today's show. Join us tomorrow at the same time and the same place to witness the continuation to this special!"

Just then, team 7's squad leader appeared beside her, reading his infamous book. "Actually, if they were to show up at the same time, the show would be over."

"Not…Sasuke…too many words…" Naruto continued faithfully.

"…Well!" Sakura chimed over the back round noise, "Join us tomorrow at the beginning of our show to see the next instalment of this saga!"

"I hate my life!" Sasuke exclaimed as his sanity whittled away.

"Oh God! Just end the show already!" He hostess cried in a vain attempt at salvaging her morning television spot.

Mercifully the screen started to fade to black in order to roll the credits. Unfortunately for Sakura they cut the audio a little too late; catching Sasuke shout profanities at the show, the cast and crew of said show and about his own life; before the credits appeared to replace the audio.

A/N: I don't know how I thought this was good when I posted it. Here's a better version of this crackfic. …Don't judge me on this please, I was young and naive.

This retype is just to make me feel better about my old flame-worthy blasphemy. Though I guess some parts were keepers according to my 4 reviewers. I thank you for those by the way!

Review if you feel so inclined.

-WAC