Title:Never Meant to be Read
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's been a little over three months since Kurt left for New York, leaving Blaine behind in Lima to finish high school. As the time drags on, Kurt finds himself missing his boyfriend more and more, and decides to express his feelings in the best way he knows how: through writing letters that were never meant to be read.
Author's Notes: This is my first time writing fanfiction in over a year, so I'm still a bit rusty. ^^ Anyway, I got this idea while trying to sleep last night, and the story pretty much wrote itself!
Kurt looked down at the elaborate descriptions written in his textbook. He sighed. Suddenly taking mostly AP courses didn't seem as appealing to him. Once one of the top students in his class, his marks were now getting gradually lower as the months dragged on. It was common knowledge that starting off in post-secondary school could be stressful and that your average would drop by a few points, but Kurt was pretty sure that most people wouldn't go from getting high eighties to getting low seventies within one semester. He was also pretty sure the big decline had to do with his recent lack of focus.
Lately he had been finding it harder and harder to concentrate during lectures, and easier to just drift off and reminisce about some sweet memory he had with Blaine. It had been a little over a month since he had left for New York, leaving his boyfriend back in Lima to finish high school. Since then, he had only once seen Blaine in person, and the rest of their meetings took place over Skype.
In Kurt's opinion, that was the hardest thing about living in New York. Not the difficult classes, not the traffic, not the cost of living. The most heartbreakingly difficult thing was having to be so far away from the person he loved the most.
He let out another deep exhale, shut the textbook, and dropped onto his bed. The mattress was springy and smelled of mothballs, much like every other bit of furniture in his small dorm room.
Kurt closed his eyes, willing for sleep to overtake him and transport him to some wonderful world where he could be lying next to his boyfriend, instead of being cold and alone. When the sleep never came and he found himself missing Blaine too much, he hauled himself out of bed and walked over to his desk, hauling out a piece of paper.
Since he was little, Kurt had used letters as a way to express himself. He found the words came easier if he wrote them down instead of spoke them. Of course, Kurt's letters were never intended to be read by the person they were addressed to. They were for his eyes only, as they were just another way to vent. He started off by writing them to his mother after she passed; later they were used as an outlet when he was getting bullied. At that point in time, the writings were usually full of fear and confusion.
But now, Kurt was writing letters for Blaine. Writing didn't stop the dull ache in his heart, but it did put his mind at ease, at least for a little while. He took a deep breath and put his pen to the paper, writing the opening lines to yet another letter that was never meant to be read…
Dear Blaine,
You have no idea how much I am missing you right now. But then again, I guess you do. We're sort of in the same situation here.
Being away from you is just too hard. I feel like this is just some sort of cruel joke from the world, trying to tear us apart. To be honest, there have been a handful of times when I feel like that was what was going to happen. I hate myself for thinking this, but there have been nights when I was drunk and lonely, and I thought about how much easier everything would be if I just ended this relationship.
But I could never leave you, Blaine. Because what we have is forever. I sure hope so anyway. I realized that I would miss you far too much, even more than I do now. And, God, Blaine, do I ever miss you.
I miss spending time with you. Watching movies alone is nowhere near as enjoyable without someone to cuddle up to.
I miss all those silly arguments we would have; about how you use too much gel, or how I'm too overprotective.
I miss the cheesy, romantic dates that you would plan for us. The ones where we'd go out to dinner and then dance in the rain.
I miss singing duets in the shower with you, and the way your hair got all curly after we got out.
I miss the way your eyes twinkle when you get excited. It's just not the same through the image on my computer screen.
I miss holding your face between my hands, and kissing your soft, warm lips.
I miss all those times that we would lie just to spend the night at each other's houses, making love until the early hours of the morning.
I miss your warm arms holding me close as we drift off to sleep, and I miss your beautiful face being the first thing I see every morning.
I miss the look on your face when we stared into each others' eyes, right in that moment when the world around us ceased to exist as you pressed your mouth to mine before whispering "I love—
A tear dropped from Kurt's eye, landing on the paper and smearing the ink, making the words underneath it unrecognizable. A second tear followed soon after. A third, a fourth, until they joined together in what seemed like an endless stream trickling down his cheeks.
Forgetting the letter, Kurt made his way back over to the bed, hugging a pillow close to his chest as if it could possibly fill the empty void in his chest. Eventually the tears slowed down, and all that remained was a pair of watery eyes.
Kurt heard his phone buzz.
One new text: Blaine Anderson
A small smile crossed his face as he opened the text and answered it. As he was waiting for a reply, his eyes gravitated to his finger. On it sat the small but elegant promise ring that Blaine had given him the night before he left for New York. It may only be a little piece of metal, but when Kurt looks at it he sees hope, and promises for a future spent with the man he loves by his side.
And in that moment, he knows that they're going to be all right. They have to be. Because the love they share is forever.