Real or Not Real

Peeta was still was still recovering. And even though I was pretty sure I had gotten my friend, savior, tribute, oh and star-crossed lover back, there were still some things that he was iffy about.

"You knocked me out in the Games. Real or not real?"

"Real."

"Why?"

"You know why, Peeta..." I trailed off, smiling into those deep blue eyes. Those deep blue eyes. Those were one of my only escapes. Escape from loneliness. Escape from the pain. It was as if when our eyes made contact, I knew that everything was okay. That we weren't in the Games anymore. That we shouldn't have to worry. But, usually, I still did.

"Well, remind me," he said grinning, which widened my smile. I loved his smile. I loved the fact that Peeta was genuinely a good person - not a piece in the not-so-long-ago government's Games. When Peeta was happy, I wanted to be happy. I needed that bright piece of sunshine in my day to balance out the fact that we were both technically insane. But that didn't matter. Nothing much mattered when I was with him.

The memories flashed before my eyes as I tried not to see the blood in the Games. I tried not to see the death or hear the screams.

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I live in District 12. I won the 74th Hunger Games. Gale is gone. Prim is gone. But not in the same way. My mother is long gone. I am in love with Peeta Mellark. We are both in need of extreme therapy.

As I said, I'm trying to focus on the positive things. It obviously isn't going very well.

I try to remember only the good things from the Games when I'm conscious. Not the bad. But I do allow my self to linger on my terrible life - because of all the people missing from it. I can't forget them. Ever.

"You were hurt," I start, only allowing the good thoughts come through the feeble filter in my mind. "And I knew that if I didn't do something soon...that you would die." I whispered the last part. Because Peeta was the only person left in my life. Everyone else abandoned me. And if I had let them die, then I'm sure that my last bit of sanity would have abandoned myself.

"So I went and got you medicine," I finished.

"You blame yourself for my leg," he said. "Real or not real."

"Real."

"I would've died. Both those times."

I just sighed, as he wrapped his arms around me. Safe. I felt safe in his arms. In the arena. In the our house in the middle of the god forsaken District 12. On the trains we rode as we traveled on our victory tour. Safe. Even if it was just an illusion, it was welcomed by me.

"You wanted me dead. In the hospital. When you woke up. Real or not real," I asked this time.

"Real," he whispered in my ear, and held me even tighter. "But now I realized what a big mistake I was making. I could never survive without you, Katniss." His lips brushed my neck.

Never survive without me. My mind flashed back to that night in the Capitol. The night in Tigris' store. The night I overheard Gale and Peeta talking. She'll pick the one she can't survive without. They had made me sound like a selfish demon - which maybe I was - but I wasn't trying to be.

But it maybe I didn't make the choice. Maybe it was all mutual. Maybe Gale had decided he wanted to keep working in 2. Maybe Peeta and I were supposed to be together. Maybe I really only liked Gale as a "cousin," and I really was in love with the boy with the bread.

"You sing so beautifully, even the mockingjays are silent to listen. Real or not real."

"Real."

"Will you sing to me?"

I started laughing, "Of course not."

"Why not?" he looked at me innocently.

"Fine," I sighed.

Deep in the meadow, under the willow
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow
Lay down your head and close your sleepy eyes
And when again they open, the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here you dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you

I practically whisper the last line, deep in thought.

"You love me. Real or not real."

"Real," I whisper, a smile on my face.

AN: Review and make me a happy person! And may the odds be ever in your favor ;)