A little two parter that SVUproductions and I wrote as a little break from our upcoming House series. Some blood, some hints of Hameron shippiness, and LOTS of our Housian sarcasm. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not ours!

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Allison Cameron bit back a sigh and brushed her bangs out of her eyes as she walked into Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. It was Monday morning, and she wasn't crazy about dragging herself into work after the weekend. Against her better judgment, she had gone home Friday night and consumed an entire bottle of wine. She had spent Saturday and Sunday recovering from the alcohol. But she'd done it with good reason. Saturday would have been her first wedding anniversary. But several months ago, she and Chase had split up.

While she felt sadness over the split, she resented herself for ever accepting his proposal in the first place. She didn't love him that way, but she had said yes with the hope that she would grow to love him. That had failed spectacularly. Now she was just trying to get on with her life, and that had included returning to Princeton, despite the fact that Chase still worked there.

They were both adults. Certainly they could work together. And so far, it had worked.

Suddenly she felt someone come up behind her, and she frowned. Without even looking, she knew who was following her.

"Would you mind giving me a blow job? Cuddy said no, and it would just be awkward if Wilson did it," House piped up.

She rolled her eyes. "No."

"Why not? Junior's lonely!"

She just shook her head, but inwardly she was smiling.

House just watched as she grabbed a file and tended to a patient. "I'm bored."

"Then grab a file."

"I'd rather grab someone's boobs."

"House, you are a boob."

"I was an ass the last time I asked Wilson."

"Incredible. You're both."

"Then where's my medal? Don't you think it would look good hanging from my best buddy down there?"

"Not really." But she was enjoying the banter. Ever since Chase proposed to her, things between herself and House had grown awkward. She had been utterly confused, but refused to confront him about it. After all, they were only colleagues. But lately, things had gotten better, and she wondered about that.

"What is this, National Hurt House's Feelings Day?" he moaned. Even though he had hid from her when she first returned, he now followed her constantly.

"Of course. We celebrate it every Monday and Thursday. Didn't you get the memo?"

"Nope. I was busy with a hooker."

"But that only takes a half hour!"

"Not if you do it right."

"You're right. Then it's an hour."

"Why, Allison Cameron! I am absolutely stunned! You have sex with hookers?" he yelled.

"Only when I'm really bored."

"You'll need to film it sometime." House followed her as she walked away from her patient.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

"Oh, that's right. I'm supposed to be humping Wilson's leg. But he can get over it.

"Aw, but Wilson must be lonely!"

"He can just go around working miracles. I'm busy."

"Busy following me?"

"Busy trying to annoy you."

"Well, you failed. Go away now."

"What if I want sex?"

"Go tell Wilson."

"But Wilson doesn't know how to do it my way!"

"Well, neither do I." She moved to check on her next patient.

House stood back for a second before trailing after her. "I'll show you my new gel if you do my clinic hours."

She raised an eyebrow. "What gel?"

"The gel I use when I'm too horny to wrestle."

"House, you need to..." Her voice trailed off as a loud yell caught their attention. With another glance at House, she went toward the source of the agitated noise.

Josh Mitchell shook violently as he entered the clinic. Needle marks were obvious in his arms, and he was muttering to himself.

Nurses and other doctors looked up as Josh approached the waiting area. His clothes were ragged and stained, and his teeth were yellow. His eyes were bloodshot and wide, and he struggled to stay upright.

"Wow. He'll probably ask what's wrong. Good. I love patients who come in stoned," House whispered.

Cameron shushed him. Obviously the man was high, but there was something else...something that set her on edge.

"Why are you shushing me? We should be doing doctor things!"

Josh suddenly looked at them, and Cameron froze when he reached into his pocket. There was a flash of metal, the sound of a safety switch being turned off...

Everyone in the room fell silent and remained rooted in place.

Cameron swallowed hard, suddenly unable to breathe.

"Little too dramatic in my opinion." House was of course the first to regain his composure.

"Shut up!" Josh screeched.

"That would make diagnosing you difficult."

House stared at Josh. "You're high. Case closed."

Josh lifted his arm and aimed the gun at House's chest. "I said shut the fuck up!"

"You can't shoot the guy that's supposed to treat you. What drugs do you take? They're really putting you in a stupor." House stepped closer to Cameron without even thinking.

Despite his condition, Josh didn't miss the movement. And he took advantage of it. "I don't want treatment." He pointed the gun at Cameron's head.

Her stomach clenched. No...

House frowned. "Don't do it. What did she do?"

"I really don't care." He pulled the trigger.

Cameron closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable. But instead, she felt the wind knocked out of her as a larger body shoved her to the floor.

For a moment, she wasn't sure what had happened. Slowly she realized that the bigger body belonged to House. But the surprise was gone as a new and agonizing sensation settled in her lower abdomen. She groaned. "House..."

House struggled to his knees, and stared in horror at the blood starting to stain her shirt. He placed his hands over the wound and pressed firmly.

She winced at the pressure he applied to her abdomen. So this was what getting shot felt like…

Josh stared at the scene in front of him. With a snort, he looked around. "Anyone else want to be a hero?"

Behind him, Robert Chase stared in horror. The woman he loved was lying on the floor, a pool of blood growing beneath her. He slipped behind horrified onlookers and inched toward his fallen love.

House brushed his hand over Cameron's forehead in an attempt at comfort as she trembled in pain.

Finally Chase reached Cameron. Seeing her in such pain infuriated him, and he stood up, stepping between her and the gunman.

Josh glared at Chase.

Chase held his hands up. "You shot her!"

"She was in the way!"

House glared up at Chase. "Stop trying to act brave and get me some help. We're in a hospital, how hard can it be?" he angrily snapped.

"No help!" Josh screeched.

"What are you, two?" House snarled. His leg was killing him, but he didn't move. He just applied more pressure to the wound.

"Shut the hell up!"

Cameron groaned, her small body shuddering.

"You're gonna be okay," House said, his voice oddly low and different.

She forced her eyes open and looked at the face hovering above hers.

"Stay with me," House warned. He looked up. "What is everyone doing, each other? Get help!"

"Nobody move!" Josh snarled when a nurse moved.

The nurse froze, terrified.

But around the corner, out of the shooter's sight, Wilson was calling 911. He had come down the hall at the sound of a gunshot, and he quickly realized that no one else had been able to get help. So he stayed out of sight and stayed as quiet as possible while summoning help.

House continued to press down on the bleeding hole in Cameron's stomach, his stomach starting to tighten at the amount of blood she was losing.

A pained sound escaped Cameron's lips. The ceiling above them was spinning, and she felt dizzy and sick. She closed her eyes again."Hey, Cameron, stay with me!"

"Trying…"

"Keep trying."

Slowly her eyes opened again, but they were glazed and filled with pain. She coughed and softly groaned.

Josh kept his gun focused on House. "She's fine. Get away from her."

"Oh, really? I thought people were in danger when they bled like that. Boy, was I wrong."

Before House could say anything else, Josh had the muzzle of his gun pressed tightly against House's temple.

Cameron's eyes widened. "No..." She reached up and wrapped her hand tightly around House's wrist.

"Calm down," House said. "He won't shoot me."

"I won't?" Josh raised the gun to the ceiling and fired a shot, making everyone jump. Then he returned the muzzle to the side of House's head.

"You missed," House taunted.

"House, please-" She started to cough, and a fresh gush of blood coated House's hands as her chest heaved.

"He can't be dumb enough to shoot two doctors when he's already gonna get busted for being a crackhead."

Her eyes closed again. She was losing a dangerous amount of blood, and House couldn't keep his mouth shut. What would she do if the shooter pulled the trigger? She couldn't watch House die...

Josh shifted uncomfortably, staring at Cameron. "She ain't gonna die."

"Then what was the point of shooting her?" House fired back.

The hand that held the gun trembled. "Just...just shut up, man! Shut up!"

"Hmm. I'm good at diagnosing. Shutting up... not so much."

Cameron shuddered, and her eyes closed again as her consciousness faded away.

House looked down at her. "Cameron!" he yelled. "Stay with me!"

She didn't respond, and Josh started to mutter to himself as he clutched the gun.

Suddenly there was a shout of, "Freeze!" as several police officers flooded the clinic.

But Josh didn't freeze. Instead he raised the gun again, aimed it and pulled the trigger.

To Be Continued...

A/N: Bwahahaha! And let's be clear right now: there are hints of Hameron in the second half of this story, but no mushiness or even directness. Just lots of our boy being evil. LOL. Thanks for reading, and please review!