Notes: This is the last chapter of this QuickShots, but will also be posted at the first chapter of the continuation... QuickShots Two. I didn't want to lose my dedicated followers, so you can find the new stories here: s/10803398/1/QuickShots-Two-Chronicles-of-Samantha-Shepard
Chapter Summary: An angst version of Reconciliation that does not happen in my universe. In this version, TIM wants the Shadow Broker network so gives Shepard the Shadow Broker data up front. Shepard goes to Omega, picks up Garrus, Mordin, and Zaeed, and then proceeds directly to Illium, immediately followed by the trip to Hagalaz... The end result is Liara alone with Feron on the Broker ship for the duration of ME2... and unexpected things happen. Reconciliation of a different sort, and it wouldn't have resolved itself until post Omega-4 Relay.
Dark Secrets
For a supposed garden world, Hagalaz was remarkably unwelcoming. Its day-night cycles were ninety-eight hours long and the daily temperature swings were 130 degrees. The planet's open waters constantly flipped between a state of freezing and boiling, and the extreme differences in day and night temperatures placed the atmosphere in a constant state of turmoil, with horrific thunder and lightning storms that followed the dusk and dawn lines. The Shadow Broker ship rode that twilight band, hidden amidst the electrical maelstrom, impossible to detect unless one knew exactly where to look.
At the appointed hour, the team assembled in the shuttle bay and the infiltration team hit the deck as the storm constantly exploded around them. Shepard, Garrus and Zaeed followed Liara's lead as they waded through the Broker's defenses, located Feron and finally breeched the ship's inner sanctum. They approached slowly, and Shepard peeked around the corner expecting to see a wall of troopers. Only a short set of stairs and a single guard stood in the way. Shepard climbed the steps with Liara beside her, maintaining a barrier in front of them. Shepard called out, "You don't need to die for this. We're going in that room, one way or another... So, you can live... or not."
Their answer was a flash-bang, and as soon as it left the guard's hand, Shepard biotically charged and finished him off with a burst from her weapon. When the rest of the team caught up, she opened the door... which only led to another hallway. It was shorter than most of the rest they had been in and clean, with no barriers nor bulkhead supports to interrupt the smooth walls. It looked like a hallway you'd see in an office building, not onboard ship. As they approached the next door, Shepard looked around at her team as Garrus spoke. "This room's different, Shepard. There's a monitoring camera and a digital display in case they actually want to talk to you... which apparently they don't. But whoever's in there can see us, that's for sure."
Shepard looked at her emotionally-distant lover. "Liara. Barrier. Let's see what's behind door number one."
As the barrier came up, Shepard hit the panel and the door opened. They walked in and Liara let the barrier drop, completely surprised. There was only a single life form in the entire area of central operations. One ... very ... large ... creature. For a long moment, no one spoke and the Shadow Broker leaned forward on his desk and interlaced his fingers, surveying the four beings in front of him. He finally spoke. "Here for the Drell? Reckless, even for you, Commander."
Shepard growled, "The bombing on Illium wasn't exactly subtle."
The Broker's voice showed little emotion. "Extreme, but necessary."
Liara sneered, "No it wasn't! Neither was caging Feron for two years!"
"Dr T'Soni. All of this is your fault. Your interference caused all this." The Broker was extremely hard to read, primarily because Shepard had never seen one of whatever race he was. "Feron betrayed me when he handed you Shepard's body. The Drell is simply paying the price."
Shepard raised her SMG and pointed it at the Broker. "What do you expect when you work for the Collectors? Someone was bound to come after you... and I certainly have more reason than most."
"Yes, the Collectors. It is a mutually beneficial partnership. Your arrival is convenient. The Collector's offer still stands. Then there is the matter of the exorbitant bounty for Archangel. You've selected the perfect team to accompany you, Doctor. I couldn't ask for a better payoff. But, enough talk. My operations are too crucial to be compromised by a traitor."
Liara exuded confidence. "You're quite confident for someone with nowhere left to hide."
The Broker turned to Liara. "It's pointless to challenge me, Asari. I know your every secret, while you fumble in the dark."
Liara's eyes narrowed only slightly as she continued. "Is that right? You're a Yahg. A pre-spaceflight species quarantined to their homeworld for massacring the Council's first contact teams." Shepard's ears perked up as Liara continued. "This base is older than your planet's discovery, which means you killed the previous Shadow Broker sixty years ago, and then took over."
The Yahg's little ear flaps started twitching and Shepard could see his respiration rate rising. Liara was gaining traction and starting to irritate the Broker. Shepard whispered, "That's my girl! Get him, Liara!"
Liara heard the comment and Shepard was finally graced by a light smile as the Asari pressed on. "I'm guessing you were taken from your world by a trophy hunter who wanted a slave ... or a pet." The smile turned to a smirk as she finished. "How am I doing?"
With that, the Yahg stood and the team backed off. The Broker was positively huge, but Shepard almost laughed when a random thought flitted across her consciousness. He's not as big as a thresher maw. Suddenly the Broker bellowed and swiped a huge paw at his desk, breaking it apart and sending pieces tumbling. The still strained relationship between them did not hamper Shepard's protective instinct as she grabbed Liara and lunged off to the side with her, effectively dodging the majority of the flying debris. A quick glance around showed Garrus survived just fine, but Zaeed had reacted too slowly and hadn't fared so well, so only three of them were left to fight. The Yahg roared one last time and produced a weapon off a hardpoint on his back. His body was so massive no one even realized he was armed because no one could see the gun. It didn't really matter, because he faced the concentrated fire of three excellent warriors. The room wasn't really very spacious as far as gunfights go, but had several pillars and benches, providing more than adequate cover for the three of them, so it was easy to flank the Yahg and remain protected. After a hard-fought battle, the Yahg finally went down when Liara grabbed an overhead plasma containment vat with her biotics and pulled, shattering the glass and raining raw plasma down onto the massive Broker. The resultant explosion disintegrated the Yahg and blasted Shepard backward through the air a good distance. As the commander lied there, stunned by what had just happened, Liara stepped back and looked around, seemingly bewildered and at a loss for what to do next. Shepard looked up at Liara, who was breathing heavily after the fight, and smiled. Liara gave her a distracted smile in return and gave her a hand up.
Shepard flashed her quick smile and turned to help Zaeed, who was starting to move and grumble about missing the fight. While she and Garrus were busy with that, the terminals rebooted on emergency power and messages started squawking.
"Shadow Broker, this is Operative Murat. We had a momentary connection failure. Can you confirm status?"
"Operative Shora requesting update. Are we still online?"
Liara walked slowly to the counter, looking at the vast array of monitors as the voices continued.
"Shadow Broker, I've lost our feed. We are online and awaiting instructions."
Liara's eyes moved quickly over all the feeds, the number of incoming requests overwhelming, and confusion threatened to reign. She closed her eyes and shut it all out, focusing her thoughts. When her eyes reopened, she was back in control, her mind settled. She strode purposefully to the control panel, studied it quickly, flipped a couple of switches and pressed the voice activator button. "This is the Shadow Broker. The situation is under control. We experienced a minor power fluctuation while upgrading hardware. It disrupted communications momentarily. However, we are now back online. Resume standard procedures. I want a status report on all operations within the next solar day. Shadow Broker, out."
When all the plasma drained from the storage tank, it caused a power surge and then a very short blackout before the backup systems came online. During that short time, Feron got free of the chair, jumped up and took off running down the hallway, grabbing a weapon from one of the dead mercs along the way. Just as Liara finished up the announcement, he busted into central operations, gun drawn. He slowed to a walk and looked at Liara with amazement as he approached. "Goddess of oceans...It's you. You... how?"
Having finished speaking, Liara pushed herself back from the control panel. "Well, everyone who's ever seen the Broker in person is dead, so..." She just faded out, her eyes glassy with exhaustion and threatening tears.
Feron finished it for her, "... so you're the new Shadow Broker."
All the activity had certainly gotten Shepard's attention, especially Feron's last statement. Her head snapped around and with a couple quick strides she was standing close enough to speak to Liara. "Are you sure about this? Though, I must admit it would be nice to have access to information I can trust... Broker."
Liara looked about ready to fall over as she spoke, but she got the words out. "I'm ... not sure I'm ready for you to call me that. I'm not sure about any of this. But I had to do it. With the Shadow Broker's network, I can give you... I can..." Liara's voice faltered, her last words broken, then she stopped all together and glanced back over her shoulder, looking beseechingly at Shepard, who stepped up to her quickly. Everyone else in the room faded away, hurriedly finding something else that needed their attention.
As the threatened tears started to fall, Shepard wrapped the Asari in her arms and held her tight. Liara mumbled into her neck, "It's over. It's finally over... for two years..."
Shepard softly caressed her lover's back and offered support, crooning in her ear gently, "It's all right, Liara. It's over, and I'm here. We're here... together."
Liara pulled back enough to press her lips quickly to Shepard's before separating completely. "Goddess. I don't think I can believe it. I've gotten more than I ever dreamed. For now, though, we need to figure out our options. See what we have." She turned back to the control panel. "He had no safeguards, like he never anticipated anyone else ever being here. And it's all ours."
Shepard spoke from behind, looking over Liara's shoulder. "Blue. Be sure about this. You don't have to stay here... You can come with me ... I'd like that."
Liara dropped her head, seemingly in defeat. "I have to stay here, Shepard. We can't pass this up and we certainly can't let the Illusive Man have it. Think of all the information I'll be able to give you... The capabilities we'll be able to bring to bear against the Reapers!"
Shepard gently pulled Liara's shoulder and turned her so they were face to face. "I know, Liara. It's too good to pass up and I'm sure we'll need every resource you can wrangle up." She gently caressed Liara's face. "But it doesn't mean I have to like it."
Liara gained back a little bit of her smile. "Of course not, and you can come by whenever you get the chance. The Broker's door will always be open to you."
The Collector war dragged on, Shepard chasing from one battle to the next, rarely having time to stop in and see her favorite Asari. In the meantime, Liara and Feron worked hard, Feron frequently finding Liara asleep at her desk and doing what he could to make sure she stayed healthy and rested. The meals he cooked for her, the tender way he cared for her by getting a blanket and covering her as she slept so she wouldn't catch a chill in her exhaustion... did not go unnoticed and his constant affectionate care slowly led to complete forgiveness for his early betrayals and eventually worked him into her heart. It was a slow and gradual transition over a period of several months. Even Liara did not realize the extent of her fondness for the Drell until the unspeakable happened, completely unplanned. Liara had fallen asleep, yet again, at her desk. Being the third night in a row, Feron realized she needed to actually sleep in her bed and softly laid a hand on her shoulder and gave her a gentle shake, all to no avail. He tenderly stroked her cheek and then slid his hand back along her crest with a soothing stroke as he spoke her name quietly, in an effort to not startle her. "Liara?"
The Asari mumbled in her sleep, but did not awaken, so Feron repeated the gesture with a firmer touch, and a slightly louder call. "Liara."
Liara was in a haze, on the border between wakefulness and sleep, when she felt the soft fingertips slide sensuously across her crest folds. She felt pressure build in her chest, with a little twinge threatening to head south, but she was too tired for it to manifest as anything other than a pleasing sensation. Liara's mumbles were more coherent this time. "Hmmm. That feels nice."
Suddenly the voice speaking her name registered and Liara's eyes snapped open. "Goddess."
She was frozen in place for only a moment before she forced herself to sit up and catch Feron's hand in her own. Feron's eyes opened wide in surprise and he tried to withdraw his hand, but Liara wouldn't let go. "I'm sorry, Liara. I was just trying to wake you."
"Feron." Liara's heart was torn. Feron had been a devoted friend to her the last few months and they had grown close. She suddenly realized they had gotten too close, that she had started to develop a certain affection for the Drell. A lump formed in her throat and she swallowed it down so she could speak. "There is no apology necessary. I..." She had no idea what to say and shook her head. "I don't know what to do about this."
"It is not my place, Liara." Feron felt a dire need to get away and hide. "By the oceans, Commander Shepard..."
"Is not here, Feron." Liara could tell the Drell was practically panicking. "And probably won't be any time soon. You are safe. Relax. I would not let her hurt a friend."
She released his hand, and Feron withdrew it, slowly. "A friend? We are that, aren't we?"
Liara nodded. "Yes, we are... and I have suddenly realized that we are perhaps more. You have cared for me these past months so attentively, when you are the one who had been tortured for two years. I have been so busy, it has caused me to be thoughtless of your situation."
Liara stood and faced him. "I realize that I do care for you, Feron. More so than just a friend. You have put me first, cared for me, and kept me going since we took over as Shadow Broker."
Liara's legs felt weak as her heart crumbled apart and she sat back down. "Goddess. I love Samantha... Don't I? I gave everything to get her back! I..." Tears slid down her cheeks. "I don't know what I feel. I mourned her for two years and we haven't had time to figure out where we are." She looked at the Drell and saw compassion in the deep black pools of his eyes.
"Liara. You're exhausted. Now is not the time for this conversation. Go sleep, and we'll talk another time, when you're ready." Feron smiled as a dark hope bloomed in his chest, then stepped back and turned to his work station. "I'll finish reviewing today's reports."
Liara stood and looked at the Drell, but no words came. She turned silently and retreated to her room, tears cascading down her cheeks as she crawled under the covers, her heart fracturing under the weight of guilt, even though nothing had happened. Liara's sleep was not restful, torn by her old nightmares of Shepard's death and the long-imagined rejection she didn't get when she told the commander about giving her to Cerberus. She had not had either of them since reuniting with Shepard on Illium, but a growing affection for Feron threw a stone into her calm waters and the ripples ran long and deep, resulting in small physical pleasures that caused great disquiet in her soul.
Shepard strode into Central Operations with a purpose, the Collectors were defeated and she was aiming straight for the long awaited victory celebration with Liara. Liara turned to her as she approached and Shepard leaned in for the kiss she had been anticipating the last eight hours of the journey to Hagalaz. Liara closed her eyes and turned her cheek at the last moment, denying Shepard her target. The commander pulled back in surprise and disappointment. "Liara?"
Liara's eyes opened again as she leaned back against the console to give herself a bit of distance. "Shepard, we need to talk." The commander's worried frown and wrinkled brow tore at Liara's heart.
The commander's face hardly changed, except for the concern Liara saw creep into those emerald green eyes, now clouded with worry. "Apparently. Somewhere private, I presume."
Liara sighed heavily and looked down at the floor. "Yes, that would be best."
Shepard also took a step back as her eyes watered and she ran a nervous hand through her hair. "Ok." She took a deep shaky breath. "Lead the way."
Liara started toward her quarters, then reconsidered and changed the destination to the dining area. She walked in and leaned on a table, head bowed, as Shepard followed and closed the door behind them. "Liara. What's this all about? I know we haven't had much time together, and I wish it could have been more than mostly business, but..."
Liara interrupted her, without moving or picking up her head. Her eyes were closed as she spoke. "Shepard. Stop. Please."
Shepard had been moving toward the table to get closer to her promised, but the near-command brought her up short and her heart clenched at the unexpected tone. Shepard wasn't sure if Liara meant stop getting closer or just stop speaking, so she did both as she felt a seed of fear in her gut start to take root.
"I..." Liara shook her head and sighed. "I don't know where to begin."
Shepard maintained her distance, but circled around the table to the opposite side so she was facing Liara. She swallowed the lump in her throat and drew a shaky breath. "How about with 'I love you' or at least with an 'it's good to see you'?"
The deafening silence from the Asari spoke volumes to the commander, so she pulled out a chair and collapsed into it. "Well then. Shit. Not exactly how I pictured my triumphant return." Tears started to form and her chin quivered, so she screwed her eyes closed and balled up her fists until her arms almost started to shake from the strain and the threatened tears were held in check. "So, what? Two years was too much time, huh? I guess it was a bit much to expect you to wait." Shepard cleared the heaviness from her throat before continuing. "You want to break our engagement?"
Shepard watched tears roll down Liara's cheeks, the Asari's fists also clenched, but with wisping blue tendrils of power manifesting as a result of her frustration. When Liara still didn't say anything and actually looked confused by the question, Shepard bolted out of her chair, grabbed it and tossed it across the dining room, sending it clattering loudly into a corner. Liara jumped and her eyes flashed wide open in a sudden spark of fear that vanished just as quickly, knowing she had no reason to be frightened of Shepard. Shepard couldn't take any more silence. "Damn it, Liara! Say something! You said we needed to talk, so talk!"
"Engagement, Shepard? I don't understand..." Liara's puzzled expression made Shepard realize the translator probably selected the wrong words, not understanding the context.
"Oh for Gods' sake. Engagement for Humans is that thing we do before marriage. Our promise, Liara. Do you want to break your bonding promise?" This time, Shepard was unable to stop the tears and they streamed unchecked down her face.
Liara was taken aback. Shepard didn't realize that when she 'died' the promise was automatically broken... or was it? Normally when someone died, it was a permanent thing so the other partner was immediately freed from any obligations. But Liara had never really accepted Samantha's death as fact, and had spent over two years searching for her and then awaiting her return. In Liara's mind, Samantha never truly died, so was it really fair to expect that the bonding promise had been broken? As far as Shepard was concerned, she had been in a bad accident and woke up a few days later. And practically the first thing she did was to come find me!
With thoughts running rampant through her mind, Liara still hadn't uttered a single word, so Shepard assumed the worst and started to get annoyed at her silence. "So, when did you lie to me, Liara?" Shepard angrily scrubbed the tears off her face. "Was it when you promised unto eternity, or was it when you said you didn't love Feron?"
A heavy sob crossed Liara's lips before she could stop it and a hand darted up to her lips to keep any more from escaping. She tried to explain that she hadn't lied, that she hadn't loved Feron when the commander had asked, but the last few months had been difficult, and she had been exhausted, vulnerable and confused. That she truly didn't understand her feelings toward the Drell even now.
"Hadn't loved him when I asked. So, do you love him now? I don't see how you can be confused... you either love him or not. Did I even have a chance, Liara?" Shepard stared down at the floor for a moment, then her head suddenly snapped up and her eyes flashed with resolve. "Don't answer that yet." The commander took three quick steps around the table and closed the distance to the Asari. Before Liara could do or say anything, Shepard pulled her into an embrace and kissed her. It wasn't some little welcome home peck; it was an 'I haven't seen you for months and am so in love with you I can't stand it' kiss. Liara resisted only for as long as her surprise at Shepard's boldness lasted, then she was unable to deny such passion and she melted into her lover's arms. She returned the embrace with enthusiasm, her hands automatically going to their accustomed places, pulling Shepard close and running fingers through auburn hair, delighting in the familiarity and completely oblivious to the door opening behind her.
Without conscious thought, Liara's eyes reflexively flashed black and Shepard dove into the familiar environment of the Asari's mind. Liara was quickly engulfed by Shepard's intense love and desire for her and a stab of guilt about what she had yet to confess surfaced and brought unbidden memories to the fore. Shepard caught a glimpse of Feron massaging and kissing the Asari's crests before Liara was able to shield the image from her. Liara wasn't sure how she was going to make her confession, but it certainly wasn't supposed to be by throwing images of what had transpired into the commander's face.
Shepard reeled back in distress and slammed down her mental barriers, both of them recoiling in pain with the abrupt termination of the meld. As Shepard staggered back, she caught a glimpse of Feron at the door and rage overtook her before she could contain her turbulent emotions. She pulled on her biotics and charged the surprised Drell, smashing him into the wall beside the door, where he collapsed to the floor in painful, stunned shock. Shepard glared at him, seething with anger and feelings of betrayal. "I helped save you, damn it! And this is how you thank me?"
Her hands were glowing with power and she could hear nothing but the blood pulsing in her ears. Fighting the primal urge to kill the Drell on the spot, she spun and saw the bewildered look on Liara's face, the Asari immobilized by alarm and uncertainty. Shepard struggled to restrain her emotions as she spoke with quiet, contained fury, "I'm not angry with you, Liara. I understand two years is a long time to wait. I'm mad at the whole fucking galaxy for conspiring against my ever finding lasting happiness. But you need to figure out what you want..." Her gaze riveted on Feron, "... because one of us is leaving and not coming back."
Her glance shifted back to Liara and her anger fell away as she looked forlornly at the love of her life, tears running down her face as she spoke. "I love you, Liara. I always have and I always will. No matter what you decide." She shook her head and her words came out as a choked, sad chuckle. "You gave me purpose. A reason to live. Guess we should be glad you didn't tell me before... at least my hope for our future carried me through the fight to the end. Though I suddenly find myself in a galaxy I'm not even sure is worth saving anymore. Not to me, anyway." The Drell flinched as she glanced at him one more time before walking out of the room, head down and shoulders slumped, not looking back.
It took Liara a moment to collect herself before she walked to Feron and held out her hand to help him up. "Feron. I'm... sorry." Even to herself, her words sounded pitifully inadequate.
He glanced at it, but did not take it. "Go on. Follow her. I saw that kiss. You obviously still love her." He shook his head. "I knew better. I'll go pack my things."
Liara didn't move, leaving her hand in place until Feron finally took it and stood beside her. "I need you here, Feron." She shook her head. "I'm not sure where this is going, but Shepard is going to turn herself into the Alliance, and then throw herself into the war against the Reapers. I need you to help me with the Broker network... I can't do it on my own, and she cannot force you to abandon me."
Feron looked at her in query. "But that doesn't answer her question. Do you love me?"
Liara closed her eyes and whispered softly. "I cannot deny what has happened over the last few months... what we had together."
Feron nodded. "But you still love her, don't you?"
Liara stood quietly and stared at the door while she wondered when everything in her life had gone so out of control. Had she been in better humor, she would have laughed at herself when she finally figured out the answer. Therum. Her life had been crazy since the first time she stared into those startling emerald green eyes. She remembered an early conversation with Shepard where the word 'chaotic' had come to mind; little did she know at the time how accurate that description would turn out to be. She hung her head as she answered, "I... I need some time to think. I'm sorry." She glanced at Feron. "I need to go to my quarters for a bit."
Liara woke from her unintended nap and sought out the Drell. "Feron. You asked if I love you. I believe I do." She choked out a laugh. "I believe I am discovering what it truly means to be an Asari maiden, with a desire to explore and experiment."
"So, I'm an experiment?" Feron had a touch of bitterness in his voice.
Liara looked into his eyes. "No. You are one of the many lovers I will take in a thousand-year life span. It is in the Asari nature."
Feron stepped closer and whispered, "So what of Shepard?"
A tear ran down Liara's face knowing the pain she would cause. "I must... tell her my answer. It is only fair." She stepped away and spoke into the air. "Glyph. Where is Shepard?"
Upon the drone's response, Liara started the long walk to the ship's exercise room. When she got there, she stopped in the doorway and observed the commander, still unsure how to approach the necessary discussion. Shepard had stripped down to her jeans and compression t-shirt, her top-shirt, jacket and boots thrown haphazardly to the floor in her melancholy. She was glistening with sweat as she dropped off the pull-up bar and shifted to the heavy bag. The bag was not designed for the commander's cybernetic upgrades and quickly started splitting at the seams. As sand started finding its way out to the floor, Shepard swore and grabbed a rope and started skipping, still oblivious to Liara's presence. After a few moments, she progressed to double-jumps, but even that didn't last long. She stopped and screamed from the burning heartache and frustration as she threw the jump rope against the wall. She turned, trying to find a new target for her frustration, and caught sight of the Asari in the doorway, freezing momentarily as their eyes locked.
Liara couldn't hold her gaze and Shepard immediately knew her answer. The commander turned away, picked up her clothes and quickly got dressed; somewhat surprised that she no longer felt anything. No pain, no anger, no heartbreak. The emotion was so great it simply overwhelmed her mind's ability to process it. The only word that came to mind was... empty. She felt empty. She approached Liara but did not get close enough to touch. When she spoke, her words sounded hollow, her voice completely devoid of emotion. "So that's it, then."
Liara drew in a shaky breath before speaking. "These past few months have been so hard, knowing you were out there fighting and me not being by your side. I know I needed to stay here; the information is too valuable to let it go to waste or be taken by the Illusive Man solely for his purposes. Goddess knows what he'd do with it!" She shook her head. "But that is beside the point. I was weak, Samantha. Feron cared for me, fed me, made sure I rested. He did all the things I felt you should have been doing, but couldn't because of the war against the Collectors... because no one from the Alliance or the Council would help you fight them! Damn them all!"
Shepard's face was blank and her eyes were vacant. "That's not an answer."
Liara sighed as her heart slowly tore itself apart. "I couldn't say anything before... I couldn't figure out how to tell you about the last few months since your most recent visit." Liara paused and anxiously rubbed her forehead. "I did grow to care for him and the physical contact was calming... reassuring... confirmation I was not alone." She looked pleadingly at Shepard, hoping for understanding as she wiped tears from her own cheeks. "Please don't hate me for what I have done."
Samantha sighed and stared blankly into those hauntingly familiar blue eyes. "I could never hate you, Liara. Honestly? Now that I'm over the shock of seeing it in the meld, I could care less about Feron. I simply want you to be happy. But I won't lie. Seeing that... hurt. A lot. And it made me very angry. Obviously."
Liara closed her eyes and grimaced. "I did not mean for you to find out that way. I just... couldn't find the words for my... unfaithfulness. And I did not plan the meld. It was instinct to join with you. I am so very sorry for my inadvertent blindside. I do still love you, Shepard."
"Oh, Blue." Shepard closed her eyes as a hint of the overwhelming emotion started to peek through and tears threatened, but she had no energy for them. "The tide of my love shall always be strong...as I said earlier, I have loved you since I met you and I always will, but I can't force you to stay with me, to be faithful to us. You know I'm a monogamist. I can't change that."
Liara's breath hitched when she heard the velvety soft murmur of the familiar pet name followed by the phrase from Samantha's formal proposal. She stared at the floor as she whispered, "For whatever it's worth, I am sorry, Shepard."
The tightness in Shepard's chest was crushing and she was finding it difficult to get a full breath. "Yeah. For whatever that's worth." She shook her head. "I'm afraid sorry doesn't cut it. I can't do this, Liara."
She turned and stepped around the Asari to leave and Liara reached out and gently gripped her arm. "Shepard. Please."
Shepard's eyes flashed in anger as she caught sight of the promise bracelet still adorning Liara's wrist. "Please what, Dr T'Soni?"
If the commander's sudden formality wasn't bad enough, she then unexpectedly grasped Liara's forearm and whipped out a blade, quickly slicing through the bracelet and letting it fall to the floor. A gasp escaped from Liara as she jerked her arm away from Shepard in shock, staring at the severed bracelet lying on the floor and everything that action represented. Shepard quickly bent down and retrieved it. "This..." Shepard stuffed the bracelet's remnants into her pocket. "... no longer belongs to you."
A stunned Liara could say and do nothing as Shepard turned and walked away.
Liara bolted upright in bed, her face wet with tears and her heart a crushing weight in her chest. She looked around in confusion, not remembering how she got to her room after her horrid confrontation with Shepard. Her depression made her body ache, but the ache in her soul was a thousand times worse than any physical pain she could possible feel. As she slowly dragged herself from the bed and plodded to the bathroom to wash her face she grumbled to herself, "I've made my choice. I have no right to feel this way."
As she turned on the water and reached down into the sink, a bracelet fell forward and caught at the heel of her hand. Liara stared at it, uncomprehending for a moment. Shepard cut that off... Her stomach suddenly fluttered in elation as she realized the truth and she knew she had her answer. "Goddess. It was just a dream!" She spun and moved quickly toward the door. "Glyph. Where is Commander Shepard?"
The drone's response was eerily similar to that of her dream, and Liara's heart skipped a beat as she headed toward the ship's exercise room. Just like in her dream, Shepard had stripped down to her jeans and compression t-shirt, her top-shirt, jacket and boots thrown carelessly off to the side. She was glistening with sweat as she dropped off the pull-up bar and immediately started attacking a speed bag. She obviously wasn't happy with the low level of exertion it required, so shifted again, this time to the heavy bag. After only a couple of enhanced punches, it started splitting at the seams and its sand filling spilled out onto the floor, Shepard swore and grabbed a rope and started skipping, still oblivious to Liara's presence. After a few moments, she progressed to double-jumps, but even that didn't last long. She stopped and screamed from the burning heartache and frustration as she threw the jump rope against the wall. She suddenly slumped to her knees and hunched over, her hands flat on the floor, barely having the fortitude to keep from completely collapsing, her whole body wracked with sobs.
Liara bolted across the room in alarm, crashing to her knees next to her sobbing lover and wrapping her arms around her shaking shoulders. "Samantha! I'm so sorry!"
Shepard stayed on her knees, rocking back and forth as she continued to sob, unyielding to Liara's ministrations. Once the commander had loosed the hold on her emotions, she was unable to rein them back in and all the stress and anxiety she had bottled up for the sake of the mission was pouring out of her, like the sand from the heavy bag. After a time, exhaustion set in and she inevitably collapsed against Liara, Sam's eyes red and swollen, sinuses completely plugged and gasping for breath through dry throat and lips. Her eyes closed and eventually her emotional freight train ran out of fuel and coasted to a stop; Liara shifted to make them both more comfortable and held her, kissing her tenderly on the forehead and soothingly trailing blue fingers through auburn hair sticky with sweat. When Shepard let out a huge sigh and finally seemed to settle into the Asari's embrace, Liara started speaking, her hands continuing their attempt to soothe the woman in her arms.
"By the Goddess, Samantha. I swear I love you as much as I ever have. These past few months have been so hard, knowing you were out there fighting and me not being by your side. I was weak, Samantha. Feron cared for me, fed me, made sure I rested. He did all the things I felt you should have been doing, but couldn't because of the war against the Collectors..."
Liara sighed and adjusted her position, leaned against the wall and pulled Samantha with her, to keep the commander resting in her lap, eyes still closed. "I couldn't say anything before because my guilt tied my tongue." Liara paused and anxiously rubbed her forehead. "I did grow to care for him and the physical contact was calming... reassuring... confirmation I was not alone, but I do not love him." She looked pleadingly down at Shepard, hoping for understanding as she wiped tears from her own cheeks. "Please don't hate me for what I have done."
Samantha sighed and stretched out on her back, leaving her head in Liara's lap as she stared up hopefully into those familiar blue eyes. "I could never hate you, Liara. Honestly? Now that I'm over the shock of seeing it in the meld, I could care less about Feron. I simply want you to be happy. But I won't lie. Seeing that... hurt. A lot. And it made me very angry. Obviously."
Liara closed her eyes and grimaced. "I am so very sorry... I did not plan the meld, but it was instinct to join with you, the one I love. I couldn't find the words for my... unfaithfulness, but I certainly did not mean for you to find out that way. It was cruel."
"Oh, Liara." Shepard closed her eyes as tears again threatened, but she had no energy for them. "The tide of my love shall always be strong...as I said earlier, I have loved you since I met you and I always will. As far as I'm concerned you are still my Promised, but I can't force you to stay with me, to have faith in us. Do our hearts still beat as one, Blue?"
Liara's breath hitched when she heard the phrase from Samantha's formal proposal followed by the velvety soft murmur of the familiar pet name. She whispered, "By the Goddess, Siame! I do not need time to figure anything out. I could never love anyone but you! If you can find it within yourself to forgive me and all my foolishness, then I am still forever yours, Samantha Shepard."
The tightness in Shepard's chest released for the first time since those opening moments of her return to the Broker ship. "And Feron?"
Liara frowned, knowing the pain her actions would cause. "I must... give him my answer. It is only fair." She stood and stepped away as she spoke into the air. "Glyph. Where is Feron?"
When Liara returned, Shepard could tell the conversation with Feron hadn't gone very well. Sam wanted to know what happened, but waited patiently for Liara to be ready to explain. The Asari slowly walked over and plopped down on the couch next to the commander. After a few moments of silence, she finally spoke. "Feron's asking when we plan on leaving. He's a bit... agitated."
Shepard was pleasantly surprised and couldn't deny being heartened by Liara's pronouncement. "When 'we' are leaving? What about the brokerage? As much as I like the sound of that, we can't simply leave it all behind."
"Feron and I planned for this eventuality. With the Collector war over, we won't be safe from Cerberus here, so we've already designed and implemented a downsized system. We've been configuring the hardware to a more secure distributive, collaborative network, with at least a dual-ship operation, preferably a triad if we can find another operative. Feron's ship is already here and outfitted with the first set of equipment and he's suddenly very eager to leave with his team." Liara's brow furrowed as she watched a frown darken Shepard's face at the mention of the Drell. "I can't say I blame him."
Shepard looked at Liara. "And I can't say I'm sorry about it, Blue, but you sure this is what you want? We haven't had a chance yet to talk about you and me, or what we are going to do. "
Liara tucked some loose hair behind Shepard's ear before gently rubbing her upper arm. "I've already given it some thought, but for some brainless reason, I set up the Aletheia as my base of operations..." Her expression lightened and she smiled, "But if you'll have me, I would prefer to operate off the Normandy, so we can be together. We have a spare set of equipment that was headed for Tazzik's ship in dry-dock on Thessia that could be easily configured for the Normandy."
Shepard grimaced. "You know I have to turn myself in to the Alliance and I most likely won't keep my command. They're probably going to throw me in jail for Bahak."
Shepard was puzzled as to why Liara's lips twitched into a grin. "Yes, to keep peace with the Batarians. They will place you under house arrest, while the Normandy is retrofitted to Alliance specs." Her smile faded to a scowl. "Then, we will start our next war and you will command her again, against the Reapers." The commander raised her eyebrows as Liara shrugged. "I'm a very good information broker, Shepard. And, I've already been speaking with Admiral Hackett about it." She laughed lightly at Samantha's reaction. "Don't look so surprised. I'll have to speak with him in person about the Broker assets, though, but I can't imagine he won't see the advantages."
Shepard leaned into Liara and clasped her hands, starting to think things may work out after all. "I guess you should come with me to meet Garrus and Miranda then, to talk about plans for the Normandy. Seeing as you seem to know more about what's going to happen to her than I do."
Liara sighed with relief. "I'd be more than happy to, Samantha."
The next week was busy, adding the final touches to the new network configuration and ensuring that all the ships linked seamlessly with one another. They ended up with four complete systems, with Feron on the Rakhana, Arlyna and Niria on The Chiroquol and Miranda on the Aletheia. By the time they reached London, the Normandy had a skeleton crew consisting of only Shepard, Liara, Riana, Gabby Daniels, Ken Donnelly, Joker and Karin Chakwas. Most importantly, the six days of travel provided Shepard and Liara time to renew their relationship and start getting past the pain the separation had caused. Neither one would say they were 'over' it. Liara still battled remnants of guilt and Shepard had to deal with the pain of Liara's borderline infidelity... but no matter what had transpired in the past, they were once again secure in the knowledge and recognition of their powerful mutual love. For better or for worse, they had reached a point where they could move forward, realizing that the war looming before them would require an unshakeable faith to survive.