Susanna and Thomas Cromwell

by Namrata87

Susanna Howard, a young woman in Tudor England who isn't related to the Royals but whose sister works as a maid for Queen Anne Boleyn. Susanna meet Thomas Cromwell, the King's Secretary, and falls in love with him. Their love isn't appreciated by people around them, though.

1. Chapter 1-5

1. June 1535

Susanna Howard was sitting in her family's kitchen while her mother, Helen, prepared the dinner for the evening. They had been slaughtering a chicken and Helen were roasting it, and Susanna didn't feel like cooking at all, because she was listening to her four year younger sister, who was telling the news from London and the Royal court. The sister, Alice, a 23-year old, brown-haired, slender girl, had just begun her status as one of Queen Anne Boleyn's maids of honour.

This was strange, most villagers thought, because the Howard family were a farmers family. They were neither rich nor poor, but partly self-sufficient because they grew their own vegetables and had their own sheep and goats. They lived in Dayston, a small village in Middlesex, and grew their wheat on hired land. In this way, they were dependent on their landlord. Most villagers found it surprising that Alice Howard had been accepted to be a maid of honour, because the Howards weren't linked to any patronage or any landlord, that was close to the Royal family. All Dayston's inhabitants were dependant on the landlord, but few were directly close to him. Neither did the Howards support the Royal decision to crack down on the Catholic faith. In fact, the Howards were Catholics, not very devout ones, but still believers. All these facts made the inhabitants of Dayston surprised, because many thought that any of them could have been chosen.

"Susanna", Alice said now. "I'm happy about being home. I will remain a simple farmer's girl. I don't want to be snotty and rude like some of the maids."

"Maybe we will be, like the Boleyn sisters once became", Susanna frowned. "The Queen is…" she became silent.

"She is not very bad, even though she bosses us around", Alice said.

"Girls, supper is ready", called Helen. "We will listen to all the news later, Alice. But let's eat now."

The kitchen smelled of roasted chicken and of the boiled vegetables that Alice and Helen had been plucking in the garden.

"It smells lovely", Alice said.

"Well, you are sweet", said Helen. "We should say grace."

They always said grace before supper, like most families in the village.

"So, Alice", Susanna said, "I actually don't understand why you were accepted. Just because your is friends with Rachel?"

Alice took a bite of the chicken. "Yes, and maybe because I look harmless."

"Harmless?"

"Yes, you know, I don't look like one of these fools who His Majesty can use as he pleases." Alice frowned.

"It was gracious of Rachel to suggest you to Her Majesty", Helen said. "After all, we are of simple heritage. We are farmers, millers, blacksmiths and nothing else."

Yes, the Howards were hardworking and had been so for a long time. Helen and her husband, James, were simple farmers and Helen's father had been a blacksmith, just like the father of the Secretary Thomas Cromwell.

Cromwell, that apostate, that heretic! And he is licking the King's ass, Susanna thought, even though the latter judgement was ugly and not suitable for a woman to express. But she just repeated the thought silently, and didn't consider to express it to her mother and sister, and certainly not to her father.

Helen shook her head and continued eating, while Alice and Susanna looked at her.

"But I'm friends with Rachel", Alice reminded her. "And her father knows Sir Thomas Boleyn."

Sir Thomas Boleyn, that monster, Susanna thought.

After having eaten, Helen and Susanne were doing the washing up in the hot water that Alice had been heating over the fireplace. Alice was going back to London in the afternoon, but she had a short leave for two days and had been at home since the first time she had been accepted as a maid of honour.

The sisters went outside after the washing up and cleaning, the sun was shining and it was quite hot weather. Alice wore a simple, grey dress with long sleeves, one of her old ones. Also Susanna wore a simple home dress, also a grey one, with a darker grey bodice and a white blouse underneath.

"Tell me", Susanna said. "What is it like there? Is it all glamorous as people say, or is it true that the maid of honours have to obey everything Her. And His Majesty… commands?"

"Not everything", Alice said and scratched her light brown hair that was hanging in a long braid down her back. "But a great deal. You wouldn't like it, sister."

2.

Dayston was located outside London, on the countryside, and was around three centuries old. The village had consisted of three houses at first, and later grown into today's village. Most inhabitants lived in houses built of wood and stones, and so did the Howards. The most poor family homes were only built of wood and no stone. Most villagers were either farmers or blacksmiths, millers and carpenters, and few owned their own land.

Alice's and Susanna's father, and Helen's husband, Simon Howard, was a farmer and worked in the fields most days. The family had three sheep and two goats, and thus they got wool and milk if the harvest was good and the seasons were warm enough. Simon's father had been both a farmer and a miller, and he could read. This skill he had taught Simon and Simon's other brothers. Simon's grandfather had also been a miller. Helen's father was also a farmer and her whole family were originally farmers.

Simon Howard and Helen Andrews had been married 33 years ago, after an agreement between their fathers. Their fathers knew each other and they had agreed that Simon and Helen were around the same age and would be a good pair.

Of course they didn't force them to marry, but Simon and Helen liked each other when they were introduced to each other as something else than just acquaintances. After Simon had been courting Helen for some time — of course with one of the parents or siblings as a chaperon — they got engaged and then married after one year. Their first child, a son, died at birth, then Susanne was born after two years, then another stillborn daughter, and after that Alice. Two brothers died of fever at the age of three and one, and Helen grieved for a long time. But she was pregnant already, with a new brother, Thomas, who survived and now was 21 years old and married in London.

After Thomas came another daughter, named Sunniva, now 18, and also married, and then a son, Peter. Peter was also married, and lived in a close located village with a wife and three sons.

Now only Simon, Helen, and the two eldest daughters stayed in the family home, a one floor building made of wood and bricks. Simon had built it before marrying Helen, with the help of his father. The family had been regarded as a simple farmers family before Alice was applying to become a maid of honour.

Actually, Alice had been admitted to become one of the maids, because one of her friends was one of them. The friend, Rachel Miller, was 23 years old like Alice, and her father were good friends with Sir Thomas Boleyn, the Queen's father. It was Rachel who had suggested Alice to the Queen, and after having called Alice to an interview and an interrogation, Alice was hired. This was around two weeks ago and still it felt very strange to Susanne, because the life of the family had changed. The villagers talked about them, gossiped, rumoured. Especially Alice was a target of these rumours, but also Susanna, at least sometimes.

Is Alice the new Great Prostitute just like the Queen's sister was before? Will Susanna also become a mistress at court? How much did their father pay as a bribe to the Queen in order for her to hiring Alice?

Stuff like that, people said about the Howards. The rumours weren't true, and Susanna wanted to ignore them, but couldn't really. Anytime she went outside, to the fields, to the local church, to a neighbour's home — she wondered who talked about her and who didn't. Who was to be trusted?

People already gossiped about her, anyway, because she was 27 years old and unmarried. She had a fiancée once, but the relationship ended because her fiancée, Richard, became bored with her after Susanne had been giving too much to him, than what she was supposed to. How she regretted all that, both the whole relation, the engagement and everything; the walks Richard and she used to take, the long talks, the laughter.

She missed it also, still, after seven years, even though her opinion of Richard was that he was a coward.

And she didn't want to marry. It was Richard or no one else, in Susanna's opinion, but many disagreed with that view and tried to persuade Susanna to at least consider marriage. But whom would Susanna marry? Who wanted an almost 30-year old woman, old enough to have several children? Well, some young men looked at her, she had noticed. The villagers thought that she was still pretty; she was quite slim though, not skinny, but she could have looked better if she had revealed a bit of her bosom and cleavage. Instead she always wore a shawl over the collarbones and didn't show any skin below her neck. Her hair was light brown and curly, her eyes blue, and her skin fair.

Looks were not all that mattered when it came to courtship and marriage, Susanna knew that. Richard had been flattering her, telling her about her beauty, about how much he longed for their marriage to take place.

Liar, coward, traitor.

These words described Richard better than anything, in Susanna's opinion.

She knew that she was supposed to marry in order to ease the economic burden on her parents. Her parents weren't really poor, but feeding themselves were enough after almost 30 years of having fed all the children. Her parents suggested this sometimes, that this and that family had suggested their son to marry Susanna.

You could marry a widower, Helen used to say. Marry a man who wants nothing else than a wife to keep him company, perhaps one who has adult children.

Susanna didn't want a too old husband, though, and she was afraid of child-bearing and childbirth after hearing all the stories about miscarriages and stillborn children from her mother and other women. But of course, she had dreamt about marriage and children in her youth. Nowadays, she knew that it was too late for her to marry someone who wasn't either a widower or a desperate person.

August 1535

Alice Howard was rarely visiting her parents home nowadays, because she stayed in London at the Queen's court, like the other maids. When she did visit her childhood home, she talked about the news from London and from abroad. Local news travelled quite fast at the countryside, such as information regarding whom had proposed to whom, whom was pregnant and whom was sick. Every Sunday, the locals who weren't ill or too young, gathered outside the church after mass. During these gatherings, Susanna and her family heard the local news from the village and sometimes there was talk about some big incident that had taken place, such as political tensions, a new decree from the King or other similar topics.

"I miss these local gatherings and talks", Alice said one weekend when she visited her family.

"We miss you", Helen said. "You should visit more often. London is so far away."

"Not that far away, it takes a day to travel."

"Yes, that is if you have a good horse", Simon said, "but we don't own any and we can't visit you easily."

The family sat outside and relaxed a bit after today's work. Susanna had helped Helen with cooking and cleaning, and Simon had been harvesting plums and apples together with Mr Adams, a neighbour and a friend of Simon, who owned several fruit trees both in his own garden, and at some land outside the village. The Howards always helped him with the harvest, and got free fruit in return. When Simon had plucked several baskets full with apples and plums, he brought them home and Helen and Susanna (and Alice too before she went to London), were washing them and putting most of the fruits to dry.

Dry fruit was a good snack, unless insects discovered them and started chewing on them. Helen also cooked jam of some of the plums, and peeled and cut the apples into thin circles, cut a hole in each and lined them up on a wooden stick in the kitchen until they were dry and suitable to chew on. Susanna liked the dry apple slices, and her mother's plum jam. The most difficult thing was how to keep the jam chilly, otherwise it would become bad. In the autumn and winter, it was easier, of course. Anyway, Helen and Simon tried to save as much fruit and vegetables as they could; they grew beans, onions and cabbage in their garden and the children always had to look out for snails during summer.

"Perhaps the Queen can arrange for us to stay at the court for some days", Alice said, while eating.

"No way", Susanna said. "I hate her."

"Actually, the Queen is… you are not allowed to say these things." Alice looked at Susanna with a serious face expression, while their parents looked more relaxed.

"She is a whore. I can't understand why you want to obey her. I'm sorry." Susanna frowned.

"Don't believe the rumours, Susanna." Alice sighed. "It was true love between His and her Majesty, trust me."

"True love", Susanna frowned. "Really?"

"Really. You haven't seen them together."

"In fact I saw them in London before her coronation and it was disgusting." Susanna adjusted her own light brown braid that hang over her shoulder.

The heat made her think that she should have pinned her braid to her hair, but when she was only at home, she was too lazy to do so. And she felt drops of sweat rinning under her thin, grey blouse and the grey bodice. At least the long skirt was quite flowing and she was barefoot.

"How can you believe that it's true love", she said?

"I think that His Majesty was truly in love, but now when she hasn't born any sons… I don't know. He…" Alice stopped and grabbed an apple from the basket that her mother had brought outside to them.

"You are sworn to secrecy, aren't you?" Helen said and also took an apple. "Then why tell us about these things?"

That had been Susanna's thought, but frankly, she was curious, even though she felt loathe for the King and Queen.

True love! How ridiculous of Alice to believe that, she thought. For her own part, she wouldn't have minded if Alice worked for the previous Queen, Katherine of Aragon, whom His Majesty later betrayed and disgraced. Lady Katherine was a loyal and firm woman, she never gave up, she fought for her right to be the legal wife of His Majesty, and lost. This was the Boleyns doing, and Mr Cromwell's - not only His Majesty's. The Boleyns, especially Thomas Boleyn, Anne's father, was a greedy man who used his two daughters as whores in order to get power and acknowledge from His Majesty.

Thomas Boleyn had loathed Cardinal Wolsey, and desired Wolsey's downfall.

The Howards hadn't liked Wolsey either, they viewed him as a greedy heretic who pretended to be righteous but in fact had a mistress and also at least one child. Wolsey had also been part of the plot to make Katherine submit to His Majesty's will, and for that the Howards detested the cardinal.

The new queen, Anne Boleyn, was nothing but a cheap, miserable woman who thought that she was someone important. And Cromwell was a ruthless coward who did everything His Majesty asked from him, including interrogating Sir Thomas More, which led to More's execution and martyrdom. More hadn't taken the oath which everyone had to; acknowledging His Majesty's supremacy over the Church. Not taking the oath was treason, a fact that the Howards found ridiculous.

Of course, Susanna knew that expressing hatred for the Queen was considered as treasonous, or at least as disloyalty. The villagers were not worried, though, of being accused for treason and being charged with it — everyone knew that the village was Catholic and that it's inhabitants were no admirers of the new Queen. In Susanna's opinion, Anne Boleyn was the new Queen, the whore, the liar, the hypocrite. If she hadn't seduced the King and wormed her way into the court, making the King divorce Katherine and abandon Papal authority, everything would have continued as before. The villagers had been displeased with the taxes and harsh rules from His Majesty even before all this happened, but they accepted it. What else would they have done, started a rebellion and be hanged for treason, all of them, with no exception of either children or women. His Majesty was ruthless.

3.

September 1535

The Howards hadn't been visiting Thomas in London for months, and neither had he and his family had the time to visit the village. Thomas had recently written and told his parents why: he was a father now, and his wife, Mary, a mother. Their son was healthy, praise be to God, and Thomas and Mary had decided to give him the name Abraham. Abraham was their first child, but Susanna prayed that they would have many more. Both Thomas and Mary loved children and had long tried to conceive.

"He invites us!" Helen said. "That much I can read, that my son wants us to visit. But when, Simon?" She gave Simon the letter, and he read it out loud.

"As soon as possible, and he writes that he would like to see Alice as well", Simon said. "We should write to Alice, but she hasn't been answering lately."

"Maybe the letter hasn't reached London yet", Susanna tried.

The family sat in the big room, listening to the fire in the fireplace and to the few birds that were left outside. It was evening, and late September. The weather was colder than during summer and the rains were falling almost daily. These were tiny rains, though, and not big rain storms.

"Perhaps not", Helen said. "I can't read it all anyway."

"You can read more than most of us siblings", Susanna said. "I can read my name. That's about it."

Helen grabbed some dry apple slices from the bowl at the wooden table and sighed.

"I miss her", she said. "I wish and pray that she will be home soon and not find some gentleman over there and be married to him."

Susanna looked at her and crinkled her eyebrows. Would Alice not write to her family if she would find a suitable fiancée? Of course Alice would write, Helen needed not to worry.

"Okay, she will not", Simon said. "Now, we should decide when to travel to London. You want to go, right, sweetheart?"

Helen sighed. "Of course. Maybe we could see Alice too, while we are in London. Maybe we can travel next weekend if we can hire some horses from Mr Richards."

"We can", Simon said. "And he is cheap, I'm sure that we can travel next weekend."

"But we can't send a letter to Thomas that will reach him in time", Susanna said.

"Oh, we can. Mr Richards is going to London now and then. Perhaps he can deliver our letter."

"At least he knows where our Thomas stays, we don't have to describe the road in detail", Helen agreed.

Mr Richards was from Dayston, but had relatives in London and worked as both a blacksmith and a postman. If any of the villagers wanted him to deliver a letter to an address in Middlesex, he gladly did so, and took not much money for the favour.

After marrying Helen, Simon also taught her to read, even though Helen's reading skills didn't become as advanced as Simon's. For Susanna's part, she could read and write her own and her family members names. Her father had taught the children how to write in the sand, he told them the names of every letter and then wrote all of their names. Susanna wasn't very interested in learning the art of reading, though, because she knew that neither reading nor writing was for her family. Ink was expensive, so was paper. Apparently, Alice had learnt how to read and write in London, or maybe someone wrote her letters after she had dictated them.

I hope it's not Cromwell, Susanna thought. Anyone but him. Maybe Her Majesty… Anne Boleyn, taught her. I have heard that she knows the art of writing. The rumours said that His Majesty sent many letters to miss Boleyn before she accepted his gifts and courtship.

So the Howards decided to travel to London as soon as Thomas had accepted and confirmed their visit the coming weekend. Susanna was excited, because she missed Thomas and his wife. She also wanted to see Abraham, her new nephew.

The visit didn't happen the next weekend, but the weekend after. The delay was caused by a storm that delayed Mr Richards visit to London, and when he had delivered the letter to Thomas Howard, the weekend was over. In Dayston, Simon, Helen and Susanna waited for the reply from Thomas, and it came Wednesday afternoon. By then, the sun shone again and Susanna smiled when Simon read Thomas' letter out loud as soon as Mr Richards had delivered it.

"We are welcome, most welcome", Simon said, and walked over to Helen, who was cleaning the fire place.

"Then we will travel this Friday?" Susanna said.

"If God wills it, yes." Her father smiled and so did Helen.

Susanna thought about the quietness of the family's home these days. Ever since Alice left for London, there were only the three of them left in the house. The house wasn't big, but it seemed way too big for three people, in Susanna's opinion.

"I hope to meet Alice also", she said. "I miss her."

Even though Alice and Susanna were no best friends like some other sisters, they had used to take walks and talk when they had free time, especially on Sunday afternoons. They had walked around the outskirts of Dayston, looking out over the fields and the forests at the horizon. In the summer, the fields were green, because it often rained. During heavy rain, the sisters didn't take any walks, but if there was just a slight rain, they gladly walked. They had held up their long skirts in order to avoid the dirty ground, the mud and dust. Helen had made the skirts a bit shorter on purpose; they were long, of course, and reached to Alice's and Susanna's wrists. In this way, the skirts were long enough, but weren't dragged on the ground when the sisters walked outside. Almost all women wore this length on their skirts, because they lived on the countryside and were of no high or noble families.

Susanna wondered which kind of dresses that Alice wore at court. Alice hadn't brought any dresses with her, but she had described them; they were all long, with golden embroidery on the bodice and the skirt. These were no dresses to wear while working in the garden or in the fields.

Most of the times, Susanna didn't feel jealous of Alice, because she was grateful for her life in Dayston, over the fact that she and her parents were healthy and that the harvests were good. As long as their landlord was good to them and they could practice their Religion peacefully, everything was good. But sometimes, just because Alice was in London, the big city, and met interesting people, Susanna wondered what Alice's life was like. She didn't want it, of course not, she wouldn't trade her simple life with Alice's. But she wanted out of Dayston sometimes; everyone knew everyone there. They knew who was pregnant, who were drinking too much and whose husbands went to the brothels in London. And there were gossip, as mentioned before.

In London, Susanna thought, most people wouldn't know that she was an almost 30-year old, unmarried woman. If she had been living in the city, she could pretend to be a widow, if someone asked her. She could lie and say that her husband had succumbed to the sweating sickness, that was around a few years ago. This lie would make people sympathetic, and not judgemental. Everyone judged a 27-year old, unmarried woman: What did she do in her past? What is wrong with her? Maybe she is cursed.

In any case, Susanna was glad that her family would travel to London soon. She wanted a break from the daily life in Dayston, and she missed Alice and Thomas.

4.

Before Saturday morning, Susanna had been packing her extra day dress, a grey one like the one she wore daily. She also packed her favourite dress; a dress for more joyous occasions. The skirt was of a light grey colour like most skirts were in Dayston. But the bodice was of a darker, green colour, like that of moss. The sleeves were of the same grey colour as the skirt, and the bodice was held together in the back with laces of the mossy, green colour.

Susanna only wore that dress during the summer festival in Dayston or at holidays such as Christmas or Easter. It was around two years old and probably not of the latest fashion, but who in Dayston wore the latest fashion, anyway? Even Susanna's hair was mostly braided in one single, long braid, and not pinned up. Only during Mass, she pinned the braid to her head. The hair pins always fell off, and she found them around the house, in unexpected places like under the kitchen table.

Susanna and her mother had also been washing the underwear and also the pads filled with washed and dried wool, that they used during one week every month. Susanna thanked God for the fact that she wouldn't have her monthly illness yet, but she packed some of the pads anyway. Helen also packed an extra soap, and she had baked butter cakes for the trip.

It was Friday evening and Susanna had just said her prayers in her room. It had been all the sisters' room before they got married. Now Susanna was the only unmarried sister left, and she couldn't feel at ease having all the room to herself. She missed Alice, and the other sisters. Even though she loved her parents, she got bored when she couldn't talk to her sisters. Her former closest friend, Sarah, was married and lived outside London, in a smaller village, even smaller than Dayston. Only when Sarah visited her old parents, Susanna got to meet her.

"Susanna." Helen's voice was heard outside the room, and Susanna got up after crossing herself.

"Yes, mother."

"I thought that you were sleeping. We will awake before dawn, so try to sleep." Helen smiled.

"I will. Thank you. I was just saying my prayers."

"You are a good girl, Sus."

Sus, that was her nickname, but Helen rarely called her by it anymore.

"I'm no girl", Susanna objected.

"I know. But to me, you are, you know…" Helen swallowed. "You're the only daughter left staying with us."

And I know that I'm a burden, Susanna thought. I know that you love me, but I also know that I'm not any economic benefit.

"I pray every evening that you will be happy", Helen continued. "That you will find a good husband. I know that good husbands are tricky to find."

"Father is good." Susanna looked at Helen. "Was he tricky to find?"

"You know how we met. No, it wasn't tricky, but I knew him by name." Helen walked over to Susanna's mattress and sat down.

"I know. Do you sometimes wonder if you would have been able to find someone else, I mean… do you regret marrying my father?" Susanna knew that her question was inappropriate, but her parents marriage always seemed so stable to her.

Helen probably never had fallen in love with a coward like Richard, and neither would she has given herself to someone that she wasn't married to. Susanna wanted to make a face, but refrained, because Helen knew nothing of the reason why Richard had ended his and Susanna's agreement.

"No, why?" Helen answered Susanna. "I thank the Lord every day for giving me such a good husband. I wish the same for you, and for Alice."

Helen worried about Alice, naturally. Who would want to be engaged to Alice now, after she had become a maid of honour? Who knew how maidenlike the maids really were? The rumours of His Majesty's affairs were no secret. Alice knew virtue and chastity, and would probably avoid any kind of behaviour that would seem flirty.

"And I pray for you, and for us all." Susanna looked at Helen, who as a reply gave Susanna a hug and a kiss.

"I know, Sus. Now good night. Don't forget to blow out the candle."

"I won't." Susanna wondered why Helen suddenly called her "Sus" as she had called her when Susanna was a child.

Also, Susanna would of course not forget to blow out the candle, she never forgot it. When Helen closed the door, Susanna walked over to her mattress, with the candle in her hand, put it down and blew it out. She wore her thin, grey night gown already and the hair was still in its' braid.

In the morning, Susanna woke early. It was dark outside, she figured, even though she didn't open the windows. She went outside to the outhouse, then cleaned herself with water and the homemade soap. It was Helen who made the soap, and she also watched over it and forbade the family members to use the soap unless they had been to either the outhouse, or during the baths. But every morning they all washed their faces and parts of their bodies; Susanna did so in her room. She washed her armpits and her face, and every week she washed her hair.

After having washed herself, she put on her other day dress, the grey one, and braided her hair again. It was travelling day, so she pinned the braid to her head with the few hair pins that she had, and she also put a hair comb on her right temple.

The family took their breakfast in the big room that served as a kitchen and the main room. Helen put the freshly baked bread on the wooden table and they ate it with their hands. They also drank goat milk; that their neighbours, Mr and Mrs Andrews, had given to them. The Howards owned only a few sheep, and no goats.

"Did we pack everything?" Simon wondered as he took a sip of milk.

"I think so", Helen replied. "And the weather looks nice, it's not raining yet."

"Not yet!" Susanna frowned. "But it will."

"You always have such a nice view on things", Simon said. "What about trying to appreciate the good things?"

"I do appreciate the good things", Susanna objected. "When shall we leave?"

"As soon as the carriage arrives." Helen took her mug and walked over to the fire place where she had been heating water for the washing up.

Mr Richards didn't have to take the Howards to London; Simon knew very well how to drive the carriage. Before they left, he payed Mr Richards for the horses and the carriage, and then helped Helen to climb up. Susanna climbed up by herself, while lifting her skirts. It wasn't immodest, she wore one under skirt and warm socks because of the weather, which was chilly.

While going through Dayston, Susanna looked at their simple house, which wasn't as simple as some of the houses in the outskirts of the village. At least their house were partly built of bricks, but the poorest families had only wooden houses with no real roof, and the water pored in during heavy rain. The Howards house was steady, a middle class home, but still simple.

Most of the trees were still green, but there were parts of them getting yellow and orange, some maples shone in red and green colours. Fall was a beautiful season when it wasn't rainy, Susanna thought.

Some neighbours were awake while the Howards left for London. Mr Andrews, a 40-year old farmer, was about to walk over to his parts of the field, when Simon drove past him. They both waved and greeted each other, and Helen and Susanna smiled.

"I pray for a safe journey for you all", Mr Andrews said.

"Bless you, Mr Andrews", Helen said. "We are grateful. Give our best regards to Mrs Andrews."

5.

The Howards arrived to London the next day. Susanna looked around as she sat beside Helen on the carriage. London was noisy, crowded and dirty, compared to Dayston and most villages on the countryside. In London, many people lived in crowded homes, diseases were easily spread and people dumped their garbage outside. The Londoners, Susanna noticed, were dressed more or less like her and her parents. Of course one could notice who was more fortunate than the other, but in general, the Londoners looked tired. Most of the city was gray and dirty. The houses were built of stone and some of bricks. From a distance, Susanna had seen the London bridge and the Tower of London - that horrible place where the king, Henry VIII, had imprisoned innocent people and had them executed.

After having glanced at the Tower, Susanna quickly looked away.

Now Simon parked the carriage outside Thomas house; a little house built of stone, and led the horses to the stable that Thomas owned and shared with his neighbour, Mr Owen. Susanna's heart pounded, because she had longed to meet her brother and the baby. She jumped out of the carriage, while Helen carefully stepped outside, holding her skirts.

"Thomas!" Susanna shouted, when her brother came out of the house. "I missed you!"

Thomas Howard smiled, and hugged Susanna. "I missed you as well, and my dear mother", he said and kissed Helen.

Thomas was light brown-haired like Susanna. He was taller and looked healthy, but a bit tired. He had been working as a mason in the city since he moved there, and the job was tiring.

Now Mary Howard appeared, without the baby. Mary's hair was brown and put up under her headcloth. She also looked tired, but she smiled, and her dress had a deep cleavage, as the fashion prescribed.

"Most welcome", she greeted her in-laws and Susanna. "How was your trip? We prayed that all went well."

"All went well, dear", Helen said. "How are you? And how is my grandson, Abraham?"

"He is well, thanks be to God. But he is sleeping. Come in." Mary gestured for the family to step inside.

The house consisted of a big room and a smaller room. In the bigger room there was a fire place and a wooden table, and in the smaller, Thomas had built a bed for him and Mary. Abraham also slept in the bedroom, and Mary carefully lifted him up and carried him into the bigger room.

Susanna looked at her nephew. He was tiny, and fragile, like all babies. The hair was brown, and his eyes brown as well. She wasn't a lover of babies, in general, but this little nephew made her feel like her heart was melting a bit.

"He is so tiny", she said.

"Indeed", Mary said. "But he is healthy, and we are grateful."

It was afternoon. The Howards all gathered inside and admired the baby, talked about the news from Dayston and from London. Mostly they talked about Abraham and about Alice. Thomas didn't like the fact that Alice was at the Royal court and he wanted her to return to Dayston.

"It would be different if she was married to a good, respectable man", he said. "But now, who would accept her now? Who knows what she is doing there…" He looked sad.

Mary got up and stuffed around the wood in the fireplace. Her skirts reached the floor, but the floor was clean. Susanna wore a shawl over her own cleavage even here, in her brother's home, and Mary asked her about that when she, Helen and Susanna took a walk in the evening.

They only walked around the neighbourhood, and the neighbours greeted Helen and Susanna. Of course the neighbours knew that Helen was Mary's mother in-law and that Susanna was Helen's daughter, because Thomas and Mary had told them all week that they were going to visit.

"Why do you cover, Susanna?" Mary asked. "Is it because of modesty? Or are you cold?"

The evening wasn't very cold, just chilly. Susanna was grateful for the fact that it wasn't raining.

"I want to cover. I feel comfortable doing so, and yes, it's modest", Susanna replied. "I don't judge you or other women wearing different dresses than me."

"You are sweet", Mary said. "What about Alice, your sister? Isn't she going to visit also?"

"Yes, she is, at least we hope so", Helen said. "Mr Richards delivered our letter to her, but she hasn't replied. Maybe it hasn't arrived to court yet."

Maybe Her Majesty reads all letters that are addressed to her maids, Susanna thought.

"Perhaps not." Mary looked at them. "Hopefully it will arrive as soon as possible. Thomas visited her last month, and she is doing well."

"Yes, Thomas told me", Helen said. "But we want to meet her now when we are in London, if it's possible."

Mary stopped before some street boys who was running along the street. Their hair were all stripy and dirty, and their faces too, but they actually looked happy. Maybe they weren't street boys after all, Susanna thought, because they didn't seem hungry.

"Boys of the street?" she asked Mary, but Mary shook her head.

"No. I know them, they are Mr and Mrs Oliver's kids. They are poor, though. Mr Oliver had to quit his job when he fell sick. Now the family are dependant on charity from their relatives."

Susanna looked at the boys who were at the end of the street. Poor boys. How old are they? Not more than twelve. At least the Howards had never been dependant on charity; Simon had always been working and had been lucky to keep his job.

In the evening they sat before the fireplace. Mary had baked bread and Helen opened the basket with the butter cakes. They told stories from old times in Dayston and also talked about the sad trial and execution of Sir Thomas More, that had taken place in July.

It's Cromwell's fault. Susanna wanted Cromwell dead. If he would ever be tried for treason, Susanna would honestly cheer.

6.

The next day, the family decided to send Thomas and Susanna to the Royal court in order to try to get hold of Alice. Alice hadn't replied to their letter, and her parents really wanted to see her. Thomas volunteered to visit the court and ask for permission to take his sister home just for one or two days.

"I want to go with him", Susanna blurted out in the morning, and everyone looked at her.

Even little Abraham looked at her, Susanna thought that he seemed confused.

"You might not get permission, Thomas", Simon said. "I can go, but Cromwell and the others know how reluctant we all were to take the oath."

The oath, the one that made Sir Thomas More go to his martyrdom. Yes, the Howards had taken the oath, but didn't support it in their hearts.

"Secretary Cromwell knows about us?" Susanna frowned, and looked at Simon. "He doesn't."

"Indeed he does. Alice is the Queen's maid of honour. You can be sure that Mr Cromwell and the other puppets of King Henry know about each one of the maids families!" Simon replied.

Susanna looked out through the window, which was open. The morning was cloudy, not cold, but windy. If she and Thomas were to go to the Royal court, she would have to both wash her hair and change to the only dress that she owned that wasn't a day dress; the one with the mossy green bodice.

"That bastard", Susanna frowned.

"He isn't a bastard, actually", Helen said. "He is from a simple family, like us."

"I don't care who his family is. Cromwell is a coward." Susanna's pulse beat fast, like it did when she became upset.

"You shouldn't go with Thomas is you loathe Cromwell that much", Mary said, holding Abraham in her arms.

I don't want to go to the Royal court because of the damned Cromwell, I want to go there because I have never been there and I want to see why Alice stays, Susanna thought, but didn't say more.

"You know that we might meet him, or, most probably", Thomas warned her. "Do you still want to come with me?"

"Yes!" Susanna stared at him. "I want to see Alice and know why she stays there."

She went to the corner where the family's belongings stood, and went through the bag. When she had found her dress, she asked for privacy because she wanted to wash her hair and herself, so Mary went with Abraham to the bedroom, and the rest went outside to say good morning to Mr and Mrs Oliver.

Susanna hurried as much as possible. First, she washed her long braid, with heated water and a bit of soap. Then she let the hair out and combed it, trying to make it dry before she braided it a second time and pinned the braid to her head. She also washed her upper body, threw her grey day dress at a chair, and changed to the other dress. It was a pity that she couldn't tie the cords in the bodice by herself, she didn't reach all the way down her back. When Helen entered the house again, Susanna asked her to tie the rest of the cords, and Helen did so.

"You look nice, Sus", Helen said.

"Susanna. Why do you call me Sus, all of a sudden?"

"I don't know. You are always Sus to me, even if I don't call you by this name often."

Susanna didn't know what to reply. Instead, she tried to form her eyebrows with her fingertips. There was no mirror in Thomas' and Mary's house, but there was a silver plate, and Helen brought it to her.

"See, I look simple", Susanna complained. "I don't look like a maid of honour's sister."

"You do", Helen said. "No one expect you to look like Royalty."

Well, true. Susanna realized that she hadn't cleansed her teeth, and she did so before leaving with her brother. The rest of the family wished them good luck and said that they hoped that Alice would go home with them.

7.

Susanna was nervous. At least her pulse beat fast again, and she felt some kind of sting under her armpits and under her bodice. Thomas and she walked to the Hampton Court Palace, and Susanna looked at people that she saw, and at the streets of the capital. She had seen Hampton Court before and wondered what kept Alice there. Would Alice be different now? Susanna wondered. No, Alice would probably not be snotty or proud, and she hadn't shown these sides while visiting Dayston during the summer.

But maybe Alice would be different now, anyway, Susanna thought.

The Londoners she observed now hurried to and fro their homes, and to their jobs. The women carried water or vegetables from the marketplace, and small children shouted and cried. Susanna heard women calling on the children:

"No, Thomas! Don't cross the street!" "No, Kate, stay there!"

I'm lucky who didn't get married, Susanna thought. Then she felt that sting again, the sting of bitterness.

Richard had decieved her.

Susanna held up her skirts because the streets were dirty and muddy. Her shoes were wet already, but she didn't say this to Thomas, because perhaps he would say that she should go back to his home.

"Do you think that Alice will come with us?" she asked instead.

"I hope so." Thomas looked at her. "If we get permission to enter the court, I'm sure she will be allowed to come with us."

"From who does she need permission? From Ann… the Queen?"

"Yes, from the Queen", Thomas replied, then he whispered: "Remember to be polite, to whoever you will meet. If you are face to face with, let's say, the Queen – not that you will – but you get the point, just be humble and polite."

Thomas really adviced her like she was a kid. She was 27 years old, an adult, and Thomas was younger.

"I know", she said. "I'm not stupid."

"Of course not. I know how you feel towards the King and Queen, though. Don't show it. And don't show what feelings you have for Mr Cromwell, if we meet him."

Susanna wanted to giggle. Don't show your feelings for Mr Cromwell. What feelings? Of course, her brother meant her own feelings of hatred, but it sounded funny to her, when he adviced her to not show her feelings for this person.

"What, Sus?" Thomas asked, as they stopped and watched Hampton Court from a distance.

"Nothing. It sounded funny. I won't show anything." Still, Susanna wanted to giggle.

Hampton Court, this palace that King Henry took over from Wolsey. Susanna looked at it, it was huge, and suddenly she wanted to go back to her brother's home after all.

"We don't belong there", she said.

"You are right. But we are only visiting in order to bring Alice home for a few days." Thomas continued walking, and Susanna followed him.

Her brother walked too fast, and she hurried while she tried to walk as fast as him. But Thomas didn't wear any long skirts that he needed to grab with both fists.

"You walk too fast", Susanna complained.

"Sorry." Thomas stopped. "I'm just… I'm nervous."

"You too?"

"Yes, are you nervous as well?"

"I feel tense." Indeed, Susanna did feel tense, her stomach, especially, was aching a bit.

They continued walking. Eventually, they reached the gate where two armed guards stood, and Thomas introduced himself and Susanna as miss Alice Howard's siblings.

Susanna looked at the guards and their serious faces. If they believed her brother or not, it didn't show on their faces. The wind blew in her own face, and she looked on the ground with teary eyes. It was the wind, she thought, that made her eyes teary.

"Miss Alice Howard, who?" asked one of the guards.

"She is one of the Queen's maids", Thomas explained. "Our parents are visiting me and my wife this weekend, and we would like Alice to see them as well."

"Very well", the guard said. "You will probably have to be questioned by Mr Secretary Cromwell also." He let them in, and Susanna thought that she would have felt relief if it wasn't for these words: You will probably have to be questioned by Mr Secretary Cromwell also.

Not by him! she thought, and she wanted to say it. She didn't say it, but she didn't understand why her brother and she had to be questioned again, and by the heretical Secretary, of all people.

Thomas and she entered Hampton Court. Susanna looked around, because even though she had seen the building from outside, she knew that this was the first and last time that she entered it's walls.

The garden was beautiful, in her opinion; not very green because it was autumn, but the leaves on the trees shifted in different colours: red, green, orange and yellow. There were bushes, which someone must have cut and shaped into perfect forms.

It must be wonderful to take walks here, Susanna thought. She wondered if Alice had been taking walks among these neatly cut bushes, and what she thought about the gardens. Maybe Alice preferred this perfectionism over the Howards simple garden.

"We are to enter the Queens chamber", the guard, who went with Thomas and Susanna, said. "I don't know if you will get permission to visit." He escorted the siblings inside and Susanna stopped to look around.

There was silence, and just a few maids dressed in black and golden coloured dresses, were there. None of the maids were Alice, and Susanna wondered if Alice was with the Queen, the whore Anne Boleyn, and whether Thomas and herself would be allowed to really visit Her Majesty in person. Maybe the guard would just send a servant to fetch Alice and bring Alice to Thomas and herself. She didn't know.

There were steps, fast ones, and two men with black clothing approached them. Susanna didn't recognize them, but the guard quickly whispered that the men were Mr Charles Brandon and - the person that Susanna had hoped to not be questioned by, Thomas Cromwell. Brandon looked handsome and young, with a plain face and light brown, short hair. Brandon looked serious and professional while quickly looking at the two siblings. Cromwell was older than Brandon, and had dark brown hair. Susanna couldn't see what colour Cromwell's eyes had, either green or blue. What did it matter to her what colour his eyes had? She couldn't care less.

The guard introduced the siblings to Brandon and Cromwell, and left.

Don't leave us with them! was Susanna's reaction. But her brother smiled and greeted the two men, and Susanna thought about how much better Thomas was at talking to people than she was. He didn't stutter or say any plump things, like she would have done.

8.

"Only one visitor is allowed into the Queen's chamber", Cromwell said. "One of you will stay with me, here."

Not I, Susanna thought. Please, brother, say that I can see Alice and you will stay here with Brandon and the Heretic number one.

"I better go", Thomas said. "Or do you want to go, Sus?"

Susanna opened her mouth. Yes, I want to go, she wanted to say, but didn't say it. She looked at Brandon and Cromwell and suddenly wanted to stay with the latter, just in order to ask him why, why he was such a coward and a puppet. Would he send her to the Tower and let her be executed for treason, if she asked him these things? Probably not; Cromwell wasn't the one who it was treasonable to speak badly of.

"Maybe", she said. "No, you better go to the chamber. I can stay."

"Sure?" Thomas said. "Mr Cromwell, take care of my sister, all right?"

"I will, sir." Cromwell's face was serious and blank, as always.

Thomas went with Brandon and Susanna looked after them. When they had left, the hall was empty, just one guard stood by the door and pretended not to watch Cromwell and Susanna. Susanna wondered how the Royals and everyone else here could ever relax when there were guards everywhere.

Both she and Cromwell were silent, and she didn't look much at him. She wasn't embarrassed or shy, she was just hesistant of asking the questions that she wanted to ask. But she observed him, discretly, she hoped. The dark hair, pale face, the green or blue eyes, the harsh look on his face. The dark jacket with the golden chain of office. The chain looked ridiculous, Susanna thought. Why did he wear it?

"What is it?" Cromwell said.

"Nothing." Susanna looked down.

"You look confused. Do you want to sit down?"

"No, thank you."

No, thank you, Mr Secretary. But she had left out the two last words.

"So you are miss Alice Howard's sister. At first, when Alice arrived to court, I thought that she was related to Her Majesty."

What? Susanna stared at him. In what way would my family be related to the whore Anne Boleyn?

"You are Howards. The Queen is related to a family named Howard, but I realized that it's a different family", Cromwell explained.

Did he try to conversate with her? In that case, Susanna didn't know what to talk about. What do you say to the King's Secretary? Do I ask him about his work? What is it like to be stuck in the Secretary's office all day and what is it like to be a spineless puppet?

"No, we are not related to this family", Susanna finally said.

"All right." Cromwell was silent and Susanna thought that she would have been relieved over this fact.

But she wanted him to speak. His voice was pleasant for some reason, quite dark, and polite.

"Have you talked to my sister?" Susanna asked.

Cromwell looked at her. "No, just sometimes. Why?"

"Just… I just wondered." Susanna thought about what more to say, or ask. "She is nice, my sister."

"I don't know who is who among the maids, miss Howard."

Again Cromwell was silent and Susanna wished that her brother and Alice would come out soon. The guard stood by the door, and three maids - they must have been maids due to their clothing - passed by. When they saw Cromwell and Susanna, they whispered to each other.

"Mr Secretary", one of them said while passing by.

"Ladies." Cromwell replied.

How formal everything is, Susanna thought. Of course she knew that things would be formal here, but still it surprised her.

"For how long time have you been working here?" she asked.

"Some years I have been working here."

"Don't you have a family who miss you?"

She regretted this question. Why did she interfere? But the question was asked and Susanna couldn't take it back. Cromwell looked at her, a bit too long, and Susanna found it difficult to meet his gaze.

"My wife, may her memory be blessed, passed away some years ago, and my two daughters as well."

Oh.

Susanna recalled that she had heard about this, but of course she hadn't thought about it right now.

"I'm sorry", she said.

"Thank you, miss Howard."

Susanna knew that she shouldn't ask one single question more, but still she opened her mouth:

"I understand that you miss them." She wanted to ask the names of his daughters, but maybe that would make him sad.

On the other hand - didn't she want to make Cromwell sad? Didn't she want to hurt him, with words, just like his oppressive activities against the Catholic Church had hurt Susanna's family, and so many others?

"I do", Cromwell said, in a low voice and his gaze downwards. "I miss them."

"I understand that", Susanna sad, even though she actually didn't understand exactly how it must hurt to loose a family member.

She was young when her brothers died, but she wondered whether she could and should tell Cromwell about this, or not.

Not, she decided. Still, Cromwell looked down, and somehow Susanna felt a strange feeling of… what was it, was it sympathy? Really, she didn't know. Did she feel sympathy for Thomas Cromwell, the heretic, the puppet, the coward? Whatever Susanna felt, it somehow irritated her.

"What, miss Howard?" Cromwell looked at her now.

"Nothing. I… I'm sorry for your loss", Susanna mumbled.

"You are kind. Thank you."

Still her brother was in the Queen's chamber and no sounds were heard except Susanna's breathing, for the moment. And Susanna didn't know where to put her gaze. Eventually, she looked at one painting at the wall, one of a man with a serious face. Who was he? The King's father?

"I hope that my brother will come out soon", Susanna mumbled.

"Are you in a hurry?"

"No… I thought about you. Perhaps you have important things to do."

Cromwell smiled, not a big, charming smile, but this restrained, kind of ironic, smile of his.

"Unless I get orders to do something more important, I'm supposed to wait here with you."

So I'm not important, then. This thought surprised her, because why would she want to be important business to Mr Cromwell? Of course, she was one of his errands, one of this day's must-do's. He didn't wait outside the Queen's chamber with a simple middle-class woman because he wanted to.9.

Susanna didn't reply to Cromwell's comment. Her feeling of being disappointed surprised her, and she looked quickly at him.

"What is it, miss Howard?" Cromwell asked.

"Nothing. But really, you can go. I can wait for my brother here, and there is a guard over there, so…"

"You are right, I assume. After all, you are no child. May I ask, what is your age?"

"I'm 27."

And yours? she wanted to ask. Of course, she was polite enough to not ask such a thing. She knew that Cromwell was at least around 50 years old, much older than her.

He didn't look like he was very old, though: his hair was mostly dark, there were some grey hair among it, but these were not dominant. Of course, Susanna's skin was more plain than his, because she was 20 years younger. Cromwell had his lines in his face and somehow he looked troubled.

"You are young still", Cromwell said. "I assume that you have a husband who waits for you in… from where did your brother say that you are?"

"From Dayston, it's a small village."

"I see."

"I don't have a husband." Susanna wondered if she shouldn't have said this, because Cromwell might misunderstand her, and take her for a cheap and easy woman.

Cromwell looked at her, and Susanna didn't know with what face expression. She wanted to wipe her forehead with her sleeve, and she felt that her headgear had slid back and that her hairline was visible. She should adjust the headgear, she knew it, but actually she kind of wanted Cromwell to notice the light brown colour of her hairline. She wanted him to find her pretty, or beautiful.

How ridiculous is this? Susanna thought.

"Your brother is appearing." Cromwell nodded towards the Queen's chamber, whose door was opening.

"I'm sorry that it took a long time", Thomas said when he and Alice stood beside Cromwell.

"Mr Secretary", Alice said politely, before hugging Susanna.

"And my sister! I have missed you."

"I missed you too", Susanna replied and kissed her.

Alice looked healthy; her cheeks were rounder than Susanna remembered them. Also, they had some colour, maybe it wasn't natural red colour on Alice's cheeks, but it looked good. The hair was pulled up under a French hood, even though the hairline was visible. The hood was adorned with pearls, and Alice's lips were darker - perhaps she had painted them. Alice's dress was no simple wool dress like Susanna's own dress; instead Alice's dress was beige with golden embroidery and the cleavage was visible.

Susanna looked at her. This was her sister, Alice, who looked transformed. But it was the same Alice.

"Shall we leave, then?" Alice asked. She looked at Cromwell and addressed him: "Thank you, Mr Cromwell, for looking after my sister."

Cromwell's face was neutral as he replied: "Your sister don't need much baby sitting."

What was that supposed to mean? Did he find Susanna boring? Perhaps he meant that Susanna was a grown up woman.

"No, that is correct", Alice said. "How are our parents? I miss them so much."

"They are well", Susanna said. "They miss you as well."

"Let us leave, then", Alice said. "I want to see them now. Good day, Mr Cromwell."

Cromwell bowed towards her and then left. Susanna's gaze followed him as he walked, and she knew that it was the last time that she saw him. This fact would have been a relief to her, but she realised that she didn't feel any relief. She wanted him to stay.

"What, Sus?" Alice said. "Why are you looking at Cromwell? I thought that you loathed him."

"I do", Susanna mumbled.

"Did you two talk a lot?" Alice's face was open-minded, curious, and Susanna didn't think that her sister wanted to tease her or ridicule her.

"No", she said. "We talked a bit, though… about his daughters, and so on."

"His daughters? Cromwell has no daughters. But he has a son… Gregory, I think."

"His daughters are dead, like his wife."

"Oh, I remember that he was married once. So he had daughters as well? I'm sad to hear that they are dead."

"So is he."

"Do you pity him? I do, sometimes, because he seems troubled or sad. But he is always this serious man, I don't like him. But hush."

Neither did Susanna like him, but yet she wanted to talk more to him, ask him why he was so harsh on the Catholic faith, and why he had transferred the monasteries treasures to the Royal court instead of distributing it to people in need.

"Let's go", Thomas said. "We don't belong here. Perhaps you feel like you do, Alice, but after all, you are our sister."

9.

When Alice, Thomas and Susanna were escorted out of the building by the guard that had stood by the door all the time, Susanna turned her head and looked for… what? She wouldn't visit Hampton Court again. She would rarely visit London again. Her family was here for the weekend, unless unpredicted things happened, for example an autumn storm or heavy rain.

The sun still shone outside and Susanna discretely looked at the guard who wore red clothing. His face looked serious, even more serious than Thomas Cromwell's. Perhaps the guards weren't allowed to show feelings, she thought. Even if they came to know that a family member had died, they probably had to stay plain and calm.

For her own part, she wouldn't manage it. She was an emotional person, even though she wished that she wasn't. If she could have the same calm surface as Cromwell or the guard who walked beside her father!

Her father and Thomas didn't say much, but Alice blabbed about the garden, about the roses who were withered now, about the perfectly cut grass and the raked gravel walks.

. Who rakes all these gravel walks and who cuts the grass every week in the summer? Susanna wondered to herself. Behind her, she saw the red bricks of the palace, and even though she loathed King Henry and the Queen, she felt some kind of disappointment over the fact that Alice would return here, but not herself.

Did this feeling of disappointment have to do with Mr Cromwell? She knew that this was the truth. For some reason she had enjoyed talking to him. She had liked his voice, this dark, and soft, voice of his. And she wondered about his family, the wife and the daughters that he had lost.

"Susanna!" Alice said. "I got permission from the Queen to leave court for two days. I will miss the Queen dearly."

Susanna wanted to roll her eyes. Had Alice also became a puppet, like Cromwell? The thought of comparing her sister to Thomas Cromwell made Susanna giggle, and everyone, even the guard, looked at her with wrinkled eyebrows.

"I'm sorry", Susanna said.

"She begs your pardon", Alice explained to the guard — to the guard! — As if Susanna had spoken French or Italian.

The guard just nodded towards Alice, but Susanna gave Alice an irritated gaze. Why did Alice behave in this… kind of snotty way?

At supper, which consisted of grilled pork - Mary had bought some meat from a neighbour who had been slaughtering two of their pigs that afternoon — and of grilled turnips and onions, the Howards talked a lot. They sat inside and Mary had arranged a fire in the fireplace, but some candles were lit as well. Susanna had changed to her grey day dress and pulled the pins out of her hair, and she wondered when she would wear the other dress again. Perhaps at church, perhaps at Christmas.

The family had been asking Alice many questions the whole evening. Did she miss home? Did she want to stay at court? What did she think of the Queen? Did she spot any handsome young men around the Palace?

Susanna wanted to ask: What do you think of Mr Cromwell? Of course she didn't ask. Alice was no admirer of Cromwell, just like Susanna, or Thomas and their parents.

"I spoke to Thomas Cromwell", Susanna now told their parents, because even though Thomas and Alice had known, their parents hadn't.

"Really? For what reason?" Helen asked.

"He was staying with me while Thomas went to see Alice." Susanna took a sip of water from her mug.

"Poor you", Mary said. "Cromwell is a bastard." She frowned.

"He should be hanged", Thomas muttered. "But this one dare not say these days."

"One dares not do anything as before." This was Mary's words.

"The times are troubled", Simon agreed. "Even for the Lutherans. I don't wish that anyone would be burned or executed unless a horrible crime has been committed."

The Howards had had this discussion before, regarding the news of executions of first Lutherans, then of believers who were true to the old faith. Susanna didn't agree with Sir Thomas More's burning of six people, but she agreed that Lutheranism was dangerous. If everyone abandoned the old faith, what would happen? The Pope wouldn't have any legitimacy anymore.

The whole evening, the family sat and talked. Mary washed the dishes and Helen offered to help, but Mary refused her. Alice told them of news from London, about intrigues at the Royal court, about gossip and romances.

"Is it true that the King takes the Queen's maids as mistresses?" Mary asked when she was finished with the washing up.

"Sometimes", Alice mumbled. "Everyone knows. Actually I'm sworn to secrecy, but…"

"Forget about the secrecy, dear", Helen said. "We won't spread anything you say."

"Everyone says that. At court you don't trust people, especially not the maids. There is one, this Nan. She is sweet, and also Madge."

"Madge?"

"She is the Queen's cousin. And yes, some people say that the King took her as a mistress. I don't know."

"Doesn't she tell you?" Susanna asked, and wondered whether King Henry ever had tried anything with her sister.

If he had, Susanna wanted to smack him, but she knew that the King did whatever he wanted, and if he wanted Alice Howard as his mistress, Alice would accept if she didn't want to be dismissed.

"Not much", Alice said. "Madge - Margaret - is sweet, but childish. I feel sad for her. Personally, I'm no one's mistress, but…"

"But?" Helen looked at her.

Alice was silent. Susanna looked at Alice's serious face and everyone else did as well.

"Don't be surprised", Alice said, "but I have found someone. He is a servant and is named Richard Brandon. Not related to Charles Brandon, of course. I like him, and Richard likes me as well."

No one replied. Susanna tried to understand: her sister told them that she was in love with a servant named Richard Brandon. Would their father accept this? Of course Alice could go ahead and marry anyway, but it was nice to have one's parents blessings.

"A servant, you say?" Helen said. "Alice, dear…"

Alice's face crumbled. "I like him, mother!"

"I know, calm down. What do you think, Simon?"

Simon didn't say anything. He was silent, looked at Alice and then at Helen.

"Well,", he said after a while. "A servant or a noble man, I would like to meet this Richard Brandon. I will go with you to the palace when you have to return, and I will ask for him."

Susanna felt a slight thrill in her stomach. If her father was to go to court with Alice, she could ask to accompany them, and perhaps she could see Cromwell again.

10.
Since Simon Howard wanted to visit the Royal court in order to meet his possible future son-in-law, he sent a letter with one of Thomas' neighbours and asked for permission to visit. Susanna also wanted to go with her father, but was too shy to ask. What if Simon asked why she wanted to follow him to court, then what would she reply? "I want to see lord Cromwell, father. I found it pleasant to speak with him even though he is a coward." She wouldn't say this.

"We must go back after two days", Simon said. "We rented the carriage for the weekend, now we have to pay extra to Mr Richards."

"Let's do that, then", Susanna said.

"It's easy for you to say, daughter. I'm waiting for a reply from Alice."

"Or from whoever writes her replies", Helen said. "Alice can read no better than Susanna here."

"I should have tought you how to write and to read properly", Simon said.

What use would we have had of that? Susanna wondered. Neither she nor Alice would have any use of either reading or writing. They could write and read their names, and that was about it.

"Perhaps", was Helen's comment.

They were still at Thomas' and Mary's home, and Mary was roasting apples over the fireplace. She had bought the apples at the market earlier in the afternoon, and Helen and Susanna had gone with her. The contras between the streets of London and the clean, quiet Hampton palace had struck Susanna, who had stares at the beggars who mostly just looked at the women who carried baskets with bread and fruit. Sometimes a woman had casted an apple or a piece of bread to one of the beggars, but mostly people passed by.

If Susanna had had her own basket, she would have thrown something to at least some begging people, but she had felt bad about asking Mary to throw something that she had just bought.

Abraham had been with Mrs Owen during the afternoon. Now he was sleeping in Thomas' and Mary's bedroom, and the family had just been eating their supper.

It was a bit cold. The October rain fell on the roof and on the street, and Susanna didn't want to be in one of the beggar's shoes.

"Let's hope that she will dictate a reply for us soon", Helen said. "I wonder who will write her letter?"

"Perhaps Thomas Cromwell will, he is the secretary", Simon frowned.

Susanna's heart skipped a beat. For what reason? But Cromwell was the King's secretary, of course he didn't write letters dictated to him by a simple maid.

Then, Alice was not "just" a maid, she was one of the Queen's maids of honour.

"Cromwell", Helen frowned. "How I loathe him. Susanna, you met him, didn't you? You told us that he spoke with you. You should have told him how we loathe him."

"And get us executed?" Mary turned from the fireplace. "I beg your pardon. But you can seriously not ask this of her."

"It's not treasonable to criticize the secretary", Helen objected.

Mary put the roasted apples on a wooden plate and then put the plate down on the table. She sat down and met Helen's gaze.

"Of course she was too polite to do something like it!" Mary said. "Cromwell hasn't hurt us personally, anyway."

.Well, indeed he has. He took the money from the monasteries and put them into the King's pockets. And he is a coward. If the King tells him to execute his own son, he will pro baby obey, Susanna thought, but was silent.

"He hurt our feelings", she said eventually, because she felt that her family waited for her comment.

"Indeed", Helen agreed. "And that's why we loathe him. This stupid oath that he made us take! I regret it daily and I ask for God's forgiveness. Sometimes I think that I should have suffered martyrdom just like Sir Thomas More."

"My God's blessings be with him", Susanna said. "I'm glad that you took the oath, mother."

"Of course. I didn't mean this seriously, of course I wouldn't have died a martyr's death. Thank you for the apples, Mary, I love them."

"Good", Mary said. "Yes, apples are indeed lovely to roast, espcially during Autumn. Shall we say good night?"

The letter came before noon; written by Cromwell, but dictated by Alice: "Dear mother and father, sister and brother. I was glad to visit you, Thomas, and I wish that I could have stayed longer. It makes me glad that Father wants to meet Richard Brandon. He is indeed a wonderful man and it would make me very glad if Father liked him. By this I mean to say that You are welcome to court as soon as possible. Also you can bring the rest of the family if you like. I look very much forward to meet you again.

Love,
Alice

Written by Thomas Cromwell, Secretary, on October 2, 1535."

"I knew that he would write her letter!" Helen glared at the piece of paper, with Cromwell's black handwriting printed on it. "Why could no other man than him write Alice's letter for her?"

Susanna wanted to make a big sigh. Cromwell was the secretary, of course he wrote letters. Perhaps Alice had asked him to write her letter, and suddenly Susanna felt strange about this possible fact. Alice can go to his office and ask him to write a letter, and I can't. She can see him daily, watch him walk the halls, while I'm stuck in Dayston with our parents - I love them - but still, I'm stuck.

How dared she? Of course she was grateful for the fact that her parents were alive and hadn't succumbed to the sweating sickness, the plague or any other disease such as tuberchulosis. Where else would she live if not with them? She wasn't married and would probably never be unless some widower accepted her. Who knew what the villagers gossiped, and what neighbours had really said about her and Richard?

She loved Dayston, really. Yet she longed to live away from the village, maybe not in London, but at least somewhere where no neighbours told bad rumours about her. The fact that she was - jealous - of Alice because she had the opportunity to see Thomas Cromwell walk around Hampton Palace surprised her. For what reason would she be jealous of Alice because of that? But she knew, she knew why.

The reason why Susanna felt like this, was a complete irony, and any outcome of her feeling would be impossible. It was something that she should forget, ignore, suppress and never consider, not dream about.
Helen put Alice's - Cromwell's - letter on the table and looked at Simon.

"Well, husband. You are to visit her, I will not put my foot in those halls."

"I understand you, Helen. And I will. You are invited, though. Thomas? Would you and your wife like to go as well?"
Thomas came out of the bedroom with Abraham in his arms. Abraham was sleeping, and Mary was doing the washing up.

"No, but probably… perhaps Susanna wants to", Thomas said.

"Susanna? Why?" Simon turned towards Susanna. "Did you catch a glimpse of Royal life and want to experience it again?" Simon's eyebrows were wrinkled, Susanna saw this in the candlelight and in the light from the fireplace.

"No", she said. "I… I would like to meet Alice again, and yes… it was interesting to visit the palace."

But I don't want Alice's life. I would never become a maid of honour. It means that you have to accept and obey to anything: to become the King's mistress if he asks you to, or to betray your friends if you are told to.

11.
In no way Susanna could say to her family that the reason behind why she wanted to follow her father to Hampton Court was because she wanted to see the loathed Mr Cromwell. Instead she had said that she wanted to see Alice before they left for Dayston. Now Susanna and Simon was at the gates of the palace, anyway, and Susanna's pulse was beating fast.

What made her think that she would see Thomas Cromwell just because she put her foot inside the gates of Hampton Court? How stupid was she, really? If her father knew her thoughts, he would have left alone, and probably not let her follow him and Helen the next time they travelled to London.

They had left as soon as Alice's letter arrived. Susanna had been hurrying up when she washed herself quickly and put the same grey and green dress on, the one she wore the last time she had ben to Hampton Court.

"You don't have to dress up, Sus", Helen had said, "they know that we are simple people."

"Doesn't hurt to make an effort", Susanna had objected.

Now the guards opened the gates, after asking for Alice's letter and reading it. Some raindrops fell, and Susanna hoped that there wouldn't be a heavy rain, because it would soak her headgear. There had ben no time to arrange her hair in a pretty way, instead she had just shuffled her braid into the headgear and now she hoped that the braid wouldn't fall out of it. That would make her look like a simple middle class woman.

The red bricks of Hampton Court kind of looked familiar to her already, even though she had been there only once. Also the perfectly arranged garden with the almost totally withered roses looked like home, she thought. In what way could she feel like this, she wondered. It wasn't like she wanted a place among Anne Boleyn's maids, or any place around the palace.

At least she didn't think so, and hadn't been thinking so until that day when she and Thomas Cromwell had been speaking.

Oh, how stupid was she! Actually, she wanted to put both her palms on her forehead and slightly bang some sense into her head.

"Susanna?" her father said. "Come along. Don't forget, be polite to everyone."

"Of course", Susanna replied.

The two guards who followed them to the entrance wore red clothing and black hats. Again, Susanna was surprised over their serious faces. What did they think about her and her father? Did they think that they were going to be a threat to anyone at court? Perhaps they followed every visitor around, perhaps they suspected everyone.

There was more noise inside this time. People hurried to and fro, some maids were gossiping and giggling in a corner, and Susanna even saw who she thought might be the Queen, Anne, hurrying down the hall. She wore a purple dress and a headgear, which was adorned with pearls. A few maids was with her, but no Alice.

"Your Majesty", the two guards said as the lady hurried past them. They bowed, but neither Simon nor Susanna did something like it.

No one cared about them, though, except for the guards. One guard cought a young man, dressed in black with the red Tudor rose embroidered on his coat, and whispered something to him. Susanna wondered what, perhaps the guard told the boy to send someone to throw her and her father out.

But if that's what the guards wanted to do, they could do it; they were armed.

"Yes, sire", the boy replied and hurried away.

"He will send for your daughter first", the guard said. "You two can sit down." He gestured towards a sofa in the corner, a small one, and Simon and Susanna sat down.

Susanna played with the laces of her headgear, twisted them around her fingers, and wondered why she was this silly. What did she think, really, that she and Thomas Cromwell would have a nice chat? He was probably in his office, writing down some important letter or order.

When Alice arrived, she kisses her father and sister and then told them that Richard Brandon probably was on duty and wouldn't be able to speak with Simon until the evening.

"Why couldn't you have written this in your letter?" Simon asked. "Now we have to stay here until after supper! Come, Susanna, let's go and I will come back another day."

No, no, Susanna wanted to shout. I want to stay.

Indeed, she didn't want to go to Thomas' and Mary's home again. If her father wanted to leave, fine. But for her own part, she wanted to stay, and she knew why, but she couldn't tell either Alice or their father.

"Stay", Alice said. "I understand that this is annoying, but it would be better that you stay now when you have arrived."

"In no way", Simon objected. "I'm leaving."

Now Susanna must protest, ask Alice if she could stay while Simon left. What would their father think? He would think that Susanna had lost her mind, but if Susanna didn't ask, she would probably not return to Hampton Court.

"Please, can I stay?" she asked, her voice trembling. "I… would like to, if this is possible."

"Stay? What do you mean, Susanna?" Simon looked at her. "Stay with Alice, you mean? I thought that being a maid was nothing for you."

"No, not… I don't want to apply for becoming a maid. I would just like to stay for a while, until evening, when you return."

Simon looked at Alice, who looked troubled.

"Why do you want to stay?" Alice asked. "You know that I have to attend the Queen and that I can't spend time with you, at least not much. I'm sorry."

Again, Susanna knew that explaining why was impossible, so she lied.

"I find this place interesting… I mean, life here, I like to observe it."

"What? You can't strut around here like some random visitor!"

Of course she couldn't. Susanna's mood fell and she thought about giving up and return to her brother's home with her father. Forget about Hampton Court, a place that she loathed, anyway, and forget about Thomas Cromwell. Forget that she kind of missed their conversation and his voice, forget that she found him interesting or fascinating.

Simon wasn't happy about Susanna's request, but eventually agreed if Alice asked for the Queen's permission. Then he left, angrily, while Alice, Susanna and the guards who stood by the main door, watched him.

"What do you want?" Alice asked. "I know that you have some reason to stay here. What is it? Is it a man? And who is he? I didn't believe that you were this silly…" Alice went on and on and Susanna wanted to put her own palms over Alice's mouth.

What did the guards in their red uniforms really think? Did they listen? Susanna hoped that they didn't, that they just focused on whatever there was to focus on; maids and servants passing by, for example. Of course they listened to Alice's and Susanna's argument, and of course they wondered why their father had rushed out. Susanna's face felt like it burned, her pulse accelerated and she hoped that the guards wouldn't remember this after a while.

"Who. is. he." Alice expressed every word with a pause between it. "Don't tell me that you fell for one of the guards or someone around here."

"You fell for someone around here."

"Hush!" Alice stared at her. "It's a secret, really, if it gets out, I'm kicked out at once."

Maybe that would be good, Susanna thought. She couldn't tell Alice about Thomas Cromwell, and what was there to tell? The fact that she liked his voice? Or the fact that she had enjoyed their talk?

"It's no one." Susanna lied.

"I heard a rumour", Alice whispered. "You spoke to mr Cromwell the last time you were here. You let him speak to you."

Of course I let him speak to me! What would I have done? Susanna didn't say this, but it was what she thought.

"Speaking of him", Susanna dared to say, "do you know where he is? I have to ask him something."

"Ask him something?" Alice echoed. "What would you ask him? Are you friendly with him all of a sudden? Do you like him?"

Now Susanna had to hush Alice.

"I don't… yes, we talked and I forgot to ask him something. It's private. It doesn't concern you or our parents."

Alice looked at her for a long time, and so did the guards, Susanna imagined. Even though Alice didn't shout, Susanna felt that the guards overheard everything and that they would report it to someone, and then send for someone to throw Susanna out.

"What on Earth would you ask Mr Cromwell? I thought you hated him." Alice dragged Susanna to a corner of the hall, beside a big table and a wooden cupboard. On the shelves Susanna could see glass bowls and small, wooden boxes with some coloured pattern on them.

"Souvenirs", Alice explained. "Some are from Spain, and His Majesty hasn't got rid of them."

"Were they Queen Katherine's?"

"Hush, she isn't Queen anymore and watch your tongue. Now, what do you want to ask Cromwell? I can send for someone to ask him. You don't have to go."

Susanna wondered if Alice would understand. Apparrently she didn't understand, or maybe she did, and tried to talk Susanna out of this.

"I want to go", Susanna said eventually. "Please, Alice. I want to talk to him." her voice sounded childish, begging, and she regretted that, but couldn't control how it sounded.

"Fine", Alice sighed. "You are mad. You know that he is a widower, right?"

What do you think? That I will marry him? Now you are the one who is mad, Susanna thought while looking at Alice.

"Of course. I'm not planning to marry him, I just want to ask him something. It's… important."

"Okay. You can always ask if he wants to talk to you, and he probably doesn't want to."

"Can you not tell father or mother? Or anyone?"

"Susanna. Things like this come out and then we have the rumours all over us. But you already know what that's like, don't you?" Alice looked at her with a serious gaze and Susanna looked away.

"I do", she replied. "If you won't help, I will ask someone where he is."

"Really, sister, you sound desperate. May the Lord help you."

"Don't be blasphemic", Susanna corrected her.

"Mr Cromwell is probably in the Secretary, in his office, or at His Majesty's side like the puppet that he really is", Alice said. "Ask a guard to show you to him. I can't go with you, there would be gossip immediately."

"Thank you", Susanna said, and left.

She asked the guard who had stood as far away from her and Alice as possible, and hoped that he hadn't overheard the argument. When she asked him if he could show her the way to Mr Cromwell's office, the guard wantd to know what business Susanna had with him.

"I just want to ask him something." She knew that this explanation was useless.

"What do you want to ask him? You know that he is busy, don't you?" The guard stared at Susanna and Susanna knew that the guard's words were true and that she should give up this stupid idea.

"I want to ask…" she paused, trying to come up with a good question. "I want to ask if he can help my family, because my sister is a maid of honour here and my family would need Mr Cromwell's advice regarding…"

"Then why don't your family send a letter to Mr Cromwell as many others do?"

"We can't read or write."

"Your father can't read or write?"

"My father… doesn't know that I'm asking for Mr Cromwell's advice."

"Then perhaps you should tell your father to write a letter first and then you can return here with it. Even better, your father could deliver the letter himself."

"He doesn't live in London. I'm here to visit my brother's family." Susanna hoped that the guard wouldn't figure the truth out; that her whole family actually was in London for the moment.

"Who is your brother?"

"His name is Thomas Howard."

"Howard as in Her Majesty's relatives?"

"No. We aren't related to this family. But we have… lots of respect for Her Majesty."

"So I hope", the guard muttered. "Well. I will lead you to Mr Cromwell's office, but if he is busy, you have to leave. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

The guard frowned. "You call me sir? You are a country girl, for sure."

"I'm no girl."

"Perhaps not, but you act like one. Let's go." He started walking and grabbed Susanna's arm, and Susanna felt that the other guards stared at them.

Charles Brandon suddenly walked into the hall and looked quickly at Susanna and the guard, then continued walking. Susanna hoped that Mr Brandon hadn't recognized her. If he had, then what did he think of her?

When they were at the door outside Cromwell's office, the guard knocked at the door and then waited. Susanna's pulse hadn't calmed down, and her face didn't feel much cooler.

After a while, a younger boy opened the door. Susanna had no idea who this boy was, whether he was a servant or even Cromwell's son. The boy wore black clothing and looked serious, and he asked what the guard wanted.

"I beg your pardon, but this woman has some errand for Lord Cromwell", the guard said.
"What errand?" The boy's eyebrows were wrinkled.

"I don't know. Should I take her out of here?"

"No. Let her stay. It's probably one of the many economic errands anyway. Come in, Mrs…"

"Susanna Howard", Susanna blurted out and hoped that the boy wouldn't notice that she wore no wedding ring.

The guard left her and Susanna stepped inside the office. It was warm and dark, except for some candles. Thomas Cromwell stood by the window and read something, he held a paper in is hands and looked at it with his usual serious face expression.

"Excuse me, Mr Cromwell." Susanna's voice trembled. "I…"

Cromwell looked at her and put the paper down. His face looked as confused as the boy's, and Susanna wanted to leave. What errand would she pretend to have? What question would she come up with?

"You are…?" Cromwell asked.

"Susanna Howard. My sister is…"

Cromwell looked at her.

"I remember. Your sister is one of the maids." Cromwell's voice was calm and Susanna wanted to smile just because he remembered her.

"You had a question or an errand?"

"Yes…" No, I don't have a question, Mr Cromwell.

What am I going to say? she thought. He must think that I'm mad or desperate, a woman who knows nothing about chastity and manners. Now he will probably feel deep disrespect, not only for me, but also for my sister and for my father, if he ever steps into Hampton Court again. Maybe he will even tell His Majesty about this matter, and eventually Alice will be dismissed.

Susanna's heart beat fast while she looked at Thomas Cromwell's deeply serious face. She wanted to run out of his office, out of the palace and through the perfect garden and then back to her brother's home.

"What is it, miss Howard?"

"Nothing." At least this was almost true.

"Then why are you here?"

Now she must speak, otherwise Mr Cromwell would probably call for someone to throw her out and ban her from coming back.

"I wanted to see you", she said, eventually, and saw Cromwell look at her intensely.

"Why so?" He asked.

Oh dear, why? I missed you. I missed your voice. I missed our conversation even though I shouldn't.

Of course she couldn't say this. Perhaps she should run out now before she was casted out?

"I…" Susanna stopped, hesitated. "I wanted to talk more to you, that day… you know… when we met at first."

Cromwell still looked at her. Susanna felt the room's heat on her forehead and she wiped it with her sleeve.

"I know that you are probably busy and I'm sorry to disturb you", she said.

"Don't worry. I wasn't writing anything important right now, anyway. Now, what did you really want?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

What a silly explanation, she thought.

"Then why didn't you write to me? Many women write to me regarding different affairs, regarding their husband's economic troubles and so on. Is it something like this you wanted to ask me?"

"I can only write my name", Susanna said, with a face that was probably red.

"I see. That's why you came here. Who is your husband?"

"I'm not… I'm not married."

"I understand… maybe you told me that before. Then what is your errand? does it concern your father or your brother?"

"No…"

Cromwell was silent and waited for her to speak, but she didn't know what she should say, even though she struggled to find it out.

12.

Cromwell and Susanna stood in the office while Susanna felt her face become hotter. She wanted to get out, and to go home. Why did I come here, she asked herself. How silly am I?

."Susanna", Cromwell finally said. "What is your errand?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"So you said…" Cromwell looked confused. "About what?"

"I just missed you… I mean, I missed talking to you. There was more that I wanted to ask you about." Susanna heard how silly this sounded, even she thought of herself as being ridiculous.

Cromwell would probably throw her out, but Susanna wished that he would want her to stay, perhaps over the night.

What am I thinking? In a way she was horrified by her own feelings and thoughts. She felt split, and confused. Normally she knew what was right and what she would do; and even though she knew that it was wrong of her to desire someone like Thomas Cromwell - someone that she could never marry - she still followed her emotions like a child.

"So", Cromwell said. "What do you want to ask?"

"About your family", Susanna said with a trembling voice.

"What about my family? I have one living son, thanks be to God, and as I told you, my wife and daughters have passed away due to sickness."

Susanna knew this, and she also knew that if she wanted to do the right thing, she should turn and walk away, straight out of Hampton Court.

"I'm sorry about that", she said.

"So you said before."

"I did."

Someone knocked at the door, and when Cromwell opened, a servant mumbled something and gave him a piece of paper.

"Another letter to be read", Cromwell said when he closed the door. "I suppose that you are here without your parents permission."

"They know that I'm here but not that I went to your office."

"I see."

Silence.

"My sister knows. She thinks that I'm mad."

"For what reason?" Cromwell looked at her and Susanna looked down, because the way that he looked into her eyes was similar to hpw Richard had looked at her. It was no creepy or hungry gaze, but a tender one.

Susanna couldn't answer, but Cromwell suddenly touched her arm, slightly, and Susanna shivered. It felt like a spark from one of the candles had touched her slightly, and she didn't want him to remove his hand.

"Come with me", Cromwell said. "We can't stay in the office."

He opened the door and went out, and Susanna followed him with her pulse still beating fast.

.What am I doing, what am I doing, she felt her heart beat.

Outside, a few guards looked at them, but didn't say anything. Susanna thought that perhaps the guards thought that she was a mistress of Cromwell, or a relative. Cromwell wasn't known for having any mistresses, in contrast to His Majesty who always had one around.

"My rooms", Cromwell whispered. "We can talk there."

Susanna stopped, with her face burning. What did he think of her? Did he think that she wanted something else, something that would be a sin to commit?

"I'm not like that", she mumbled.

"Like what? Neither am I. I won't do anything to you. But you said that you wanted to ask me something and it doesn't look good if someone comes into the office and we are there alone."

He was right. Susanna could hardly imagine the embarrassent she would have felt if anyone - a guard, a servant - had entered the office while she and Cromwell were in there. Words would go around Hampton Court and rumours would start, even if the rumours would be false.

Cromwell's bedchamber was quite small, but contained a bed, big enough for one person, a desk and a tiny drawer. Susanna wondered whether he kept any other clothes than his usual black coat and trousers that he wore around court. And where did he put the chain of office when he went to bed?

"Well, here is my room, we can talk here", Cromwell said.

Susanna's heart wasn't any calmer than it had been before, and she inspected the room. On the desk there were rolls of paper, a pen made out of a feather - well, what else would a pen be made of - a bottle that contained ink, and the Holy Bible. Susanna looked at the Bible and thought: I should get out, really, I should go now before I committ any sin.

It was a bad thing that she was here, alone, with a man that she wasn't married to, even if they hadn't done anything impure.

The daylight was grey outside the window, Susanna noticed. Her father would be back at Hampton Court soon, in order to talk to Richard Brandon, and then Susanna was supposed to go home to her brother's house with her father.

"Susanna", Cromwell said. "You seem worried. I'm not here to disgrace you, don't worry."

"I know."

"Still, you are worried." He touched her cheek with his fingers, and again, Susanna felt like a spark from one of the candles had landed on her cheek.

This is wrong, this is definitely wrong, she thought as she also, carefully, put her own fingers at Cromwell's right cheek and held them there.

They were silent. Susanna swallowed and thought that she should go, that she should find out a question to ask, because she had said that she wanted to ask him something.

"Susanna", Cromwell said again with his dark voice. "You told me that you are not married."

"I'm not."

"Then, are you betrothed to anyone?"

"I was." Immediately, Susanna regretted this answer, because now what would Cromwell think of her?

13.

Cromwell looked at her and Susanna really wondered what he thought of her. Perhaps he thought that she was a bad woman, a desperate one, someone who wanted to seduce him in order to make him help her or her family.

She was nothing like it. But how would she explain this? It wasn't like she seemed trustworthy now, in this situation, alone with him in his room; his bedroom.

"Does your son live here, too?" she asked, mostly because she wanted to say something.

"Yes, he lives here but doesn't share my bedroom." Cromwell's voice was dark and soft, and Susanna wanted to hear his voice more.

"What is his name?"

"Gregory." Cromwell smiled a bit. "Why?"

"I just wondered." Susanna wanted to put her palm over her forehead. How stupid was she, really?

Now, what did Cromwell think? Did he believe that she was after his son?

"What happened with your fiancée?" he asked.

Oh, she could have predicted this question. She had mentioned her previous betrothal, and of course Cromwell could ask her about it.

"He left me." That was enough as an explanation, Susanna thought, because Cromwell didn't have to know the truth.

"I'm sorry", he said. "Now how are you doing? Staying with your parents?"

"Yes, I'm staying at my father's home."

"And he looks after you?"

"My father is a good man."

"Of course. But he belongs to the old faith. He sticks to the old traditions, I know."

Susanna was silent. Of course Cromwell knew which families who kept the old faith and who didn't.

"We accepted the oath", she mumbled.

"You did. Very well. I didn't like the executions." Cromwell paused. "I didn't, really."

"You didn't?" Susanna knew that perhaps she shouldn't ask about this, but it was what she wanted to ask him.

Actually, she wanted to throw all this in his face; the arrests, the executions, the martyrdom of Sir Thomas More and Cardinal Fisher.

"No, Susanna. I didn't." Cromwell's voice was serious. "Do you think so?" He stepped closer and Susanna looked down.

"Maybe", she said. "You went through with it all. Why?"

"I obey His Majesty's orders. I'm not like your father, or like you."

"Like me?" Now, what did he mean?

"Well, you took the oath, but you can keep whatever faith you want in your heart. You are free, you don't have to obey anyone's orders except for your father's and of course, your father has to obey to the law."

"Free?" Susanna wondered whether she was free. Perhaps she was more free than Thomas Cromwell, but it wasn't like he hadn't chosen to become a servant of His Majesty.

"Like I said. You are no one's servant. Do you want to sit down?"

Susanna looked around but saw only the bed and the chair in front of the table. Cromwell couldn't suggest that she would sit on his bed, could he?

"Do you?" she asked, and felt even more silly. "Aren't you busy?"

"Not now. You asked to see me. If you want to leave, you can. Are you afraid?"

Afraid? Of what would she be afraid - of him? No, she wasn't, afraid was no word that described her mixed feelings.

"No", she said.

"I'm glad. I don't want to frighten you."

Susanna hesitated, then she asked:

"What do you think of me? Why did you take me to your… room?"

"It seemed like you wanted privacy."

"Privacy, yes, but…"

"Susanna. Why did you come to see me?" Cromwell looked at her with a gaze that Susanna couldn't describe, not then, nor later. And she had no answer, except the one that she committed with her right palm.

She put her palm over Cromwell's cheek, and all the time her pulse beat you are stupid, you are stupid, you are stupid, in her ears.

"I'm not one of these women who…" she mumbled as she stroke his cheek.

"I know", he mumbled. "And I'm not one of these men. I'm a widower. Not a ladies man."

She kept her hand on his cheek even though she knew that she should remove it. On one hand, she wanted to touch him, to stroke his cheek, tenderly touch his lips with her fingertips. Oh, these thoughts, why did they come to her? Perhaps she really was what she tried to convince both Cromwell and herself that she wasn't.

"You came to see me", Cromwell mumbled.

"I did", she replied.

His cheek was soft and clean shaved, yet she could see a hint of a beard and a moustache when she was this close. He smelled soap and perhaps a bit of ink - Susanna wan't sure what the smell of ink felt like. When he put his palm to her face, she noticed a stain of black ink on his thumb. Well, he had been in his office when she came, and most likely he had been writing something.

"You are pretty, Susanna." His voice, dark and soft, again.

She didn't reply, but she thought of what to reply in case she was going to reply. But what does one reply on such a statement? Thank you. You are pretty as well. No, you are handsome. She couldn't say these things.

Then she did the most stupid thing that she had done since she came to Hampton Court: she kissed him, softly, reluctant. Cromwell's lips were soft and didn't at all feel like Richard's lips - Richard's lips had been hungry and a bit desperate, not tender like this. Cromwell's hand still lay against her cheek and now he slowly stroked his fingers down her chin.

"Susanna", he mumbled. "Do you want this from me?"

But he kissed her as well, carefully, a bit plump perhaps, and Susanna didn't want him to stop kissing her or stroking her cheek.

14.

"I do", she mumbled, even though that answer wasn't appropriate.

But what this was, she wasn't sure of. She figured that neither did Cromwell know, because he seemed to hesitate when he kissed her and slowly put his arms around her.

"Susanna", he said again. "You know that we are not betrothed and that we can't be betrothed to each other in the future."

Of course she knew, but she didn't know why he had responded to her kiss, this mistake that she had committed. She had already committed a mistake with Richard, and now what was she about to make? If this wasn't a mistake, then what was it?

For some reason she became teary-eyed, and she wanted to put her head against Cromwell's chest and make him comfort her. For what reason would he comfort her, and for what reason was she sad? Was it because she felt split, or worried, or weak? How could she give in like this, just like before? At least she had been betrothed at that time, even though that was no excuse.

On the other hand, she didn't want to go as far with Cromwell, as she had done with Richard. How she had regretted that moment and still did!

"What is it?" Cromwell asked.

Susanna was silent and wondered how she could explain her mixed feelings.

"We are committing a sin", she said.

"I know. But I'm not… I want to ask you something, if I may", he said, and Susanna wondered why he sounded this polite.

.It's not like he is going to propose to me, she thought, and my father would never accept it.

Why did this stupid thought come to her? She knew that Cromwell would never want to marry her, and now she wondered why she even thought about this. It wasn't like she wanted to marry him, or did she want that?

Of what could she be sure now? Her feelings weren't the same as they had been, neither were her thoughts the same. Before she had met Cromwell, she had been sure that she didn't like him, that she despised him, but now she had realized that he was more complex than she had thought. He had told her that he didn't like the executions that he had to go through with.

As if that was a good excuse. Cromwell shouldn't be such a coward, he should have a spine and not obey His Majesty all the time.

"What do you want to ask", Susanna said, and it didn't sound like a question.

Cromwell looked at her as they stood there.

"Do you love me?"

This was his question, and Susanna was quite speechless. Did she love him? Love, wasn't it a deeper feeling, more complex than passion and longing was? She didn't knew Thomas Cromwell, she didn't know what kind of person he was except for what she had heard about him. But he seemed complex, and she was curious about him for some reason.

And she wanted him to like her - perhaps not to love her - and for this she bashed herself.

She wasn't supposed to be a desperate woman, who wanted to be loved just by any man.

Especially not to be loved by someone like Thomas Cromwell.

"I don't know", she answered. "Does it matter to you?"

Cromwell still held her, and he seemed to think.

"I don't want to hurt you", he said. "If you love me… I can't return this feeling, you know… it's not possible."

Even though she didn't love him - perhaps she could love him in the future though - his words felt like small needles, and she wondered why. If she didn't feel love for him, then why did it hurt when he told her that it was impossible, this relation, or whatever this was?

She had to ask him what he wanted from her, and why he didn't reject her.

"What do you want?" she asked, while looking down.

"Susanna… I don't know you well. And you don't know me either."

It seemed like he wanted to get out, that he wanted to reject her after all, and she wanted to affect him somehow, in order to make him want her to be there. How could she affect him, how would she be able to do so? She knew that she should run out and never enter Hampton Court again.

"What are you saying", she said, and wanted the sentence to sound like a question. But it sounded weak, and flat, and monotonous.

"I'm saying that this is no good", Cromwell said. "You are pretty, and you seem kind… but I can't… this is wrong."

Of course it was wrong.

"I know", Susanna agreed. "I just… I don't know. I know that I should not be here and that it is wrong…" She hesitated. "I don't know if I love you. I loved a man once and he betrayed me."

Perhaps she shouldn't tell Cromwell the whole story about Richard and why he had abandoned her.

"Sit with me", Cromwell said, and made a gesture towards the bed.

That made Susanna hesitate even more, because wouldn't sitting on his bed seem… inappropriate, even more inappropriate than being alone with him, here?

"I will not hurt you." Cromwell's voice, this dark and soft voice, made Susanna want to cry again.

What was wrong with her, really? She didn't understand herself and her reactions.

Well, then. She agreed to what he had just said and sat down on his bed, carefully, like a cat who gracefully sits down and wraps his tail around him. But Susanna didn't have any tail - she wrapped her skirts around her and was careful to not show any skin except for what was visible always - the face, the throat and the hands.

This situation didn't seem real to her. The fact that she was in Thomas Cromwell's bedroom and alone with him, made her think that perhaps she was dreaming. If this was a nightmare or a good dream, she didn't know. 15.

Helen and Simon Howard looked at Susanna, and Susanna looked down while she most of all wanted to run to her bedroom and cry. She was back in Dayston, because Alice had sent for their brother to take Susanna there - and her parents weren't happy with her. The day was cloudy and it felt like there was going to be rain, but there was no rain yet.

"How old do you think that you are?" Helen yelled, while standing in the kitchen, looking at Susanna.

Susanna didn't reply.

"You act like a seventeen year old, silly girl!" Helen continued. "But you are 27, a grown woman, old enough to have a family of her own! If this bastard Richard hadn't left you, then it would have been better."

These words were probably Helen's private opinions, but she didn't usually express them like this, and not to Susanna's face.

"Thomas Cromwell, really?" Helen almost spitted on the kitchen floor. "You are mad, girl, I can not understand you."

Neither can I, Susanna thought. I do not understand why I went to him.

"Am I supposed to believe that you only talked in there?" Helen continued. "You did not kiss or do anything else inappropriate?"

"We only talked." This was of course a lie, because they had kissed, twice.

The first kiss had taken place while they stood on the floor in his bedroom, and the other while they sat on the bed.

Helen sat down, and Susanna wondered if her mother was finished with the lecture. It was morning, and Susanna had arrived late last evening. Her brother hadn't stayed, but gone back to London, but he had adviced Simon and Helen to talk some sense into Susanna.

"Why him, Susanna?" Helen said now. "Why Thomas Cromwell? We don't like him, you know what he has done!"

"I don't know", Susanna almost sobbed. "I don't know. I just wanted to… ask him something, and then we talked more. I felt… I felt that I could talk to him, that he listened."

"Men only listen to silly girls for one reason."

"I'm no girl."

"Even worse, you are a woman and should know better!"

Forts. ch. 10:

Of course, Susanna was a grown up woman and yes, she should indeed know better. 16. May, 1536

As mentioned, Susanna Howard was back in Dayston, and it was almost summer. The month of May was here, and Dayston was green and warm. Susanna and the other women wore thinner skirts and dresses as they worked at home and in the gardens. And Susanna's father worked in the fields and looked after the sheep as usual.

The Howards had had to slaughter one sheep for the annual slaughter, and Susanna and her mother had been taking care of the meat and the wool. Susanna worked with the spinning wheel every day, and Helen usually took over in the evenings. After all, Susanna didn't want to be outside very much and meet the villagers gazes and imagine their judgemental thoughts.

Thomas Cromwell's mistress, there she is, back at her father's home like nothing happened.

Susanna was indeed back in Dayston, but she had not been a mistress of Thomas Cromwell. They had kissed twice and then Alice had gossiped to her and Susanna's brother who immediately sent for their father.

Simon and Helen rarely beat their children, and especially not now when the children were adults. But their disappointment in Susanna was huge.

Susanna wasn't sure what her parents really believed. Did they believe in the rumours about her being a mistress of Mr Cromwell? She had tried to defend herself and tell them that nothing like it happened, but neither Helen nor Simon had wanted to listen. They didn't want to discuss either Hampton Court or Mr Cromwell. Susanna had failed them, she knew that, and she also knew that they were still disappointed.

Well, she had to stay here in Dayston now. In no way she could travel to London and especially not go near Hampton Court. And what would she do there, alone? She couldn't travel alone, and if she asked someone to take her to London, word would be out just after she had left, if not before.

Staying here shouldn't be difficult, she thought. She had been heartbroken before, and back then she had felt like the days were long and empty. The nights had been her escape, because at best she fell asleep. At worst, she lay awake, or dreamt about Richard and his betrayal.

Some of the events that had taken place during this year had reached Dayston. Everyone knew that the previous Queen, and the rightful Queen, Katherine of Aragon, had passed away due to sickness, in January. The Howards had mourned and prayed for her. Susanna thought of her often, and she felt sad over her fate. Rumours said that Katherine had sent a letter to the King, asking to see him, but he didn't fulfill her last wish. This made Susanna feel like she wanted to cry. Poor Katherine, poor, lonely, and sad, she had passed away without getting to meet either her daughter Mary, or her rightful husband. The way His Majesty had treated Katherine was awful, because he had decided that Mary Tudor was a bastard and then separated her and Katherine from each other.

Now they wouldn't meet, ever, in this life.

Even Alice thought that this was horrible. During Easter, she had been allowed to visit Dayston, and she had told her parents and Susanna about His Majesty's bad temper and decisions that he made while he was in the middle of a heated emotion.

"He never let Katherine meet Mary", she had said. "He tells everyone that Mary is a bastard, and now he will probably treat Princess Elizabeth in the same way. Everyone knows that he despises the Queen now because she hasn't given birth to any sons."

Alice was right. Now, Queen Anne was arrested, and for what, this charge that so many are arrested and tried for: treason - in the means of adultery.

Of course, Susanna still despised her, but she couldn't think that it was fair to arrest her for treason. Everyone knew what punishment traitors faced: execution.

Could His Majesty just send Queen Anne away? Why did he want her killed?

Susanna heard rumours all the way from London. The rumours said that the Queen had betrayed King Henry and that she had deceived him. She hadn't been a virgin at the time of the marriage. Of course she hadn't been a virgin - to Susanna this rumour was no surprise.

"It's Cromwell's doing", people around Dayston said. "And for once, I support him."

Susanna didn't know whether she supported him in bringing the Queen down, or not. Most people wanted a Catholic Queen, someone who was true to the Faith. Queen Anne was a Reformist, just like Cromwell.

At the thought of Cromwell, Susanna's heart started to ache again. It didn't ache as bad as it did when her brother had forced her to leave London, but still she dreamt about Thomas Cromwell and missed their moments together.

What moments, she thought. It was a few silly moments and I was stupid. Yet, she missed him, and thought about him as she was at home and did her daily tasks.

She wanted to ask him about the Queen, about whether he thought that she was guilty. People said that the musician Mark Smeaton had been tortured in order to confess his relationship with Her Majesty. And it was Cromwell who was in charge of the torture and the questionings.

How could he put up with watching probably innocent men suffer?

I should have asked him about that, Susanna thought.

Once Cromwell watched an innocent man boil to death. It had been a punishment for a crime that he probably hadn't committed, at least the rumours said so. Now Cromwell had been interrogating people and making them confess the crime of having a forbidden relation with Her Majesty. Among the men was George Boleyn, the Queen's brother. In no way he was guilty, Susanna couldn't believe it. It was Cromwell's doing.

And Susanna had been kissing this wretch, and still she yearned for him.

17. Summer and Fall, 1536

"She is dead!" Helen blurted out. "It's confirmed - Her Majesty, the Queen… she is dead."

Queen Anne was finally dead. One year ago, Susanna would have felt relief, not bliss, but at least relief. Now, she didn't feel anything like happiness at all. No, she wondered what the Queen had really done - she couldn't be guilty of cheating on the King with a hundred men as the rumours were saying.

"She is?" Simon said.

They were all in the garden. Simon had returned from feeding the sheep and the goat, and Helen and Susanna had been washing the dishes.

"Yes, the whore is dead." Helen sighed. "I feel no bliss, though. May God forgive her."

"Indeed, I hope so", Simon agreed.

"She was beheaded", Susanna said. "Mr Richards said so, he was there."

"Was he, really?" Simon looked at her. "He watched the execution?"

"Yes. According to him, it went very fast and the Queen… Anne, felt no pain."

In Susanna's mind, there was still a slight resistance to address Anne Boleyn as the Queen, even though she had been a queen for three years.

Now she was a late queen.

The rumours about the execution had come to Dayston via Mr Richards and other men who travelled to London and back. Susanna wished that she could jump into Mr Richard's wagon and hide, and in this way go to London.

.I have to forget him. Thomas Cromwell. Forget him.

"There was an executioner from Calais, I heard", Simon said.

"Yes. She had requested him".

The family talked about the execution for a while before Simon went outside to help a neighbour with the apple harvest. But they didn't mention Thomas Cromwell, and they all knew the reason for that: Susanna was present and what the villagers said about her and Cromwell was well known.

Way too well known.

Susanna's days were random and normal. She wore her grey and white day dress, put her hair up under a common headdress as she went outside. She and Helen were cooking, doing the dishes afterwards, looking after the sheep, they cultivated onions and turnips. They harvested these vegetables and then the apples and plums. Susanna's back ached as she worked in the garden, and Helen tried to massage her aching shoulders.

The summer and early autumn passed by and thanks to God, everyone in the Howard family was healthy except for a small cold. Susanna had a slight fever in June, but recovered the day afterwards, and was relieved and graceful, because she remembered the fear of the sweating sickness. Alice came visiting, together with Thomas and Mary with little Abraham. The toddler was now almost one year old and not yet talking, but he made noises such as "gaga" and "dada". Alice loved to play with him, and even Susanna who wasn't fond of children in general, liked her nephew.

Alice and Thomas talked about the news from London. Of course, Alice knew more about what was going on at court, and Susanna was more curious to hear about that than about general news about Thomas' and Mary's neighbours.

"People in the countryside are furious about the King's decisions to plunder the monastries", Helen said one evening in late September.

They sat in the garden, the evening was beautiful and not too warm, neither too cold. There was a pink and orange sunset over Dayston, and Susanna looked at it. How peaceful it seemed, and how beautiful Dayston really was. If only she could be of the opinion that life here was good enough, if only she didn't long for… anything… or anyone, else.

"So are we", Simon said.

"There are talks of…" Helen lowered her voice. "A protest."

"A protest?" Alice looked at her, her eyes wide. "What protest?"

"A… normal protest."

"What kind of? An uprising? No way!"

"Hush. There won't be any big uprising. People are afraid. The King is ruthless."

"Indeed", Alice mumbled. "He is really ruthless, but hush. Don't say that I said this."

"Of course not. Why don't you leave court?" Helen asked.

Alice looked down, and Susanna could figure out why. The reason was Richard Brandon, the servant that Simon wasn't fond of, but hadn't rejected.

"You both", Susanna said. "You are in love, still?"

"Of course. Richard is very tender and sweet. No one knows about us at court and if they did, there would be rumours and perhaps a scandal…"

"You would be kicked out", Thomas said. "I'm not sure about… this courtship. There is not even a courtship. Yet."

"With God's will, there will be", Alice said.

"And more rumours", Thomas said. "As if the rumours that circulate about us aren't enough."

He meant the rumours about Susanna and Thomas Cromwell, but he didn't express it. Susanna wasn't grateful, instead she actually wanted to shout.

What, brother? So Thomas Cromwell kissed me, and I let him. I wanted him to kiss me, and let the rumours go all around Dayston and London or even around England, what do I care?

The problem was that she did care, and that she wasn't alone in being affected by the rumours. Her family was very much affected by them.

"Will you give us your blessing, father?" Alice looked at Simon. "I beg you, really. I can't be happy with anyone but Richard Brandon."

"I haven't decided", Simon said, "but you will do as you wish no matter what, that's what I think."

"I would feel much better with your blessing."

"What about mine?" Helen said. "I haven't met Young Mr Brandon. I pray that he is nothing like the Mr Brandon, the King's puppet."

"I thought that it was Cromwell who was the puppet", Alice said before she remembered to not mention Cromwell's name or anything that was related to him, when Susanna was around.

"He is a puppet too", Helen said, "and now, hush."

I'm no fragile child, Susanna thought. My heart will not break just because someone mentions his name! Thomas Cromwell. Thomas Cromwell. I can mention it in my dreams, I mention it when I'm awake. Then how could anyone else's utterance of this name break me?

18. October, 1536

Everyone knew about the anger that many peasants and commoners felt. The rumours spoke of an uprising, perhaps of more than one. Susanna didn't worry until she heard villagers say horrible things about Thomas Cromwell, things that she herself would have agreed with just one year ago.

Now she couldn't agree with them. She didn't hate Cromwell even though she despised the actions that he had committed.

"What do you say about this, Sus?" Helen asked as she and Susanna prepared apples - cutting them into thin circles and putting them on round, wooden sticks to dry.

They did this every Autumn when the apples fell.

"About what?" Susanna asked.

"The talks about an uprising. The hateful speeches against Mr Cromwell. Personally I agree with all of it! There is a need for a protest. But, hush."

Susanna wouldn't run to Mr Cromwell himself and tell him what her mother had said, if that's what Helen thought. In no way Susanna could run to him, even if she wanted to.

"It's a silly, fading love, my dear", Helen continued. "What you felt for Cromwell, it was a shallow thing."

"Perhaps." Susanna dreamt about him still.

"You should find a husband, even though it's difficult now. Your father and I talk about it."

Of course, Susanna knew that Helen and Simon discussed her future and worried about her. Marriage was out of the question though, at least for her.

"Thomas, your brother, wrote a letter last week", Helen continued, "and we didn't tell you because he writes… well, I will be frank. A friend of his is willing to agree to a marriage with you."

This wasn't a surprise to Susanna, because she had figured out that her brother or father would suggest a husband for her, in order to save her from the rumours. perhaps it was for the best that she would marry, after all.

"Who is he?" she asked.

"His name is Edmund Simons and he is, of course, a widower… I'm sorry, dear."

"That is fine."

"You don't object, then?" Helen looked at her.

"Well… may I?"

"Of course. We are not forcing you, as you know, but this is a good match."

This is a good match. No one else would agree to marry me, Susanna thought.

"We hear what the villagers are saying about you, about us, about Alice. We want to save you, we know that the rumours are lies."

Most of them, Susanna thought. Most of the rumours are lies.

October came, and there had been several uprisings. In the middle of October, a big uprising started, and was called the Pilgrimage of Grace. Many, many men participated, including Susanna's father. Simon travelled to Yorkshire and participated in the protest march, but Helen and Susanna asked him to not go.

"You might be killed, God forbid", Helen had said.

"God willing I will not, but if so, I will die a martyr's death", Simon tried to comfort her. "Susanna, and dear Helen, don't be sad."

"We are sad", Helen protested. "Don't participate in these uprisings and don't go to Yorkshire. It's madness."

Many wives in and around Yorkshire and Middlesex, and even more daughters and sons, asked their husbands respectively their fathers to not participate in the uprising, to not die a martyr's death, to not leave their families on their own. Tears were shed in vain. Prayers were sad - hopefully not in vain - but many wives and children felt that they prayed in vain, because their loved ones would leave anyway in order to take part in the uprising.

The Pilgrimage of Grace, these men marching with the heart on the banner, pinned to their sleeves.

"Participating in it is treason", Helen tried the same day as Simon left for Yorkshire. "Don't do this!"

Simon just kissed her, and gave Susanna a hug.

"May God be with you", he said, but Susanna heard that the voice was trembling.

Indeed, His Majesty Henry the Eight, called the participants disobedient and traitors and threatened to take action. Thomas sent a letter saying that Cromwell was accused by the King for hiding information about the uprising.

It turned out that Cromwell had told the King that the uprising was small, or at least not anything to care about.

It was over one year since Susanna had met Thomas Cromwell the first time, and she thought a lot about that day. Nowadays, her broken heart - that she herself was the cause of - was a less important issue, even to her. Her father still participated in the uprising, but came home when the leader of the Pilgrimage, Mr Robert Aske, had reached an agreement with the Duke of Norfolk.

"The King will listen to us", Simon explained, the same evening as he came home. "And we will be pardoned."

"So you will not…" Helen paused. "There will be no punishments, then?"

"No, if all goes well, we will all be pardoned. But I don't trust the King."

"Norfolk is against Cromwell", Helen whispered, but Susanna, who stood by the boiling kettle over the fireplace, heard her beloved's name.

Perhaps it was naive of her to call Thomas Cromwell her beloved. They were not lovers.

"If Norfolk is against Cromwell, then I'm with Norfolk", Simon clarified.

Susanna wanted to rip the kettle of its' hook and slam it to the floor. How sick she was of her own heartache, of being stuck here with her parents - even though of course she was grateful that her father had come back - and she was sick of being 28 years old and unmarried. She was tired and bored.

She had hoped that the uprisings really would lead to improvements of the commoners. They all wanted their rights restored. Now it seemed like there had been a false agreement and that Mr Aske had been lured into accepting it. Susanna was disappointed, and so was Simon. Helen was mostly relieved that her husband was home and didn't return to the uprising.

Days and weeks passed as usual, but it was December, and dark outside in the mornings and in the evenings. Helen and Simon worked as they always did; looked after the animals, made wool and clothes. Susanna was mostly cooking and cleaning, and whatever task she would perform, she was sick of it. If she could leave Dayston for a week, and go to London to visit Alice, and her brother, and perhaps…

Forget him.

In May, Alice left Hampton Court. She didn't want to attend the new Queen, Jane Seymour, anymore, even though she liked her. Susanna was also fond of her, because Jane Seymour seemed honest and faithful compared to the late Anne Boleyn. Susanna was supposed to be betrothed to the widower Edmund Simons in the end of May, and perhaps Alice had mentioned that around court before she left, because in the middle of May the Howards got a visitor.

19.
May was beautiful, it was almost Susanna's favourite month because of the bright green leaves and the colourful flowers popping up everywhere. Dayston was also pretty: the farmers were out, the women worked in the fields and in their gardens. Susanna and Alice – who was at home now – planted cabbages in their garden and prayed for a good harvest. If the weather would be too dry or too rainy, the harvest would fail, and there would be less food for all inhabitants of Dayston in the winter.

"What about your lover", Susanna now asked Alice, while their mother were inside and their father worked in the field.

"My lover? Richard, you mean? We are not lovers, and by the way, he told me that perhaps it's better that we might not marry after all, because of the rumours about you and... Cromwell." Also Alice seemed to want to spit Cromwell's name out.

"I'm sorry, my sister", Susanna mumbled.

Alice looked up and seemed to want to throw a handfull of dirt on Susanna.

"You are not. You still dream of that wretch. Thanks to the Lord that you are getting engaged to Mr Simons, because you seem desperate, it's really disgracing."

Disgracing for who? For you, for me, for our family? Susanna knew that it was a disgrace for the whole family, but noone cared about her own heartache. It wasn't like anyone had broken her heart except for herself.

"He said that he wanted to think", Alice frowned. "To think! Probably he already realized that he doesn't want to marry the sister of a..." she paused.

The sister of a whore, the sister of a bad woman.

"The sister of Cromwell's mistress!" Alice blurted out.

Susanna wanted to hush he, even though all of Dayston knew about the rumours. There were sound of a horse down the main road, but there were often sounds of horses, and Susanna didn't care.