Blessing in Disguise
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Pretty Little Liars, or its characters.
Emily's world is forbidden, to her friends, to her family, even to herself. Nobody knows her secrets, her lust, her love. It's hidden in the deepest corners of her heart and brain, both working simultaneously to ensure that her secrets are kept safe from everyone, even herself. Everything's fine, she can keep herself in check, her leering, and her frustration. Swimming, it's her salvation; any extra energy she has is easily burned up with a couple laps around the pool. She has this routine and it's all so robotic, and automatic, so simple and easy. So yes, everything's fine, until she see's Hanna, then things aren't fine because fuck, she looks so much like Ali. It's just too painful to even think about those feelings, so she doesn't.
They lost touch since the disappearance, but it was a blessing in disguise, because while Emily misses her friends like crazy, she can't help but be thankful that she doesn't have to deal with those feelings. She hasn't felt those feeling full force since the disappearance, they flair up every once in a while, but it's nothing she can't handle. Ali's anniversary is coming up and she doesn't really know how much it's going to affect her. She's scared that an emotional flood gate will open and she'll have to face her demons. Emily thinks back, back to the only person who knew her secrets, well secret, the one she couldn't even really deal with. Memories flood her, and for the first time in months Emily just indulges in them, savoring the smallest details of when she actually let herself feel anything.
"You should tell her" an all too silky voice whispers to her ear, it sends shivers down to her toes. Emily shutters, at the sweet voice, at the suggestion. "I can't, it'll ruin the friendship, but you already know that" She turns to meet blue eyes, they're soft, gentle, but they're not the blue eyes she wants. Emily watches as tempting lips lean forward, she knows this dance, it's Ali's way of helping her cope with her feelings. Instead of pulling back Emily leans forward to capture her lips, in a simple, innocent kiss, because she's in no position to deny the one person offering her affection. Alison presses for more, and while it's more aggressive it still maintains its softness. So soft, and with the slightest hint of cinnamon, her mind can't help but wonder about the other blond, the one she actually cares and loves…her eyes snap open, her fingers lying gently across her lips. She pushes back any memories that threaten to overtake her emotions, and wanders over to a pool.
Lap after lap, her body is telling her to stop, but it keeps her mind off of Hanna so she keeps going, but then she thinks of water, and water and Hanna go hand in hand. She has the eyes the color of rain, so pure, powerful, she's a force of nature, and nothing can hold her down. Everywhere she goes, she creates a place of beauty, like oceans and rivers, she can stop anyone with the beauty she creates.
She hears the faint whispers of somebody above her, but ignores them until she reaches the end of the lane. When she reaches the top of the water, her eyes meet rain colored ones. Her throat closes up as she stares into those eyes, because who wouldn't catch their breath when staring at the ocean. Finally she lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding in, and jumps out of the pool. She gives her a small smile, and hopes it reaches the other girl, because the girl before her looks different. She's beautiful, like always, but this Hanna is giving off a weird vibe, one that makes her nervous.
"Hey Emily, you look good out there" her words, they're strained, weak, and it breaks Emily's heart to know that she can't do a damn thing about it. "Thanks Han, it's good to see you" Nervous, that's exactly what she's feeling, being so close to the other girl, she can even smell the hint of vanilla that she's giving off, it's a warm and welcomed scent compared to the bleach smell she must be giving off.
"I…received a message today, anonymously…" Emily stalked off to wrap around a towel herself feeling very exposed, even with a towel around she still felt so bare around the new' it' girl. She nodded at the information given to her, not that she understood why it was being given to her. Emily sat down in the nearest chair, and watched as Hanna followed suit. Seated next to Emily, Hanna shuffled nervously; it was odd to see someone with the qualities of water so nervous. Her hands went to her phone, then to her lap, finally landing in her hair and straitening it out. Emily looked over at the girl beside her, she was getting an eerie vibe, and it was starting to make her more anxious.
"Can I ask what's wrong?"Desperate, it came out so fucking desperate, and she hated it, but Emily needed the answer. She needed to know what was wrong so she could try and fix it, fix her. Hanna finally nodded slowly, and pushed a couple buttons on her phone and silently slid the phone to her. She nudged it towards Emily, hoping the girl got the message to look at the phone. Emily looked up at Hanna, both sets of eyes looking more desperate by the second, then at the phone that was beside her. Carefully eyeing it, she picked it up and read the screen, for the second time that day her throat closed up, and all metal activity stopped. She felt sick, if she hadn't already been sitting, she was sure she would have just fallen to the ground. Tears prickled her eyes threatening to fall; she carefully read the message again hoping to God she read it wrong. There, on Hanna's phone are nine words, the nine words that Emily is too proud to admit to anyone. The nine words that will surely be the downfall of her already damaged relationship with Hanna, and all Emily can do is stare at the traitorous phone. Emily likes you, and not just as a friend -A
What the hell. Who would send that? Who the fuck is A? How is she going to explain that message? Why couldn't she talk? If there were any doubt that it was untrue her silence probably sealed the deal. After what seemed like forever, all Emily could choke out was a low "oh" followed by a weak 'yeah' from Hanna. She looked over at Hanna, the girl looked spooked, she was paler than normal, and her eyes seemed to be everywhere, darting around the room frantically searching for something. Hanna asked her one question, one question, she could lie, who would know? Plus, she had hidden all those emotions for so long she could probably convince the other girl that the message was nothing more than a prank.
"Yeah, it's true" Her voice and words betrayed her, and once she realized what she had actually said she regretted it immediately. Her brain and heart weren't working together, they contradicted each other, it seemed like her heart overruled her brain this time. She let out a shaky breath, and waited for the response, the response that would probably destroy her.
Hanna let the words sink in, it was true, Emily liked her, and not in the friends way, but in that way. The beginning of a smile found its way to her mouth, maybe this was it, this could be a start to something better, something more. Hanna isn't perfect, she knows that, she steals, drinks, and doesn't pay that much attention in school, but she could be so much more for Emily. She probably won't do a complete one eighty or be the next Mother Theresa, but hell, she could just be better. She looks over at Emily, and she smiles, and waits for the other girl to look up, and when she doesn't she wills her hand to cover Emily's. Soft and delicate, that's the only thing running through her mind and she's ok with that, she doesn't need to think about anything else.
Prepared for the worst Emily braces herself for the 'I like you but' speech that's sure to come, but before her thought process can go any further, she looks up at blue orbs. They look different, they're filled with hope? She see's Hanna's smile, and she can't help but be put immediately at ease by it, it's so warm and loving.
"Good. I…" It comes out with confidence and something that can only be described as Hanna's charm and Emily is taken back by it, because who would say good unless it meant they felt the same way…right? She holds her breath for the next words, and gives Hanna a small smile, hopefully egging the other girl to finish her statement, hoping to all the Gods that this isn't some cruel joke.
"-I like you too" Emily is speechless, because those words are some sort of beautiful rescue. That's the only way to describe it, it was a beautiful rescue, maybe this message was a blessing in disguise; maybe tonight she won't feel so lonely.