I own nothing. All rights go to the original owners. This was inspired by some tumblr posts I saw. Anyways, if you told fifteen year old me that I would be able to write some canonly valid Sora death fics in the future, I would have LOST MY MIND. Anyways, good day and God bless.
Empty was the cavity in his chest and yet his aching heart never ceased to beat. Riku pondered how that could have been possible, but every time he opened his eyes and attempted to ponder the validity of the notion, his head began to ache ferociously. It was almost as though a portion of his replika that remained inside him, or Namine even were putting blocks in his mind to shield him from a greater pain.
No, not pain. It could not be pain as he was not hurt.
It was something else.
Was it loneliness?
Was this empty chill that hugged his skin and stained his clothes loneliness?
The same feeling he had put so many others through?
But again, just as these suspicions plagued him, his eye lids became too heavy, and then he fell back into a dreamless sleep, and awoke with no memory of his previous conspiracy.
This was a cycle repeated day after day and with solemn lifeless eyes, Riku just could not see the end to it.
He had lost weight. His dull white tank top clung loose to his now bony and slender frame. It wasn't immediately obvious to any of his friends nor even himself, but he had. He couldn't think as little or clearly enough to even think to eat, to remember he was still a human being with normal human needs and feelings of a human being and not the writer of this great tragedy.
He had given up sparring almost all together.. None pestered him to pick his keyblade up once more because when he caught sight of such a weapon, he always eyed it with the eyes of a lost child, like he didn't recognize it.
He looked at others the same way. People he used to look at as friends looked back at him like enemies. Friends? Yes friends, but hardly hisd anymore, surely no more. Most were only being kind and friendly for others sake, the sake of one he might as well have let disappear from their lives like he has never existed.
Even Kiari. Poor sweet Kiari.
When he looked at her, she returned his gaze with the eyes of a porcelain doll, thin and shaken, wandering without purpose or reason, but it was then that he realized he was looking into a reflection.
The reflection of all he was and all he had become said nothing and yet almost seemed to vocalize cruel accusations, saying questions he had asked himself a hundred and two times, saying why oh why did he let him go all alone, why didn't he stop him, why? Why wasn't it Riku who faded instead?
"I don't know….." He bit back bitter tears, "I'm sorry…"
Deep down, Riku knew she blamed him on some level and it hurt so so very much because he knew it was true.
No Xehanort or darkness to hide behind this time. This was his own crime.
He couldn't seem to muster the courage to look her in the eyes after that.
Now he just stays in his room, in hopes of avoiding any and all judging eyes.
He still feels them sometimes burning into his shoulders i'm cruel judgment.
He wants to cry out, saying he didn't know,., he couldn't have known, but he knows that isn't right because he should have known.
He should have known a lot of things.
On that day when they fought the heartless in the Keyblade Graveyard, he had thought that moment of weakness silly and ridiculous.
"Without my friends, I am nothing."
How could he, someone so incredible, say something so utterly ridiculous. It was easy to laugh it off at the time.
It was easy to pretend to be strong for him, to pretend that he could stand on his own without those special people by his side, but now that hne was gone, he realized how truly wrong he was.
Now that Sora was lost he was suddenly forced to swallow the bitter truth that without him, he was weak, so so very weak.
It was Sora who made him believe he was strong, that he could be someone above his circumstance.
Sora was incredible, abounding in forgiveness and love in Rikus every wrong turn and Riku had taken all of it for granted.
Sora was persistent, strong, a powerful force that would always fight to save Riku when he was lost.
But now.
Now that the roles were switched and Riku could scarcely summon the power to get out of bed, he realized to his horror that he just wasn't strong enough.
There were no more monsters, no more masks to hide behind, just his own disgusting weakness in the light of day for all to see.
It scared him. It scared him so much.
Holding his pillow for dear life like a small child's afraid of the dark, he wept into it silently.
"...I'm sorry….." He cried, "...I can't bring you back…. I-I'm not….."
But.
But again, just as these suspicions plagued him, his eye lids became too heavy, and then he fell back into a dreamless sleep, and awoke with no memory of his previous conspiracy.
This was a cycle repeated day after day and with solemn lifeless eyes, Riku just could not see the end to it.