WARNING! ADULT CONTENT 18+ ONLY. NSFW. ALL CHARACTERS ARE OVER 18.

Plot: What if Yuuki and Roka had been separated for a time? What if Roka had trouble coming to terms with the discovery of Yuuki's secret, despite his reasons behind it? What if Yuuki had discovered something in himself because of this secret? What if Cross Days had not quite ended the way it did?

Chapter 1

I was seated at my desk, feet propped up on it, lime popsicle in hand, and indulging myself in the fancies of an anime I had not seen yet, Ah! My Goddess.

It was a Saturday, the time on my phone read 12:34pm and school had ended roughly an hour ago. After talking with a few friends, I came straight home, got changed, and settled in for some hardcore anime binge watching. I had finished up the work for this weekend ahead of time, and I wasn't scheduled to be at the book store either, so I had all of today and tomorrow off.

I didn't have much of a plan, really. It was more like watch a couple episodes, take a one hour video game break, maybe a twenty minute nap and something to eat, and then back to watching Belldandy and Keiichi slowly fall in love, and all the funny stuff in between.

Belldandy was so beautiful. It would be so awesome to meet a girl like her and mutually fall in love... I found that I really love characters like her, because she is so kind and beautiful. A girl like her could accept me for who I am...kind of like...Kotonoha...

When I thought about it, Belldandy was like her in a couple ways, but not entirely. Not after I had learned the truth, though I like to imagine that before, at some point, Kotonoha was very much that type of person...

Urd was beautiful on a different level, and I wouldn't mind getting to know her. Belldandy would be loving and affectionate, but I know Urd would simply treat me like Chie does.

I rubbed my thighs and the balls of my feet together, smiling at the screen. Uh-oh, looks like Skuld was causing trouble with another crazy invention of hers.

As the commotion and funny accusations persisted, I automatically began sliding the green shaft of my popsicle between my lips for a spell, tasting the sweet, artificial lime all over my tongue, before stopping to clamp down with said lips and suck all the syrup out. Hehe~ ^w^

Of course, I never did stuff like this two years ago, and when I first started, I found it erotic in a funny way, I even laughed a couple times at how stupid I must look. But after a while, it became a casual thing I did when I was alone, like a lot of other things. Don't some people like to dance to music they would never be caught listening to when no one's around?

The front door opened, Chie was home from work.

"I'm home~"

I plucked the half green sickle from my lips, "Hey~"

"I brought dinner," she called, "should have it ready in half an hour."

Great...she bought instant noodles and frozen pot-stickers from the convenience store again... =_=

Oh well...

"Sounds good~" I called back, still watching my show.

"Did you take care of the laundry?"

"Yeah."

I heard her walking to my door.

"Oh hey, I almost forgot—Whoa! Okay, might wanna cover that up~"

Chie had been standing in my doorway with her eyes covered, peeking between her fingers.

It took me a moment to realize what she was talking about, and then I saw her finger waving in the direction of my skirt, with the back hanging over the edge of my chair. From my angle, I couldn't really see anything, but from where Chie was standing with my legs elevated on my desk, my butt was pointed toward her and she could see everything.

"Ah!" My feet left their lax position and planted on the floor, I jerked down the front of my skirt too.

Sis clutched her stomach, "Hhh-ha-ha-ha!"

The knees of my blue striped cotton thigh socks bowed together and my face felt hot, "S-sorry..."

"Ts'okay, it happens. Nice choice of panties by the way~"

I paused the show on my computer.

"So uh, what did you want to talk about?"

"Well, now that we got that out of the way," she let out another chuckle, "Keiko and Rei were talking with me about going to see a movie. I wanted to ask you if you'd like to invite your friends and come along, or if you'd rather stay home."

This was sudden, but Sis was never good with planning stuff in advance.

I thought for a moment.

"Or~" she brought up, "you could just come with us by yourself and I can, say, use the 'your my cousin from out of town' excuse again~"

"I'm not a fan of playing anything close to the edge, sis..."

"Just putting it out there~ It would be twice the fun~"

"I think I'll invite Taisuke and Kuroda, and go as myself, thank you," I grumbled.

"Those two? Won't you feel like a third wheel?" Chie raised an eyebrow.

"Not if I'm with you and your friends."

"Ahh~ right~right~right~" she nodded and turned to leave, but stopped and looked at me, "You've been eating stuff like that rather often for a while," she grinned at the popsicle.

"What, these?" I popped it back in my mouth to break off the now flavorless ice.

"Is it an image thing?"

She was probably thinking something lewd again... =_=

"Huh, I dunno', I suppose. I just gave them a try and they grew on me."

"Uh-huuh~ practicing?"

She had said this while I was just inserting more of the popsicle between my lips.

"Uh-no!" my fists clenched on top of my thighs with the pop in hand. "I really don't want to know what you meant by that!"

"Sounds like you already do~ Hey, if the slutty image is your thing, more power to ya, just make sure you really like the guy when you go to do the real thing, kay~?"

"I would never do that!"

"Alright, alright, chill out~" Sis eased, "I believe you. Though I have to admit, you're not as uptight as you were before. Seeing your more playful side is much easier to deal with."

I shut my eyes and stiffened my back, "Yeah, sure, whatever..."

"Hmmkaay~ so would the spoiled princess like some tea?"

I still had trouble playing along with stuff like this.

My head turned away, my face felt warm, "It hardly sounds like an offer when you say it like that."

She giggled again, "You can be so tsun sometimes, the guys would really fall for that."

"What did I just get done telling you?"

"Yo 'sis'," she pushed, "I'm seriously asking you. I'm going to be in my room, so I'm making a kitchen run while I'm still standing. Do you want anything?"

"Mmm..."

She always pulled this on me when I least expected it...

I found myself pushing the tips of my index fingers together, "Could you grab a few sodas and cheese strips for me...?"

"Alright, brb..."

"Haah~" I leaned back in my chair, letting my arms hang limp in their green cardigan.

Why was it still so tiring to talk to her? I guess it's true that while things change, some things never change.

I'm sure you find this all pretty strange. The way I dress, my new demeanor, how Chie and I talk now. I'll bet if a friend that new me two years ago had returned and seen how I am now, they would be wondering what happened to the old Yuuki. It might be a hard pill to swallow for them, and my new look might cause them to push away. Just for the record, if this hypothetical friend had indeed gone away two years ago and returned to see me again, I definitely wouldn't be dressed the way you just saw, or behaving the way I was. Save for the otaku stuff, that's always been my thing, haha...

It had been two years ago, my freshman year at Sakakino, I was sixteen then. I met a gorgeous girl named Kotonoha Katsura. She was...everything I could ever hope to find in a girl. She was kind, friendly and considerate of others. She was so nice, you could almost forget that she was that way towards everyone, which I guess was the cause for a misunderstanding on my part. Back then, I had all the same friends I do now, only...there had been some changes.

She was in love with a despicable human being, his name was Makoto Itou, and after learning more of what I could about him, I decided it was up to me to stop him from lying to her and harming her, or anyone else that crossed his path. At least...that had been my plan...

The crossdressing was merely a byproduct of the whole ordeal. You see, Makoto coveted girls. It didn't matter if they were in a relationship or not, if he saw someone he liked, he wanted them and would do anything to have them, no questions asked. I know this first hand, because I became one of 'those girls'. I began dressing as a female student at our school, I gave myself a fake name that was a derivative of my own – Yuu – and began coaxing Makoto to meet with Yuu, when I was dressed as myself. And after Makoto learned that I was the girl named Yuu that he lusted after so harshly, I learned that a girl didn't simply need to be a girl in order for him to desire them. Someone only needed to look like a girl. I guess that's not such a bad thing when I think about it, but the context was what made it disgusting – the fact that Makoto wanted to possess anyone that looked feminine.

I was dealing with a lot, the pain of watching him continue to lead others on, him tempting me to join his brainwashed deranged sex club, having to conceal my plans, along with disgust for myself, simply for what I had pushed myself to do.

It all boiled down to...well...another girl. One I had met around the same time as Kotonoha. She wasn't really anything like Kotonoha, and we had a very rocky start. She said some things that really hurt me, and things were very up and down between us. I didn't know what to think of her at times, and other times, it was like I couldn't get her out of my head. I thought I had been in love with Kotonoha, and I guess I was, or else I wouldn't have done something as crazy as dressing up in disguise, just to risk being accosted by that monster Makoto. But, the more I pushed forward, the more I began to see the other girl, and I began to get worried that Makoto would hurt her too. She even lied to me and said she was in a relationship with him. You can imagine how that made me feel about everyone, including Makoto...and myself...

When I said 'boiled down to', I guess I should have said 'boiled over', which is exactly what happened. You see, because she was also a girl, you can take a wild guess at what Makoto wanted out of her. I guess he became too impatient, because as I was leaving the school to meet with her one evening, I saw him about to do something to her that made my blood run cold, before I...

Sorry, I lost my train of thought...to sum things up, I stopped him from hurting her, but I had still been dressed as Yuu. I guess you could call Yuu my 'alter ego', or at least she was. Kinda' funny, huh? The crossdressing superhero, Yuuki Ashikaga. Anyway, my identity was revealed to both of them, which put me in a lot of hot water. I was facing an atom bomb dropping on my reputation and the Ashikaga family name. However, the girl I mentioned kept quiet. I guess she was about as scared as I was. Makoto made me an offer that created a window for me to bring him down. However, that backfired as well, and I discovered the horrible truth about the girl I fell in love with, Kotonoha Katsura.

I was broken...I never felt so ashamed. When she was the one who had chosen her own future, to be soiled and chained to that vile creature, I was the one who felt shame. Why...why did it have to be her, of all people...and why did I have to be such a fool...

But that was when the other girl came to my aid. She saved me from falling, and I am in her debt. Though this was when things began to take an odd turn. It wasn't your fairy tale romance ending, because she left, and every day that I've seen her, she... It wasn't like she ignored me, but there was trouble. She wouldn't talk to me.

I discovered, shortly after everything, that she had talked with Chie about what I had been doing. I discovered this because Chie told me. So now Chie knew...I didn't know whether to be angry about that or what... Honestly, I was angry, but not with her. That girl needed someone to talk to, someone she looked up to, and because Chie is my sister and her senpai, she thought she would know more about it.

Chie sat down with me, but the conversation wasn't as serious as you might think. She was pretty much her usual self, but when she started it, she did sound a little terse. I wonder if she was messing with me. I told her everything and she mostly expressed that she was thoroughly surprised and impressed. Her 'boring' younger brother had done something outrageous to protect the girl of his dreams, and then turned around and clobbered a guy for trying to harm her kouhai. She even admitted to me, her brother, whom she belts on the head for any reason she can come up with, that she was in my debt. That, however, was not the reason why she keeps my secret. In that moment, everything...all of it came crashing down again for me, and I found Chie holding me tight as I bawled on her shoulder. I guess it was her acceptance and her forgiveness. I had been so scared, so terrified of what she might say... You know what she said? With the only pure, innocent smile I think I've ever seen on her, she said, "Mom and dad don't need to know. Unless you want to say anything, let's just keep this between you and me, kay?" That did it for me. I don't think we had hugged liked that ever since we were very little, and this was just a sign things were going to get better.

Although she called me a hero, sometimes I still don't feel much like she's treating me like one.

Well, things did get better. In some ways, it was how I expected. I went back to the old things I enjoyed doing, like opening a good book, watching my favorite shows, and playing MMORPGs with a new zest, and it somehow felt like I had not done any of them in a long time. It felt good to be back after all the suspense. However...there were other changes too...

I never told anyone this at the time, but I held on to the girl's uniform I used, to pose as Yuu. I don't know what was going through my head, it was a little confusing, and I questioned myself the entire time, but...after all the excitement, I felt like something had awakened in me. It wasn't like a power level in Persona 3 or anything like that, I just felt so alive. Winter was upon us, school would be letting out soon, and I felt like a brand new man with a brand new chapter set before me in my life - did I ever mention how I love to read?

I felt how life and all its splendors can be so short, and there are so many things that can happen without warning. Also, I had begun taking a closer introspection of myself, and I realized that for a person who was so young, I certainly wasn't acting it. I guess some of Chie's words had begun sinking in, which frightened me a little. But I think she was right, I was acting too old for my age. Not that what I started doing had much to do with my age. I guess it was more of a me decision.

My first time dressing as Yuu, I felt, well...strange, which would be the best way to put it. I know there are people that wouldn't even think of trying that sort of thing, and that's their decision. Some might try it and find it's not for them. Me, I guess I was too wrapped up in the moment to consider whether I liked it or not. I was very determined and set straight on my goal to lure Makoto away from the others.

It was a bit of a before and after. When I had everything adjusted, the pads in place, lip stick applied, I felt a sort of sensation that was subtle enough for me to ignore it, but it made me curious, which I also ignored for the time. When taking a moment to look myself over in the mirror, making sure everything was convincingly in place, I couldn't help noticing how drafty it felt. I mean, I went all out! Sure, I obtained Chie's old uniform from storage, but I wasn't going to go in there wearing my boxers under the skirt, and I definitely wasn't going commando! I wore panties! For the first time ever! And you don't want to know the trouble I went through to get them - they weren't Chie's panties. Crossdressing might be weird to most people, but I seriously wasn't about to wear my sister's panties. I got some from a store =_=

The after came after I had managed to test out my 'goods' on Makoto, to see if he would take the bait. I remembered having to get changed back into my regular clothes in the girl's bathroom, and hoping I didn't get caught leaving. While removing everything, even the panties, I felt a little somber. Once I had my boxers, slacks and the rest of my uniform on, it felt...old...stuffy even.

I never thought much about it as I continued to dress as Yuu and persuade Makoto in my direction, until everything was over.

It was a few days after my talk with Chie, just as things were getting more settled for me. I felt right, everything just fell into place afterwards, for a while, but I'll get to that in a few.

One night, I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned, the whole gambit. I, well, for no shortage of words, had a throbbing erection, pushing right up through my underwear and bed shorts, creating a little pup tent that probably would have been amusing, had it not been concealed by my sheets. I had this because my damn seductive thoughts kept floating back to the girl in the mirror that I use to see regularly for those few weeks, and knowing that that girl was me...

I tried rigorously to replace these thoughts with ones of Kotonoha, but that didn't work, because after learning what I had about her, my fantasies twisted themselves into freakish nightmares involving her, Makoto and that other girl, Sekai. It was bad enough that I nearly wound up in tears for the third time in two weeks, so that was no good.

Just for the record, fantasizing about girls I knew, or girls in general for that matter, was not a regular practice of mine. Back then, I wasn't what you would call a guy with a fully functional libido, because I wasn't very open with myself, sexually. I don't know if it was because I just didn't get the memo - 'Hey kid, you're an adult now! Here's a porn mag! Now go have fun, sport!' Or if it was because of feelings of inadequacy, because, ya know, my height, my build, my penis size - for a short guy, I'm pretty average, I'll have you know, though I didn't really start growing hair down there until I was sixteen, but that's just another secret. Chie still teases me about it though =_=... I guess you could say this explains why crossdressing appealed to me so much, and why it kind of 'opened the flood gates' on my libido, so to speak. I don't think I can remember ever looking at porn in the past...well, maybe once or twice when I was thirteen and fourteen, but I was definitely the kind of guy who could let you trash his room in search of 'smut' - I don't call it that anymore ^_^ - knowing full well, you wouldn't even find an underwear catalogue. That's just the truth, and now that I look back on it, it makes me a little sad. I don't know that crossdressing 'saved' my sex drive or my possible love life, but it definitely showed me a new side I had been neglecting. Discovering it opened up a new world to me. I can say with confidence and joy that my experiences during the age of fifteen and my first year at Sakakino were an awakening. Now, you definitely-don't want to check my room, and definitely not my external hard drive, my sock drawer, my underwear drawer, my shirt drawer...my pants drawer...the huge luggage bag in my closet...the duffel bag on the shelf in my closet...the box under my bed...ugh~ I'm gonna' stop now...

So then I tried to turn to thoughts of her, the girl I had rescued. Our time together had been very rough, but I learned some wonderful things about her, and some things she thought about me. Plus, with that cute body she had, how toned and athletic she was, her purple hair with those twin tails over the back of her neck, which I had to admit were really cute, and how she was exactly my height, it felt...special...and the fact that I accidentally saw one of her breasts.../

But...that didn't work either! She basically took herself out of the picture entirely, without so much as an explanation!

I tried to push aside the emotions involved and just think about her body. I realize now, looking back on that, for a guy who loves reading fiction and making use of the imagination, I wasn't very practiced at imagining erotic scenarios. Even when I tried imagining her knocking on my window, me letting her in, and her suddenly straddling my frame as I still lay in my bed clothes, and apologizing fiercely for leaving me without so much as a goodbye, even then, the other fantasies kept creeping up.

It was all because the images of that girl I saw in the mirror kept creeping into my forethought. It was all because of that uniform, just sitting in my closet, stuffed in a corner behind some shoe boxes, the panties, stockings and wig were still there as well. I kept seeing her dancing about in my room, wearing that same uniform, feeling free and knowing there was no one around to spy on her or catch her in the act.

However, the more I tried to bat back the images, the more intense they became. In a short time, she was no longer dancing in the moonlight of my window, but now she was caressing every inch of her slender body with unquenchable curiosity, admiring it's mystery and beauty with such appreciation, so happy to be alive, so happy to be human. Her breasts were not noticeable, in fact she was rather flat chested, which I found equally arousing. Soon, she laid down on my floor and continued to caress herself, gently brushing her hands all along her neck, her chest, slowly down to her hips and in between her thighs, right where she was most vulnerable. I could hear her breathing softly as they moved down to her legs, and ran all along the black stockings that hugged her legs with such vigor. I felt so hot because of those stockings.

She slowly raised one leg, knee pointed upward, and smoothed all the way down to her toes. I could see her under parts, the pure, white panties were a border between the soft skin of her butt-cheeks and thighs. When done fondling the one leg, she moved on to the other, and I didn't want it to end.

She sat up in a seiza position, and smoothed her hands up her thighs until they hooked around the hem of the skirt, and proceeded to lift it up, exposing the broad plane of her undies. A closer look, and I could see the shadow of a bulge. I knew, but it was still fascinating to watch.

While one hand held her skirt, the other began caressing the bulge, almost like she was petting it. A thumb hooked itself into the waistband, I could see a tiny pink ribbon in the middle of it.

She pulled down, and I discovered I was capable of surprising myself, when I saw what was revealed. A penis, not quite fully erect, flopped out into the pale blue light. I knew that while exposed to the air, it would continue to pulse and grow to a full 13.97 centimeters, 5 and a half inches.

What had truly surprised me was that I was comfortable with what I was seeing. I mean, it was mine. That was me. It wasn't a girl, and I came to the conclusion that there was never a girl in the mirror. If there was one, I would be looking at a whole different set of equipment right now. If there was one, she was only a manifestation of my femininity, my tenderness, my passion, what I desired to give to others and receive in return. This person before me, who had begged my full attention for the past several hours so they could show me something special, who had waited quietly in the shadows of my subconsciouses for days, weeks, waiting for their chance to speak, was just another part of me! A part that I had neglected...

I could see on my own face that my imagination was more excited than I was. He was enjoying himself, because he was the one performing. He was the one who could feel everything, and right now, it was my job to watch.

I realized that I was comfortable with looking at my own form, looking at my own sexual parts, in such an alluring and provocative way. Why wouldn't I enjoy that? I spent so much time, every day of my life, looking outside myself, that I forgot to look inward.

My penis and scrotum stuck out like something that didn't belong, and ironically, fit perfectly in its own place. I especially loved how the scrotum looked, still tucked in the fabric of the panties, but they would also look nice if I pulled them down more.

As I gazed, enraptured from my bed, the me on the floor began poking a single finger at the tip of his member with a smile on his face, like it was a new toy he found, completely unaware that I was watching. He ran the finger all along it, from the tip on down the shaft, as it began twitching into full length.

He continued to look at it as it twitched, and spied a tiny pearl of clear fluid beginning to form at the opening. He smiled, biting his other finger in such a cute fashion it had to be criminal. He pressed the pad of his index against it and lifted it to reveal a long string of the clear fluid forming, shining in the moonlight. He then exposed his tongue and touched his finger to it.

'Wow...' I gulped. 'I want...to try that...I wonder what it tastes like...'

He placed his finger on it again a few times, playing with the clear fluid that was seeping out, making long strings with it and gazing at their shine in the moonlight.

He still had his foreskin, just like I still have my foreskin. It was tightly wrapped around his head as the whole thing continued to twitch with excitement.

It was only later that I began attaching personalities and emotions to penises, but even at that time, I would say my imagination's penis looked pretty happy.

My imagination took the tip of his dainty finger and began making little circles are his urethra. He did this for a long time, so that more and more clear liquid flowed out until his pink head under his foreskin was glistening even more than it had been before. Then he slipped the tip of his finger in between the head and foreskin, and began making circles all the way around, stretching the foreskin extra tight.

"Nnnmm~..." he winced with the pleasure, his eye winked shut cutely with the fascination of what he was doing to himself.

He poked his finger in deeper and continued to make those slow circles, and I was certain that he would finish just from doing that...

But this was obviously not all that he wanted to do with himself, and sadly stopped, only to start something new and just as fun, if not more.

He removed his wet, glistening finger and licked it again. His member was still twitching and bordering on impatience. He gave it a slow stroke with his finger that was almost teasing, as if to say 'shh~ don't worry~ we'll get there~'

He made a tight circle with his thumb and index and clamped it around his head and foreskin. Then slowly and gently, tugged down. His foreskin became really right, before slipping off his head altogether, causing it to jiggle a little. I could swear his head had swollen and gotten just a little bigger after that.

"Hmhm~ " He giggled to it with a content smile and set his free hand on the floor.

He wrapped all of his fingers around the head so I couldn't see it anymore and made one long, tight stroke downward.

"Hhhh~" he breathed heavily. I could feel the tingling in his member just as much as I could feel it in mine at this point, and it made me want to cry out too...

He began stroking himself up and down at a pace that was so slow and sensual, I would have thought it was boring if I had only heard about it in short detail. But seeing it within my own mind, and know that this was purely for the sake of enjoyment and nothing else, I was surprised we both didn't climax immediately within that moment!

It's hard to explain, but it's like how some people eat slow, to taste wine slow. It's so they can experience every little nuance.

"Hahh~ ...hahh~...haahhh~ ..."

At first, my imagination didn't move anything other than his own hand.

"Mmm~ ..."

He calmly and gently slid his fingers over his pink, bare head, sometimes tightening them when he went back down, causing electric waves through his entire body.

His penis wasn't making any sounds for the first few seconds, but with all the fluid slowly exiting his head, it began to glisten more and make wet, lewd sounds...

Sllk...slk ...shlk...

The expression on his cute face framed by his peach colored hair that draped cutely over his shoulders was soft and sultry, his mouth slowly beginning to open in low gasps of desire.

"Haahh...ahhh..." he stroked a little harder, "Mmm~..." he raised his head with his mouth shut tightly, squealing gently at the ceiling. He loved this.

My imagination didn't have a care in the world. It was just him, his body in the moonlight, and whatever his mind came up with next... If he wanted to stay in this state forever, I would have no complaints...

"Ahh!~ ...Ahmmm!~ " he picked up his stroking a little faster, but only a little, he didn't want to rush this time.

His hips began moving gently, pushing his members into his hands while they still stroked. I watched as his shoulders pivoted gently, his long hair beginning to wave in tiny wisps.

"Yah...Ahhh " this time he didn't speed up at all. With such strong discipline, he maintained control over his body, while it looked like his mind was beginning to swim.

While I was on the verge of bursting from pure amour and excitement, my imagination continued to take its time. It wanted to savor and enjoy every moment, the ending was not his goal, but the journey.

"Nghaaah~ Haahh~ "

A few strokes at his same steady pace, and then it happened. The tip twitched once.

" Hh-HAah! "

He actually squealed out loud! And for a guy, he sounded so much like a cute girl. His mouth closed tight as his eyes focused.

"Mmh! "

A thick, long string of white shot upward. It floated back, landing across the white fabric of the shirt stretched over his chest, the red ribbon of Sakakino High School, and its black corset.

"Mmh! Aah! "

Another came out, thicker this time, and most of it landed on the space next to his nose, stretching down his cheek, over his mouth and to a dribble hanging off his chin. His face looked so surprised and cute when this happened. The rest landed on his partially exposed clavicle and the white undershirt.

" Hah! Haah! "

His fingers rubbed his shaft wildly, three more strings shot out! I counted. They were not as big, or as long as the first two, but they added to the beautiful mess I was witnessing. They mostly landed around the skirt and lower portion of the black corset.

A pause...

He sat there, looking down at himself with the most lewd, content smile, very happy with what he saw.

"Hah...hah... " his breaths came out in high, feminine wisps.

His chest and shoulders rose and set under the fabric. His eyes stared at the messy uniform, at his hand, now with small globs of his essence on it.

He lifted it, and began licking.

'What does it taste like?!' I cried.

He licked it clean, but didn't bother with his face and the uniform. It looked like it tasted nice, I wonder if it's like cream or milk~

My imagination allowed himself to lay down, taking in the peace and bliss of his release.

I felt I could stare at him the entire time. I could stare at him as long as he needed until he decided to get up and do something more fun.

But when I blinked, he was gone. It was now up to me. My choice.

If this had been some kind of advertisement, I was sold. I couldn't pass it up.

I checked my phone, it was only 1:30am. Everyone was asleep. I jumped out of bed and gently slid the closet open.

I didn't have to do everything my imagination showed me, I just wanted to see myself in that uniform again!

I won't go into detail about the whole process of putting everything on, because if you're like me, you already know, and if you're a girl, well, you know.

I will say, I was getting a slight sense of deja vu, which wasn't hard to figure out why.

Also, after laying everything on my bed and proceeding to strip down to my birthday suit in the light from my window, that was when a tingling sensation started up deep down inside me. It continued as I pulled the thigh socks on, with the fabric hugging my legs tight. It became its strongest when I placed one foot and then the other inside the panties, and pulled them all the way up. They fit perfectly, just like before. Mind, I did do a little bit of shaving of 'unwanted hair' when I first wore this uniform. It would stand out if a cute girl had even as few strands as I did, sticking out around her thigh socks. But now, since it had been so long, a little of that had started growing back. Needless to say, my skin didn't look as smooth and lush as it did with my imagination, but that would be remedied in the future ^_^

The uniform was all the way on, add the wig, and I was set. I even made a point of averting my eyes from the standing mirror next to my dresser, because I wanted the surprise.

And it worked. Not too bad, if I say so myself ^_^ I couldn't even see my tiny leg hairs because of the bad lighting, really.

I looked myself over and gave a little twirl - something I actually did when I first tried on the uniform for a different purpose. I felt pretty happy when I twirled like that. Yes, I, Yuuki Ashikaga, for all intensive purposes, felt pretty. I wanted to drink tea with my friends and go out shopping with them, I wanted to have a bunch of stuffed animals to comfort me when I was feeling fragile and vulnerable, I wanted to be wooed romantically by someone, and I wanted people to say I was cute, pretty, even sexy or beautiful at times. I wanted to do all the things that boys are not expected to do, I was slowly learning that there were a lot of things that I liked that boys were not expected to like, some of these things I had always liked, and I don't think I ever felt freer in my life.

Before getting wrapped up in viewing my transformation in the mirror any longer, I remembered that there was something else I wanted to do, and that I should probably do that, unless I wanted to stare at myself in the mirror until the sun came up, which honestly...was something I would have rather done, because I was too nervous to do the other thing, and I didn't want to be tired all day.

Well, anyway, I did want to do what my imagination had done, but if I got this thing dirty on my first night wearing it in weeks, I would have to find a covert means of washing it. Yeah, not a comforting thought. So, I grabbed a pocket square from my dresser.

Okay, so I can also say that at the time, I possessed none of the skill, patience, form, playfulness, or peace of mind that my imagination had. None whatsoever. The last time I masturbated had been maybe a month ago when all the bad stuff was still happening, and that was in fact a wet dream I had about Kotonoha...please don't tell Chie ~

So here I was, inexperienced on a whole other level, with practically no experience in solo-sex, not to mention the real thing. To be honest, I still have no experience with the real thing...shut up! Dx

I was wearing a girl's Sakakino uniform, which was very arousing in and of itself, and I was about to do something I had not done in a very long time. The lights were off, but there was still a considerable amount of light from the moon, which made things feel very mysterious and romantic, but still difficult on me. I wonder if I should have closed my curtains and did it in the dark...

In short, it didn't take long for me to pop the top, and my aftermath was anything but blissful and erotic. More like ashamed, betrayed and pretty let down.

I looked at the little glistening puddle I had made in the pocket square. Yes, it was a puddle, I had not done this for a while, so I was pretty backed up, okay?

It kind of reminded me of a glistening cup of sake in the moonlight, like what you see in anime.

I wanted to. I tried to force myself, sticking my tongue out and everything, but it was like the erotic feelings had been so intense before, and now they were just gone! I really did want to know what it tasted like, what I tasted like. I could smell it though. It wasn't unpleasant, but very musky.

If you're curious, I did manage to try it later on and discovered it's very salty. I don't taste too bad actually ^w^

Wanna' know how? Hmhm~ it had to do with taking a shower while Chie wasn't home, propping my butt at an upward angle in the tub, and opening wide~ ;3

It did take some getting used to, I had to do it regularly before I got over the emotions that kept pushing the other ones away, just like with masturbation itself. Every time I did it, it got a little easier until it wasn't a big thing anymore, and I could thoroughly enjoy myself.

I started working on auto-fellatio that winter — when a guy can perform fellatio on himself — and now, at age eighteen and about to graduate high school, I'm a pro at it!

Never thought I could be so wild, did'ya? You may say it's creepy, gross and weird, but I think it has to do with what we're taught in this prudent society of ours. If you do think this, don't worry, I used to be just like you, but my views about certain things have changed. I also discovered plenty of porn where girls taste themselves all the time. I think it's something someone should try at least once. Don't worry, no one needs to know. But if you're not the kinky type, I don't hold it against you, some people are just too grossed out by it, and that's understandable, so was I, at first.

I guess my logic is this: People have the right to enjoy their own bodies however they wish. We're all entitled to the privacy of our thoughts and what we do behind closed doors. And also, if guys like girls to perform fellatio on them and swallow what cums out, it's pretty unfair to think a guy shouldn't do the same for himself, so he knows what she's getting.

Looking back on it now, I can't help but laugh at my neuroses and inexperience, it was cute.

Anyway, after not being able to lick my own ejaculate and finishing up for that night, because I clearly wasn't going any further, I quickly took everything off, put my pajamas back on, tossed the stupid uniform and its cute panties in the closet, and jumped into bed, contemplating cramming the stupid thing back where I found it the next day.

I even thought of pointing at it and shouting 'You ruined my life!' But I knew better... I knew that wasn't the truth. As I said, a new chapter had opened up in my life, and I think that uniform and all the curiosities it conjured inside me had been what turned the page, after all the chaos. After attempting to take my own life, I was about learn what it was to live.