Disclaimer: The Mortal Instruments series belongs to Cassandra Clare. Quick Alice in Wonderland reference belongs to Lewis Carroll.

Portal

(Clary's POV)

"Portal".

My mind speaks for itself as I press the tip of my stele against the wall of the Institute. As I channel all of my energy into carving this single rune my hands begin to tremble until the walls fall away and I spiral into darkness. Like Alice toppling into a rabbit hole.

As soon as my feet hit the hard earth my first instinct is to run. I tear through the dense forest and the tall, ancient trees convolute into a messy blur of green and brown, like a chaotic watercolour. I try to keep up my pace but after a couple of minutes, I sense a change in the atmosphere. I stop and chance a quick glance around me. The forest is as still as ever and nothing seems out of place except for the misleading warning signs that my intuition seems to be sending me. But I still force myself to run faster than I ever have before.

Until pain and exhaustion fade away.

Until I too become a blur. But I can never disappear because he will always notice me.

Light spills through the trees and I can see a wide clearing in the distance. Sand which stretches on forever, water, clear as glass.

Someone's standing on the shore of Lake Lynn examining their reflection in the third mortal instrument, like Narcissus. Proud and without a care in the world.

I reach into my pocket, take out my stele and prepare to turn in the other direction, but he's faster. Not because he's stronger, but because he's known for a longer time what blood runs in his veins. While he spent his time training to be a Shadowhunter, my mother attempted to erase a large portion of my identity. However, part of the truth which could possibly have shattered the foundation he had built for himself was withheld from him too. But at least in the midst of it he knew how to defend himself.

He tries to grab my wrist but I drop my hand to my side and take a step back in order to create an invisible barrier between us.

"Clary", Jace says a little breathless.

There is nothing I fear more than this. The unpredictability of Jace, who stands before me. But there's anticipation too. Anticipation which dances in my veins as he reaches out towards me and draws me to him. And so he holds me. Jace, a mixture of fear and anticipation.

I relax and all the muscles in my body seem to sigh. I don't even notice it slipping out of my hand at first, but when I see a quick flash of silver reflected by the sun I push Jace aside quite roughly in an attempt to catch it. I know I'm too late because I am speechless when my stele shatters into a thousand pieces as fine as grains of sand.

Jace looks at me and he can see it quite clearly in my eyes.

"What happened to my stele……we're Shadowhunters, what will happen to us?"

Images of my previous ventures to Lake Lynn flash across my mind. Luke attempting to revive me. Valentine's ritual. Jace's death. All of us, Shadowhunters.

He takes my hand, and I notice his own stele in the other. I want to recoil because the last thing I want to feel is a burning white heat trailing against my skin, but he seems so sure of himself so I let him do what he must. The rune isn't one I recognize and I'm curious.

"What kind of rune is it?" I ask.

"You'll see", he says with a hint of a smile in his voice.

Jace sprints across the sandy shore, pulling of his shirt as he moves closer to the edge of Lake Lynn. Right now nothing can touch or stop him.

I avoid recalling what happened to me the last time I ended up in Lake Lynn because I'm convinced that what Jace has shown me will protect us from what has previously defeated Shadowhunters in the past. I run to the edge of the lake to watch him dive in. The faint white scars which swirl across his back seem to shimmer underwater and I am completely and utterly consumed by the freedom and beauty of Lake Lynn, the open sky and Jace.

I push the feeling of breathlessness that I often associate with Lake Lynn aside as my fingertips touch the surface of the water and as soon as I completely submerge myself underwater I realise that there is no greater feeling in the world than that of weightlessness.

I swim towards the middle of the lake which I presume is where Jace has stationed himself but as soon as I break the surface of the water my suspicions about Lake Lynn are confirmed

"Jace?" I say.

A few moments pass.

"JACE".

I look at the palm of my hand where I can only see the remnants of the rune that Jace has drawn. But in my mind the rune itself is slowly taking formation. I can feel my breath draining out of my lungs but this time I want to let go. The rune of 'illusion' sits on my palm and although I have made the same mistake twice by returning to Lake Lynn I know that this time I have learnt something new.

…

I remember what Jace told me about what he experienced before Raziel revived him. I expect to see exactly that. Darkness. Shadows. I see both of these things but it's not the same. It's night at the Institute. The door of my room is ajar and the light from the hallway casts shadows on the walls of my room. I decide it's worth sacrificing sleep for some fresh air. It's far better than dreaming about drowning in Lake Lynn.

I push open the front door of the Institute and sit on the top step of the flight of stairs leading up to the place I now call home. From here I can hear the pulse of the city which lies in the heart of New York City traffic. I feel someone's foot gently nudge my lower back and I don't even need to look up to see who it is. Jace hands me a glass of water, probably to make amends for his foot nudging ways.

This is what I know. I don't fear the unpredictability of Jace or his supreme self confidence because the thing I fear most is never seeing Jace again. But I always, always anticipate the moments when he reciprocates this notion.