Title: Sleep
Pairing: Depends on how you look at it, but I suppose TYLYamamotoxTYAGokudera and mentions of TYLYamamotoxTYLGokudera. Or something like that... I don't know
Summary: Yamamoto can't sleep, and neither can someone else, as it turns out... Takes place when Gokudera and Tsuna have just arrived in the future.
Warnings: A bit of angst, possible OOC-ness on Gokudera's part, strange changing of perspective and some swearing (you just can't avoid that when you have Gokudera and Yamamoto in the same room XD)
Disclaimer: I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn! people, but such is life.
Sleep
Yamamoto couldn't sleep. As usual. After Tsunas death, sleep had been harder and harder to come by. But after his father's death it had been near impossible. The only person who could sometimes persuade him to sleep, one way or another, was Gokudera and he was... well, he wasn't exactly likely to try tonight.
It had been shocking, to say the least, finding Gokudera and the supposedly dead Tsuna in the forest, alive and well. Alright, well might be an overstatement, as they were both confused and scared out of their wits, but they were both in a considerably better state than their older counterparts.
Yamamoto sighed and turned over in his bed, staring at the dark ceiling. He'd been happy to see them, yes, the way they were ten years ago, so young and innocent. It almost made him smile the way he used to. But at the same time he'd been filled with an immense sadness, remembering the fun they'd had back then. And knowing what the future held in store for them, knowing what they would all lose...
He sat up swiftly as that familiar, suffocating sorrow rose in his throat, nearly choking him. God, Yamamoto wished Gokudera was there, the older Gokudera. He was always such a good distraction whenever Yamamoto was in this hopeless state. But the Gokudera who was here now, the Gokudera of ten years earlier, had no idea what kind of relationship he had with Yamamoto in this time. Had no idea what sort of things his ten years older self usually did to distract Yamamoto...
He shivered and felt slightly sick with himself for thinking about these sorts of things. The younger Gokudera was just a kid and Yamamoto had no right to ask anything like that of him. Still, it was clear that Yamamoto was not going to go to sleep anytime soon, and there was no point to just sit on his bed and feel miserable.
Making up his mind, Yamamoto stood up, threw on some clothes and left his room, heading for the kitchen with some vague idea of getting something to eat.
As he passed the room where Tsuna and Gokudera slept, he could hear quiet sobs. He guessed that it was Tsuna making them and they did nothing whatsoever to improve Yamamotos miserable state.
Reaching the kitchen door without feeling remotely hungry, he pushed it open anyway and found that the room wasn't empty as he had expected it to be. Perched on a chair, hugging his legs and staring right in front of him sat none other than Gokudera. Yamamoto stopped dead in the doorway and stood staring at him stupidly for almost a minute before he snapped back into reality.
Stepping into the kitchen he approached the teen carefully. Gokudera had not moved when Yamamoto entered the kitchen, but was still staring straight ahead with a glazed sort of horror.
"Gokudera?"
No reaction.
"Gokudera, are you all right?"
Still no reaction. Yamamoto moved forward and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, which finally caused a small reaction. The Italian jumped a little, let out a tiny sort of whimper and hugged his legs tighter, still not looking at Yamamoto.
Satisfied that he had at least gotten a reaction, Yamamoto moved around the table and sat down facing Gokudera, who stared resolutely at the wall. Yamamoto didn't know what to say, but figured he should say something.
"So... you couldn't sleep either, eh?"
Gokudera blinked. Yamamoto took that as a yes.
"Do you want some tea?"
Gokudera blinked again and gave the tiniest of nods, clenching his jaws as if he didn't dare open his mouth. Yamamoto got up and started making tea, wondering what to do about the silent teen at the table.
Yamamoto had seen him like this before, right after Tsuna died. Then, Gokudera had spent three days in a paralysed, horror-struck state, quite similar to the one he was in now, before he had a huge breakdown and nearly threw himself off a cliff, had Yamamoto not shown up at the last minute and stopped him.
Now Yamamoto dearly hoped that the teen wouldn't do something as drastic as that, but that he managed to get some of those suppressed feelings out before he cracked. This of course wasn't very likely, as Gokudera was never a very open person, especially at age 15, but Yamamoto figured it was worth a try to get him to open up a little.
He walked over to the table and set down the tea mugs before he sat down opposite of Gokudera, who merely glanced at his mug and then went back to staring at the wall. Yamamoto sighed and gave another try at conversation.
"So, why couldn't you sleep?" God what a stupid question! That's obvious isn't it?
Gokudera however, seemed to stir a little from his frozen state. Looking down at the table he mumbled something incoherent. Yamamoto seized the chance.
"Sorry, what was that?"
"Tenth"
"Eh?"
"He was crying. I- I couldn't..."
His voice trailed away and his eyes seemed more glazed than before. Yamamoto didn't know what to say. If it had been his Gokudera - of this time - he would have gotten up and hugged him, maybe even persuaded him to come to bed. But that wasn't really an option now.
So he just watched helplessly as the teen in front of him reached out a shaking hand to his tea mug and raised it to his lips, sipping the hot liquid carefully.
Gosh, Yamamoto had forgotten how cute Gokudera was back then, so young and carefree... well, reasonably carefree anyway, and he almost had to pinch himself not to touch him. Instead he just watched him quietly, taking in every detail of his features, until he was met with a piercing glare from stunning green eyes.
He blinked. Gokudera looked angry all of a sudden.
"I don't like it here" He spat.
"I can understand tha-"
"And I don't like you"
Yamamoto blinked again, unsure of what to say to that. Gokudera continued.
"You've changed too much. You don't even smile like you used to. It's like the smile doesn't reach your eyes, like it's just fake and you're not really happy at all, but you smile just so the Tenth and I won't worry. And I hate it"
Gokudera rammed his tea mug so hard against the table that half of the liquid inside spilled, but he paid no attention as he glared at Yamamoto, as if daring him to say anything. He did anyway.
"Look, Gokudera, I know this isn't a very nice future to arrive in, but it's not as bad as it looks-"
"The fuck? How is it not, you fucking idiot?!" Everything has gone wrong! Reborn is dead, the Tenth is dead and you act like it's no big deal?! Damn it, your fucking dad was killed! Killed!"
Gokudera was on his feet now, staring down at Yamamoto, waiting for him to start shouting or even hit him. But Yamamoto did neither. He just looked at Gokudera with a horrible, deep sadness in his eyes and suddenly Gokudera felt incredibly guilty.
"Sorry"
He couldn't look into those sad eyes, he couldn't stand it.
"It's fine Gokudera, it's alright. It's normal to be upset when you're faced with these sorts of things"
"No it isn't. I'm the Tenths right had man, I shouldn't-"
"Gokudera"
"Brown eyes met with green ones and Gokudera almost felt like crying.
"But-"
"No. Gokudera, listen to me. Being Tsunas right hand man doesn't mean you're not human. It's alright for you to feel things and show those feelings, even if you think it makes you look weak. Let me tell you Gokudera, if there's one thing you're not, it's weak. Trust me"
Gokudera just stood there, shaking a little, not knowing what to do or say. Then his knees gave way and he was caught by strong arms before he even hit the floor.
There were tears running down his face now. God,he felt so pathetic. He tried to free himself from Yamamoto's hold on him, tried to stand up straight and stop the tears from coming, but Yamamoto held on to him.
"It's alright Gokudera. Just let all those feelings out and you'll feel better"
"I don't want to!" But even as he said this, his voice was cracking and the tears were coming faster. "I don't want to feel this way, I don't want to feel weak!"
He struggled, but Yamamoto was much taller and stronger than him and he didn't budge.
"Gokudera, calm down!"
"I don't want to calm down! I just... I just... I just want to go home…"
And he broke into sobs so desperate that Yamamoto couldn't get another coherent word out of him. It didn't really matter though, Yamamoto thought, as he led Gokudera out of the kitchen and towards his room. The main thing was that he'd released some of that pent up stress, or else he'd be impossible to deal with. Now he'd probably stay reasonably calm, for a while at least.
Arriving in Yamamotos room, the two of them sat down on the bed and Yamamoto tried very hard not to get any stupid associations to what they'd done in this room, on this very bed before. Instead he just held on to Gokudera until the crying died away and was replaced with heavy breathing, suggesting that Gokudera had fallen asleep. Yamamoto then laid the teen down gently on the bed and lay down next to him, watching that pretty tear-stained face that he knew so well.
Lifting a hand, Yamamoto gently stroked the silver hair of the Italian and found himself drifting off to sleep as well, with the comfort of that familiar person next to him.
Still, he thought as sleep overtook him, when he wakes up tomorrow, Gokudera is going to blow me to pieces.
And with that not so comforting thought, Yamamoto fell asleep.
Authors Note: Well, I haven't posted anything for ages and I remembered this thing that I wrote during the summer, and so I figured I should post it. It's quite angsty for being me, so I'm a bit surprised at myself for coming up with this, but I think it turned out quite well… had to end it with a bit of humor though ^^
If you feel like it, please leave a review, add to favorites etc. That always makes me happy!