You know when you love someone so much, that your body feels a jolt of electricity every time it is touched? How you feel this undeniable attraction to someone you should feel no attraction to, whatsoever? That's how I felt with Dimitri. I mean, there certainly was a lot of sexual tension between us. That part was sort of inevitable; Especially when you're constantly training together.
At first, I thought it would be easy to keep it under control, the whole crush thing. But, as time passed, it was getting harder and harder not to succumb to my urges and kiss him. This itself was a bad idea for two reasons. One: He was my mentor and was going to be guarding Lissa as well when I graduated, so that put Lissa's life in jeopardy. And two, I had never kissed a guy.
If you were to ask around, people would tell you that it was bullshit, since I had so many male friends, and I'm sure at least half of the people in my school thought I was no longer a virgin. That of course, was anything but true. I mean, I just told you that I have never even kissed a guy.
So, I had no idea what it was like.
It was embarrassing, and that's why I never tried to deny the rumors, or asked for help with my little problem. I think I'm simply too prideful of a person to ask anyone for help. But, after last Tuesday, I was reconsidering my decision.
**Flashback to earlier Tuesday**
I was currently straddling Dimitri, after successfully pinning him to the ground. You could say I was pretty pleased with myself, since Dimitri was a damn good fighter. I knew I should cherish this moment while it lasted, since I doubted I'd have another victory quite like this. My moment was however, short-lived when Dimitri flipped me over and was now sitting on my thighs.
"I told you to never lose attention, Rose. Distracting yourself while in a fight is never wise. It's a great advantage for Strigoi to kill you, or possibly turn you into a legion of the undead." Dimitri was stern, but not too stern. I could see a faint trace of amusement in his voice. I raise an eyebrow at him, and try unsuccessfully to push him off with my legs.
But, unfortunately for me, Dimitri weighs more than me and isn't budging. I groan and try again, but I'm growing tired and annoyed. "Get off of me, you fat ass!" I say, giving his shoulder a shove.
"I am not a fat ass, I am simply muscular."He says, scoffing. I roll my eyes again. He finally get off of me, and I sigh in relief, stretching my limbs out. He offers me a hand, and I accept it, quickly getting to my feet. But, as I am set upright, I stumble slightly and end up falling into Dimitri. It was accidental, I think. Well, if anyone asked, I would certainly say it was accidental.
I was pulled against Dimitri's muscular chest, and my breathing sort of stopped. I glance up at Dimitri curiously, and I can practically see the internal struggle he's going through. He looks pained. I awkwardly clear my throat and attempt to right myself, but his arms slide around my waist, pinning me to him. "Uh… Comrade?" I ask, uncertainly.
He smirks, and begins lowering his lips to mine. Oh God, he's going to kiss me! I think with both enthusiasm and fear. See, believe it or not, Rose isn't really an expert in the area of kissing. I'd actually never kissed a boy before, not even my dad. That sounds kind of gross, but you get what I mean. I start panicking, worrying that I'm going to screw it up and he'll never want to touch me with a 100-foot pole. He doesn't even know I'm a virgin. I clear my throat just as the bell rings.
He groans, but releases me. I give him a small smile before walking off. "We'll have to finish this later." I call over my shoulder, walking out of the gym and heading off towards the cafeteria, feeling slightly relieved.
** End of Flashback **
I find myself my room, telling Christian my problem, but I find that I am very quickly getting annoyed. Christian isn't helping matters because he keeps laughing. It might seem weird, telling Christian things like this, since we weren't exactly best friends. But, Lissa is currently hanging around the moroi crowd more these days, so Christian and I had one common interest: Lissa is treating us both like dog shit.
Christian was pretty miserable that his girlfriend was ignoring his existence, though he did a pretty good job of hiding it. He would never actually admit that he missed Lissa, since it would totally destroy his entire demeanor of being mysterious and moody. We wouldn't want that. I took another swig off the bottle of Wild Turkey I had smuggled, before passing the bottle back to Christian. This shit definitely burned, that was for sure.
It was past the hour when co-eds were allowed to visit, but neither of us cared. This was a pretty annual thing for us, and so far neither of us had gotten caught. "Stop laughing, you dickcactus! It's not funny!" I scowl, my eyes narrowing to muster up a very dirty look at him.
He gives me his signature smirk as he takes another gulp off of the burning liquid. "It actually is. I mean, how do you not know how to kiss? It's not exactly rocket science, Rose."
"I know, but I wasn't around intimacy much growing up, and unless you count cheek action, no guy has really showed much interest in hooking up with me."
"For Christ sakes Rose, it's the simplest thing in the world. It's easier than learning your ABC's. All you do is put your lips on the other person's and voilà, magic happens."
"I know it sounds stupid, but I'm scared that if I do it, I'm going to suck at it, and Dimitri's going to think I'm such a loser. Normally, I don't care about what people think, but with Dimitri it's different. I'm terrified of kissing him."
Christian rolls his eyes and passes the bottle back to me. I polish off what's left of the bottle before I get a brilliant idea. I glance up at Christian, whose gaze looks sort of far off. He's clearly not paying attention to me at the moment. "Christian?" I ask him, almost timidly.
"Yeah?" he asks me, still off in la la land.
"Will you help me?"
"Help you with what?
"Like, teach me how to kiss and stuff?"
His attention suddenly snaps back to me, and his eyes widen in surprise.
"Rose, do you realize how crazy you sound right now? Don't you think that's a bad idea?"
"Maybe a little, but, you're the only one I can trust with this. Lissa is too busy, and it would be too awkward with anyone else. I'm not asking for anything more than one lesson. Please? I'll do anything."
We sit in silence for a couple awkward minutes before he finally nods with hesitation, though he still looks unsure. "One lesson, but after that you're on your own. And we never speak of this again."
I nod in agreement, and look down at my hands which are folded in my lap. He sighs and slowly scoots closer to me. "Ok, first, you have to loosen up. We're kissing, not having sex. There's no reason to make this any more awkward than it already is. Now, I'm going to lean in, and you follow my lead, ok?" He asks calmly, although I can see he's pretty uncomfortable with this too.
I nod, and he slowly leans in. My heart is racing, and I'm growing increasingly nervous with each passing second. His lips gently touch mine, and I sit there, still unsure of what I'm supposed to do next. I kiss him back, and his hands slowly go around my waist, just like Dimitri's were earlier. I move my hands hesitantly up to his neck, hoping that's where they're supposed to go. He opens his mouth, and I follow lead. He pulls me closer and slowly puts his tongue in my mouth, which I always thought would feel disgusting, but it actually feels nice.
I never thought I would ever use that adjective to describe Christian. My hands move to play with his hair, which is actually pretty soft. He begins exploring my mouth with his tongue, and me, getting tired with the slow pace, move my tongue to meet his. We begin moving faster, my hands tightening in his hair. He groans, and pulls me onto his lap, not breaking the kiss.
I know I should stop this now, because one, I like Dimitri, and two, I this is my best friend's boyfriend, but in this moment, I don't want to. From the looks of it, neither does Christian. He breaks off from the kiss to begin kissing my neck. "Rose, tell me to stop." He whispers, gently biting my pulse point. I moan quietly and my grip in his hair tightens even more.
His mouth moves down slightly lower to my breasts, which are pretty much on display because this damn tank top keeps sliding down. "Tell me to stop, now." He whispers more urgently. I remain quiet, relishing the feeling of his mouth on my exposed skin. His lips move back to mine, our kiss becoming slightly more heated. God, this is the right kind of wrong. I can feel something pressing against my thigh, which I'm smart enough to know what that means. "Rose, I'm serious." he whispers against my lips. "What if I don't want to stop?" I whisper back and grind into his bulge.
He takes in a sharp breath and growls, pulling me even tighter against him. "We really shouldn't do this, Rose." he says, but his hands begin trailing up and down my body, leaving goosebumps everywhere he touches.
"We definitely shouldn't." I agree. But, my hands move down to the hem of his shirt, slowly tugging on it. He breaks off the kiss to remove his shirt, and then mine as well. Ironically, I wasn't wearing a bra, because I hadn't really planned on hooking up with anyone today, or tomorrow, or ever. But, the more we kiss, and the more skin we expose, the more I want him. Our bare skin is now touching, and I can feel both of us getting more aroused the longer this continues.
I know it's extremely wrong to want Christian, but he's attractive, and better yet, he's not romantically interested in me, which means there will be no emotions involved. His mouth goes down to one of my breasts, his tongue circling around my nipple. I moan quietly again, and I can feel his smirk. Arrogant asshole. His mouth moves to my other breast. I slide my hand down his stomach slowly, and with a painstaking slow pace, I unzip his pants, and palm him through his boxers. He lets out a strangled moan before roughly pushing me down on to my bed. He lays on top of me, his hands going down to my shorts. With a move almost undetectable he yanks my shorts and underwear off. His lips once again meet mine.
His finger slides down to my vagina, and I can feel my excitement increasing.
Without warning one finger enters me, and I hitch my breath. It feels good, really good. I moan, louder than before, and he pushes harder. "You're so wet, Rose." He groans, before another finger moves to stroke my clit.
I decide to return the favor, my hand entering the inside of his underwear and gripping him. He lets out a moan and kisses me, hard. I could certainly get used to this. He breaks off our kiss again to remove his pants and underwear before returning to the task at hand. "Rose, we should stop, now. Any longer and I won't be able to control myself." His tone sounds torn, and while I know that this is wrong, I grip his cock harder.
He moans again, and he adds a second finger, going slightly deeper. "Enough foreplay." I whisper against his lips, and he looks into my eyes.
"Rose, are you absolutely sure this is what you want? Wouldn't you rather lose your virginity to someone you love?"
"No, I wouldn't. This keeps things from getting complicated, and I care about you, which is why I want you to be the one to do it."
He nods, and positions himself at my entrance. "This lesson definitely went farther than I was planning. It's going to hurt, a lot. I want you to tell me if you need to stop at any time. I won't judge you." His tone is sincere. This is a side of Christian I've never seen before, but it's actually sort of endearing.
"Just start, Sparky."
He takes one last look at me before he slowly eases into me. He lets out a loud moan, his grip on my arms tightening even further. "Fuck Rose, you're so tight."
He slowly inches towards my barrier, and I whimper when at last he breaks through it. It does hurt, but not quite as much as I imagined it would. He stops abruptly and kisses me, gentler this time as he waits for me to adjust.
After a short while the pain turns to a dull pulsing and I hesitantly move my hips against him, experimenting. He groans, and starts thrusting slowly. I moan as he finds my G-spot. I can't believe I waited this long for sex. This is absolutely incredible.
I moan against him, and he thrusts slightly harder. The pace is nice, but I want more. I wrap my legs around him, and we both moan at the deepened angle. He thrusts again, harder this time, and I buck my hips up to meet his. He growls and one of his hands finds its way into my hair.
His pace increases, as I feel a strange coiling in my stomach. I figure this means I am close to releasing. "Uh.. Christian… I'm close…" I moan, as one of his hands comes down to begin stroking my clit again.
"Me too, Rose, me too."
The pace continues, and the tightening is becoming almost unbearable. Both his pace and his fingers move faster, until he's slamming into me. "I'm going to cum." I manage to breath out.
"Cum for me baby." He moans, his other hand moving to pinch my nipple.
"Christian." I call as I lose it and I find my release, my whole body writhing in ecstasy. "Rose" he cries out as he thrusts twice more, before finding his release as well.
We lay together, bodies intertwined, both of us breathing hard, slightly sweaty. He gives me one more gentle kiss before pulling out and laying beside me. The guilt can come later. For now, I just want to enjoy this.