Disclaimer: I don't own "The Vision of Escaflowne" or any characters.
A/N: Okay, I know right off the bat what the response to THIS will be from people who read my other fics. "What is wrong with her?" "Why isn't she updating?" "Why is she so lazy?" "Why can't she seem to ever update when she says she will?" I'm sorry. I have WD all written up, as do I have TOTH and I'm working on FB and the other FB and the other billion things I'm working on. I just couldn't concentrate, so I'm writing this. The next chapter of "Winged Destinies" will be up this weekend. Expect "Forbidden Love" next week and "Tears of the Heart" the next week and "Folkie's Birthday" after that. Sorry for all the delays, school keeps me busy and I DO have a social life. This is a one-parter, so don't give me that look. If you hate it, good for you, if you love it, great. I don't care. I just need to write something and I can't think of anything except a novel I'm going to start writing when my fics are finished and school and my friends and how pressured I feel right now. Please forgive me. I'm only human.
One Last Time
I could feel your heart that night, when the stars seemed to glow their brightest. As it beat gently in time with my own. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thu. Then there was no more. I knew what it might mean, although I could not bring myself to admit it. It couldn't be true.
It was your 20th birthday. You were all alone, in that silent room that night. I watched you stare out the window at the moon. Did you remember Gaea as it bathed you in its glow? Or did you think of something or someone else when the chilly wind fluttered your drapes? You smiled, ever so slightly, your eyes seeming to briefly shine. Did you reflect on what had happened that day?
You woke up that morning, throwing off your covers and dressing in front of your mirror. (Don't worry, I didn't watch.) You went into the bathroom, which I hope you know I've never peeked into. Despite what you may think sometimes, I am not a pervert. You walked out as steam hissed, in your bathrobe with a towel around your neck.
"SURPRISE!" Your parents yelled, holding out presents as you gave them an odd, yet thankful look as they ushered you downstairs. Your parents gave you a new CD player, some money, clothes, some CDs, a couple videos, and some other stuff I couldn't recognize. You looked happy. It made me happy, seeing you smile like that. You don't smile enough.
I watched your little brother run in. He was all muddy and your mother frowned as he dripped mud all over the carpet. She had probably just cleaned it. He was holding something in his hands. I know you thought it was probably a spider or a frog or something else like that because an expression crossed her face saying, "I dare you to try something."
He walked up to you, grinning. "Happy Birthday," He said. Uncupping his hands. In it was a feather, a single pearly white feather. "Why'd you give her a feather?!" Your mother hissed at her small son. "I found it in the front yard. I forgot to buy her something, so, this was all I could do!" He smiled at her devilishly and she rubbed his head, smiling back. You began to shake and sob and moan all at once and your family looked at your strangely. You ran up the stairs as they called to you, "Wait! Don't leave!" You didn't listen. You never did and I doubt you ever will.
You fell on your bed, sobbing. Why did you cry? Was it for me? I want to believe it was. But you had to move on. You had no choice. You had track practice that morning. So you dried your tears and got dressed. You jogged down to the subway station and climbed on and I watched you make the long ride to your school.
When you got there, the team was huddled in a circle, there were soft whispers and strange, almost sympathetic looks shot in your direction, and you, as much as I, wondered what was going on. The coach caught sight of you as you looked around for Yukari and Amano who were nowhere to be found. Why are they so late? You probably wondered. Then, the coach gestured for everyone to silence and you wondered what was going on. No one ever listened to Coach Yamu unless they were threatened to be eliminated from the next meet. "Team." He said softly, rather unlike Coach Yamu, or at least, what I've observed of him. "Today is a tragic day. Today, I must report that we've lost our best runner and the best manager we've had in years. I'm sorry to report that Uchida Yukari and Sumuru Amano were killed in a car crash yesterday. Their potential, their great promise at their young age, their friendly nature, and their love for one another are lost to us forever. Truly we shall miss them. Kanzaki, I'm sorry for your losses." The team muttered in agreement for you, and all I could do was wonder why you had to suffer. Why did that disrespectful boy and that cowardly girl I once met at the track have to die? I know how much they meant to you. "Kanzaki, why don't you go on home." Coach Yamu gestured you away and you ran faster than you ever had, your eyes red and puffy. I wanted to hold you just then. Do you know how painful it is to be close enough to see someone, yet so far you can't reach them? It's the most painful thing I'll ever encounter.
You didn't take the subway this time. You'd ridden it too many times with Yukari. You ran the many miles home. They say in times of trouble and sorrow, people find strength they never knew they had. You proved them right. You climbed up the side of your house onto the roof. Then you slipped into your window. You did all this to avoid the obvious questioning you'd receive if you came home so early.
You sank into a chair, staring into space, probably thinking of how much you'd miss them. You fiddled around in your drawer, among the pencils and rulers and such. You smiled in satisfaction, pulling out one of your mother's steak knives. I'd seen you grab it weeks ago when she was gone, although I had no idea what you planned to do with it. Your hand shook as you clutched the wooden handle, bringing the blades to your writs where you slashed mercilessly. Rivulets of blood streamed down your arms. You smiled contentedly before falling to the floor unconscious.
A while later, your mother appeared outside your door. "HONEY! I JUST GOT A CALL FROM MR. YAMU! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?" She inquired through the door. "DEAR! ARE YOU IN THERE?" She jiggled the handle, opening the door. "Hitomi. I." She then spotted you lying in a pool of blood. "OH MY GOD! HITOMI!" She shrieked, running to your side and cradling you in her arms.
"Oh mother." You muttered as she looked down at you, surprised you were speaking. "I want to see him again." You closed your eyes and she screamed.
A while later, you barely looked like the girl I once knew, white as a ghost, hooked up to all sorts of machines in a starch-white room. Both of your arms were bandaged from the elbow to the wrist and you could see the bandages needed to be changed as the blood seeped through. There was a window to one side, but the curtains were shut tightly, as though they were afraid you'd melt in the sunlight.
You wouldn't wake up and your mother had spent all afternoon holding your hands until she fell asleep in her chair next to your bed, her face shining with freshly shed tears. You woke just then. You found one of your new CDs lying on the nightstand with your CD player. She must have brought it for you in case you woke up soon to pass the time until you could go home. You stuck a CD called "Over the Sky" into your player and put on your headphones. You pulled out the life-giving tubes and moved to the window to listen to it while looking at the sun set in the distance.
(A/N: "Over the Sky" is the first Escaflowne CD. If you have it, play Deja Blue for this next part. I know it would be in Japanese if it was the opening theme, but I think it's easier to get the meaning if it's in English.)
"I love you, I love you." You sang softly. "I gaze at you with my heart. I believe in you, I believe in you. Even on the coldest of nights." The song repeated several times as the stars twinkled and you smiled, gazing at the moon above, perhaps wondering if you'd ever see Gaea again.
"Van." You said softly, still staring into the night sky. "I'm fine Van, really. Please don't worry about me. I know I'll see you again. My heart tells me. My heart's never wrong Van. But in case it is for the very first time. Please remember, that I love you and always will." You batted your eyes faintly, before shutting them, and crumpling to the floor, never to see the stars again. That's when your heart stopped as my own hardened before shattering.
I stand at my balcony, staring off into the horizon where, in an hour or so, the sun will rise. The wind tossed my hair as I sunk deep in thought. I watched smoke begin to rise from the small chimneys in the village down below. The mothers cooking over their fireplaces to feed their husbands for work and their children for school or play. There are so many more worthy than me to govern over these people. I don't think I'll ever understand how it came to be that I became king. Lineage is a funny thing I suppose. I look out and see the graveyard, where my father, mother, and brother, all rest peacefully. Never again to be troubled. I envy them.
I step to the edge of the balcony and gaze over the edge at the grounds so far below. I jump off the side, not bothering to unfurl my wings. Now I'm falling. Falling. Falling. Down. Farther. Farther. Faster. Faster. I barely notice the whirring sensation about my head as I smile, not realizing that this is the beginning of the end.
I hit the ground. Hard. So hard. I can feel my bones break as they come in contact with the hard earth. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea. I can feel blood ooze from parts of my body I never knew existed. I feel lightheaded. From lack of blood? Probably. The wind seems not so gentle, but chilly and I shiver, wondering why I left my warm room. I am a foolish man. No, a foolish boy. I have no right to be called a man. I don't know if I ever shall. I can see your bright eyes and you seem to smile at me. If I listen hard enough, I can hear your faint laughter. I'm glad you're happy.
I can feel my heart beat. Slowly. Slowly. Why did I take that dive? Was it because of you? Yes, I'm sure it was. It's always been about you, and it always shall be. Always.
Am I really dying? My heart died with you, so is only my mortal flesh decaying as I continue to faintly breathe? Perhaps. There is no reason to live on if your heart is no more. Perhaps its better if I die. Perhaps I should have died long ago. I'm nothing but trouble. That's all I am.
I remember that night we were outside of Palas, when I started to think about you so often. Why'd you leave Hitomi Kanzaki? Why'd you return to the Mystic Moon?
** Flashback **
"My little brother and I are always fighting. He's the one who does everything, but I get in trouble. "Hitomi, you're his big sister, aren't you?" "Hitomi, you're in high school, aren't you?" "Hitomi, you're a girl, aren't you?" I hate that; it's not fair. Just because, I'm oldest. My dad just sits there and laughs. I wonder what they're doing now. Father. Mother." Tears came to Hitomi's eyes.
"Both my parents died one I was little. Now that Fanelia's burned and Balgus is dead, the only one I can really count on is her." He gestured to Merle.
"But that guy. You called him brother."
"He's not my brother! Folken is a traitor. Ten years ago, he went to fight the dragon to become king. But he ran away. Not he's with Zaibach. He even tried to kill me. I'm sorry." He'd gotten carried away.
"No, I don't mind. So what are you going to do now?"
"I realized how much training I need after that incident. I'll practice with the sword. And I'll go on after that. What are you going to do?"
"What am I going to do? I can't go back to Allen's country."
"And I'm wanted by Zaibach. But. Do you want to come with you?"
"Can I?"
"Yeah, I might need your help someday. I promise I'll help you find your way back. Okay?" They stared at the Mystic Moon under the stars.
** Backflash **
This is just the last time I'll be alone. Never again will I be sad. I'll be where you are. I can't help but smile, looking heavenward. Oh, but if only I could hold you one last time, if only I could taste your lips and feel your heart beating with mine.
Then, your body is lying next to mine as though by a stroke of fate. You're dead; this is merely a shell of you. Like a snake shedding its skin, it is not the true you. But still, with my last remaining strength, I pull you to me. I hold your head, cupping your face, kissing you softly. Your lips are cold and lifeless, but I'm sure mine are no different. I lay you down, and as my heart stops beating, I hold your hand. One last time.
The End
A/N: Another oh-so-wonderful angsty, depressing fic. I hope you liked it, please review! And if you really like it, read "Never Forget" or "Tears of the Heart" my two other really depressing fics for the like. Arigatou and Sayonara! ^_^ ~Trunks Gal~
A/N: Okay, I know right off the bat what the response to THIS will be from people who read my other fics. "What is wrong with her?" "Why isn't she updating?" "Why is she so lazy?" "Why can't she seem to ever update when she says she will?" I'm sorry. I have WD all written up, as do I have TOTH and I'm working on FB and the other FB and the other billion things I'm working on. I just couldn't concentrate, so I'm writing this. The next chapter of "Winged Destinies" will be up this weekend. Expect "Forbidden Love" next week and "Tears of the Heart" the next week and "Folkie's Birthday" after that. Sorry for all the delays, school keeps me busy and I DO have a social life. This is a one-parter, so don't give me that look. If you hate it, good for you, if you love it, great. I don't care. I just need to write something and I can't think of anything except a novel I'm going to start writing when my fics are finished and school and my friends and how pressured I feel right now. Please forgive me. I'm only human.
One Last Time
I could feel your heart that night, when the stars seemed to glow their brightest. As it beat gently in time with my own. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thu. Then there was no more. I knew what it might mean, although I could not bring myself to admit it. It couldn't be true.
It was your 20th birthday. You were all alone, in that silent room that night. I watched you stare out the window at the moon. Did you remember Gaea as it bathed you in its glow? Or did you think of something or someone else when the chilly wind fluttered your drapes? You smiled, ever so slightly, your eyes seeming to briefly shine. Did you reflect on what had happened that day?
You woke up that morning, throwing off your covers and dressing in front of your mirror. (Don't worry, I didn't watch.) You went into the bathroom, which I hope you know I've never peeked into. Despite what you may think sometimes, I am not a pervert. You walked out as steam hissed, in your bathrobe with a towel around your neck.
"SURPRISE!" Your parents yelled, holding out presents as you gave them an odd, yet thankful look as they ushered you downstairs. Your parents gave you a new CD player, some money, clothes, some CDs, a couple videos, and some other stuff I couldn't recognize. You looked happy. It made me happy, seeing you smile like that. You don't smile enough.
I watched your little brother run in. He was all muddy and your mother frowned as he dripped mud all over the carpet. She had probably just cleaned it. He was holding something in his hands. I know you thought it was probably a spider or a frog or something else like that because an expression crossed her face saying, "I dare you to try something."
He walked up to you, grinning. "Happy Birthday," He said. Uncupping his hands. In it was a feather, a single pearly white feather. "Why'd you give her a feather?!" Your mother hissed at her small son. "I found it in the front yard. I forgot to buy her something, so, this was all I could do!" He smiled at her devilishly and she rubbed his head, smiling back. You began to shake and sob and moan all at once and your family looked at your strangely. You ran up the stairs as they called to you, "Wait! Don't leave!" You didn't listen. You never did and I doubt you ever will.
You fell on your bed, sobbing. Why did you cry? Was it for me? I want to believe it was. But you had to move on. You had no choice. You had track practice that morning. So you dried your tears and got dressed. You jogged down to the subway station and climbed on and I watched you make the long ride to your school.
When you got there, the team was huddled in a circle, there were soft whispers and strange, almost sympathetic looks shot in your direction, and you, as much as I, wondered what was going on. The coach caught sight of you as you looked around for Yukari and Amano who were nowhere to be found. Why are they so late? You probably wondered. Then, the coach gestured for everyone to silence and you wondered what was going on. No one ever listened to Coach Yamu unless they were threatened to be eliminated from the next meet. "Team." He said softly, rather unlike Coach Yamu, or at least, what I've observed of him. "Today is a tragic day. Today, I must report that we've lost our best runner and the best manager we've had in years. I'm sorry to report that Uchida Yukari and Sumuru Amano were killed in a car crash yesterday. Their potential, their great promise at their young age, their friendly nature, and their love for one another are lost to us forever. Truly we shall miss them. Kanzaki, I'm sorry for your losses." The team muttered in agreement for you, and all I could do was wonder why you had to suffer. Why did that disrespectful boy and that cowardly girl I once met at the track have to die? I know how much they meant to you. "Kanzaki, why don't you go on home." Coach Yamu gestured you away and you ran faster than you ever had, your eyes red and puffy. I wanted to hold you just then. Do you know how painful it is to be close enough to see someone, yet so far you can't reach them? It's the most painful thing I'll ever encounter.
You didn't take the subway this time. You'd ridden it too many times with Yukari. You ran the many miles home. They say in times of trouble and sorrow, people find strength they never knew they had. You proved them right. You climbed up the side of your house onto the roof. Then you slipped into your window. You did all this to avoid the obvious questioning you'd receive if you came home so early.
You sank into a chair, staring into space, probably thinking of how much you'd miss them. You fiddled around in your drawer, among the pencils and rulers and such. You smiled in satisfaction, pulling out one of your mother's steak knives. I'd seen you grab it weeks ago when she was gone, although I had no idea what you planned to do with it. Your hand shook as you clutched the wooden handle, bringing the blades to your writs where you slashed mercilessly. Rivulets of blood streamed down your arms. You smiled contentedly before falling to the floor unconscious.
A while later, your mother appeared outside your door. "HONEY! I JUST GOT A CALL FROM MR. YAMU! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?" She inquired through the door. "DEAR! ARE YOU IN THERE?" She jiggled the handle, opening the door. "Hitomi. I." She then spotted you lying in a pool of blood. "OH MY GOD! HITOMI!" She shrieked, running to your side and cradling you in her arms.
"Oh mother." You muttered as she looked down at you, surprised you were speaking. "I want to see him again." You closed your eyes and she screamed.
A while later, you barely looked like the girl I once knew, white as a ghost, hooked up to all sorts of machines in a starch-white room. Both of your arms were bandaged from the elbow to the wrist and you could see the bandages needed to be changed as the blood seeped through. There was a window to one side, but the curtains were shut tightly, as though they were afraid you'd melt in the sunlight.
You wouldn't wake up and your mother had spent all afternoon holding your hands until she fell asleep in her chair next to your bed, her face shining with freshly shed tears. You woke just then. You found one of your new CDs lying on the nightstand with your CD player. She must have brought it for you in case you woke up soon to pass the time until you could go home. You stuck a CD called "Over the Sky" into your player and put on your headphones. You pulled out the life-giving tubes and moved to the window to listen to it while looking at the sun set in the distance.
(A/N: "Over the Sky" is the first Escaflowne CD. If you have it, play Deja Blue for this next part. I know it would be in Japanese if it was the opening theme, but I think it's easier to get the meaning if it's in English.)
"I love you, I love you." You sang softly. "I gaze at you with my heart. I believe in you, I believe in you. Even on the coldest of nights." The song repeated several times as the stars twinkled and you smiled, gazing at the moon above, perhaps wondering if you'd ever see Gaea again.
"Van." You said softly, still staring into the night sky. "I'm fine Van, really. Please don't worry about me. I know I'll see you again. My heart tells me. My heart's never wrong Van. But in case it is for the very first time. Please remember, that I love you and always will." You batted your eyes faintly, before shutting them, and crumpling to the floor, never to see the stars again. That's when your heart stopped as my own hardened before shattering.
I stand at my balcony, staring off into the horizon where, in an hour or so, the sun will rise. The wind tossed my hair as I sunk deep in thought. I watched smoke begin to rise from the small chimneys in the village down below. The mothers cooking over their fireplaces to feed their husbands for work and their children for school or play. There are so many more worthy than me to govern over these people. I don't think I'll ever understand how it came to be that I became king. Lineage is a funny thing I suppose. I look out and see the graveyard, where my father, mother, and brother, all rest peacefully. Never again to be troubled. I envy them.
I step to the edge of the balcony and gaze over the edge at the grounds so far below. I jump off the side, not bothering to unfurl my wings. Now I'm falling. Falling. Falling. Down. Farther. Farther. Faster. Faster. I barely notice the whirring sensation about my head as I smile, not realizing that this is the beginning of the end.
I hit the ground. Hard. So hard. I can feel my bones break as they come in contact with the hard earth. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea. I can feel blood ooze from parts of my body I never knew existed. I feel lightheaded. From lack of blood? Probably. The wind seems not so gentle, but chilly and I shiver, wondering why I left my warm room. I am a foolish man. No, a foolish boy. I have no right to be called a man. I don't know if I ever shall. I can see your bright eyes and you seem to smile at me. If I listen hard enough, I can hear your faint laughter. I'm glad you're happy.
I can feel my heart beat. Slowly. Slowly. Why did I take that dive? Was it because of you? Yes, I'm sure it was. It's always been about you, and it always shall be. Always.
Am I really dying? My heart died with you, so is only my mortal flesh decaying as I continue to faintly breathe? Perhaps. There is no reason to live on if your heart is no more. Perhaps its better if I die. Perhaps I should have died long ago. I'm nothing but trouble. That's all I am.
I remember that night we were outside of Palas, when I started to think about you so often. Why'd you leave Hitomi Kanzaki? Why'd you return to the Mystic Moon?
** Flashback **
"My little brother and I are always fighting. He's the one who does everything, but I get in trouble. "Hitomi, you're his big sister, aren't you?" "Hitomi, you're in high school, aren't you?" "Hitomi, you're a girl, aren't you?" I hate that; it's not fair. Just because, I'm oldest. My dad just sits there and laughs. I wonder what they're doing now. Father. Mother." Tears came to Hitomi's eyes.
"Both my parents died one I was little. Now that Fanelia's burned and Balgus is dead, the only one I can really count on is her." He gestured to Merle.
"But that guy. You called him brother."
"He's not my brother! Folken is a traitor. Ten years ago, he went to fight the dragon to become king. But he ran away. Not he's with Zaibach. He even tried to kill me. I'm sorry." He'd gotten carried away.
"No, I don't mind. So what are you going to do now?"
"I realized how much training I need after that incident. I'll practice with the sword. And I'll go on after that. What are you going to do?"
"What am I going to do? I can't go back to Allen's country."
"And I'm wanted by Zaibach. But. Do you want to come with you?"
"Can I?"
"Yeah, I might need your help someday. I promise I'll help you find your way back. Okay?" They stared at the Mystic Moon under the stars.
** Backflash **
This is just the last time I'll be alone. Never again will I be sad. I'll be where you are. I can't help but smile, looking heavenward. Oh, but if only I could hold you one last time, if only I could taste your lips and feel your heart beating with mine.
Then, your body is lying next to mine as though by a stroke of fate. You're dead; this is merely a shell of you. Like a snake shedding its skin, it is not the true you. But still, with my last remaining strength, I pull you to me. I hold your head, cupping your face, kissing you softly. Your lips are cold and lifeless, but I'm sure mine are no different. I lay you down, and as my heart stops beating, I hold your hand. One last time.
The End
A/N: Another oh-so-wonderful angsty, depressing fic. I hope you liked it, please review! And if you really like it, read "Never Forget" or "Tears of the Heart" my two other really depressing fics for the like. Arigatou and Sayonara! ^_^ ~Trunks Gal~