A/N:
This story has been re-written. I have changed and added things. If you reviewed it earlier, please leave another review, as I will delete the other story soon.
Disclaimer: I own the plot and Ashley. The other characters belong J.K. Rowling. The song, 'Stronger Than I Am' is LeAnn Womack's.
Summary: When he died, he left a little girl to his true love. She raised her-she tried to raise her.
Stronger Than I Am
Hermione's curly hair was in a messy bun and her red robe was tied tightly around her. The morning had come all too quickly as her leave of absence at the Ministry had ended. Today was her first day back, but she couldn't seem to get going. She sat down in the rocking chair, trying to juggle her coffee mug and the Daily Prophet an owl had dropped off. Ashley, her five-year-old girl smiled up from her chair seated at the kitchen table. Her grin was one to rival his as she sloshed the cereal around in her bowl.
"Daddy!" she cried happily at the empty room. "Daddy?"
Hermione frowned. "Ashley, honey. We talked about this, remember Sweetie?"
Ashley's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "Where's Daddy? He was going to take me to get ice-cream!"
Hermione set her coffee and the newspaper down and walked to the trembling girl. The young woman knelt on the floor and looked at Ashley softly. "Sweetie, do you remember what Mum said?" She sighed.
"Yes."
"What did mum say?"
"Daddy isn't coming home."
"Why isn't Daddy coming home?"
"Daddy…Daddy…" Ashley's eyes brimmed with tears threatening to spill down her cheeks at any moment. Her voice became non-existent as she mouthed the word 'Died'.
"Do we still love Daddy?" Hermione asked, placing her hands on Ashley's cheeks.
Ashley nodded emphatically. "Always." She whispered, barely audible.
Things around here haven't changed much.
It's all pretty much the same stuff.
Day after day.
XXFlashback-Three Months agoXX
The doorbell sounded shrilly as seven o'clock rolled around. Hermione raced Ashley to the door as both laughed, abandoning the checkers they had been playing. Hermione looked through the curtains and her face lit up even more. She opened the door and nearly jumped through.
"Harry! Ron!" She flung her arms around each in turn, smiling broadly. "How are you? Come in, come in." her heartbeat sped up at the sight of her two best friends. They had been on a mission as Aurors the past five months and she hadn't seen or heard from them since the day they left. That was also the last time she saw her husband, and instantly wondered where he was. She froze.
"Ashley, honey," Hermione motioned to her little girl. "Why don't you go play in your room for a while, okay?" Ashley nodded in agreement, looking back as she walked slowly to her playroom
"Where is he?" she asked quietly as she poured both boys a cup of coffee. They were seated at the kitchen table, Hermione's heart racing faster and faster as she stared at the grim faces of her two best friends.
Harry and Ron looked at each other, silently battling over the person to give the news. Harry lost. "He's gone," he whispered quietly. He choked on the sadness that rose in his voice. "I'm so sorry, Hermione." He reached to place his hand on hers across the table. She felt so cold. Harry walked to the other side of the table and sat in a chair next to Hermione. He put his arm around her rigid frame comfortingly. "I'm so sorry, Hermione." He whispered into her hair. "I'm so sorry."
Tears streamed silently down her face as she tried to remain strong. It wasn't working. How could this have happened? He was one of the best of the best. He was careful on missions-he was surrounded by the best witches and wizards of their generation. "How?" she choked out.
Ron shook his head sharply as Harry opened his mouth. It closed within seconds. "Painlessly," Harry wondered if he was a good liar. "He went peacefully." He was sure his eyes were giving him away and was glad Hermione was staring at the floor. He kept telling himself this was better than the truth.
XXEnd of FlashbackXX
The only thing that keeps me goin',
Seems to be our baby girl I'm tryin' to raise.
She's my life, my mornin' angel. Always seems to find the rainbow. But lately she's so busy growin',
I don't think she even knows you've gone away.
Ashley looked at her mother as Hermione gathered her papers for work. The ministry had sent her briefings on her new job assignments to look over before she came back so she wouldn't be behind in the department.
"Mum?"
"Yes, angel?"
"Can you tell me something?"
"What is it, honey?" Hermione checked her watch. She had five minutes to spare before she needed to floo Ashley to school and appartate herself to work.
"What was Daddy's favorite ice-cream?"
Hermione sighed, thankful her daughter hadn't asked for a story about her Daddy. "Mint-Chocolate-Chip." She told her daughter, sweeping her own brown locks out of her face.
"That's my favorite too!" Ashley said excitedly. "What was his favorite animal?"
Hermione sighed again: this looked to be a reoccurring gesture she was not fond of. "A sna-" Hermione stopped, smiled, and laughed to herself. "A Hippogriff, sweetheart. A Hippogriff." She smiled to herself all the way past Ashley's school and all the way to the Ministry offices. "A Hippogriff," she said quietly to herself.
"What's that?" Fred Weasley said, coming up behind her and jumping in the phone booth with her. They were transported to the Ministry's main office. "Nothing, Fred. Nothing." She frowned slightly.
Fred flashed an apologetic look. "He was a good man, Hermione."
She nodded in thanks. "Have a nice day, Fred."
"And you. Don't work too hard." The trademark Weasley-Twin grin flashed across his face toward the woman in front of him.
He turned to leave, but Hermione called out to him. "Fred! Fred wait!"
He spun around on his heel and raised his eyebrows. "Yes?"
Hermione half-smiled. "What are you doing here?"
Fred looked at her nervously. "I…uh," he looked over his shoulder. "I..um. I'm working on…on the thing."
Hermione glanced at him questioningly, but seemed satisfied enough for the day and turned to leave.
"After we opened the shop, I went back to school and let George run it for a while. I studied DADA for two years. Some would say I had a knack for it. The ministry's asked me to look at his case."
"Oh," Hermione said simply. "Thank you," She paused to catch her breath. "For telling me. I don't want everyone tiptoeing around me. He wouldn't want that. I can't do that to Ashley. I can't keep all this from her."
"I know." Fred smiled sadly.
"I'm sorry I just unloaded that on you," she shrugged.
"No worries, Hermione. No worries." Fred walked toward the Department of Mysteries.
"I wish." Hermione muttered to herself as she trudged toward her office as Assistant Mistress of Magic.
The day passed slowly. Everything still reminded her of him and she had a hard time concentrating knowing he wouldn't be at home to greet her with his kisses. She held on strong for Ashley, but the tearing at her heart was next to unbearable.
Dinner that night was pizza, a favorite of Ashley's. "Did Daddy like this?" Ashley asked, indicating the pizza.
Hermione smiled and shook her head. "Not at all. He thought it was rubbish."
Ashley giggled slightly. "Does Daddy still love me?" her question broke the silence that had enveloped the pair over the past few minutes.
"Yes, angel. Daddy loves you very much. And he's watching you. He'll never leave you."
"But he did, Mum, he did. He's not here." Ashley pushed away her pineapple pizza with light sauce and extra cheese: just the way she liked it.
"No, honey. He's not here with us, but he's right here," she touched her heart, and, in turn, touched Ashley's heart. "And always will be. Everything you remember about Daddy is right there."
Ashley's eyes widened as she looked at the place that Hermione was pointing. "Right there?"
"In your heart, baby. And your memories."
She finally learned to say goodbye.
She's sleepin' though the night.
She don't wake up cryin'.
And she's walkin' on her own.
She don't need no one, holdin' to her hand.
And I hate to admit, she's stronger than I am.
Ashley straddled the broomstick and sat upon the small piece of wood confidently. "Okay, Mum, now what?" Ashley cried in delight as she accidentally sent the broom upward sharply. "Never mind!" she called from twenty feet in the air. "I got it!"
Hermione watched in horror as her little girl flew on the Kirtshaw 9000 Hermione bought her after much prodding from the little girl. "Daddy had one! Daddy had one!" she had argued and complained. Hermione showed Ashley one picture from her collection of her father flying in the championship game of their seventh year. He dived and dived and narrowly missed the snitch. Then he dived again, and again, and, again, failed to grab the snitch.
Ashley hovered in the air for about fifteen seconds then, by no means of her own, was slowly brought down to the ground. She stared indignantly at her mother's wand then at her face.
"Mum! I was having fun!"
"That's what Daddy said before he broke his arm, Ashley."
Ashley was taken aback. Her mother tried not to tell too many stories of her father, and when Hermione did, her eyes never failed to cradle teetering tears. Hermione took the broom from Ashley's hands and sat it on the ground. She motioned for Ashley to sit on the ground and, in turn, sat beside her.
"Mum are you going—" Ashley asked timidly.
"Hush, Ashley. I'm going to tell you something."
Ashley's brown eyes became wide as her long hair blew in the afternoon breeze. "About Daddy? Mum tell me—"
"Ashley. I need you to listen to me, sweetie, and wait until I've finished the story." However, the story Hermione told was more to herself than her five-year-old daughter. Hermione was immersed in memories that would last her a hundred lifetimes because they were so real-so intimate-so him.
XXFlashbackXX
"Twenty questions." He said, lying on the floor of the head's room. It was Christmas Eve of seventh year and the pair had unanimously shirked their late-night responsibilities, blaming it on Christmas if need be.
"You first," She lay on her back beside him. Her, staring at the ceiling; him, gazing at her face.
"Favorite spell." He stated quickly.
"Alohomora," she named a spell that had helped the pair immensely in their relationship. "Fears?"
"Not being with you." he kissed her cheek lightly and she smiled in return, turning her head to face him. "One day left: what do you do?"
"Go skydiving," she mumbled, her cheeks turning pink. "What have you always wanted to do?"
"This." He said simply. He pushed himself off the floor and nearer her body. He placed a chaste kiss on her lips that soon filled with passion.
They parted briefly for air.
"I love you." he whispered, his lips touching her ear and sending chills down her back. "Forever, I will." He assured her, stroking her soft face as he leaned towards her to kiss her again.
XXEnd FlashbackXX
"Mum? Mum? Are you okay? Are you going to finish the story?" Ashley had crawled in her mother's lap, awaiting the ending of the story.
Hermione shook her head to clear her thoughts then looked down apologetically at her little girl. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. Where did I stop?"
"You said. 'Uluhamra'." Ashley said, fighting to make her mouth move correctly in an attempt to copy the word.
"I…Ashley…why don't you go…" Hermione choked as she tried to regain her composure. "Why don't you go in the house and…and play with your dolls?"
Ashley looked sadly at her mother, almost indignant that the story had been left hanging. "Tell me later?"
"We'll see."
Hermione sat in the front lawn, but had enough sense to move herself to the porch steps of their quaint house. It was simple enough: she had been, quite literally, lost in time. It was so real to her that she felt as if it was happening. She was seventeen all over again. She longed to feel his arms around her again. What she wouldn't give to hear him say "I love you" one more time.
Hermione wasn't sure how long she sat on the front porch, but soon, she became aware that the sun had set and the street lamps had become the sole sources of light, save a few houses with lights streaming out the windows. "I miss you." she said to the cool night air. "I miss you so much."
The front door squeaked as Ashley pushed it open. Her small frame came from behind and her arms wound around Hermione's neck. "I love you Mum."
"I love you too, sweetheart." Hermione tried to salvage her maternal instincts and barely succeeded. "What do you want for dinner, Ashley?"
"Spaghetti?" she asked, hands on her hips and a sweet smile on her lips.
"Your wish is my command, princess." Hermione smiled at her daughter, however painful it was to see him in her.
She ain't crackin' under pressure.
First one step and then another.
She goes along, and if she falls and skins her knee, she cries a while and smiles at me.
And just goes on.
O-O-O-Seven Years later-O-O-O
"Hurry, Ashley! We're going to be late!" Hermione called to her thirteen-year-old daughter up the stairs.
"Coming mum!" Ashley yelled back.
It was an early morning on September 1, the fist day of Ashley's third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The young girl trudged down the stairs, her trunk clunking loudly behind her down each step. "I think I'm ready." Ashley breathed as she arrived at the foot of the stairs. She dragged her trunk to the kitchen as a package came flying at her. With the quick reflexes she assumed had been inherited from her father, she caught the silver package. "Thanks mum!" she said, ripping open the package and shoving a cinnamon pop-tart in her mouth. "Ready?" Ashley asked through a mouthful of pop-tart.
"Almost. I have something for you. I've got to get it, but I'll be right back." Hermione walked swiftly to her bedroom, rummaged under the bed for a while, seeking a silver box. Finding it, she pulled it out and set it in front of her on the floor. She took the lid off and had to steady herself from the lack of breath. She couldn't seem to breathe very well, and her heart was racing a million miles a minute.
A wand. Eleven and a half inches. Maple core. She stroked it softly and put it down. The next object she laid her hands on was the one she intended to find. A picture. Of them. It was graduation day and they both smiled at the camera. Their hands were intertwined sweetly. She closed the frame and stuffed the box under the bed again. "I'll be back, baby," she whispered softly.
"Mum!" Ashley called frantically.
"Right here!" Hermione walked briskly into the kitchen and grabbed her purse and wand, holding onto the picture frame. She levitated Ashley's trunk to the car and stuffed it in. Hermione then climbed into the driver's seat as Ashley sat in the passenger's seat.
Hermione started the car and held out the picture frame to her daughter. "I want you…to have this." Hermione stared straight ahead as she heard her daughter gasp.
"Mum," she breathed quietly. "Wow. You look so happy."
Hermione was stung. Did she not look happy now? Was she keeping a part of herself from her daughter? The part of her that he created? She nodded. "I was, sweetie. But I still am. Only because of you." The car pulled up to the train station soon. The pair got out of the car and Hermione had grabbed a trolley and placed Ashley's trunk on it. They reached the barrier that would soon transport them into the magical world.
"You first, honey." Hermione motioned to Ashley.
"You're coming, right Mum?" Hermione nodded in response. Ashley walked casually to Platform 9¾ and leaned against it, instantly falling into another platform that held the Hogwarts Express, set to depart in ten minutes.
Hermione followed her daughter and her breath was knocked out of her for the second time that morning as memories came flooding back to her.
XXFlashbackXX
"I swear to Merlin, Hermione. If that git hurts you, I'll punch him so hard he—"
"Thank you, Harry," Hermione laughed slightly, cutting Harry off. "I really want you to work this out," she said meaningfully. She wrapped her arms around Harry in a tight hug and he returned it.
"Be careful, Hermione. Please be careful."
"Harry, I know what I'm doing." She let go of her best friend and smiled into his bottle-green eyes. "I know what I'm doing."
XXEnd FlashbackXX
"Oi! Hermione!" a deep voice called her name.
"Uncle Harry!" Ashley squealed in delight as she ran to her uncle's arms. Harry picked her up and spun her around happily and set her back down, much to her dismay.
"How are you doing, Ashley? Keeping your mum in line, I hope?"
Ashley laughed. "Yes sir. Hey mum, I'm going to go meet Alison and Josh on the train."
"Okay," Hermione replied, hugging her daughter. "Have a good year. Don't get in too much trouble with Mr. Weasley and Ms. Potter, okay?" Hermione almost begged, but secretly hoped that she would take advantage of the time she had at Hogwarts.
Ashley seemed to read her mind and not hear her words of warning. "Yes, mum." The smirk she had on her face could have been directly swiped from her father's lips. Hermione tried to smile.
"Ashley?"
"Yeah?"
"Come home for Christmas. I have something planned."
"Alright. I will."
"Love you, Ashley."
"Love you too, Mum." She hugged her mother tightly. "I'll make Daddy proud." She whispered in her mother's ear. With that, Ashley bounded off with her trunk to the train and found her two best friends.
"Looks just like him, Hermione." Harry said quietly.
"I know." She whispered.
Harry slung his arm around her shoulders and held her tightly.
So many things that she can teach me
Full of life and so completely innocent
'She still says she loves her Daddy.
Goes on just like nothing' happened.
Forgives and forgets.
She finally learned to say goodbye.
She's sleepin' through the night.
She don't wake up cryin'.
And she's walkin' on her own.
She don't need no one holdin' to her hand.
And I hate to admit, she's stronger than I am.
Christmastime rolled around and soon, Ashley was at home. She told Hermione all about the position she had accepted as Gryffindor seeker and all the fun she was having. She related stories of the numerous detentions she had served along with Josh Weasley and Alison Potter. Though, Hermione admitted to herself, it wasn't more than she had gotten. Even though she had a clean record through fourth year she more than made up for the rule-abiding-ness the last three years of school.
And for once, when Ashley proudly announced the number of detentions she had received, Hermione smiled. "Ashley," she said, laughing. "I'm so proud of you."
Ashley choked. "What?!"
"You heard me," she said, hugging her daughter and setting a plate of pancakes before her. "I'm proud of you. Daddy would have been proud too."
Immediately after the pair finished breakfast. Hermione stood from the table. "Let's go."
"What? Where are we going?" Ashley asked, confused. Luckily she was already dressed as her mother was currently pulling her towards the door. Ashley had time to nab her coat, hat, and mittens and was thrust out the door. "Mum, where are we going?"
"You'll see." Hermione smiled to herself.
They came upon a graveyard. The two trudged through the thick snow to a medium-sized headstone in the shape of an arc.
XXFlashbackXX
The simple words on the gravestone stared at her:
Mark and Julie Granger
1998
His hand held hers and while she was here with him, she felt completely safe. A few tears slid down her face.
"Don't cry." He said.
"I have to. I don't know what else to do." She choked. He stood behind her now, his arms encircling her waist.
"Just be here. With me."
Hermione nodded slightly, trying to stifle the tears that seemed to be arising from a bottomless pit.
"I know they loved you. And they want you to be happy." He whispered in her ear.
XXEnd FlashbackXX
"Mum. Don't cry." Ashley said: the thirteen-year-old looked up at her mother lovingly.
"I have to, sweetheart." Hermione sighed as tears escaped her eyes and poured down her cheeks.
"I know Daddy loved you. Everyone at school told me so. And I think he wants you to be happy."
Hermione nodded at the little girl. They were both kneeling in front of the gravestone. Ashley didn't seem to shed any tears, though her cheeks became pink and her eyes became a rich chocolate brown.
"Are you ready, honey?" Hermione asked after several minutes.
"Yes, mum." She held her mother's hand tightly and squeezed it as her mother continued to sob silently. The pair stood from the grave and turned towards the car. Hermione took one last look at the gravestone before turning away:
Draco Malfoy
2004
She's just like her old man.
Stronger than I am
A/N:
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