Prologue: The Road to Toad City
One day, Mario was chillin at home, looking at porn, and throwing cans of Luigi Brand Cola at, well, Luigi. Suddenly, someone called from outside:
:MAIL CALL YO!
Luigi: I told you not to come back! Screw off bitch!
Luigi pulled out his 12 gauge and loaded it.
Mario: Stop attacking the mailmen! They won't bring letters from the princess if you do!
Luigi: You know she thinks your gay, right?
Mario: Lies! All lies!
Luigi: Suuuuuure… I'm gonna go get the mail ok?
Mario: Ok! Maybe there's a letter from Peachy-Keen!
Luigi: Ooooookay…
He walks out to get the mail, accidentally bringing his 12 gauge. This absolutely freaked the mailman out!
Mailman: Aaaah! I thought they were kidding when they said you used a 12 gauge! I thought you had like, a BB gun or something! Stay away from me!
Luigi: Shove it. Where's the mail, Parakarry?
Parakarry: Why don't you check the mailbox retard?
Luigi: Uh… I knew that! Now leave before I reload this baby!
Parakarry: Screw off bitch!
Parakarry flew off kicking dust in Luigi's eyes.
Luigi: Fuck you too asshole!
Luigi aimed the gun. Suddenly, Mario burst out yelling:
Mario: I smell Peachy-Keen's perfume! Gimme the mail!
Luigi:… You should seriously get a life dude.
Mario: Quiet you! Let's see… Bill, bill, letter from Queen Beanie, bill, HERE IT IS! The letter from Peachy-Keen! Let's read it!
Dear Luigi and the still gay Mario,
I'm having a party at my place! People from all over the Mushroom Country will be there. Hope to see you there!
-Peachy-Keen
Luigi: I told you she thinks your gay! And the gay porn you hid in my diary isn't helping your case.
Mario: I told you! That was for a friend!
Luigi: Yes! A BOY-friend!
Mario: Let's just go!
Later, on the Castle's 3rd floor, Mario, Luigi, and Peachy-Keen were talking.
Luigi: I'd better go. Bowser-Yowser's gonna attack in like, 5 minutes. Have fun Mario!
Mario: I will, if you know what I mean!
Luigi: You brought that gay porn? Eeew dude.
Mario was about to respond when Bowser-Yowser appeared! Luigi ran off as if he was never there. Peachy-Keen screamed at the top of her lungs! Too bad she made the room soundproof!
Bowser-Yowser: Mario! Glad you're here so I can destroy you!
BATTLE MODE BEGINS!
Bowser attacks! Mario dodges.
Mario uses jump! 1 damage.
This goes on for 10 points of damage to Bowser-Yowser when suddenly…
B-Y: Ack! You haven't beaten me yet! I still have the Star Thingy Rod!
B-Y pulls out a bent stick with a plastic star on the end. It looks like a two-year-old made it. I could probably walk over and break it right now…if I wasn't a real person… damn I wanna be fictional! Oh well. B-Y uses the stick thing to charge up and starts glowing!
B-Y: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am invincible! Fear this!
B-Y attacks! 50 damage!
Mario dies!
BATTLE MODE EXITED!
B-Y: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
B-Y takes Peachy-Keen and jumps in his clown car flying thingy. He knocks Mario out the window!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A female goomba (I never knew they existed) stands over Mario.
Goomba: Who the hell is this? I'd better get Goombario and Poppa!
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB
Mario lies in a bed. A creepy star thingy appears above him and says:
: Mario… Get better. You only got 30 points of overkill damage. You killed a guy in the Beanie Bean Kingdom with 100 points overkill! You can survive 30. Go to Creepy Star Thingy Cliff. Oldstar out.
Oldstar disappears and a toad walks in. Suddenly, Mario gets up!
Inn Toad #1: Mario! Thank god your awake!
Meanwhile, In heaven a godlike toad says:
God: No prob bitch!
Back on Planet Shroomy
I T 1: You've been unconscious for 3 days! Good thing Goombaria rescued you!
Mario: Goombaria? That's a gay name. I hope she doesn't have a brother named Goombario.
I T 1: Uhh… you may want to stay here then.
Mario: I was kidding. Let me out of here. I'm slightly claustrophobic.
Mario walks outside and sees the Goomba family. Goompa, the dad, just finished fixing a gate. Goomma, Goombaria, and Goombario were walking around. Mario walks to the gate trying to avoid getting seen when Kamek suddenly swoops down and yells:
Kamek: Mario! I thought they were kidding when they said you were alive! Well, I can't fight cause I'm old, so here's a blockade, bitch!
Kamek waved her wand and made a block appear and smash the gate, blocking the path! She flew away laughing evilly and it sounded like: "MWAHAHAHA cough hack wheeze."
Goompa: That bitch! Mario go get Goompapa from the veranda! His hammer can break this thing!
Mario walked to the veranda, passing Goommama and found something missing. The ground!
Mario: Aw fuck!
BAM! Mario hits the ground and dies. Bowser-Yowser takes over the world. The End.
Just kidding! He lands safely and sees an old dude laying on the ground. He walks over and says:
Mario: If your Goompapa then gimme your hammer. I gotta get to Creepy Star Thingy Cliff.
Goompapa: It fell over to the west. I'll come with you cause I gotta go home. Lets go.
They walk west and search some bushes till they found DO DO DO! The hammer! They head back east until they get to the village fighting goombas along the way ( I'm not writing about the dude in the egg). When they do, Goombario was all like:
Goombario: Woah! It's Mario! I can't believe he made it back! Hey dad, can I travel with him and die about twenty time because the author sucks at this game and like the thousand year door better?
Goompa: Alright! Just wait for Goompapa to get back with Mario's first badge that your not supposed to know that it's a badge yet.
Goompapa came back and gave Mario his badge and used a bunch of long sentences that broke the fourth wall. Mario broke the block and him and Goombario walked towards Toad City, fighting enemies all the way. They get to a cliff and two goombas, one blue and one red, look down at them. They jump down and fight!
Battle mode!
Mario jumps on red! 10 damage. Red dies.
Goombario head bonks blue! 8 damage. Blue dies.
Battle mode out!
Mario: That was easy!
Red: You won't beat us next time!
Red and blue run away! The duo of do-goods continue on, arriving at the Goomba King's castle where they fight Red and blue along with, guess who, The Goomba King!
The battle goes easily, seeing as how I hate this guy and the fact that when I played I forgot to save before I fought him and had to do a lot over and this is a very long sentence.
Mario: Yay we won!
GK: My castle is exploding while we're in it and Mario isn't! the bridge is going to appear and let's go now in the explosion!
The explosion comes and the bridge falls. Mario and Goombario continue walking to Toad city where they rest at the Inn. They travel to where the castle was and Mario was like:
Mario: HOLY SHIT! WHERE'S THE PRINCESS! WHERE'S THE PARTY! WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE MOURNING MY NEAR DEATH?
Goombario: Dude, you gotta pay more attention. The whole way here I've been yelling "Hey Mario! Did here that the castle is gone and nobody cares that you almost died?"
Mario: Uhh…. Maybe. Lets just climb Creepy Star Thingy Cliff!
They climb the cliff… blahblahblah… they get to the top and the star dudes talk to them… blahblah… they climb down and get hit by Tinkle, who Mario eats…blah… they head east and towards that koopa fortress. End Of Chapter!