It's not the first time I've felt like this.
There was that time with Jonah, who turned out to be such an asshole that I don't even count him anymore. But still. He tried to kiss Carly. I wasn't good enough for that slimeball.
Then there was Shane, who I knew from the beginning liked Carly better. I mean, she's perfect. Adorable smile, cute laugh. She's funny and smart and a good girl. Little ole me wasn't good enough for Elevator-Shaft-Boy either.
And Pete? Oh, I don't even want to get into that. He said he liked me better when I was being myself, but it really didn't seem like he did. He seemed to like the Carly version of me more. The real me wasn't good enough for that tool.
So it wasn't all that surprising, really, when I saw Carly and Freddie huddled up, working on an English assingment that I had no part in (because since when do I do my work? Especially in English with stupid Mr Hutton and his fat head) and giggling together.
Normally I'd give Fredward some grief for giggling, but I just didn't feel up to it. It felt like my heart twisted and constricted, so that I couldn't breathe. I had to walk away before I saw more flirting.
I'd already gone through the stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Yeah, I liked Freddie. I fought against the feelings - but they were stronger than me.
And Carly knew that. She knew how I felt. I told her weeks ago - right before she told me that she thought Freddork was really 'cute' and she saw how I could like him.
And look where we've ended up. Sure, right now Freddie's dating Wendy, but once Carly tells him she likes him, that'll all be over in a heartbeat. Carly isn't seeing anyone, so he'll take advantage of that information right away. Next thing I know, they'll be dating, falling in love, then getting married and having perfect babies together.
And where will that leave me? Alone. And bitter. Just like always.
So this feeling isn't new. I've felt it before and I've no doubt I'll feel it again.
But that doesn't make it any easier.