Sincerely Yours,
A letter from L. Megurine
Vocaloid 03
To whom it may concern, more specifically, users of the Vocaloid program,
I am Megurine Luka, Crypton Vocaloid 03, and I have a bone to pick with all of you.
It has come to my attention that you people have been using me and my software to create and produce songs which give me a very bad reputation. I have written this letter to you to ask that you end this.
I am not a sex object to be used to fulfil your messed up sexual fantasies. Just because I am more developed than Miku, Rin, or most of the other Vocaloids, it does not make me a slut. So I ask that you kindly stop posting fan art of me dressed provocatively, or in such poses. I did not choose to look this way, or have a skirt with a slit that shouldn't even reach that high. I was designed like this, so please respectfully leave me and my modesty alone. If you need someone to pose for you in a sexual manner, I'm sure that with enough alcohol, Meiko and/or Haku would be more than willing to pose for you. They both have boobs, so go violate them instead.
Furthermore, no, I will not have sex with Gakupo, Len, Kaito, or any other male Vocaloid you people decide to pair me with. Just because we do duets together, does not mean I am inclined to sleep with them. This goes out especially to the handful of you who continuously pair me with Len. I am six years his senior; have you people no restraint? Such a pairing is wrong on so many levels that I can write a book about it.
While I'm at it, Rin and Len also wish to ask that you people stop pairing them as lovers. I can't help but agree with them.
And I'd also like to ask that you fan-artists out there to stop pairing me with Miku. Because seriously, Miku? First of all, I'm perfectly straight. Just because I don't want to sleep with any male Vocaloid doesn't make me a lesbian. It makes me the only moderately sane one in this group (I'm a Vocaloid, and I'm also Japanese. By law, I am not allowed to be perfectly sane. So I'll settle with being 83% sane). Secondly, she's sixteen, immature, and has too much of an ego for my liking. Thirdly, magnet was a mistake; a sure-fire musical hit, but a terrible, terrible mistake on my part. So, to you artists who enjoy putting us together in some sort of suggestive position that otherwise discredits our sexual orientation, knock it off.
That actually goes out for anyone, and everyone, within this Vocaloid community. Seriously, cut it out. I'm not interested in romance. At all. So if anything, I'm completely asexual. Makes sense, considering I'm nothing more than a computer program and could not have relationships in the first place even if I wanted to.
Which I don't. So please stop it.
And for the record, I have not murdered anyone with sewing scissors, shot a person with a bullet, had an abortion, ordered for the execution of a group of runaways, slept with a dead body, jumped off a tower, or hit Gakupo with a large tuna.
No, scratch that last part. I did hit Gakupo with a large tuna. He was going through my drawers, and he deserved it. And I think he's still unconscious.
So I am begging you, all of you in the Vocaloid Fan Community, please stop doing this to me. Whether I'm just a program or not, no one deserves to sing some of the songs you people have made me sing. Just thinking about some of them gives me nightmares at night.
I've had enough of this, and I'm putting my foot down on how my program is to be used. I was made for professional music producers, not horny teenagers who get off at a virtual singer going at it with another virtual singer. You people are messed up.
Cut it out, or I will come to your house with a large tuna and make you. If you don't believe me, I'd tell you to ask Gakupo, but he still hasn't come to.
Sincerely yours,
Megurine Luka
Authoress's Notes
Wholly inspired by Luka's version of "I'll Quit Singing". The song made a lot of sense, and I even used some of the lyrics from it.
Go and check it out. It's pretty good.
Anyway, this is just a one-shot I wrote while getting some muse for Curiouser and Curiouser. I should have another chapter up in a day or so.
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