Kitty blinked and recoiled, "What! How can you, after all this just…"
Piper held out her hands helplessly, "You are the only one that has resilience and skill! You are perfect for this job!"
"This is not a "job"! I do not "work" for the government! You can't just command me to do some task like I…I…"
"Kitty…" Piper said apologetically.
"Oh don't start! I hate it when people fake sympathy! The poor girl, she must be traumatized…" She spat out.
"Look, I'd hate to bother you like this but we really need your help! Lovelace is very dangerous and the government is in no position to deal with him. Half the people have never even laid eyes on a demon, for goodness' sake! I am not asking for your co-operation. I…I just need help."
Kitty sighed, she glanced at Piper, at the heavy bags under her eyes, the tired, almost sickly figure and the slow way the former secretary was walking. True, the task itself wasn't that hard, maybe she had just overreacted, but it felt to her that she had suddenly become some government official, forced to obey and heed every command. It went against everything she had worked for…what had she worked for exactly…freedom?...everything was so messed up, she didn't know anymore.
"Everybody says I'm a hero." She said dejectedly, "They say I represent the commoners, how much they had wished for a person like me…like I did anything."
"Sure you did!" Piper said exasperatedly, "you saved me and a lot of lives! You inspired us! Everybody practically owns their survival to you!"
"Ha!" Kitty laughed bitterly, "The way the press are printing it, you'd think I was the one that blew up the Glass Palace."
A silence ensued.
"I'll do it."
Nathaniel, Kitty thought, I hope you are happy, every time I hear a single person mention how much they own me, how much the country owns me, how much I matter, I think I am going to puke. I want to punch them in the face, shake them until they speak the truth. Because I didn't save the country, save Britain, save them, I don't deserve all this, you do. But they don't care what the dead think do they? They just want to please the living. Really, I held the bloody amulet and let you scamper off to some heroic demise. I let Makepeace play the resistance like puppets on strings. Hopkins planning our every move. I let Jacob convince me to go to the forbidden side to play cricket. I believed you and Bartimaeus when you said you were alright. Like hell you were. I am a lot of things, a girl, a terrorist, a hero…But lately, I can finally look back on my life, leaf through my accomplishments, and come to the conclusion that…
You all think I'm stupid.