I felt like I needed to update and re-upload this prologue.
I'm thinking of doing this to all the chapters actually, that is, correcting the mistakes and shit like that.

But I hope you still enjoy the chapters as I go on correcting them, things will still be the same just a bit more interacting and stuff, so I hope you continue to read and enjoy this as I go on. And do not worry, I will try my best to finish this story.

Thank you to all who have favorited/followed this story, and a big THANK YOU to those who have reviewed! You guys are seriously gorgeous people and I wanna hug you all for all the support and kind words!

Prologue: And Now Things Bleed Out.

I don't know how it all started, now that I think about it, everything about the winter war was all a blur. Everything seemed to happen at once and at such a fast pace I barely had time to comprehend just what was being said, or what was happening, to me; for the first half of the winter war I knew that I was battling the Arrancars and Espada's inside the pure white void that makes up Hueco Mundo, then I battled Aizen in the replica of Karakura Town—the replica was made by Mayuri Kurosutchi in order to fool Aizen and his soldiers—and successfully I had defeated him. But not without a loss or two of my own...

I didn't defeat Aizen alone of course, no, he was much too skilled in the many different arts of Kido and serious mind games, but with help from my father Isshin Kurosaki, including old hat-and-clogs Kisuke Urahara, it was only with their help that I managed to find my inner strength while inside the Dangai pecipace world and pull forth that immense spiritual pressure and power that comes with the mysterious zanpakuto, Zangestu.

Shortly after the war was said and done, and everything seemed as though it had returned to normal with little to no damage done to the real Karakura Town...Everything seemed as though...It had all faded to black.

Yeah, it sounds like I'm being another one of those melodramatic teenager's, but that exactly how I would describe my time without my soul reaper powers, describe it exactly how the second half of the winter war felt, a mere blur to the eyes of many, but a lifetime for me.

The first thing I had felt after I defeated Aizen, was pain...

The pain I felt when finally my powers began to vanish, was intense. It seemed to grow, like millions of thorny vines hiding beneath my skin, beating and throbbing to the beat of my erratic and frantic heart, cascading up from the tips of my toes through my entire body. Where it throbbed and pulsated in the back of my skull. Ripping me to pieces, only to put me back together again, just so it could do the exact same thing again.

Breaking me down, picking me up, only to shatter my bones over and over again.

It hurt, hurt worse than any stab or slash I have sustained from any other's zanpakuto, hurt worse than any bone break or injury I had in life.

Hurt worse than death itself.

Getting back to my explanation, apparently an entire month had passed since I had defeated Aizen, or so Rukia and Orihime have told me after I had finally regained consciousness. I woke up back in my room, inside Karakura Town—the real Karakura Town this time, not the fake that that weirdo, Mayuri Kurosutchi, had made to fool Aizen—and I knew right away that I had lost my Soul Reaper powers, had lost all of my spiritual pressure, and with that a meaning to life itself.

Rukia had told me as soon as I had woken up, was that when fully awakening one's true powers and harnessing your full fighting capabilities, your potential, it comes with great repercussions and a sacrifice on your part. Especially when you haven't yet had time to fully understand or acknowledge your zanpakuto's strength, it breaks down your entire body.

First stage of loss brings intense pain, loss of consciousness, and the time lapse experienced in the Dangai reverses.

I've experienced all three of those.

Next, what happens in the second stage is...The remaining spirit energy stabilizes and you wake up again, but shortly after that, all remaining spiritual pressure disappears, and you revert back into a normal human.

Those are the rules I guess, and I can argue all I want about how unfair and stupid those rules seemed to be, but what good would that do me if I throw a hissy-fit?

Besides...I didn't have the time to get angry or scream at the world, I was saying good-bye to many of my dear friends and allies I have gained throughout the months of being a Substitute Soul Reaper. But saying good-bye to Rukia was probably the hardest thing I had to do.

And when I lost my sense of being wanted of being needed, and from feeling as though I have the power to protect all those around me, to feeling as though I had lost nearly everything there was in life that made my sense of belonging all the more enjoyable...I felt as though my entire life...Was ripped away from me. The will to live, just got harder.

I know I might sound completely selfish right now, verging on pathetic...But my soul reaper powers are what gave my life a sense of meaning, of belonging; that was my purpose in life, wasn't it? It was what I was put on earth for, right? Being able to protect those I care for...?

So without those abilities...Am I really nothing in the end...?

With those questions resurfacing in my raging sorrows of self-despair and hate, I felt like I was drowning.

A week after I had regained consciousness, a week after I gave Rukia my final farewells and saw her one last time...Well...I just couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore, because all I saw staring back at me was a failure.

Even though I had saved many lives, saved my friends lives, my family, and even though I saved Karakura Town and stole it right from the evil hands of Aizen, I just couldn't face myself knowing that I had lost, in some twisted sort of way. I have failed myself.

I was still here at the time, living in Karakura town, I still lived with my two younger sisters, Yuzu and Karin and my father Isshin as well. And we still lived inside that small clinic titled: "Kurosaki Clinic." And I still went to school and got high grades, and I probably would've accomplished much greater things in life because of those grades.

And even though I still couldn't help out my father and sister's when someone got rushed into the clinic, and even though I always found a way to get myself in trouble, and get in the way of my sister's when I do try and help them, and even with all that normalcy in my life transpiring around me, with all the things that I usually did and had come to terms with, I always thought of myself as a weak human being, something I felt I wasn't meant to be.

Because at the time, all I ever needed, and all I ever wanted, was to be able to save lives, to protect. And I thought; without my soul reaper abilities, without power, just what was there left for me to do? What could I do in this state?

And now that I have time to reflect on that behavior and attitude, I was a pitiful case.

Feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to change anything, sitting there and crying about how I failed in some sort of way wasn't going to bring back any of my spiritual pressure, it wasn't going to reverse time, and it definitely wasn't making me any stronger.

But at the time, I had felt like I just couldn't get over that feeling. That feeling of loss.

There was no other way to put it when I think back to those times, there really was no other word that came to my mind, no other questions that needed to be asked. Just one word seemed to describe and to sum up everything and all that I was feeling back then...

Why me?

I saved lives, I protected people, and I defeated all of the enemies. All the enemies that constantly invaded the world of the living, threatened the people's lives, threatened the balance of the entire Soul Society; why was it ME that had to be the one to lose my powers? And after accomplishing all the great and wonderful things that I have done to help them? Why was it all me?

And then a thought had crossed my mind, maybe I was being punished for something that I didn't even know about? And then another question resurfaced to the fore-front of my mind, will I ever hear the answers to those questions?

I didn't know any better back then, and I probably will never truly know, even to this day.

Maybe my purpose in life was to save Karakura Town and that's all...?

Or maybe...Fate had much different plans for me.

My name is Ichigo Kurosaki, I'm currently 18-years-old and I'm graduating high-school. I had to repeat my second year in Karakura High—but that was to be expected from all the days that I had skipped in order to do my Substitute Soul Reaper duties.

I have two younger sisters and a loud-ass-father, they still live in that small medical clinic inside of Karakura town, I still have those close friends I was talking about earlier and I couldn't have been more thankful and grateful for those people in my life.

But back then—or to be more specific, a year ago when I first lost my soul reaper abilities—I knew I had all these blessings in my life, I just couldn't help but feel that impending and hateful loneliness inside of myself.

I felt like I was empty. Simply passing through life without a care. And it was as though I couldn't shake the feeling away no matter how hard I had tried, I felt like it would be with me day and night, to consume me entirely...

But then...

On December 30th, four weeks after I lost my soul reaper powers and my sense of purpose; someone came to my aid.

No, I wasn't getting attacked by hollows—I couldn't sense them, let alone see them, so even if I was being attacked by hollows, I wouldn't have been able to know who my savior was.

And no, I wasn't being mugged by some wannabe gangsters either, someone just...Took the time out of their life to lend me an ear, and a shoulder to lean on.

I'll explain to you who, in a moment.

Yes, my burdens are still with me to this day, and yeah, I still have to deal with them on occasion on my own and in my own way and pace, and yes I have come to accept the fact that they may not ever go away, because it'll always be right there in the back of my mind, but I know now that someone can make the load a little lighter for me to carry on.

And this explains why I'm writing all this turmoil and shit inside my journal, I just wanted to take what little time I have left, to thank them in this letter I'm writing.

Or to be more specific and in a less annoying and mysterious way; I wanted to thank "him."

Kisuke Urahara.

The one man that truly wanted to help me from the very beginning of my journey; I have friends yeah, and have a family to thank as well, but what it really comes down to, and what I really think about it, is that he was the first one to jump up and say he wanted to help.

You were there for me Kisuke, you have always been there come to think of it; you taught me things that no one else seemed to have known, or truly recognized within me, things that even I didn't know what the hell was about, showed me and told me thins that were going on within my head and heart.

And you were there for me in the end of it all.

And I'm probably just being paranoid right now, and I must sound completely insane right now, but I always get this weird feeling that you're right here with me, right now, even as I'm writing this.

I still feel like you're peeking over my shoulder, wondering what I'm writing about.

And damn you for always being on my mind.

Instead of focusing on the past all the time, I wanted to let you know...That I'm finally starting to look forward towards the future, and the only way I can do that is to talk about my exact thoughts, and about the entire experience that we had together, my exact feelings, and even though I hate talking about myself, I guess it's only the right thing for me to do at the moment.

I feel like...I want to re-live it again, one last time before I move on, before I keep walking forward towards my real purpose in life.

Kisuke...I think you're—

Prologue: End.

Thank you once again for all your kind words.

Please keep them coming! I swear I'll get through these chapters. New and approved and all that~

Take care!