There was no doubt in my mind about the verdict. No one would ever believe a black man's word over a white's. Even when they know I'm telling the truth. Atticus tells me that we could win, that our case is solid. I have no hope left in me. It shouldn't be this way, but this way it is. Listening to what Mayella Ewell had to say made me mad. How she would lie right to the judge and everyone. Does she know that she is destroying a man's life? I will never see my family and friends again. My whole life I have worked to support my family. I don't know how my wife will make it without me. My life has always been about helping others. Never once I had I thought about myself until now.
My mind keeps going back to the first time I helped Mayella. If I could say no then I wouldn't be in this situation. The only thing helping that girl gave me is a death sentence. I took pity on her, I have learned my lesson. Too bad I won't get to practice this lesson. Death is a hard thing to understand. However, I have already come to terms that my life will be cut short. I have seen death my whole life, but I never understood it. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that men die because the color of their skin. Now it is completely clear.
Atticus is now making his closing argument. Mr. Finch is one of the most honest men I have ever met. I am honored that he took my case seriously and put effort into proving me innocent. He would win this case if it were white against white. The speech he just gave was beautiful, beautiful because it is the truth, the plain and simple truth. One thing Atticus knows how to do is tell it like it is. He has done all that he could to help me. Now my life is life is left in the hands of the jury.
I never thought the jury would take this long. As each hour passes, I gain a little hope with it. This is a sign, they are actually thinking about what has happened. However, let's be reasonable, I am still a black man and I have no chance of being found not guilty. Bob Ewell keeps giving me the stink eye, and it is getting on my nerves. He is taking all of what he has done to his own child and making it look like I did it. He should be ashamed of himself. People like that man are a disgrace to humanity.
The jury is back, after hours of coming up with a verdict. My palms begin to sweat; I didn't realize how nervous I have been. The jury won't look at me, always a bad sign. Judge Taylor is about to read the verdict. I feel as if I might throw up. "Guilty…guilty…guilty…guilty", Judge Taylor read. I knew I would be convicted as guilty, but each guilty was like a slap in the face. I have been found guilty for a crime I have not committed. My life has now ended, and my family will have a load of hardships ahead. They will have to be strong.
"Tom, this is not over. We still have a chance; I will not stop fighting until you are a free man. Take care, I'll be in touch with you soon", Atticus said, then he patted me on my shoulder and left. I cannot believe he still has hope. I wonder what would happen if I was found not guilty. Would Atticus become famous, or would he be hated because he defended a black man. I guess we will never know. I don't want to leave my family; I don't want to get out of my chair. I don't want to do anything. Not only have I lost my hope, I have lost my life. All because a girl had to make up a story, this world is cruel and unjust. All that comes next is waiting. I'll spend the rest of my life in jail or I will get the death sentence. I won't let this happen. I will be the one to choose my fate. People will just have to wait and see what happens. What I have now is not called hope. It is called: taking matters into my own hands.