Disclaimer:
Neither Sports Night nor the West Wing, nor any of their respective characters
belong to me. If you like my story, I'm
glad; if you don't, then oh well. A
note to keep in mind: This "episode" and its followup take place at
about the beginning of the 'dating plan.' There are a couple of discrepancies to keep in mind: 1) This creation
has not even a mention of Sam Donovan, and for that I apologize, and 2) The
placement of this episode would be around the same time as the actual episode
where Dan goes to a fundraising breakfast with Hillary Clinton. This is an oversight on my part; I had
forgotten about that particular plot point. In my happy little parallel universe, Jeb Bartlet is the President of
the United States. So there. So with these two things in mind, on with
the story.
[Scene:
Hallway outside the studio]
[Donna,
Kim, Jeremy, Dan, Casey]
[Donna
is standing against one of the walls as people mill about in the busy state
just before a show, and everyone seems to be ignoring her. She looks a little lost, and no wonder. Eventually, Kim walks by, heading for the
anchor desk with Dan and Casey's scripts, but when she passes Donna she stops
and looks at her. Donna does not notice
her.]
Kim:
Excuse me. [Donna jumps.]
Donna:
Hi. Do you work here?
Kim:
I sure do, do you?
Donna:
No.
Kim:
Are you from Accounting?
Donna:
No. I'm from the White House.
Kim:
No kidding.
Donna:
My name is Donna Moss, I'm just waiting for someone. [She looks around
anxiously. Jeremy walks by and stops.]
Jeremy:
Donna!
Donna:
Surprised to see me?
Jeremy:
Frankly, yes.
Donna:
They told me to come visit.
Jeremy:
I was there.
Donna:
So I came by.
Jeremy:
And here you are. Dan and Casey are
about to go on the air.
Donna:
Can I watch?
Jeremy:
Sure.
Kim:
Want me to tell them you're here?
Donna:
Please. [Kim leaves.] I won't be in the way, will I?
Jeremy:
Not unless you stand in front of one of the cameras.
[Meanwhile,
back at the desk, Kim places the scripts in front of Dan and Casey, who are
getting ready to go on.]
Casey:
Thanks, Kim.
Kim:
There's a woman named Donna Moss here to see you, she's going to watch the
show. [At the sound of Donna's name,
Casey looks startled and Dan delighted.]
Dan:
Donna's here?
Casey:
She's here now?
Kim:
[pointing to the cameras, where Jeremy is showing Donna where to stand] She's
here right now. [leaves]
Dan:
She came.
Casey:
Yes.
Dan:
She came to visit.
Casey:
Yes.
Dan:
You said she wasn't coming to visit, and look who's visiting us right now. [He waves to Donna. Donna smiles and waves back. Casey smiles somewhat hesitantly at her.]
Camera
guy: In three, two…
Dan:
[into camera, all charm] Good evening, from New York City, I'm Dan Rydell
alongside Casey McCall. Those stories
plus, we'll go to Kelly Kirkpatrick in Baltimore for 12 innings of Orioles. Get comfortable.
Casey:
We'll show you some Angels in the outfield that could have used some divine
intervention and a Met who's met his match, that's coming up on Sports Night on
CSC, so stick around.
[Scene:
Jeremy's desk]
[Jeremy]
[It's
late; the night's show was a good one but tiring. People are gathering their belongings and leaving, but Jeremy is
sitting at his computer, writing a letter.]
Jeremy
[VO]: Dear Louise, Sorry I haven't written in awhile, but things have been
pretty busy here over the past few weeks. The show is going well, and Dan couldn't be happier; it's baseball
season and just two weeks ago he and Casey got to go to Baltimore. Dan was thrilled, and decided I had to go
with him.
[Scene
fades into daytime, same place, where workers are happily bustling about the
office. Dan walks from the office,
reading a letter with a bemused expression on his face.]
Jeremy:
[continuous VO] Dan loves Baltimore, especially their baseball team, the
Orioles, and once he learned that I'd never been to Baltimore, he made up his
mind.
[Casey
hurries up to Dan from behind, holding a folded piece of paper, with which he
taps Dan on the shoulder. Dan turns
around, smiling.]
Dan:
He watched the show.
Casey:
Thinks we're talented.
Dan:
We are talented.
Casey:
We're very talented. But we're not the
only ones who think so.
Dan:
The leader of the free world thinks so.
Casey:
Think that signature is ink?
Dan:
I'm sure it's some form of ink.
Casey:
This day just keeps getting better and better.
Dan:
It's in Baltimore.
Casey:
Yes, it is.
Dan:
I haven't been to Baltimore in a long time. I haven't been to Baltimore during baseball season in a long time.
Casey:
It's a fundraiser for the Democratic party, Dan, not an Orioles game.
Dan:
Nothing says we can't go to a baseball game while we're there.
[Jeremy
approaches them.]
Jeremy:
Casey, Natalie's looking for you.
[Dan
thrusts his letter into Jeremy's hands.]
Jeremy:
What's this?
Dan:
Read it.
Jeremy:
Have I just won ten million dollars?
Dan:
I wouldn't know anything about that.
[Jeremy
peruses the letter.]
Jeremy: Wow.
Dan:
I know.
Jeremy:
Wow.
Dan:
The President.
Jeremy: You got a letter from the President.
Casey:
An invitation from the President.
Jeremy:
Yes.
Dan:
Of the United States.
Jeremy:
Indeed.
Casey:
Not Bolivia, not Bulgaria or even Brazil, but the United States.
Jeremy:
Why those three countries?
Casey:
I don't know.
Dan:
It's in Baltimore.
Jeremy:
It is.
Dan:
Baltimore.
Jeremy:
Nice place?
[There
is a pause as Dan stares at Jeremy for a few moments. This clearly makes Jeremy nervous and he looks to Casey for help;
Casey just chuckles.]
Jeremy:
What?
Dan:
Have you ever been to Baltimore?
Jeremy:
No.
Dan:
[to Casey] He's coming with us.
Jeremy:
Shouldn't you ask Dana first?
[Serendipitously,
Dana walks by with a clipboard. She is
leafing through it and not really paying attention to Dan as he yells:]
Dan:
Dana! [follows her]
Dana:
Yes, Dan.
Dan:
Can Jeremy come to Baltimore with me and Casey?
Dana:
Sure.
Dan:
Thanks! [hurries off. Dana stops
walking and looks after him.]
Dana:
What? [She catches back up to him,
paying attention now.]
Dan:
You can't take it back now.
Dana:
What's in Baltimore?
Dan:
Many things; the National Aquarium, the Inner Harbor, Fort McHenry, Camden
Yards…
Dana:
Why are you going to Baltimore? [Dan
hands her the letter, which she reads.] Wow.
Dan:
Yeah.
Dana:
Why are they having this fundraiser in Baltimore? [Natalie approaches.]
Natalie:
Fundraiser?
[Dana
hands her the letter, which she reads.]
Natalie:
Wow.
Dan:
Baltimore, the Democratic party, and baseball season.
Natalie:
Sounds like a fun time.
Dana:
And why exactly do you want Jeremy to go with you?
Dan:
[As if he can't believe this] He's never been to Baltimore.
Dana:
Lots have people have never been to Baltimore.
Dan:
Are you one of them?
Dana:
Of course not.
Dan:
So you see why I have to take him with us.
Dana:
Why not?
Dan:
[grasps Dana's hand] Thank you. I see
now that you are truly his benefactor.
Dana:
Don't you have something you need to be doing?
Dan:
Probably.
Dana:
Do it.
Dan:
Sure. [leaves]
Natalie:
Have you really been to Baltimore?
Dana:
No, but that's not something you tell Dan.
Natalie: [looks about to say something and stops
herself, then begins anew] I've got to go find Jeremy. [hurries away]
Jeremy
[VO]: I'm sure I've told you of the friendship between Dana and Natalie. Well, Natalie went through a major crisis
two weeks ago… well, to her it was major. The rest of us just found it fairly amusing. See, Dana's 34th birthday is tomorrow, and Natalie has
been planning to throw her a surprise party. This means, however, that there's something she can't tell Dana, and
it's really hard for her.
Natalie:
[She finds Jeremy in the booth and pulls him aside.] I can't do this anymore.
Jeremy:
It'll pass.
Natalie:
In two weeks! I have to hang onto this
for two whole weeks.
Jeremy:
You're doing great.
Natalie:
Really?
Jeremy:
Well, you haven't told her, have you?
Natalie:
No, but Jeremy, this is like… it's like a sore, it's festering and pretty soon
I just have this premonition, this terrible premonition that it's going to
burst and start oozing-
Jeremy:
That's very vivid, thank you.
Natalie:
Two weeks! [she leaves]
[Scene:
The Baltimore Convention Center]
[Jeremy,
Dan, Casey, Josh, Donna]
[It
is crowded. Very crowded. Lots of men and women in suits with nametags
are talking and laughing and discussing. Dan and Casey are standing in the middle of the group, and truth to tell
they look slightly nervous… but not so nervous as Jeremy, who keeps looking
over his shoulder.]
Jeremy:
I'm not even supposed to be here.
Dan:
Just so long as you don't mention the Republicans you should be fine.
Jeremy:
Are you sure?
Casey:
Just be cool.
Jeremy:
Thanks for the advice.
Jeremy
[VO]: So there we were in Baltimore. It
was a lot like New York, but the people tended to be nicer, in most cases. Remarkably, the traffic was just as
bad.
We
got to the Convention Center, which was very nice and extremely crowded, and
basically, we mingled. That's really
all we did, which is kind of unfortunate, because I don't do it all that
well. And then, about an hour into it,
we met Josh and Donna.
[Josh
and Donna are standing across the room; Donna is sipping a glass of greenish
punch and looks at it curiously.]
Donna:
What do you suppose is in this?
Josh:
What's it taste like?
[Donna
sips again, and as she speaks Josh notices Casey through the crowd.]
Donna:
Either limes or cherries, I can't tell the difference, isn't that weird-
[Josh
grabs her and pulls her in front of him.]
Josh:
Do you see who I see?
Donna:
I see many, many people.
Josh:
See the guy in the grey suit?
Donna:
You just described every man in this room, Josh. Why are you holding me hostage?
Josh:
He's talking to- wow, they're both here…
Donna:
Who? The Captain and Tennille?
Josh:
Dan Rydell and Casey McCall.
Donna:
And they are…
Josh:
You don't watch Sports Night?
Donna:
Josh-
Josh:
Stupid question.
Donna:
[finally sees them] Which one's he?
Josh:
Who?
Donna: The tall one.
Josh:
That's Casey.
[Donna
smiles at Josh and heads into the crowd. After a moment, Josh follows her.]
Josh:
Donna!
[They
reach Dan, Casey, and Jeremy. Casey is
holding a cup of punch similar to Donna's.]
[Note:
During this scene, Donna is very alert and watchful as well as putting on the
charm; she pays particular attention to anything Casey says.]
Casey:
What do you suppose is in this?
Dan:
What's it taste like?
Donna:
Either limes or cherries, but I can't tell the difference, isn't that weird?
Casey:
Very weird.
Donna:
[holding out her hand, which gets shaken by the three men in turn] I'm Donna
Moss.
Josh:
[doing the same] And I'm Josh Lyman.
Dan:
Have I met you? Your name is familiar.
Jeremy:
He's the Deputy Chief of Staff.
Josh:
How did you know that?
Dan:
Don't ask.
Donna:
[to Dan] You look… very familiar to me.
Dan:
Do I?
Donna:
Josh just told me you did Sports Night, but sorry to say I don't watch it, but
I think I've seen you somewhere else…
Josh:
I do watch you, however.
Dan:
Thanks. [watches Donna puzzle]
Casey:
So Josh, I'm going to ask you a question, and it's a question that's been in
existence for quite a long time now, so consider your answer carefully… who's
cooler?
Josh:
Beg pardon? [looks between the two] I abstain.
Jeremy:
Good call.
Casey:
Oh, Josh, Donna, this is Jeremy, he's an associate producer of Sports Night.
Josh:
Nice to meet you.
Jeremy:
Likewise.
Donna:
Got it!
[They
all look at her.]
Donna:
You were on Letterman one night.
Dan:
[surprised] Yes, I was.
Donna:
I thought James Woods was going to be on, but it was you, and I didn't know who
you were, but Toad the Wet Sprocket was the musical guest, and I like their
music.
Casey:
Toad the Wet Sprocket's still around?
Donna: Apparently so.
Dan:
You look an awful lot like one of our wardrobe people.
Donna:
Huh.
Jeremy:
I'm sorry to ask this, but are these fund raisers always so… crowded?
Josh:
Usually, yeah. Want to go somewhere
else?
Casey:
You mean leave?
Josh:
It would be hard to go somewhere else if we didn't leave, yeah.
Donna:
Wouldn't that be, you know, a bad idea?
Josh:
Nah, we've done our part already, all we have to do for the rest of the time is
mill around and answer questions, and frankly, there are plenty of people here
who know more about my job than I do, so everyone will be covered in the answer
department. Besides, Leo used to ditch
these things all the time. Just as long
as we're back here by two, we should be fine.
Jeremy:
What should we do?
Casey:
Dan? Any suggestions?
Dan:
There's plenty to do here. We're in
Baltimore, my friends.
[Scene:
The balcony of one of the pavilions in the Inner Harbor]
[Casey,
Dan, Jeremy, Josh, Donna]
[The
night is warm and slightly breezy. The
five stand on the balcony; Dan and Josh are leaning backward on the
railing. Dan is holding a cup of
Thrashers' french fries and looks pretty much blissful. There are some boats on the Harbor, the
World Trade Center is lit up, and all is well. Dan has begun to notice Donna's obvious interest in Casey, and finds it
rather amusing.]
Jeremy:
So this is Baltimore.
Dan:
That it is.
[He
proffers the cup to Casey, who waves it away in distaste.]
Casey:
They smell terrible, Danny.
Dan:
It's just vinegar! As much as I love
New York, I gotta say that people there are flawed if they don't put vinegar on
their french fries. [Eats one with a
smile.]
Casey:
There's a reason they don't.
Dan:
Which is?
Casey:
It's vinegar!
Dan:
They're flawed. You are flawed, my
friend.
Casey:
Can you ever forgive me?
Dan:
Give me time.
[Josh
and Donna have been watching this whole conversation with interest. Josh chuckles.]
Josh:
Wow.
Dan:
Wow?
Josh:
I always wondered if the rapport between you two was real, and I see that it
is.
Casey:
We've been doing this a long time.
Donna:
How long have you known each other?
Casey:
[looks at Dan] Like I said, a long time.
Josh:
See, you see nowadays so many on-air collaborators who couldn't banter their
way out of a wet paper bag.
Donna:
A wet paper bag?
Josh:
It's a saying.
Donna:
It's a dumb saying.
Josh:
Doesn't matter. Still a saying.
Dan:
I'm gonna get something to drink, anyone want anything?
Donna:
I'm fine.
Jeremy:
No, thank you.
Dan:
Jeremy, Josh, something I want to ask you, c'mon. [Gestures for them to follow, and, bemused, they do. Casey and Donna watch them go, and Casey
leans on the railing.]
Donna:
Your friend is very strange.
Casey:
I know.
Donna:
Is he always this hyped up about Baltimore?
Casey:
Well, he likes it here.
Donna:
Obviously.
Casey:
Obviously.
Donna:
The man likes his vinegar.
Casey:
That he does.
Donna:
And I like you.
Casey:
[after a slight pause] Oh?
Donna:
I'm sorry, was that not appropriate?
Casey:
Well, it wasn't expected.
Donna:
I'm quite the unpredictable girl.
Casey:
So I'm learning.
Donna:
I think you're cute.
Casey:
Once again, the unpredictability reasserting itself…
Donna:
Sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable?
Casey:
I can't tell.
Donna:
I agree with you about the vinegar, by the way. [Casey smiles.]
[Josh,
Dan, and Jeremy reenter. Dan has
swapped his fries for a small cup of lemonade, and Josh is draining a similar
one. Donna looks up almost guiltily and
then relaxes.]
Josh:
That was the strongest vinegar, you know, ever.
Dan:
Gotta build up an immunity.
Josh:
I think that's likely, don't you?
Jeremy:
I don't know, it wasn't that bad.
Dan:
I have a convert!
Jeremy:
Let's not get carried away.
Josh:
I think I'm going to be tasting that for three years.
Donna:
Big baby.
Josh:
You try drinking a quart of vinegar masquerading as an innocent french
fry. You might wrinkle your nose a
little.
Donna:
You knew there was vinegar on them.
Josh:
I didn't know there was that much. Hey,
anyone got the time?
Casey:
[checking his watch] 1:30.
Josh:
[to Donna] We should be getting back, people are gonna start looking for us
pretty soon.
Donna:
Okay.
Casey:
Well, it was great meeting you both.
Josh:
Hey, except for the vinegar incident, likewise.
Dan:
You two should come visit us someday.
Josh:
[chuckling] Maybe we'll do that.
Jeremy:
And you can see if the White House is as hectic as Sports Night.
Josh:
If you're ever in DC, look us up. [smiles, and he and Donna take their leave]
[A
few moments pass in idle silence. Dan
turns to Casey and smiles.]
Dan:
So.
Casey:
So.
Dan:
What do you think?
Casey:
About what?
Dan:
Something's brewing.
Casey:
Brewing?
Dan:
Something's brewing.
Casey:
[to Jeremy] You have any idea what he means?
Jeremy:
Do I ever?
Casey:
What's brewing, Dan?
Dan:
Donna.
Casey:
She's brewing?
Dan:
I think she likes you.
Casey:
Oh, I know she does.
Dan:
[thrown] Pardon me?
Casey:
She told me so. [shrugs]
Dan:
[smiling] Hey.
Casey:
What?
Dan:
Hey.
Casey:
Does it bother you that you keep repeating yourself?
Dan:
Maybe she'll come visit.
Casey:
She's not going to come visit.
Jeremy:
She always might. There's always that
possibility.
Casey:
The woman works in the White House, she's probably fairly busy.
Dan:
She'll make time.
Casey:
Sure she will.
Dan:
You like her?
Casey:
I just met her.
Dan:
She just met you, and yet she's made up her mind.
Casey:
Well, that just shows how we differ.
[Pause.]
Dan:
She's a good-looking woman.
Casey:
She is.
Dan:
Very good-looking. What do you think,
Jeremy?
Jeremy:
She's not my type.
Dan:
I know, but for Casey.
Jeremy:
Oh, sure.
[Scene:
Jeremy's desk]
[Jeremy,
Dan, Casey, Donna]
[Jeremy
is still typing.]
Jeremy
[VO]: And so now Donna's here, something that makes Casey acutely
uncomfortable. It's not that he doesn't
like her, because I'm certain he does. He's afraid that Dana isn't going to like her, and that would put him in
a bit of a fix. I think he thinks he
has to have Dana's approval of the girls he dates while they're doing this
insane "dating plan"… which, by the way, I think is completely
ridiculous. I don't think I'll ever
understand Dana. I don't think anyone
will ever understand Dana.
[Dan
walks by, heading for his office, and notices Jeremy.]
Dan:
Hey, Jeremy.
Jeremy:
Hey.
Dan:
[confidentially] I need an excuse.
Jeremy:
Your dog ate it.
Dan:
[thinks] It wouldn't fly.
Jeremy:
It never does.
Dan:
I need to find an excuse not to go out with Casey tonight.
Jeremy:
You have a headache.
Dan:
Jeremy-
Jeremy:
Is this because Donna's here?
Dan:
Yes.
Jeremy:
And she's invited him to go out after the show, which he obviously wants to do,
but he wants you to go with him as a safety net, am I right?
Dan:
I gotta start calling you Kreskin.
Jeremy:
Kreskin Goodwin. Wouldn't work.
Dan:
So what do I say?
Jeremy:
Why don't you tell him, you know, you don't want to go?
Dan:
That could work.
Jeremy:
Worth a shot.
[Dan
gestures to the computer screen.]
Dan:
Letter to your sister?
Jeremy:
Yeah.
Dan:
[waves to the screen] Hey, Louise.
[He
walks into the office.]
Jeremy
[VO]: Dan says hi. I'm getting tired,
Lou, so I'm going to go home now. I'll
write you some more after Dana's party. I have a feeling there'll be plenty to write about. Something's brewing.
[Fade to title, then to black]