The Modem Reloaded/Revolutions
Reload your mind
(There is a building. All of the sudden someone jumps out the window like they're committing suicide. It's Trinity! Yes! Die bitch! There's an agent jumping out after her, and they're shooting at each other. Slowly. They're both horrible shots. Eventually the agent, who I'm going to call Bob, finally hits her right in the gut. Suddenly, her hair gel breaks loose. Then she hits some guy's car. Woohoo! Oh wait; Neo's waking up, with Trinity sleeping right next to him, meaning it was all a dream. Damn! Ah well, at least I won't have to wait forever.)
NEO: Are you foreshadowing something?
(Who, me?)
TRINITY: Neo? Who are you talking to?
NEO: Huh? I'm talking to the author.
TRINITY: Silly. Aren't you a little old to believe in authors?
NEO: Yeah, I guess it was just my imagination.
(Dumbass.)
NEO: I heard that!
TRINITY: Heard what?
NEO: Can't you hear that voice?
(No, only the One can hear the author's voice. Watch as I screw with his mind for the entire fic.)
NEO: (leaves)
TRINITY: Where you going?
NEO: To get hung over. Then I'll be able to justify this voice in my head.
(It is fun to be god.)
NEO: Stop it!
(Bwahahahaha!)
In the cockpit.
MORPHEUS: Alright Tank, set her down over there. (looks) You're not Tank! Who the hell are you?
LINK: I'm Link. The Wachowskis killed off Tank for some stupid, unexplained reason, and then picked a random Nintendo character to substitute for him, so here I am.
MORPHEUS: Must have missed a memo.well, set her down there anyway.
LINK: I don't have time for you. I have to go see Princess Zelda.
MORPHEUS: Link, I really don't know what the hell you're doing here, but as long as you are, I need you to trust me.
LINK: I do sir. (Morpheus looks meaningfully at him) I mean, I will sir.
Meanwhile, in a cavern in the Matrix.
NIOBE: The machines are digging into Zion. Bids will begin now.
ICE: $1200.
ROLAND: $2000.
BALLARD: $3500.
NIOBE: $3500. Anyone got higher?
AXEL: $5000.
CORRUPT: $8000.
SOREN: $10,000!
NIOBE: (whistles) OK, $10,000. Anyone got higher? Going once, going twice.
GHOST: Hey, where's Morpheus?
CORRUPT: Hey yeah. He was supposed to bring the pizza. And what are we bidding on anyway?
ROLAND: Shut up! $20,000!
SOREN: $30,000!
MORPHEUS: (walks in dramatically) $50,000.
SOREN: Damn, I can't beat that.
ROLAND: Me neither.
NIOBE: $50,000. Going once, going twice, sold, the Nebachanezzar crew.
NEO & TRINITY: Yes! Wait, what did we win?
MORPHEUS: That is not important. I apologize for being late, but as you know, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a decent pizza place these days.
AXEL: Squiddys are hogging the lines at all our best spots.
ICE: Who cares? We're hungry.
(Morpheus and Trinity start passing out the pizzas, Neo hears something upstairs and goes to investigate. It'll probably turn out to be a rat or something.)
At the door.
Knock, knock
WURM: (opens latch) Dominoes Pizza. How can I help you?
SMITH: Oh, sorry. Must have the wrong place. Do you know a Neo?
WURM: Maybe.
SMITH: Give him this, make sure he gets it. (shuts latch)
Knock, knock
WURM: (opens latch again) What?
SMITH: Can I get a double pepperoni pizza and a Coke?
(Wurm shuts latch, walks away grumbling.)
NEO: Who was here?
WURM: How do you know someone was here?
NEO: You just told me.
WURM: Oh yeah. He gave you this.
NEO: No, you did.
WURM: Well, he told me to.
(Neo opens package, a CD player is in it, he puts on headphones and turns it on.)
SMITH'S VOICE: I'm coming for you Mr. Landerin. Bwahahahaha!
NEO: My name's Anderson.
SMITH'S VOICE: Whatever.
(Neo pockets the headphones, turns to Wurm.)
NEO: Tell everyone that the pizza party is over and to get the hell out of here.
WURM: Awwww. I didn't get any pizza.
NEO: Too bad.
WURM: I'm not moving till I get some pizza.
NEO: Agents are coming.
WURM: Agents? Shit, I'm gone. (leaves)
(Agents bust through door, see Neo.)
AGENT 1: Oh shit.
AGENT 2: It is the anomaly.
AGENT 1: Do we proceed?
AGENT 2: No. We get.
AGENT 3: .the hell out of here.
(Agents run off screaming. And to think that Neo used to do that when he saw them.)
NEO: I did not!
(Did too.)
NEO: Did not!
(Did too.)
NEO: DID NOT!
(Did too. This is great.)
NEO: I DID NOT- (looks up into the sky) Hey, a balloon! (flies off to try and catch it)
(We all know that he did. Sissy.)
In Morpheus's car.
CELL PHONE: Ring, ring, ring.
MORPHEUS: (answers phone) Hello? No, you have the wrong number. I didn't order anything. (hangs up, phone rings again, he answers) Damnit, I didn't order anything!
LINK: Sir?
MORPHEUS: Oh, sorry Link. Uh, where's Neo?
LINK: He's pretending to be Superman again.
(Up in the sky, it's a fucking bird, it's a fucking plane, it's motherfucking Neo, wearing a Superman costume, humming the fruity theme song to himself. Does anyone else hate that tune? It is just so gotdamn irritating.)
NEO: Not true. That tune is classic.
(Oh yeah, and your opinion is extremely valid on these matters.)
NEO: Leave me alone!
(I will haunt you always. Always. Because you will die midnight tomorrow night.)
NEO: I wonder if this voice has anything to do with that disturbing videotape I watched five days ago.
FLASHBACK TO FIVE DAYS AGO: Neo is watching a "Girls Gone Wild" tape. It warps his fragile little mind.
(.No, that's just coincidental.)
NEO: But after I watched it, my phone rang, and a freaky voice said, "You're going to die in seven days, and score in six".
(Marilyn Manson?)
NEO: Yeah, I think so.
(Damn pervert. He must be selling "The Ring: Porno Edition" again.)
NEO: COOL! You mean I'm going to have sex tonight?
(Um, yeah. You just keep thinking about that part, weirdo.)
NEO: Score! (looks around) Hey, where's that balloon? (looks down at the ground) Oooh, a nickel! (flies down to the ground so fast he creates a tornado out of the clouds. A guy walking past looks down.)
GUY: Oooh, a nickel! (picks it up and walks away)
NEO: (lands) Damnit. (notices the tornado he created destroying the city) Whoops.
(Dumbass.)
NEO: How long do you plan to keep this up?
(Until your death.)
NEO: That seems kind of like provoking suicide.
(Well, just take off the stupid Superman costume then.)
On the next chapter:
Neo has to take a piss
Neo goes to Zion
Neo listens to Morpheus make a speech
Neo has sex with Trinity 0.0
Neo gets annoyed by an old guy
Neo is the only one not obsessing over Slurpees
Neo gets hung over
Neo is haunted by yours truly ^_^
Please review
Reload your mind
(There is a building. All of the sudden someone jumps out the window like they're committing suicide. It's Trinity! Yes! Die bitch! There's an agent jumping out after her, and they're shooting at each other. Slowly. They're both horrible shots. Eventually the agent, who I'm going to call Bob, finally hits her right in the gut. Suddenly, her hair gel breaks loose. Then she hits some guy's car. Woohoo! Oh wait; Neo's waking up, with Trinity sleeping right next to him, meaning it was all a dream. Damn! Ah well, at least I won't have to wait forever.)
NEO: Are you foreshadowing something?
(Who, me?)
TRINITY: Neo? Who are you talking to?
NEO: Huh? I'm talking to the author.
TRINITY: Silly. Aren't you a little old to believe in authors?
NEO: Yeah, I guess it was just my imagination.
(Dumbass.)
NEO: I heard that!
TRINITY: Heard what?
NEO: Can't you hear that voice?
(No, only the One can hear the author's voice. Watch as I screw with his mind for the entire fic.)
NEO: (leaves)
TRINITY: Where you going?
NEO: To get hung over. Then I'll be able to justify this voice in my head.
(It is fun to be god.)
NEO: Stop it!
(Bwahahahaha!)
In the cockpit.
MORPHEUS: Alright Tank, set her down over there. (looks) You're not Tank! Who the hell are you?
LINK: I'm Link. The Wachowskis killed off Tank for some stupid, unexplained reason, and then picked a random Nintendo character to substitute for him, so here I am.
MORPHEUS: Must have missed a memo.well, set her down there anyway.
LINK: I don't have time for you. I have to go see Princess Zelda.
MORPHEUS: Link, I really don't know what the hell you're doing here, but as long as you are, I need you to trust me.
LINK: I do sir. (Morpheus looks meaningfully at him) I mean, I will sir.
Meanwhile, in a cavern in the Matrix.
NIOBE: The machines are digging into Zion. Bids will begin now.
ICE: $1200.
ROLAND: $2000.
BALLARD: $3500.
NIOBE: $3500. Anyone got higher?
AXEL: $5000.
CORRUPT: $8000.
SOREN: $10,000!
NIOBE: (whistles) OK, $10,000. Anyone got higher? Going once, going twice.
GHOST: Hey, where's Morpheus?
CORRUPT: Hey yeah. He was supposed to bring the pizza. And what are we bidding on anyway?
ROLAND: Shut up! $20,000!
SOREN: $30,000!
MORPHEUS: (walks in dramatically) $50,000.
SOREN: Damn, I can't beat that.
ROLAND: Me neither.
NIOBE: $50,000. Going once, going twice, sold, the Nebachanezzar crew.
NEO & TRINITY: Yes! Wait, what did we win?
MORPHEUS: That is not important. I apologize for being late, but as you know, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a decent pizza place these days.
AXEL: Squiddys are hogging the lines at all our best spots.
ICE: Who cares? We're hungry.
(Morpheus and Trinity start passing out the pizzas, Neo hears something upstairs and goes to investigate. It'll probably turn out to be a rat or something.)
At the door.
Knock, knock
WURM: (opens latch) Dominoes Pizza. How can I help you?
SMITH: Oh, sorry. Must have the wrong place. Do you know a Neo?
WURM: Maybe.
SMITH: Give him this, make sure he gets it. (shuts latch)
Knock, knock
WURM: (opens latch again) What?
SMITH: Can I get a double pepperoni pizza and a Coke?
(Wurm shuts latch, walks away grumbling.)
NEO: Who was here?
WURM: How do you know someone was here?
NEO: You just told me.
WURM: Oh yeah. He gave you this.
NEO: No, you did.
WURM: Well, he told me to.
(Neo opens package, a CD player is in it, he puts on headphones and turns it on.)
SMITH'S VOICE: I'm coming for you Mr. Landerin. Bwahahahaha!
NEO: My name's Anderson.
SMITH'S VOICE: Whatever.
(Neo pockets the headphones, turns to Wurm.)
NEO: Tell everyone that the pizza party is over and to get the hell out of here.
WURM: Awwww. I didn't get any pizza.
NEO: Too bad.
WURM: I'm not moving till I get some pizza.
NEO: Agents are coming.
WURM: Agents? Shit, I'm gone. (leaves)
(Agents bust through door, see Neo.)
AGENT 1: Oh shit.
AGENT 2: It is the anomaly.
AGENT 1: Do we proceed?
AGENT 2: No. We get.
AGENT 3: .the hell out of here.
(Agents run off screaming. And to think that Neo used to do that when he saw them.)
NEO: I did not!
(Did too.)
NEO: Did not!
(Did too.)
NEO: DID NOT!
(Did too. This is great.)
NEO: I DID NOT- (looks up into the sky) Hey, a balloon! (flies off to try and catch it)
(We all know that he did. Sissy.)
In Morpheus's car.
CELL PHONE: Ring, ring, ring.
MORPHEUS: (answers phone) Hello? No, you have the wrong number. I didn't order anything. (hangs up, phone rings again, he answers) Damnit, I didn't order anything!
LINK: Sir?
MORPHEUS: Oh, sorry Link. Uh, where's Neo?
LINK: He's pretending to be Superman again.
(Up in the sky, it's a fucking bird, it's a fucking plane, it's motherfucking Neo, wearing a Superman costume, humming the fruity theme song to himself. Does anyone else hate that tune? It is just so gotdamn irritating.)
NEO: Not true. That tune is classic.
(Oh yeah, and your opinion is extremely valid on these matters.)
NEO: Leave me alone!
(I will haunt you always. Always. Because you will die midnight tomorrow night.)
NEO: I wonder if this voice has anything to do with that disturbing videotape I watched five days ago.
FLASHBACK TO FIVE DAYS AGO: Neo is watching a "Girls Gone Wild" tape. It warps his fragile little mind.
(.No, that's just coincidental.)
NEO: But after I watched it, my phone rang, and a freaky voice said, "You're going to die in seven days, and score in six".
(Marilyn Manson?)
NEO: Yeah, I think so.
(Damn pervert. He must be selling "The Ring: Porno Edition" again.)
NEO: COOL! You mean I'm going to have sex tonight?
(Um, yeah. You just keep thinking about that part, weirdo.)
NEO: Score! (looks around) Hey, where's that balloon? (looks down at the ground) Oooh, a nickel! (flies down to the ground so fast he creates a tornado out of the clouds. A guy walking past looks down.)
GUY: Oooh, a nickel! (picks it up and walks away)
NEO: (lands) Damnit. (notices the tornado he created destroying the city) Whoops.
(Dumbass.)
NEO: How long do you plan to keep this up?
(Until your death.)
NEO: That seems kind of like provoking suicide.
(Well, just take off the stupid Superman costume then.)
On the next chapter:
Neo has to take a piss
Neo goes to Zion
Neo listens to Morpheus make a speech
Neo has sex with Trinity 0.0
Neo gets annoyed by an old guy
Neo is the only one not obsessing over Slurpees
Neo gets hung over
Neo is haunted by yours truly ^_^
Please review