Authors note: This is a dabble set in an Canon divergent Hellsing AU of mine. I'll be posting more stories in it later on. This particular dabble is Alucard's manifesto of watching his master fall for another man, plus all his memories of her when they were together, enjoy!
My Master's lover
You are seeing someone.
I know, I smell it. I can smell him on you. Your happily stumbling through the halls at 2am isn't fooling me. I see your face after your visit him. You blush, you smile, you're happy.
Did I ever make you happy?
You lock yourself in office. You're on the phone with him. I hear his voice, it is deep, and somber. He is an older gentlemen. I never listen to your conversations, I respect your privacy. As hard as it is to not listen in, I don't do it. Even if I hear your laughter, and your coos. I have never heard your voice so high pitched, so pleasant. It sounds like honey. A sweetly bland of chords chime in my ear drums. I could hear you speak for hours, hanging on your every word, like a needy dog at your feet. I am excited in your presence now. Everytime I see you I get nervous, your orders make me happy, and I am glad to fulfil your every whim. No matter what it is.
But sadly, you never use your sweet voice for me. Not like you did two years ago. I remember when you stroked my cheek and moaned my name under your breath. The way your voice would consume the entire attic space. Hearing my name escape from your lips as my tongue devors you. You arch your back in pleasure as your orgasm fills my mouth, I greedily take it in as you relax your body. You sigh in happiness, a blush on your face.
I wonder if he does the same to you. I wonder if he greedily licks up your messes.
You sit at your desk, tapping your fingers, as you watch your phone nervously. I stand in the corner. You don't even notice my presence, but I know you know i'm there, you glance over at me. But you only make brief eye contact. I don't dare say a word. Your eyes wide, your heart beating hard, I can feel the vibrations through the floor. I continue to look at you with curiosity. I take a step forward.
"Master." I speak.
"Go away." You state simply.
I don't leave. I stay and kneel by your side. "Master, you look tense."
"I said leave! You damn dog!" Your fist slams against your desk, shaking your empty tea cup . Your eyes beaty, and you bare your teeth at me. "Why don't you listen to me for once!" You snap. "Now get lost!" You turn away from me. Your face still red, your hairline sweats. I leave. Hurt, and offended. How dare you yell at me when I want to help you! You're mine! You drank from my chest! You are mine!
I sigh.
No. No you're not. I am just a dog for you to do your dirty work. I am a slave for you, and you alone, you do not belong to me. I will not tame you, master, But I am yours to tame. All yours, You use me, abuse all you want, I will not object to your attention.
Later that evening. I hear your feet patter against the stone floor, there is another set of feet walking with you. It wasn't Walter, the smell was different. It smelled of thick cologne, it was a sweet musk. Thick and heavy. I hear your voice. And his. His voice had an accent, German? But it was not a heavy one. Your voices complimented each others, his a deep drum, and yours a sweet chirping bird. I want to see him, I want to see this man. I turn the corner, making sure I am unseen. My eyes widened, although I am not surprised. He is tall, pale, broad shoulders. His hair black and curly, and his cheeks and jaw sport a trimmed beard. His eyes, blue as yours, but tired, his eyes are heavy, he is much older than you. You pat his shoulder in a friendly way. And he laughs. You both stop at the door. Staring at each other. You look up at him with wonder, a smile on your face, you bid him good night. And he does the same for you.
I sigh in relief.
Your just friends….
I return to my chambers, happier than ever. I sit in my chair, my past memories of greet my mind as I shut my eyes.
There you are, drinking the blood from my chest, my blood dripping from your mouth as you finish, you say you feel as if your heart is going to explode. I say it's normal. And I cradle you in my arms. Your eyes look up at me, your wanting and lusting eyes. You tell me you want all of your holes filled. I tell you no. I will not take your virginity. You tell me there are other ways, as you climb on top of me. My blood must have really set you off. You lean in to kiss my neck, and I shiver at your warm thin lips. Your thin hands wonder, I let you. I grab your hips, rubbing your hot slit against my hardness. We were already naked. Your body shaking against mine. You sigh my name as you smile. You say you love me. I grin. I tell you to say it again. You do. Then scold me for giving you orders. I chuckle softly. You whimper, begging to take things further. I cannot refuse you. You place your fingers in mouth as I suck them. The taste of your skin was as sweet as your blood. My eyes flutter. I purr loudly for you. You chuckle at me. At my weakness. My weakness is you.
I began to glide you faster on my shaffed, you sit up, hugging yourself. Your moans are loud and long. Your voice echoes through the attic. You tell me you want more. And I follow your orders. I bend you on your knees and insert my tongue inside your hot cunt. Your heat burns my tongue, but I continue, regardless of the pain. Your body shakes, and you butt pushes upward. I grab your backside, holding your wild bucking body in place as I please you. You whimper in frustration as I tease your insides. Your eyes flutter in pleasure, i am glad I can please in such a way.
I feel your walls constrict my tongue as you finish, you collapse. I lay next to you. The taste of you, still linger in my mouth. You have such a peaceful look on your face. I want it forever. I want you forever.
But sadly, you did not stay, and all I have are these memories.
I fall asleep.
You wake me. My eyes open slowly, as you lean in front of me in chair. I quickly get up. Your face is clearly one of distress, your brows furrowed and your eyes wide.
"Alucard." You state. Your hands behind your back, you look small.
"Yes, my master." I reply.
"I'm sorry."
"Master what for?" I asked. Curious. Why are you being so submissive to me? You haven't been this way in years. Strange.
"For… Earlier, I shouldn't have lost my temper on you."
I raise my eyebrow, but then it clicked. When you yelled at me for watching you, when you slammed your fist on the table, and called me a dog. My eyes wided, and I start to laugh. You get noticeably frustrated, so I stop my laughter.
"Excuse me, my master, I did not mean to make a mockery of your apology." I say, grinning. You calm, and your body relaxes.
"Why do you laugh then, my servant?" You say. My fingertips tingle, 'Yes… I am yours.'
"Because I am your servant, my feelings don't matter in the end. I am yours to use." I grin. Although your comments did hurt me I cannot go against you. Call me a dog all you want, my master, it is true. I am nothing but a damn dog.
"Yes they do, what master would I be if I didn't care for my servants?" You say. You slip your hands out of your glove, You take your hand and gently stroke my cheek. The warmth of your hand feels great, and your pulse excites me, but I keep it to myself, I wonder why you touch me. I lean into your hand, and I begin to purr. I hear your chuckle.
"Do you like that?" You ask. I nod. I begin to rub my cheek on your hand like a needy cat.
"Oh master." I purr. I pull you close, but you resist. "No, Alucard." You say, pulling away. But I don't let go. I want you… I want you in my arms master. I hold you closer. "Alucard! Enough!" You yell.
I let go this time, although I didn't want to, I wanted to hold you forever. I whimper, looking at you with soft eyes. You sigh, and you sound disappointed.
"I think I indulged you too much." You take your hand back, "I shouldn't tease you like that." You shake your head. "Anyway…" Your eyes shift away from me. "I'll be gone most of tomorrow on business."
That's a lie. You'll be with him. And the look on your face proves it. You shift away from me.
"Business? Of what kind?" I question.
"That's my concern."
How odd, you never have a problem with telling what business you have to deal with.
It's him.
I don't say anything, but I peer at you. "Are you sure you do not need my assistance?" I ask.
"I am sure." You nod at me. "I will be safe, if I need you i'll call you." you say as you turn away from me, you hold your hand up. "Behave servant." You say to me before leaving.
I feel empty as you leave. I want to follow you. But I don't, and I fight the urge to follow you the next day. My need for your attention heightens when you are gone. I want to know I am still important to you. I want to know I cross your mind when i'm not around. He's on your mind. I don't read them but I know it's true.
Later that night, I watch you return, it is 3 in the morning. You seem happy, very happy. Unnaturally happy, like you are underneath the influence of something. I approach you.
"Master?" I say.
You turn around, your eyes hazy and red. A smile on your face. And you smell… funny. "Yes my servant?" You say, in a bubbly tone.
He got you high, didn't he?
You have to be kidding master, there is no way you…
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"Yeah.." You wave me off casually. "I'm just hungry." You say.
No fucking way.
"I think you you should go to bed." I say. You give me a weird look.
"But i'm hungry."
"You can eat in when you wake up."
"You are forgetting who the master is here." You say, but your tone is playful. Like you are wanting me to react. Oh I get it, you want to me play along."Well, isn't my duty to look after you master?" I say. "Your wellbeing is my priority." I bow to you. I give you smile, even though I am still wondering what you smoked.
"Then take me to bed." You say, putting your hands on your hips. You are wearing a black ankle length skirt, I just notice. I hold out my arms, welcoming you.
"Then come." I beckon you. A grin on my face as you come towards me, your half-hearted smile makes me adore you. High you is rather cute. You lean into me as I pick you up. You snuggle your forehead into my shoulder, and your giggle is sweet and playful.
I take you to your bed and lay you down, taking off your shoes and socks. Then I put the covers over your body. I go to leave, But you call for me.
"Stay with me." You say, sitting up in bed. "Alucard… stay." You repeat yourself. I almost sigh, I return to your side. You lay back down, your lips curl upward. I sit on the bed, petting your soft hair. I hear you whimper. You nudge my hand. "More." You say. So I give you more, I take off my glove, and slowly run my fingers through your scalp. You moan.
"Alucard."
My name, you moan my name, and my chest hurts. I want to make you moan my name again. But I know shouldn't.
"Alucard." You sigh. My breath trembles. Thoughts of you fill my head. There is the attic again, and you. Your heaving underneath me. Your eyes a blue haze. Your hand on my co-
"Alucard!" Your voice brings me out of my short lived fansty. I look down you. Noticing I am pulling a fist full of your hair. I quickly pull away.
"Master! Forgive me!" I quickly stand up, my eyes wide. My heart stinks. How dare I let myself hurt you! I panic, Looking at you with fearful eyes. But you don't look angry with me. But you look rather confused.
"Why did you stop?" You ask.
My jaw drops. There was no way you are in the right mind. No, you're under influence of drugs. I have to think quick.
"You're tired Integra." I say, backing away. "We can't do that while your tired."
You purse your lips, and cross your arms. "Don't back away from me!" You exclaim. I freeze. Shocked.
"I hurt you." I said.
"No, it felt good." You smirk at me, you start to crawl towards me on the bed, trying to reach for me and my belt buckle.
No, no… Not now, not like this…
"No Master!" My voice booms. I grab your hand and remove it from my belt. You look up at me, not angry, but sad, and hurt. Your eyes start to water. Guilt overtakes me. I do not wish to make you cry, not now, not ever.
"I'm… I'm sorry…" I say quietly.
"Do… Do I disgust you?" You ask, looking down at the covers in your lap.
"N-no!" I say. "I just…" I trail off. "What is going on Integra?" I ask. "Why are you out so late? Why are you gone all of the time? I smell him on you, I hear you talking to him on the phone. And now he's getting you high!" I exclaimed. "Who is he?"
You go quiet. A moment of silence falls between us before you answer me.
"His name is Samuel." You say. I gasp. You said his name. I am surprised you answered me at all. You could have scolded me, told me it was not my place, but you did not, you were honest with me. Maybe it was the drugs talking.
"Are you courting with this man?" I ask.
"No!" You look up at me wide eyed. "We are just friends. He's my business partner."
"A business partner that gets you high?"
You hang your head in shame. Any other time I would have been smacked for my actions, and I would have deserved it. But for now, I want your honesty.
"We are just friends Alucard." You say again. "We just have fun together." You shrug
"He makes me happy." you continue. you're hazy eyes looking up at me.
"I see." I say. My heart feels strange. Relieved that this man does not share your heart, but hot, because he has your attention. I know it is petty, I use to be your friend. I use to be the person you would have fun with. I want it back, I want your affections back.
"Which is why I want you. Tonight…" You say. I look at you confused. What do you mean by that? You want me, because of a friendship with another man? You continue, "I want you… I am lonely." You admit to me. I shake my head at you.
"What good will that do master?" I say, "What use would it be to use me?" It was stupid of me to deny you my body. But I must do it, it is not right to take advantage you in such a state. Your mind is not yours.
"You're right." You say, "it is not right to use you like that." You cup your face with your hands. "I'm sorry!" You cry.
My eyes soften upon you. "No, master." I say as I sit next you, uncovering your face. "Master…It's all right, I promise." I wrap my arms around you, holding your head against my chest, you sob softly, getting my coat wet. I have never seen you cry before, I only ever heard you cry once. But I did not comfort you then.
I lay us down, holding you tightly in my arms. Your heart fluttering in your chest. I still make you nervous, hm.
You fall asleep on my chest. I stay just long enough to make sure your deep in sleep, then I leave. Making sure you're covers are tight around your body. It breaks my heart to walk away, but I must. For my sanity, and for your safety.
I remember when I use to hold you through the night, in the attic, on that old mattress. You use to sleep so peacefully in my arms. And when the sun would come up, I would still hold you as the natural light hurt my eyes. Your blonde hair shining brightly underneath the morning sun. Your body heating up, and you slowly open your eyes.
"Beautiful." I complimented you. You smiled at me.
"You should be in bed." you say to me, your voice tired.
"And you should be in your bed." I chuckled
"I like it up here." You told me. "No maids, no guards, no Walter. Just you and me."
I kissed your forehead, and you cuddle up next to me. "I want to stay like this forever." You said that a lot, back then, every morning we woke together. You would tell me the same thing. I'll give you that, I promise, master.
I keep kissing you, to your forehead, to your jaw, to your neck, your chest. You're skin is hot from the sun, and your heart is slow. You're relaxed. In my arms, on my lips, master.
You began to moan as I continue to kiss my way down your stomach, your breathing hitched. But I do not go down any further. I wanted to tease you. As I continue you start to whine, pushing my head down. I deny you. You get frustrated with me, groan, you sit up on your elbow and huff.
"What is wrong?" I asked, a cheeky grin on my face.
You didn't say anything, but gave me a look.
"Maybe I want you to sit on my face." I cooed at you, grabbing you're thighs.
You gave me a small smirk. "Lay down. Servant." You ordered. I did as I was told. I lay down on my back excited. Just the thought of your taste makes my cock twitch. You slowly climbed me, your breasts touching my stomach and chest as you make your way up to me. Your thighs straddled my cheeks, and I lick you. You were particularly sweet that morning. You grind your cunt unto my tongue hard, you wanted it. I wanted it, I wanted your sweet nectar. You are so beautiful when you are consumed with pleasure. I come as you do. My lower stomach covered in my semen, and my mouth filled with your juices. You fall over next to me, panting as you hold my hand.
"That was fantastic." You said.
"I'm glad." I closed my eyes.
I want to hold your hand. Always. No matter if we are lovers, or master and servant. I want your hand.
I wake from my memory. My palms hot, and my forehead matted. It is strange for me to sweat, but it does happen from time to time. I let out a sigh before getting up from my chair.
It's day time, my sleeping patterns are off still. A vampire sleeping through the night and staying up during the day isn't unheard of, but it is stressful. Memories of you are stressful, but I like them enough I keep torturing myself with them. I know I shouldn't think of you like that, I have no chance in this life. But the next, we will see then. We will see what you choose on your deathbed. Ever since you drank from my chest, you were given a choice. I just wonder which choice you will chose.
I slowly make way to your office, I do not bother knocking. You gasp at my intrusion.
"Alucard!" You scold me. "Don't scare me like that!"
"I'm sorry." I say. "I just wanted to check up on you."
You hang your head in embarrassment. "Oh god…" You groan. "Look, Don't mention that to anyone, I deeply regret my actions. And I apologize you had to see me like that."
"Master." I look at you with sincerity. "It's ok-"
"No!" You yell. "It's not okay!" You continue. "I am your master! And I have a duty-"
"I don't give a shit Integra!" I yell back. "I am your servant! You're well being is my duty." I hiss. "Stop putting up this wall!" I walk up to your desk and lean in. "You can't keep doing this to me!"
You grit your teeth. "To you? Oh of course! It's all about you isn't it! It's ever been about how I feel!" You stand. You're fists bang on your desk. Our faces are close, I can feel your anger. And I am sad to admit it excites me. I grit my teeth back you.
"You left! You left me without any explanation! How dare you! You put this wall up, You're afraid to love me! But I know you do! And you hate yourself for it!"
My cheek was met by the back of your hand. I deserve it. But I feel no know what I said was true. I see in your eyes as we continue to stare at each other, our faces getting closer, and closer, so close I can smell your breath. I grab your shoulders, and pull you over your desk, My lips meeting yours. Your eyes widen, but you do not pull away. You fall into my arms. You moan into my mouth.
What was happening?
My hands travel down to your hips, and I undo your belt, my hands traveling down your pants. You pull away from my lips to sigh in pleasure as I touch your delicate folds. I love the sound of your voice, hearing your beautiful cries of pleasure makes my heart sink into my chest.
It's been two years since i've heard such lovely sounds from you. I am overjoyed.
"Alucard, I think i'm-" You breathe heavily in my ear. "St-stop!" You push me off of you. I look at you confused.
"Master, what's wrong?" I ask you, my eyes full of worry.
"Get- get out of my office!" You yell at me, throwing a paper weight at my head. It did not hurt.
"I'm sorry!" I say, desperate.
"Just leave me alone!" You turn your head away from me. Your voice small. "I can't… we can't do that anymore, Alucard, you must accept it…"
"But you want it master!" I beg.
"Get out of my office!" You scream.
I finally listen, and leave. My head spins and my heart aches. I am angry. You tease me, You wicked temptress. You play me like a fiddle, I wonder if you like hurting me. I wonder if my pain is amusing to you. I can't get your moaning out of my head, I can't seem to shake it out. It drives me mad. I go back into my coffin, and try to sleep for the remainder of the day, but it does not work. I toss and turn, still thinking of you, of your body pressed to mine, and your moaning in my ear.
I pant, and heave, keeping down my tears. I know this foolish, I know in the end this won't matter.
You'll be mine one day.
You don't talk to me much after our spat in your office, you not come for me for assignments, nor do you come for an assessment after my missions are completed. You ignore me. Leaving me in the dark. I wonder how can make it up to you. I wonder how I can make things right. I lay awake during the day, in my coffin, just wondering if I am on your mind. I know I can easily read your thoughts, I do not. I do not wish to invade your privacy. Maybe if I was much more of a spineless coward I would.
Months of no contact with you drives me insane enough to where I finally break down and come find you. But I find you with another man. That man, Samuel.
You both are sitting at the dinner table. Laughing, and talking about Your day.
He smiles with teeth, and his eyes closed because of laughter. His voice crisp as church bells. He looks different from the last time I saw him. His hair is short, and his beard is gone. His jaw is strong and sharp. He speaks in german to you, and you speak it back. Strange, did he teach you to speak it?
"Königin der Vampire."
Ironic that he says that isn't?
As I continue to watch him speak, I notice he is relaxed in your presents. And you are in his. Both of you are relaxed in your speech and clothes, your collar is open, and your not wearing you suit jacket. You are comfortable around him.
I wonder how many hours you have spent together while you were ignoring me. I wonder if I should have went to talk to you sooner. Was it my fault because I did not come to you, or is it yours for not coming to me. I wonder if you missed me. You can't ignore me forever.
I hear you laugh as he tells his tales of his youth. A rich man, who sells weapons to private companies eh? Integra, you could do better. But I know better is not me. I know I am not what you need. I am monster. You need another human. Someone who isn't a slave. Someone who can truly be your equal. Someone who could treat you as you are, a human being. But please, my master not him. Not this man. He's not good enough. For you, no one is good enough. And I will not be bested by some fool who got rich from arms dealing.
There is something about you two that is different than before, He is close to you, touching your forearms, and caressing your knuckles.
Your knuckles
There is something shining on your finger, one next to your pinky on your left hand. My hearts sinks into my chest, as if it's been hit with a hammer. It's as if you are standing over me, hammer in hand, smiling at my misery.
How dare you! How dare you betray me! How dare you ignore me for months on end, and then get engaged! You wicked woman! What a wicked and twisted way to treat the servant that would die for you without a second thought!
But I guess that's just my duty isn't? To be your pathetic dog. I am nothing but a pathetic dog to you? Aren't I? I want hear you say it. I want hear you admit I am nothing to you.
Later that even I storm into your office, angrily. I am furious, I bare my fangs at you. My eyes peer at you as you sit behind you desk calmly.
You were expecting this weren't you?
"What is it Alucard?" You ask, your hands clasped on your desk, I see the ring on your finger.
All the venom I wanted to spit at you dissipates into sadness. I do not have the strength to yell at you, nor do I want too. I fall to my knees in front you. My palms exposed, and my eyes wide. I look into your icy blue orbs. My lips tremble as I see your calm expression.
"Have… Have I been bested?" I ask.
"Yes, Alucard, it seems you have."