note - louis is somewhere between ace and demi in this fic
for vic - welcome to the dark side of asexuality, love
betaed by ana - thank you!
3377 words, by google docs
Louis is the first of his friends to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend, which is pretty surprising, considering his friends' high sex drives.
Then again, considering his friends' high sex drives, it's not surprising at all—they prefer no strings attached, while Louis wants someone he can settle down with.
Also, another surprise—it's Scorpius Malfoy.
Scorpius Malfoy has practically the entirety of Hogwarts falling at his knees, worshiping him. Both boys and girls alike love him.
The only other person still at Hogwarts like that is, well, Louis himself. The difference though is that it's not Louis' fault that people want him; he's one-eighth veela. He can have anybody he wants with a snap of his finger, but he doesn't want any of the people pining after him; they revolt him, to an extent. He wants only one person.
He wants Scorpius.
…
"Mama, look at me!"
Louis twirls around, showing off his new outfit to his mother. It was pink, one of his sister's dresses.
"Mon ange, that's your sister's dress. You don't wear dresses," his mother says, laughing and picking him up. He pouts at her.
"But I want to," he says, tugging at the bottom of the dress. "I want to feel pretty."
"Okay," she responds, the smile still on her face, like Louis was just kidding.
…
He's impenetrable. That shouldn't be possible, yet Scorpius Malfoy isn't falling under Louis' spell.
Veela magic is perhaps one of the most powerful magic; nobody can resist it, even when you only have a drop of blood. Most of the time Louis makes people fall for him without even wanting them to.
His sister, Dominique, used it to her advantage. She slept with half of the Hogwarts population because of the drop of veela blood in her veins. Victoire, while not as slutty as Dominique, most certainly also used it—to get with Teddy.
And yet Scorpius, for some reason, seems to ignore Louis everytime Louis tries to flirt with him.
It's infuriating, and it just makes Louis want him more.
…
His uncle is asexual. Louis isn't sure what the word means, but he first hears it when he overhears his parents talking.
"He recently came out to the family," he can hear his father saying. He can't hear him, but he can imagine him sitting in his old armchair, drinking tea. "I don't think Mum minds, but she did seem a bit crushed; she won't get any grandchildren from him that aren't dragons."
Louis doesn't understand why Uncle Charlie would do something to make his grandmum crushed, but he shrugs it off, continuing to the kitchen to get water.
…
Two years. That's the amount of time that Louis has spent trying to get Scorpius to notice him. It takes another half of a year to get the idiot to kiss him, even.
And yet something is still not there.
There are no fireworks when their lips touch and there's no warm feeling inside, just an awkwardness of two pairs of lips meeting each other and getting slightly wetter. It isn't like Louis expected it to be at all. He expects to feel happy, but Louis only has the feeling of nothing, even as Scorpius pulls away, a giddy look on his face.
He pushes it down, though; those things probably just happen with time, at least for Louis.
…
Louis gets to choose the color of his room. It's an eighth birthday present, from his grandparents. They said they'll let him get any color he wants.
"Pink!" he exclaims, after a brief moment of contemplation. "I want pink."
He knows that he parents don't exactly like that idea—they share a look, like 'why does our son want pink?'
It's his favorite color.
…
There's something wrong with Louis.
He's pretty sure that it's been there his entire life, but it's still freaking him out. He also doesn't know how to tell Scorpius. Or anyone, really, but he should probably know first because he's is his boyfriend.
Then why doesn't Louis love him?
He thought he did, at one point, but now…
Now everything seems wrong. Louis knows that Scorpius is a good person, and he's a great friend, just not a great boyfriend.
Louis doesn't know what to do.
…
"Listen, if he decides that he's gay when he's older, I'll be fine with it, but pink, everywhere? And he wants to do things like wear dresses and use your makeup." Louis pauses outside of the kitchen door, hearing his parents voices. He's sure they're talking about him; they don't have another son to talk about.
"He is our son and we will support him no matter what he wants to do," his mother's hushed voice said.
"He's going to go to Hogwarts in a year, Fleur. I don't want him to be bullied there."
"He won't be," his mother reasons, "as long as he's confident and holds his head up high. Bill."
Louis looks down at his pajamas as he thinks about his parents' conversation—pink pajamas, a gift from his sister Victoire. He likes them.
Apparently, his father doesn't.
…
It happens fast.
Louis can pinpoint the exact point in time where he first started to fall out of love with Scorpius, the morning after they first slept together, and Louis wakes up in the Slytherin dorm, lying next to a still-sleeping Scorpius and he realises:
Holy shit, I don't actually love him.
And then he realises:
I'm supposed to love him.
There's something wrong with him, inside, and it feels so wrong, so suffocating, but he doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to be near Scorpius because, in this moment, he isn't sure of a lot of things, but he's sure he doesn't love him anymore.
He's not sure if he ever did.
…
"Hey, Bud."
Louis' father pulls him over before they're about to leave for the train. To Hogwarts. His father's holding clothes—jeans and a t-shirt. Louis tugs nervously on his dress, his favorite, from his grandmother. He already knows what's coming.
"Maybe you should wear jeans to Hogwarts instead," his father suggests, offering out the clothes to him. Louis shakes his head, feeling like he might throw up if he opens his mouth. "You don't have to of course," his father adds, quickly, "but you wouldn't want anything to happen to your dress, right?"
Louis considers this, and nods. He takes the clothes from his father and changes into them, not seeing the slight relief on his father's face.
…
Louis is not sure what love even is, really. He's basically supposed to be a creature of love. Veelas are practically made off of love. That's their whole thing. Love.
Except Louis feels so wrong when he's trying to love Scorpius.
He's heard about sex from his friends—they love it. They can't help themselves from jumping at the chance to have sex with any other sixth year in a broom closet.
He's also heard from plenty of other people in the school—Scorpius Malfoy is, without a doubt, the best person to sleep with.
Yet Louis hated it. It makes him sick at the thought and it hurts him because he's supposed to love Scorpius—how can he do that if he's repulsed by the one thing Scorpius is known for?
…
Louis is sure he packed his favorite dress, but no matter how long he looks in his trunk, he can't find it. In fact, he can't find any of his dresses. He knows for sure that he's packed some.
"Louis, you coming?" Louis' roommate, Matt, calls to him.
Louis is sitting on the floor of his dormitory, tearing through his trunk. A few seconds ago, he had felt elated when Matt had asked him to go to his friend's birthday party with him. Louis would finally have an excuse to wear one of his dresses. Now, though, he doesn't feel like going at all.
"I'm going to stay here, actually," he says. "I need to find something."
Matt gives him a strange look, but then shrugs and walks out.
Louis searches for another hour, but he can't find any. He's starting to wonder—did someone steal them?
…
It's almost a relief when Christmas break comes—Louis has never felt worse and he wants to go home, to all his cousins and uncles and aunts. He wants the Burrow.
He's been avoiding Scorpius since they slept together, walking away quickly everytime Scorpius tries to talk to him.
He doesn't even say goodbye to him.
He's a shit person, he knows, so instead of talking with all of his cousins in the sitting room, he takes his hot chocolate inside and drinks it at the table, wallowing in his own sadness.
Louis is left alone for five minutes before someone walks into the room, their red hair a mess.
"Hey, kid." It's Charlie, who admittedly, is Louis' favorite uncle. He's everyone's favorite uncle. He has dragons. "What's up?" Charlie asks, leaning on the counter and crossing his arms.
"Nothing," Louis responds, probably too fast.
"Then why are you in here instead of in the sitting room?" he counters with a raised eyebrow. When Louis gives him a glare in lieu of a response, he gives him a long once-over. "Relationship troubles?" he asks. Louis is pretty surprised at how spot-on his uncle is that he forgets that he doesn't want to talk about it.
"How'd you know?"
Charlie laughs, a full laugh, with his whole body. "I'm not that intuitive, don't worry. Scorpius wrote to Draco. Draco wrote to me. He's my friend."
"Friend," Louis repeats with a snort. Charlie gives him a small smile.
"I will neither confirm nor deny if Draco is more than my friend or not," Charlie says, "but if you want to talk about your relationship, then maybe I'll talk about mine," he offers.
Louis clenches his jaw and sits back. "I'm good," he says.
…
"What's sex?"
His sister almost laughs at the question, but then realises that Louis is serious.
"I feel like I'm not the one qualified to give this speech to you," Victoire answers, giving him an amused look. "Ask Mum or Dad."
"I don't want to," Louis answers simply, not moving from his spot.
"You're only twelve, you're too young." Louis' face is still set. "Fine. Close the door, come here," Victoire tells him, rolling her eyes and patting a spot on her bed. Louis complies. "Why do you want to know this, again?" she asks before beginning.
"Some people in my year mentioned it and I don't know what it is," he responds, making himself comfortable. He can tell that Vic is trying to suppress a grin.
"Well," she starts, "girls have a different… part… then boys…"
…
Louis now understands where he gets his stubbornness from. It's probably a Weasley thing because he and Charlie have been sitting in the kitchen for ages. Louis has already drunk all of his hot chocolate, and he's just feeling awkward, having nothing to do with his hands. It's really just a miracle that no other family members have walked in.
"So," Louis says finally, caving. Charlie perks up.
"Yes?" he asks, standing up straighter.
"Um." Louis isn't sure how to say his problem. Does he just say it outright? 'I had sex with the one guy in school who everyone wants to have sex with and I hated it but I'm supposed to like him and I'm supposed to like having sex with guys because I've been gay my entire fucking life and I don't know what's happening to me.'
It seems a little bit too blunt.
"I had sex with Scorpius," Louis finally decides on.
"Oh," Charlie says, shifting in his place. He looks uncomfortable and Louis can't blame him—he wouldn't want to talk about sex with his nephew, either. He walks over from his stance at the counter and sits down across from Louis. "And?"
"And I hated it," he admits. It feels like he's been trapped and admitting it feels freeing.
"Have you told him? Does he know?"
"That I hated it? No. I've been avoiding him since then."
Charlie furrows his brows and looks at him. "Real nice move, Louis," he says in a scolding tone.
"How am I supposed to tell him that I hated it when he's the one person in school everybody wants? He's supposed to be good at sex. How am I supposed to tell him that it utterly sucked?" Now that Louis is saying it, he feels like he can't stop.
God bless his uncle for being so stubborn; he'd never say anything if his uncle had given up talking to him.
"Have you considered that the problem is on your end?" Charlie suggests, raising an eyebrow.
"What?" Louis asks. The question bewilders him a bit; how can it be his fault?
"Well, you might be asexual," he says. Louis blinks at him blankly. "You just might not like sex."
"No," Louis says. "I'm supposed to like guys. I'm supposed to like having sex with guys. I'm gay. I've been gay my entire life."
Charlie purses his lips. "Why are you supposed to do anything?" he asks, staring Louis down.
"Because that's how I've been since I was born. I used to wear dresses, for God's sake! Besides, I'm one-eighth veela. I'm one-eighth love itself, basically."
Charlie gives Louis a weird look, then gets up, grabs a cup from the counter, and fills it up with water from the sink. He then brings the cup back to Louis and places it down.
"You see this water?" he demands, pointing at the cup. Louis nods and Charlie swipes a hand through the water, splashing some of it out. "This is like sexuality. Completely and utterly fluid. You don't have to be anything," he insists, sounding almost angry. "Also, you liking to wear something doesn't have anything to do with if you like a dick or not. All of those stereotypes are bullshit. Also, your great-grandparents being veela has nothing to do with you. You aren't them. You don't have to do anything with anyone if you don't want to."
Louis opens his mouth, but he doesn't know what to say.
…
"I'm gay."
Louis can tell that even his mirror self is disgusted. Why is it so hard to say? His parents probably already know—he's the definition of every gay stereotype ever.
He's also pretty sure that his dad wouldn't like him being gay, not when his father didn't even want him to wear something as simple as a dress. He still doesn't know if he forgives his father for taking his dresses. It'd be just like his dad to be against him dating another guy.
…
Louis still doesn't know what to say, five minutes after. He's certain that Charlie told people not to come into the kitchen because still, no one has come in. He wishes they would; the distraction would be welcoming.
"You need to tell Scorpius," Charlie says, finally, breaking the silence. "He and Draco are actually coming tomorrow, for dinner. I invited them. Talk to him."
"I don't know what to say," Louis says.
"Tell him that you don't want to have sex," Charlie says, looking exasperated. "If he likes you, he'll stay with you and not care. If he cares, then you shouldn't be dating him anyway."
Louis is silent once more. His head is spinning.
"I can't be asexual," he says after a couple of moments. The word even feels weird on his tongue. "I can't be."
"Listen, Louis," Charlie says, reaching his arm across the table and putting a hand on Louis' shoulder. "I can't be sure about how you feel right now, but I'm guessing you think that there's something wrong with you." Louis doesn't confirm or deny that, but it'll be a miracle in his eyes if Charlie could spin it to look like there's nothing wrong with him. He's a teenager. Every teenager wants to have sex. There's definitely something wrong with him. "I've been there," Charlie continues, "and it might take a while for you to realise it, but there's nothing wrong with you. I promise."
Louis sighs and closes his eyes for a three-count.
"So, your relationship?" he asks Charlie, causing him to laugh.
"I do have a relationship," Charlie says, drawing his hand back, "except it's not sexual based because I never wanted sex. And guess what? He understood that and stayed. Tell Scorpius, okay?"
Louis nods. "Fine. I'll tell him."
…
"We love you anyway, Lou. We don't care."
…
Louis' in the sitting room when they arrive, choosing not to play Quidditch with his cousins and sitting with Charlie instead. He's reading a book, and he really wishes the book was bigger; maybe he could hide behind it and never have to talk to Scorpius. He wishes the book would just suck him into its world.
"Hi, Draco, Scorpius."
From his position on the couch, Louis can see Charlie hug Draco perfectly, and he can also see Scorpius, who locks eyes with Louis.
"Louis," Charlie says, using a tone that Louis doesn't like at all. He's going to make Louis live up to his promise. "Come here."
Giving his uncle the deepest glare he can manage, Louis slowly places down his book and walks over to them.
Probably sensing the prickling tension, Draco puts an arm around Charlie's shoulder. "How about let's go and get some coffee?"
"Yes!" Charlie says, far too excited about coffee. "Let's go and make some coffee. In the kitchen. Not here." Louis clears his throat. "Going!" Charlie exclaims, leading Draco out. "We're going."
"Hi," Scorpius says to Louis, his grey eyes moving over his face.
"We should talk," Louis says, instead of greeting him back.
"No, don't bother." Scorpius holds up a hand. "I know, you're breaking up with me."
"No, I'm not!" Louis says, quickly. He spent a good two years trying to get Scorpius to date him, and he's not going to throw that away—unless, of course, Scorpius disagrees with what he's about to say.
"You're not?" he asks, his body visibly relaxing.
"No, I'm—" Louis takes Scorpius' arm and leads him to the couch. "Look, I don't really know how to say this—"
"Is this about… that night?" Scorpius asks, cutting Louis off. "Because that's when you started to avoid me." Louis cringes as he hears the hurt in Scorpius' voice.
"Yes. Look, I'm sorry, but I—"
"You hated it?" Scorpius guesses. Louis can feel his ears go red.
"Yes."
"Huh," he says, turning away.
"It's not you! I don't think," Louis says reaching out a hand. "I mean, my Uncle Charlie thinks I'm asexual, and I don't really know yet, but I think he might be right."
Scorpius looks back at him, brow furrowing. "What do you mean?"
"I do like you, I just don't really want sex. At all." Scorpius nods and closes his eyes. "You're going to break up with me, right?" Louis says, looking down at his lap.
"No! Wait, why?" Scorpius puts a finger under Louis' chin, forcing him to look up. Louis can see the concern written all over his face.
"Because I don't want to have sex," Louis says. It should be obvious to him. "Sex is sort of your thing."
Scorpius laughs. "I do like sex," he admits, "but so do a lot of other teenagers. I like you more, though," he says, giving Louis a smile. "That why I decided to date you. I could get in anyone's pants, you know that."
"And here I thought that you decided to date me because I'm drop dead gorgeous," Louis mutters.
"That's just a plus. But you already know that you're gorgeous. And perfect. I'd love you even if you weren't, though; You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not." Scorpius says.
"That's deep," Louis says with a soft laugh.
"Well, you know me." Scorpius hesitates for a second, his smile faltering. "So can I kiss you, or no?"
Louis smile widely, relief blooming in his chest. "Yeah, I guess."
Scorpius leans forward and makes their lips touch.
There are the fireworks.
for:
the forty days challenge [use someone's name 40 times in a fic - scorpius]
weekly 2 [gift fic for vic]
assignment 3 [mythology - task 10 - aphrodite - write about someone with veela blood]
insane house comp [scorpius]
library lovers [my sister's keeper - family argument; "you don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not"; acceptance]
writing club [character appreciation - accepting of those who are different; disney - the genie - someone feeling trapped; days of the month - someone who likes pink; showtime - sentimental man - father/child; buttons - louis weasley, "does he know?"; year in entertainment - movie - mean girls]
through the universe [seyfert galaxy - next-gen]