Ok, so this will be a long one, feel free to just move on to the fic itself and if you read it I would love to hear what you thought

This is an idea I've had since I saw the broadway production of Cats last year. The actor playing Gus published a lot of material from the rehearsal process and it made me want to make a different ending to the ball for Gus. The relationship between Gus and Jellylorum was one of the highlights of the whole show and it has stayed with me ever since that. There was so much love and though it lacks a lot of the characteristics of Cats such as intense dancing and singing the acting was very special to me.

Over ten years ago my grandfather passed and he was this theatre cat in human form. He always had a story of "that time when.." and even though I'd heard them a hundred times I loved them. At the end he was very afraid of dying, he felt old and useless and in pain all the time but every once in a while you could get him to light up and tell you one of his stories and his smile lingers in my mind even to this day. And earlier this summer my grandmother passed. If my grandfather was Gus the theatre cat, my grandmother was his Jellylorum. And this is for them.

Disclaimer: I don't own Cats.

"I didn't get picked?"

"Not this year"

"Oh.."

"Maybe next year" Jellylorum said and steadied her hold of the older cats arm. Gus had needed to go this year. He was old. Too old. He needed so much now. Help to wash, help to eat, help to remember where he was or who he was. And she was tired. Too tired. She loved him dearly and the thought of what an easier burden for her meant was not something she let herself think of. She had needed the tribe to pass him on peacefully and this years performance had been his best so far. Jellylorum smiled as she thought about how he had livened up when she reminded him about all his achievements. Last year he had been a bit rushed and the performance ended up with him bringing up 'just one more thing' until he had circled back and started repeating himself. This year she had to carefully guide him onto the subject and lure him into telling his story and when Old Deuteronomy had stepped forward to ask him to play the Rumpus Cat again she could see that old fire inside his eyes light up again. Munkustrap helped him through it and filled in the gaps. It made her eyes tear up just thinking about it. And the others loved it, she could see it. And maybe that was why they were where they were now. Walking back home after another Jellicle ball. Gus had barely made it out of the clearing after his performance but it had been so magnificent that most of the other cats overlooked his weakness. And that meant someone else had been in a bigger need to go to the Heaviside Layer this year. Jellylorum could understand that Grizabella had to go. Because she had nowhere else to go. Gus always had Jelly. She took a deep breath and focussed on the now. It didn't matter how tired she was, she would never let Gus have nowhere to go. For as long as he dragged out this last ninth life she would be there for him.

"Which was your favourite part this year?" she asked him trying to cheer up. Herself or him, just someone. She could see him light up and smile before it faded again and he stopped. The look he gave her was the clearest she had seen him for years.

"Don't think I don't see how much you do for me Jelly" he said and then patted her arm before he took a step forward. "I… I don't need you to do that for me anymore" he said and kept walking.

"Nonsense, I will always be there for you" she said. Not sure if it had all been said with those clear eyes, or just the first part of it. She grabbed his arm again, supporting him in his walk.

"Well I'm asking you to stop it then" he said more harshly and swayed a little as he broke free of her hold. He looked agitated but his eyes definitely clear now. As was the frown between his eyes. He was angry with her. Or at least concerned.

"Gus what is it?" she asked. He was so much more present tonight, so much more alive and still...still he felt further away from her than ever. A chill travelled down her spine as she suspected what he meant. "Let's go home and get some sleep, tomorrow you will feel better" she tried.

"I said my goodbyes tonight Jelly" he mumbled.

"Shouldn't we just go home Gus? It's late"

"It needs to be tonight!" he burst out and Jellylorum didn't have the heart to tell him that she agreed. She knew what he meant.

"Let's go home, next year will be just as wonderful"

"Jelly, cats don't have ten lives, I've lived my nine" he said, calmer now. He looked so tired. So worn and torn. She reached out and grabbed his shaking paws in hers.

"Prove them wrong" she almost whispered. "You will be picked next year, or the year after that, or whenever you are ready. I will make sure"

"I am ready tonight" he said and those clear eyes bored into her soul. Terrifying her. He needed to go to the Heaviside Layer. Jellylorum couldn't stand the thought of him leaving her to go nowhere at all. He needed to hang in there, at least until the next ball. Gus took a deep breath. "I don't mind that I wasn't picked for the Heaviside Layer this ball... "

"You should have been!" Jellylorum spat out.

"No I shouldn't" he said with a soft smile. "Grizabella needed the tribes help to move on, their forgiveness. I have had everything I ever need from each and everyone and especially you" he said and stroke a paw down her chin. She couldn't remember when she had started crying. "Jellylorum, my love" he said and she thought she could see something starting to cloud his sight again. Cloud his mind.

"I love you Gus" was all she got out.

"And I love you Jelly...but my time has come now." he said and kissed her on the ear. He squeezed her paws before letting them fall down to her sides again.

"No, no no" Jelly said shaking her head. "No, not after tonight, you were fantastic, everyone loved your performance, it was just..."

"The perfect ending" he finished and took a step back. Jellylorum realised that they had entered a small clearing that was new to her. She wondered how they got there. It felt like time had stopped and it was her own mind that clouded up. The thin, white clouds in the sky floated apart and the Jellicle moon appeared again. She couldn't help but smile up at it. The silver light filled her with such peace. The light brightened and Jellylorum felt herself being unable to move. She wanted to reach for the moon but every limb in her body felt perfectly relaxed without being able to respond to commands. An ease washed over her mind and it cleared just like the sky. Suddenly something entered her field of view. As she saw Gus get lifted up into the light a small part of her wanted to scream at him to stay. To come down again. That she didn't care that he didn't need her to take care of him anymore, she needed him. But then a humming voice entered her mind. The old voice was rough after a whole night of singing. But it wasn't strained. The humming was soft and light and danced on her eardrums. And when it toned out she felt her mouth buzz with it. She parted her lips and the soft humming flowed over them and turned into words. Words that contained love, and forgiveness, and pride...and a goodbye.

"Up, up, up, up to the Heaviside Layer..."