Michonne followed Rick as they descended the stairs, dreading the thought of being without him for the next few days. She had been spoiled by the last few months that saw them fall asleep in each other's arms each night. Ninety-five consecutive nights of feeling the warmth of his body pressed against hers, his arm securely draped over her body, his mouth placing gentle kisses on her shoulder signaling it was time to greet another day.
They rarely got that domestic tranquility for extended periods of time. During the years they had been in Alexandria there was always a problem. Life had been first steps interrupted by walker herds, birthday parties followed by plunderers, and end-of-the-world vacation, a lake house less than a mile away was the best they could do, ended by a tree-killing bacteria that ruined a season of crops. It always meant Rick had to sacrifice his time at home with his family to spearhead the rescue.
She admired the rear view of his body as flashes of the previous night went through her mind. Like the feel of his broad back as her hands slid across it — slick with sweat. The curls, now neatly in place, so different from the night before when they were wild due to her hands running through them, pulling and gripping as they made love. They barely slept, consuming each other's bodies as if he was going off to war. War. Thankfully, that was behind them. It was costly for everyone in every community. No one went unscathed, not even their household.
Just before they made it to the bottom step she gave him a pat on the butt. He turned, eyes wide in bewilderment. She never tired of surprising him with her amorous advances. She thought he would be used to it, how she could never get enough of him just as he couldn't get enough of her. His desire was more palpable. Hers a tad understated but no less passionate.
"Thought you got that out of your system last night."
"I will never get enough of you."
He smirked. "Good to know."
They made it downstairs to find Judith sitting on the floor in front of the door with her pink and purple backpack by her side and Rick's sheriff's deputy hat on her head.
Judith's eyes widened when she saw them. "I'm ready." She stood and grabbed her backpack.
Michonne groaned internally. She knew where this was going. Neither she nor Rick were good at telling Judith no because not only did the little one take disappointment hard, she loved to have the last word. To Judith, no was an invitation to negotiate.
She walked over to them, the clonk of her cowboy boots echoing off the wooden floor. She looked every bit of a Grimes with her black jeans and blue, black, and white checkered button down shirt. "We got a long road ahead of us," she said as she grabbed Rick's hand. "And we're off like a herd of turtles."
Michonne moved to stand behind Judith in order to hide her smile because she was pretty sure Judith didn't really understand what she just said, instead simply mimicking what she'd heard others say. However, she was impressed Judith used it in the right context.
Rick laughed. "What are you ready for?"
"To go to The Hilltop." She was so matter of fact.
"What do you have in here, Judith?" Michonne asked as she placed her hand on the pink and purple backpack bursting at the seams. "May I look?"
She nodded. "Clothes, a book, and Dexter." Dexter was the stuffed animal Carl gave her. It was the last gift she would ever receive from her big brother besides the letters he wrote her. One for each birthday up to eighteen and, hopefully, her wedding day.
Judith didn't have any memories of Carl of her own, she was too young when he died, but there were pictures from their time in Alexandria along with the picture of her mother. Michonne smiled at the thought of that picture. Carl risked his life not for his little sister's life, but a chance for her to have a connection to a mother she would never know. Her heart ached for Judith, that she lost out on the type of love that only a big brother could give a little girl.
Her hand felt something cold and before it was out of the backpack she recognized what it was.
"Young lady," Michonne said in that slightly stern but definitely gentle tone reserved only for Judith. "You're not allowed to touch a knife." She pulled a butter knife out of Judith's backpack and looked at Rick.
"I have to be prepared. To protect myself." She looked between Rick and Michonne. "Right daddy?"
If the situation were not so serious, Judith grabbing knives, it would be adorable. Her little warrior princess ready to do battle with a butter knife. But it also broke her heart — the idea of such a small child thinking about defending herself from death. They worked hard to provide safety for the kids, but this world only allowed a speck of innocence.
"That's right, princess," Rick said.
"Rick," Michonne said tensely. Judith's precociousness needed little encouragement.
He cleared his throat. "But that's not something you need to worry about right now," Rick said as he picked her up, her hat fell off her head and onto the floor. "That's my job. Okay?"
It took a moment before she responded. "Okay, I won't take the knife." She wiggled out of his arms and down to the floor. "Let's go. I want to visit Carl." She placed her hat back on her head.
"Come sit with me, sweetheart," Rick said.
Michonne watched as Rick walked Judith over to the couch.
Carl was real to her but he was also larger than life. Rick, Michonne, and everyone who knew him regularly regaled Judith with stories of his bravery and strength, not to mention his love for her so much so that she could tell stories about Carl like they happened yesterday. She could tell you about the time Carl was first shot even down to the deer. How he was there when she was born but they never mentioned him putting down Lori. How he saved the people of Alexandria when half the homes were burned to the ground because of the bad men.
When they took her to visit his grave it always took an emotional toll on Rick and Michonne. She heard Rick talking to himself once. Actually, he was talking to Lori, telling her how sorry he was that he couldn't save their boy. He promised he would do better by Judith, the one she gave her life for.
Michonne repeatedly told Rick there was nothing more he could have done to save Carl. That he raised him to be his own man. That's what Carl did until the end. It's why he chose to save a stranger in the woods and to save the Alexandrians by standing up to Negan. He did the right thing in a world that made it too easy to do the wrong thing. By not allowing this world to corrupt him, he never let this world defeat him. And that's why even in death he won, because his heart was as pure as it was when the world was defined by codes of humanity.
Rick didn't believe any of that, but Michonne needed to believe it for her own sanity. It hurt too much; she needed to remember his spirit and beauty over loss and pain. It was another piece of her heart shattered by the death of a son, but it was Carl who made her a person who would never, who could never, succumb to her trauma again.
"Not this time," Rick said.
Michonne snapped out of her thoughts and looked over at father and daughter to see the pout on Judith's face and it was enough to break Rick's heart.
"The last time you went without me you said I could go next time. It's the next time daddy. Don't break your promise."
He lowered his head pinching the bridge of his nose. Michonne recalled the last time too. It was much like this time. Judith wearing all her hurt feelings on her sleeve and her father was close to caving.
Judith went in for the kill. "I don't get to go anywhere or see anything except The Hilltop and I want to visit Carl."
Rick was about to break. Michonne knew it. He knew it. Judith knew as well because she was an expert at reading her father's weakness for her. Savvy kids are cute until they're not; until they learn just how much they can get away with.
"You'll get to go another time but this is a business trip. Your daddy won't have time to look after you." Michonne put Judith in her place and Rick out of his misery.
"I can take care of myself. I'm not a baby. But if you want, you can come with us and that way you won't be lonely when daddy and I go."
"Judith," Michonne said.
"And daddy won't be lonely if you and me stay here."
"Judith," she said with a shake of her head as she headed for the kitchen, "it's time for breakfast."
Rick watched as Judith set the table. That was always her chore along with keeping her room clean. Chores was their way of trying to keep her grounded. She was Rick Grimes' daughter which meant she was treated like a princess or the first daughter by all members of the communities who didn't know her before they arrived in Alexandria. They didn't want her to develop some superiority complex. She was like everyone else and needed to pull her weight, in their home and in the community.
As they ate Judith was silent as she played with her oatmeal, taking a spoonful and watching it slide off the spoon and back into the bowl. Michonne and Rick exchanged glances. This wasn't the first time Rick left to go on a trip, but she figured Judith had come to enjoy those ninety-five consecutive days of having her daddy as much as she did.
Rick cleared his throat. "How's school Judy?"
His question was met with a dramatic sigh. Judith was stubborn enough to dish out the silent treatment if she was upset enough. But just as he was about to speak again, she answered.
"Lance pulled my hair again."
"Did you tell your teacher?" Michonne asked.
"Yes." She swirled the spoon in her oatmeal.
"What did she say?" Michonne leaned in.
"She says it means he likes me."
"No. It means he has no respect and he doesn't know how to honor your wishes," Michonne said.
Rick smiled. It meant the little boy liked her where he was from, but Michonne had a different view of things. And he understood it even if he didn't. Whatever the reason Judith hadn't set Lance straight, he knew she could defend herself and would have no problem putting him in his place when it became more than she was willing to tolerate. Between Michonne and Rosita, Judith had no problem dispensing with a red-headed half-pint.
"Do you understand Judith?" Michonne asked.
"Yes." It was barely a murmur.
The remainder of the meal was pretty much the same. It was just as painful for Michonne as it was for Rick. She may have been the one to put her foot down, but Judith often did more than tug at her heartstrings, she pulled them apart more times than not. After breakfast Rick took Judith over to the couch, his head close to hers as he talked to her and stroked her hair. But Michonne could only decipher bits and pieces of Rick's explanation for why she couldn't tag along, including the recent breach in the safe zone route from Alexandria to The Hilltop.
Michonne was washing the last of the dishes when her body reacted to Rick's presence. She could feel his chest against her back. His breath on her neck. When it came to personal space, Rick didn't believe in it, at least not when it came to her. And she would never complain.
"How long are you going to be away?" Her eyes involuntary closed as she felt him against her butt. His hands on her hips.
"Three nights and a wake up," he said in her ear. The proximity and the warmth of his breath sent a shiver through her body.
Trapped between the sink and Rick, she managed to barely turn around to face him. In this moment, her heart ached like she knew Judith's did because she wouldn't mind going away with him to The Hilltop too. For a brief moment, actually it wasn't so brief, she contemplated acquiescing to Judith. It would take no time for Michonne to be ready; her 'go bag' was in the closet.
"I'll be back before you know it." He could read her mind not only out there when their heads were on a swivels and they had each other's back in danger, but in here, in the quiet moments of family comfort.
He placed his hand on her neck and stared in her eyes before leaning in for a kiss. What started out as gentle and sweet quickly developed into breathtaking. It was so intense she moaned into his mouth and felt her legs buckle when she felt his tongue. Rick's kisses were romantic, big screen magic.
"Whoa, Judith," she whispered as she pulled back just enough to stop their kiss but so little he knew she didn't want to as her forehead rested against his.
"No better way to teach her how a boy should treat a girl than to show her," he said softly. Reminding her of her breakfast speech to Judith about how a girl should be treated.
They looked over to see her staring at them, her hand too small to hide her big smile. They looked at each other, her smile contagious. It wasn't a secret what they were to each other. This wasn't the first time Judith got a view of their affection for each other, though it was typically a chaste kiss, a squeeze of the hand, or a hug.
Michonne followed Rick out of the kitchen and over to Judith.
"I saw you," she said almost squealing as she pointed at them.
"Yeah, you did." Rick got down on one knee, a decision he would regret once it was time to stand, so he could be on Judith's level. "You gonna be okay while I'm gone?"
She nodded.
"You're strong and I know Rosita has been teaching you some things so I need you to promise me you'll look after Michonne while I'm gone."
She nodded emphatically at her father's words. Michonne smiled, knowing she'd probably find Judith downstairs keeping watch or something else she thought she saw the adults do.
"If I thought it was a good idea, I would take you. You know that right?"
She nodded her head but the disappointment, temporarily forgotten with news of her protection responsibility, reappeared. "But next time I want to go. I want to visit Carl and see Aunt Maggie and Hershel. And Enid said she would tell me about the time her and Carl went on a secret trip to The Hilltop by themselves and killed walkers."
Rick nodded his head. "Oh really? I'll make sure to remind Enid you can't wait to hear all about it."
Michonne wasn't sure what Enid planned on telling Judith, but by the time Rick made his feelings known, she was sure it would be a very G-rated version.
"Hey, Rick," Daryl's scream came through from outside.
Rick groaned and bones popped as he stood and faced Michonne.
"See you in my dreams."
She grabbed Judith's hand as they followed Rick outside. They stood on the porch and watched as Rick walked away with his duffel bag on his back with Daryl and Tobin flanking him.
"Don't worry," Judith said as she squeezed Michonne's hand. "He'll be back. You can sleep in my room if you want."
"Thanks." She smiled. Rick was going to pay for this. She imagined Judith would be on her heels now until his return.