A/N: Okay so this is my first ever attempt at writing for SVU/Barson. I'm relatively new to the fandom and haven't seen all the episodes yet so the bits in this chapter about Benson's father are based on what I've read. This is also unbetad I apologise for any mistakes..

This chapter is a missing scene from 18x13: Genes. When I watched it I was struck by Barba's comment at the end about Benson's concerns about Noah. She'd clearly confided in him. This is my attempt to address that. Set between when Carisi and Rollins are sent to find Will Steind after he doesn't turn up to testify and when the three of them confront Stein on the roof.

Please do leave a review and let me know how I did with my first Barson fic.

"How are you holding up?" Barba asked Olivia as the third sigh left her lips in as many minutes. Over the last few days, he'd noticed this case was taking its toll on her. She was quieter, more withdrawn than usual. He didn't think she was eating and, if the bags under her eyes were anything to go by, she hadn't been sleeping either. It was why he'd accompanied her back to the precinct after they'd dispatched Carisi and Rollins to find their missing witness. He was worried about her and wanted to take care of her. Not that he'd sold it to her like that of course; he valued his life too much.

Olivia lowered the file she was holding and looked up at him curiously. "With what?"

"All this talk of the 'rape gene'. It can't be easy for you."

She dropped the file onto her desk and let out another sigh. That her father was a rapist wasn't common knowledge among the law enforcement or judicial communities of New York City. She only told people she trusted, and even then, it was as and when they needed to know. It wasn't something that she enjoyed talking about and she didn't want it to define the way people viewed her.

Barba had first asked about her family after the disaster with Alex Muñoz. He'd shared some of his childhood with her and had enquired about hers. She'd brushed him off, telling him that it was a long story; something that she didn't want to get into at the time. To his credit he hadn't pushed her; he'd accepted her answer and changed the subject. It was only after the death of his grandmother that she finally told him the truth.

"I lied to you," Olivia admitted as she returned from checking on Noah. She'd invited Barba round after hearing the news about his grandmother. Noah had provided the man with a blessed distraction from his grief while he'd been awake – wanting Uncle Barba's undivided attention. Once he was in bed though, the two of them had started talking, first about his Grandmother but then about other aspects of his childhood. When Barba had told her about his difficult relationship with his father, she'd felt guilty. He trusted her enough to confide in her, perhaps it was time she did the same.

Barba's brow furrowed at her words. "About what?"

"Last year, when you asked me about my father." She picked her wine glass up off the table and ran her finger around the rim, her gaze fixed on the rich, dark liquid within. "I told you that it was a long story. It isn't. Not really. The truth is…" Lifting the glass to her lips, Olivia downed the remnants of her Cabernet. She lifted her eyes to meet Barba's. "My mother got pregnant with me... after she was raped."

He dropped his head into his hands and swore quietly. "Shit Liv." Suddenly he had a better understanding of Olivia Benson and what made her tick. Her background explained what drove her and why she always fought so hard for the victim.

She replaced the empty glass on the coffee table. "The man who raped her… my father… he attacked two other women in the space of two years."

Turning his head toward her once again, Barba spoke softly. "Was he ever caught? Prosecuted?"

Olivia shook her head. "No. He's dead. Killed himself." Her voice was flat as she spoke and Barba's heart broke for her. "I never met him. Never got a chance to ask him why he did what he did. But he ruined my mother's life. She tried to forget by drinking herself into oblivion which didn't always work out well for me, y'know?"

She didn't elaborate, but she didn't need to. Barba's own history and the amount of cases he'd seen during his time as an ADA meant that he could well imagine the kind of things she had experienced.

Barba reached over and grasped her hand. "Thank you, Liv.

This time it was her brow that furrowed. "For what?"

"For trusting me with this. With your past."

"Liv?"

The touch of Barba's hand on her shoulder brought her back to the present.

She shrugged him off. "I'm fine."

Barba sighed as he rested against the edge of the desk, next to her chair. "Come on Liv."

"What do you want me to say Barba?" She stood and began to pace. "That I've hardly slept since this case started; that I'm scared to death that Noah is going to turn out like Johnny D. Or maybe you want to hear that I'm wondering if my actions… my aggression towards Lewis… that that was because of my father."

"William Lewis was an evil man. He kidnapped you, assaulted you, beat you." Barba moved in front of Olivia, stilling her pacing. "Anyone," Barba placed his hands on her shoulders, "anyone, would have done what you did given the opportunity. Hell, it took everything I had not to take a swing at him."

Olivia scoffed. Rafael Barba was hardly the fighting type.

One hand flew to his chest. "You wound me, Liv."

She smirked. "Sorry."

"S'okay," he whispered, returning his hand to her shoulder. "It's worth it to see you smile. Look, there is absolutely no evidence that a 'rape gene' exists. You know that." He looked deeply into her eyes. "You know."

Slowly, Olivia nodded. "I do. I know I do. But then a case like this will come up and…" she dismissed her thoughts with a wave of her hand.

"We've had cases like this before, and I've never seen you like this. Is there something I don't know?"

Olivia stepped back from Barba and turned away. She stared out of the window, her gaze fixed on the roof of the building opposite. Barba waited patiently, resting once more against the edge of her desk. After a few minutes, Olivia ran her hand through her hair and told her friend what had happened. "Noah and I were at the park. He was playing in the sand box and a little girl had the digger he wanted. He… he tried to take it from her and when she wouldn't give it to him, he pushed her."

Barba nodded, knowingly. "And you think that's a sign he's going to grow up to be violent, like his father."

She shrugged. "Maybe."

"Kids snatch, Liv. They want what other kids have and don't understand that they can't have it."

"I get that. I do. But… he pushed her. I didn't expect that from him."

"Noah's what?" Barba asked. "Three?" Olivia nodded. "There you go then," he continued. "He's still learning to be social, how to interact with others, how to manage his emotions. What happened at the park is normal. Ask any other parent."

"But what if-?"

"I'm assuming you intervened. That you didn't let it go unpunished?"

He'd meant the question to be rhetorical – already knowing the answer – but she answered anyway. "Of course. I took the toy off him and gave it back to the girl and told him that he couldn't snatch. I sent him to time out."

"It sounds to me like you're doing all the right things. You're teaching Noah the social skills he needs and setting clear boundaries for him. He'll be fine."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Since when did you become an expert on parenting?" The first time she asked Barba to hold her son he'd done so awkwardly and with a little fear in his eyes. Over time, he had become more at ease with Noah and she knew that they both enjoyed the time they spent together. But as far as she knew, Noah was the only child he had any contact with.

Maybe when they'd first begun working together Barba would have comeback with a smug, slightly arrogant comment, but not now. They had been dancing around their shifting relationship for long enough. He'd been looking for an opportunity to discuss it with her, but one had never presented itself. Until perhaps, now.

"Well, this amazing woman that I know adopted a little boy, so I thought I should read up." Shuffling from He reached out and loosely encircled her wrists with his hands. "Especially when I began to realise I wanted to spend more time with him…" He drew her gently towards him, rubbing the backs of her hands with his thumbs, "and his mom."

Her breath hitched and her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to speak but Barba continued before she got the chance. "There's no pressure here Liv. I just wanted to lay it all out there, that's all. How I feel."

She hadn't expected his honesty. Not now. She'd thought she'd have longer to get her head around her feelings. She'd ended her relationship with Tucker to focus on Noah and now, less than a month later, she was on the precipice of another.

This felt different though. They were friends. Good friends and had been for a long time. She wouldn't deny finding him attractive – she always had. She was only human after all. She'd thought about them too over the years. What it would be like if they were more than friends. How they would be away from the office. And then, before she realised it, something had shifted. Their relationship had become something else. Something more. A natural seamless progression that neither of them had noticed until it had happened. But they weren't there yet. They hadn't addressed the changes between them and there were lines they had yet to cross.

At her thoughts, her lips curved up into a small smile. Barba had taken the first step, she now needed to take the next. She rearranged their hands, interlacing their fingers and leaned towards him. She watched his nervousness give way to a shy smile as he realised that she wasn't upset or offended at his feelings. They hovered there, their lips centimetres apart, their breaths mingling. Slowly, she closed the distance between them and, closing her eyes, brushed her lips against his. It was brief, barely a kiss at all, but it was filled with affection and the promise of something more.

Resting his forehead against hers, Barba was the first to break the silence, his voice softer than she'd ever heard it. "Liv, I-"

No sooner had he started speaking than her cell phone sprang to life on her desk.

"Hold that thought," she smiled, stepping around him and picking up her phone. "Rollins, what have you got?... Where?" She scribbled something onto a notepad on her desk. "Okay, I'm on my way." She turned back to Barba as she hung up. "They've found Will Stein." She ripped the note she'd written off the pad and rounded the desk. "We're going to go and pick him up."

"Please get him onside to testify tomorrow."

"I'll do my best," she vowed, grabbing her coat from the hook near the door.

"I know you will." Barba took the coat out of her hands and helped her on with it.

Olivia couldn't help but smile at the gesture. "Listen, why don't you come over tonight. You can put some of your new found expertise to good use with Noah and then… once he's in bed… maybe we can talk."

He nodded. "I'll bring dinner. The kid still eating macaroni and cheese?" He seemed to remember that was his favourite but he knew some kids could be fussy and change what they ate whenever they felt like it.

"Yeah. About six thirty?"

"I'll be there. Now, go and get me my witness Lieutenant."

Olivia rolled her eyes at his attitude and smiled. He really did make her feel more at ease than anyone she'd ever known. She doubted that the demons she struggled with would ever disappear completely but maybe, with him at her side, they'd be a little less fierce.