Short random thing I came up with. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I don't bite! My cat does, though.

I don't own Glee.

Happy New Year everyone. :)

Lick. Lick. Gosh, my paws are so dirty. Lick. Lick.

My head jerks up, my eyes widen and my ears are on red alert. What was that noise? Oh, it's just Brittany coming home from school.

Meow.

"Oh, Lord Tubbington! It's so good to see you! I missed you, Mr." She nuzzles her face in mine.

Purrrrrrrr. Brittany giggles.

"You sound like a lawn mower!" What's a lawn mower? Never mind, I don't care. Brittany's petting me. Oooooh, yeah, right there. Right by the tail. Oh, that's nice.

Purrrrrrrr.

The doorbell rings and my human jumps.

HISS! She pulled my tail! I curl up in a little ball on the edge of her bed to observe what happens next.

"Hey, Brits." Oh. It's her.

"Santana!" My human squeals, hugging the other human tight. They smash the large holes on their faces together, and one of them moans. Ew.

Meow. I'm ignored. Meow! They pay no attention to me. MEOW!

The human who isn't Brittany stomps over and picks me up, looking me in the face.

"Me and Brits are gonna get our mack on. Get out, pussy." She walks me over to the door and tosses me into the hallway. I land on my feet. She slams the door shut.

Scratch, scratch, scratch. Meow.

Why won't Brittany let me in? I didn't do any- I'm hungry. I strut to the kitchen. There's no food.

Meow!

I want my food! Oh, but cute neighbor kitty is outside. I rush to the magic glass portal that separates me from the delicious treat that is the girl-next-door.

Meeee-ow!

What a foxy lady! I rub the length of my body against the portal and swish my tail enticingly. Her tail flies up in response and she trots off with a snobby huff. Oh, well. I'm still really hungry.

I go back to Brittany's room where the door is still shut.

Scratch, scratch.

Meow.

"Shut up cat!" Non-Brittany human shouts at me. "We're busy!" …whore.

Scratch. MEEEEEEOWW!

"Imma murder that pussy Lima Heights Adjacent style!"

"No! Lord Tubbington!" Brittany opens the door, picks me up and scratches my ears.

Purrrrrrrrr.

"See, Santana? He sounds like a broken vacuum cleaner! What should I do?" The other human glares at me.

"Maybe you need to put him down."

Excuse me?

"What?" What human questions. I rub my face against her chest in an effort to calm her. I knew she wouldn't want to lose me.

"Yeah, sweetie. When cute little kitty cats are ready to die, you need to do the humane thing and have them… anesthetized."

"Wait…" my human begins. "You told me to put him down, not to kill him!" She's brilliant. She panics and drops me. I land on my feet.

"That's what being put down means, Brit." The evil human pretends to be nice. I walk up and bite her toe. It's gross. She kicks me.

"Lord Tubbington!" My sweet human wails. She picks me up from where I didn't land on my feet. "Santana! How could you?"

"I'm sorry, Brit. The damn thing bit me!" She sits with me in her arms on the bed.

Cough.

"Lord Tubbington!" She turns to me to look in her face.

Meow.

"Have you been smoking again?"

"Maybe you should put him down…" the Evil One suggests.

HISS!

"Jesus, Brit, your cat is possessed!" Yeah, that's right. Be afraid. Be very afraid. My human pets me.

Purrrrrrrrrr.

"What a good boy you are, Lord Tubbington!" She coos. I love it when she- I'm really hungry.

Meow.

"Oh, are you hungry, boy?" Brittany perks up as the other human simply stares at us.

"What? Is your cat Lassie or something? Is someone stuck in a well, boy?" The Evil One mocks.

"Who's Lassie and why'd he stick someone in a well?"

"Nevermind." Brittany gets up with me in her lap and begins to walk to the kitchen. "Brits, what about our sweet lady kisses?" Brittany shrugs.

"I have to feed my cat." I have arisen victorious against the evil human!

A plate is set on the ground. I run to it.

Meow? What is this crap?

"What? Lord Tubbington, you must eat your broccoli. Vegetables are part of a healthy diet." The Evil One laughs. Curse you Evil One! I will get my revenge…