Title: Dominatrix
Author: Kakos
Rating: R (Yaoi!!!)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Yu-Gi-Oh, otherwise there would be a lot more of both Ryou and Yami no Bakura in the show! I also don't own the Puddle of Mudd lyrics at the beginning here, but I love the band! You guys ROCK! Everyone should go out and buy their CDs right now! What are you waiting for????
Author's Note: First and foremost, this is a yaoi. If you're not into kinky boy-on-boy love, I suggest you just click the back button and continue on your way. Flames will NOT be tolerated, since I have warned you. This is my very first Yu-Gi-Oh fanfic, and it's a yaoi to boot! ::blush-blush:: I've never written a yaoi before, but I just love Ryou and Bakura, so I couldn't pass up an opportunity!
I got this idea from something I read somewhere sometime…uh, whatever. Anyway, I read that people who are normally shy and introverted in real life tend to be dominating and commanding during sex. Likewise, people who are assertive and loud and outgoing want to be submissive and controlled during sex. ::evil grin::
Okay, on with the ficcy! Don't forget to review! And yes, I know the term 'dominatrix' usually refers to a woman, but in this case, I'm mocking Ryou's feminineness (that's a hard word to say). But I still love you, buddy!
~Dominatrix~
Help me, sitting front of fire—
I'm melting
Don't you leave me hanging—
I'm burning
Can't hold on forever
I'm not that stupid
Genius cracking underneath this pressure
Sorry couldn't keep it together
Know I've got it coming, but you'll be sorry
—"Nothing Left to Lose", by Puddle of Mudd
"Bakura. Bakura! Bakura, are you listening to me?"
The teacher was seriously invading my personal space.
Sometimes I forget where I am. Sometimes I just space out and stare, my mind shut off. I used to think it would be impossible to stop the mind, but nowadays I know that it hits absolute zero and not a thought crosses it. That should probably worry me, but somehow I don't find it so irksome.
"Bakura!"
I suddenly snapped to attention and found luminous eyeglasses floating inches in front of my face. By reflex I leaned backward, as though that could possibly help me escape the beady eyes hiding behind those massive lenses.
"H-hai?" I stuttered timidly. Everyone in the class was staring at me. If only I could disappear into my chair…
"Not paying attention, are we?" my teacher snapped sharply. "I imagine a detention could help rectify that situation, couldn't it?"
I could only nod.
"Then you certainly won't mind staying after school today and cleaning the bathrooms."
"Gomen-nesai, sempai," I hurriedly apologized, but she was already gone. She waddled up to the front of the room, fat ass jiggling with every step.
Sick to admire your teacher's ass, yadonushi, came a raspy voice in my mind.
Most people are lucky. Most people don't have a homicidal maniacal spirit dwelling inside their brains, a spirit who's bent on destroying the world. Unfortunately, I'm not most people.
"Ryou! Ryou, wait up!"
Lunchtime. Almost everyone was eating outside today. It's a lovely day, I must admit, with bright sun and a gentle breeze, but the clouds above suggest rain later. I recognize the calm before the storm, when the world is at peace, still and quiet, just before the most violent of deluges. I love it when it rains and washes away the sins of the world…
"Ryou, you're spacing out again."
There was a hand on my arm. I looked down and saw little Yuugi Motou clinging to my arm as though I were a drowning man about to succumb to the sea. Yuugi's always worrying about others; he's not preoccupied with his own troubles. He doesn't wallow in his problems. Then again, I suppose he doesn't have that many evils.
Though, I wouldn't switch places with him. Yami no Yuugi might be considered the better spirit, but he's so competitive and ruthless, and somewhat arrogant as well. Sometimes I even pity Yuugi. And while the evil thief dwelling within my Millennium Ring can be nearly satanic, I would never give him up for the puzzle's spirit; but I don't know why I cling so desperately to him.
Aw, you do care, was the faceless chuckle.
I smiled, but it certainly wasn't for the Motou boy. "Yuugi-kun," I said, finally acknowledging the imp at my arm.
"Sorry about class today, Ryou. The teacher shouldn't have given you detention. Everyone daydreams sometimes."
"Iie, it's fine. I should have been paying more attention anyway." It's easy to admit I was wrong to him. It's easy for me to say that next time I'll be different, next time I won't let myself get beaten back. But I know the only person I'm fooling is myself.
Yuugi certainly doesn't look convinced. "Is it—the thief?"
He talks about me as though he doesn't like me! Could he hate me, yadonushi? he cried in mock horror.
He shouldn't speak to me when I'm at school. I figured I should ignore him and perhaps he'd shut up. "No, no, I just didn't pay attention. It happens sometimes, you said it yourself."
Yuugi glanced around before lowering his voice. "Mou Hitori no Boku is kinda worried…"
I could hear the scowl in my yami's voice as he lowly hissed, Damned pharaoh never did mind his own business…tell him, tell him to go to hell, tell him to take his damned puzzle and shove it right up his—
"There's nothing to worry about," I insisted. If only I could be a bit more forceful, if I only I could really tell him to fuck off. "Things are fine. Math was just exceptionally boring today."
Now he smiled and nodded excitedly. "Yeah, I know. Well, have a good lunch." He turned as if to go, but suddenly looked back over his shoulder. "Want to join us?"
It was a half-hearted attempt at friendship, and I knew it. Yuugi never wanted me to sit with him, never really wanted me to be integrated into his wonderful little circlet of friends. And though maybe on the surface I thought it would be nice to have someone to sit with, so I never had to be alone, deep down I hated the idea. The thought of communicating with others sickened me.
To blame the spirit would be unfair; but to claim his innocence is equally sinful.
"Iie, Yuugi-kun. I'm fine on my own. Tell everyone I said hi."
"Okay!" He skipped away and was lost in the crowd.
It only proved that he didn't care. But the fact that I didn't follow him also proved something as well.
I never ate in the lunch area. I left and crept up through the bushes to the side of the school building, sitting up against the brick wall and just under windows. No one ever came here, and the peace was nice. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the calm zephyr and feel of sun on my bare face. The scent of rain was sharp in the air…
People were intimidating. Even little Yuugi, to a certain degree. I never knew what others were thinking; I could never tell if they were being sincere or mocking. So I preferred to stay away. It was a cowardly solution, perhaps, but effective, and as long as I was happy about it—
"Oh, it's baby Bakura."
I opened my eyes. An older student loomed above me, bulging out of his uniform in an equal share of fat and muscle. You'd never think him a student if you saw him on the street, and it was rumored he should've graduated four years ago. From the look of him I wouldn't doubt such gossip.
"S-sempai."
He glared down at me, eyes narrowed. "There's a fee for sitting here, you know."
He only wanted my lunch money. To avoid a pounding, I'd gladly hand it over. To avoid any confrontation, I'd do all I could. I started fishing in my pocket. "Yes, sir."
Look at you, groveling at this boy's feet! my yami mocked. Stand up for yourself!
I only had a few bills, but it would have to be enough. I sheepishly handed them up to him. He snatched them away, quickly leafing through them and counting. "Not much here."
"Gomen-nesai, sempai."
But he seemed satisfied, and he moved to trudge back through the bushes into the lunch area to attend to his other business transactions. I was happy to see him go, to be left alone.
Possession is a funny thing. I know we've all seen those movies where the poor innocent child is possessed by the devil and turns into a twisted horrid shadow of their former self. While my yami isn't exactly the devil, I can say with utmost confidence that this isn't a truth. Possession is like dreaming: your body is there, it's moving, you're speaking, yet you can't control it. You're just a thought floating around in a massive mind, just another brick in the wall (a/n, ooh a Pink Floyd reference!).
The spirit stood me up and barked out to the man, "Where do you think you're going?"
He turned, a disgusted look on his face. He couldn't tell it wasn't me—no one could ever tell us apart. Only he and I knew the true difference…
"What did you say?" grumbled the other student.
"That happens to be my money. And I'm not stupid—I know there's no fee for sitting here."
"But there's a fee for me not beating the shit out of you," he hissed lowly, shaking a fist.
"You, beat the shit out of me?" He laughed. I saw the other boy's expression tighten. He didn't like my yami's tone. Hell, even I didn't like it.
Yami, I tried to admonish.
Worry not, yadonushi. Thief King Bakura-sama shall not be defeated!
When he gets like this, there's no stopping him. For a moment, I pitied the bully. But only for a moment.
My yami, I'll say, is quite efficient. It didn't take too many blows to fell the giant. He in my body is David, and just as easily did he topple the Goliath. He was skilled at what he loved to do—and that was mainly thievery and torture. I was surprised he did not send the bully to the shadow realm. The spirit of the ring had a tendency to overreact to minor insults, and surely a mugging would constitute a punishment such as eternal damnation in the realm of blackness.
Yet he did not dwell over his prey this time. He merely went through the boy's wallet and retrieved my stolen dollars, as well as a few others. Satisfaction leaked through his mind; this was what he lived for.
I can always feel his every emotion—his anger, his pleasure, his pain. I used to think we were two separate entities in this frail shell of mine, but recently I've begun to think otherwise. We are inexplicably tied to one another, and though he can block me out when he wishes, he rarely does. It's me who does the blocking, because I don't want to remember, because I don't want to know. The idea that we share everything scares me…
"Think of this as a fee," he said delicately to the body on the ground, "a fee for teaching you not to pick on me."
When he suddenly left me I nearly tripped over the bully. He's not dead—just unconscious. When he wakes he'll be furious, but by then I'll be in class, and safe for the moment. He won't tell anyone it was me, either; he can't damage his reputation. But he'll find me, someday, he'll corner me alone and then he'll exact his revenge on me, because he won't forget…
No one expects little Ryou Bakura to stand up for himself. No one ever imagines that such a harmless quiet little flea might be strong, might be a good fighter, might be able to kick ass. That's why I'm such an easy target—because I look like such a loser. And I hate them for judging me like that, hate them for just taking me at face value. They have no idea of that darkness in my mind, that little thief that keeps me from being the sweet angel everyone sees me as.
I don't do much to change that opinion, I know. I stay quiet; I keep a low profile; and I do what people want me to. It's easier to get through life that way. But sometimes I can't stand such an image.
It waited to rain until after my detention. The moment I stepped outside the building the rain began to pour. I had no umbrella, but it was fine. The rain washed me.
It was unusually dark, too, because of the rain. The clouds above turned the world gray and sad, and drenched it in tears. I had grown to love the darkness. The days now moved too slow for me; I could hardly wait until the night descended in its veil and hid me, covered me, left me free to do whatever I wanted, or whatever he wanted.
I walked slowly, because there was nothing waiting for me when I got home. My father was out on another dig, this time somewhere in South America. He told me which country, but I wasn't exactly listening at the moment.
We're getting wet, yadonushi, said the dark creature in my mind, a hint of warning in his tone.
Yuugi and the others somehow got the impression that my yami was inherently abusive. I guess it wouldn't be hard to make that assumption, because whenever they saw him he was trying to kill them. I'd agree that he wasn't the most pleasant person to be around, but I would never go so far as to say abusive. Of course, there are so many different kinds of abuse…
A car passed me on the street, splashing murky water from a large puddle growing in the curb. I stood drenched in the mixture of mud, oil, and water. As the water settled down in the little pool I caught sight of my reflection. I looked frightful, drenched and smudged with mud. My pale skin was splotched with brown; the sticky mess dripped from my light locks.
I know what people say when they look at me. They think I look womanly, or like an albino. And they think, "That innocent little creature, he's so pathetic and frail." But they don't know that I have that mind of a deranged killer in my head. They don't have any idea what he's capable of, and therefore what I can be capable of…
It was nearing five when I finally made it home. The apartment was a bit of a mess—chairs overturned, cushions everywhere, trash littering the floor. I hadn't been robbed; it had only been the other me, in one of his violent rampages where he rages against the world he hates so much. He gets so angry sometimes, and then he destroys everything in the house. At first I cleaned up after him, but now I only leave the mess, knowing that it's here to stay.
I dropped my book bag on the floor and went straight upstairs to my room, flopping down on my bed. I was soaking wet from the rain, but I didn't care if the sheets get wet. They were a mess anyway.
Outside the storm continued. The rain lashed at my window pain; occasionally a streak of lightning lit up my room. I lay there in the darkness, staring up at the ceiling and ignoring the outside world. I loved being home alone, with no one around…
Don't forget me.
Koe.
I could feel his anger. Keh, Thief King Bakura-sama.
He'd been with me for several years, ever since my father brought me back this Millennium Ring from Egypt. For the longest time I insisted he was just a voice, a figment of my imagination, or perhaps a sign of schizophrenia. But now I knew he was an evil spirit bent on gathering those damned Millennium Items, a blood-lusting madman on a quest for ultimate power.
And it didn't bother me nearly as much as it used to.
When I opened my eyes I knew I was dreaming. I must've dozed off on my bed on accident. Part of me knew I should wake up and get on my homework, or fix something to eat, or at least just stay up so I didn't disrupt my already odd sleeping habits. Yet with no will or energy I slept.
For the moment I was alone. The world around me was pitch black and endless; there was no ceiling above me, no walls encircling me, no floor below me. You can never really describe how your subconscious appears to you, and it's not worth trying.
I can envision what I want here, so I imagined a bed. One appeared, just like my real one, and I crawled up onto it, stretching out and sighing.
I never could get this trick of lucid dreaming before I met my yami. Before dreams were pretty disoriented—your standard pink elephants and flying and crazy monsters and warped pictures of school and friends. But now whenever I dream there's only this empty black plane, and I can control what happens in it, what I see and what I do. I feel nothing here, the same nothing I feel when my yami possesses me, the same nothing I feel nearly all the time now. It's a feeling I've grown quite used to.
I always wanted to know what he did here in this emptiness, when he wasn't in control. He seemed observant of my outside activities, and was never one to pass up a snarky comment when it seemed appropriate, but what could he do in the nothingness that is our mind? When I asked him he had promptly returned:
"I masturbate."
The bed moved slightly. I opened my eyes and propped my head up on my arms. My yami was stretched out beside me now. He looked like me—at least, he chose to look like me. I don't know what he really looks like. Sometimes I wonder if he looked a lot like me in ancient Egypt, as if I really was his reincarnated spirit in a similar looking body. It's creepy to see another you in your own mind, and worse still to communicate with it. And I was always worried that he was me.
"Pondering Yuugi's chain fetish today," he said casually, putting his hands behind his head. "Do you think that's his own choice, or the pharaoh's?"
"I dunno."
He rolled onto his side and gently nipped at my ear. "I was thinking about the yin-yang today, too."
"You have too much free time."
"It's like a 69, you ever notice?" He bit harder.
"You're going to take the puzzle."
"Someday. Tomorrow."
I tried to swat him away; he was getting on my nerves. "Koe," I protested lightly, knowing he hated to be called that.
"You're so damn weak, yadonushi. Real pushover. How I ever got reincarnated as you is beyond me."
He was frisky today. He wanted to fool around—I wanted him to die.
"You're angry."
This time I pushed him away much more forcefully. "Stop it."
"I took care of that bully today, didn't I? Should've sent the bastard into the shadow realm. Oh well, I'm certain there will be a next time." He chewed on my earlobe.
"Stop it."
The look I received could not be called a puppy face, but it was something similar. He put a hand to my cheek and turned me to face him, lips gently roving over mine. When his tongue tried to invade my mouth I promptly bit him. He drew back, blood dribbling up over his lip; pain was real for him. Emotion and feeling were real for him in this world, as it was all he knew. If I wanted, I could make it real for me too, but the numbness was such a nice touch to my life.
I hated him so much. I despised him, I loathed him, I hated him because I was powerless against him. When he wanted it, he was in control. He did what he did, and I had no say; I was either mute or he was deaf. Sometimes I wondered just whose body and whose mind this really was, his or mine.
He tried to kiss me again, and this time I shoved him hard and sat up, turning away from him. He put a hand on my shoulder, and I slapped him across the face. I was in no mood for such games. They were always just games—he was always just toying with me—I was just a pawn in his sick chess moves against Yami no Yuugi…
He made yet another move, his hands sliding down my back. I had really had enough now. I turned and shoved him down on his back, throwing a leg over him to straddle his stomach and keep him down. He let me—that's what really amazed me. He didn't bother to fight. He easily could have won, but he let me hold him there. It's when he puts up no resistance that I'm truly terrified, because I don't know exactly what he'll do next.
It was easy to produce the handcuffs; conjuring up any object was simple here. I quickly put his hands together around the bedpost and slapped the cuffs on. Again, escape would have been simple. Just as I could call objects, he could too, and if he wanted them gone only a stray thought would destroy them. Yet they remained solid.
I would be a fool, though, to believe that he could be so easily restrained. The darkness that swelled just underneath my pale exterior could never be quelled. No matter how nice and sweet and kind I was on the surface, I knew that he was on the inside, a sadistic force ready to pounce when the world was least expecting it.
I kissed him forcefully, nipping at his lips and again drawing blood. I imagined the taste: coppery and slick on my tongue, sticky on my lips and chin. He can stop it, I know, if he didn't want to bleed, if he didn't want to feel the pain. Yet by the way he winced and then grinned, almond eyes closing in bliss, I knew in his dark heart he enjoyed it.
I slid back, stretching my legs out on either side of him so I lay directly on top of his waist and legs. He was 'wearing' his favorite outfit, that silly open green shirt, but without the striped one beneath it. I dragged my tongue down his bare chest.
He bucked up against me.
Instinctively I stopped and glared at him, but he still had his eyes squeezed shut. When I resumed my work he merely moaned, a low purr like a content feline. I hated the sound. I hated it because he didn't deserve to feel such satisfaction, he didn't deserved to feel pleased or happy. Not when he never allowed me the same luxury.
I bit him.
He opened his eyes slightly. "Yadonushi," he grumbled, pulling a bit at the cuffs.
He could just make them go away. With a single thought they would vanish. But he let them remain.
I knew he liked it. Normally he loved to be in control—to take my body, to rape my skin, to dominate others. But when we were alone here in this darkness he wanted to be tied down and beaten. I could feel that yearning echoing in the back of my own mind; silently he was begging me for it.
And I wanted to give it to him. I wanted to beat him senseless, as though that would somehow compensate for all the times he'd forced me to do things against my will, to kill or steal or torture my friends. It would be my petty revenge, to make him bleed and writhe and cry. And though I knew to him this was no kind of punishment, in my mind it really was vengeance, in its purest and oldest form.
I slid even lower, tugging at his jeans, easily getting beneath them. Now he squirmed and thrashed harder, pulling at the handcuffs he himself allowed.
"Yadonushi," he growled, squirming under my touch. "Yado…hikari…Ryou…"
He never said my name. I wouldn't stand to hear it called.
I let the bed vanish, and he fell out from underneath me, eyes widening in surprise. Then I myself withdrew from the darkness and vanished, just like the bed and cuffs…
When I woke up I felt tense and flushed. I was still damp from the rain; not much time had passed. Outside the storm had lessened somewhat, reduced to a light shower, the thunder and lightning spent. The darkness remained.
I sat up and rubbed at my eyes, taking in deep breaths. This excitement was his; he had channeled it to our physical body. The flustered feeling wasn't diminishing. I undid the top buttons of my school uniform and ran a hand through my hair, which was wilted with sweat.
Yadonushi. He sounded irritated.
I trembled slightly. He wasn't above hurting me—no, if he wanted to, he could. It was just a rare occurrence. Would he choose to punish me now?
K-koe, I stuttered back, shocked at my own boldness to refer to him as only a voice.
The ring glowed softly under my shirt. I tugged on its chain and held it in my hands, watching it with interest. He was returning to it. Mostly he stayed inert in my mind; it was his way of spying on my activities, and Yuugi's as well. He went only into the ring when he was angry or insulted.
I hugged my knees to my chest and buried my head in between them. It would be so easy to throw away the ring now, without his spirit in my mind to force me to retain it. But I couldn't. Never mind that it was a gift for my father, or a beautiful ornament. Something inside me wanted him to stay. I wanted him to be a part of my life.
Whenever I thought I had an ounce of control, he always managed to remind me that he was the master.
Yami B: Hey! I almost got laid!
Ryou: . Almost is a key word there.
Kakos: Wow, this fic had tense problems…has tense problems? Am I in past or present tense?
Ryou: Tell us again why you didn't use "Control" at the beginning?
Kakos: Dammit, I told you that song's been done before! Sheesh, pay attention. Besides, "Nothing Left to Lose" is my fave!
Ryou: You're hopeless.
Kakos: This fic did not go where I thought it was going to go at all…
Yami B: So, what kind of person are YOU in bed?
Kakos: *sweatdrop* uh…submissive. ^.^'
Yami B: o.O I didn't know Kakos was that kind of girl…
Ryou: *cracks whip*
Kakos: Fic's over! Go home! But review first!
EDIT:
Kakos: I just wanted to thank those who reviewed! That's so cool! I'm glad you guys liked this, but I think it's gonna stay a one-shot. It was hard enough finishing just as it is. But who knows, I may wander into the realm of Yu-Gi-Oh fan fic again, and when I do you can bet it's going to be about Bakura. So ja ne, and thanks for all the reviews!